Sand & Clay

  “Whose is this?” She asked him.

  “Well once I finish it, you can have it.” He replied.

  “I meant who painted it,” Caroline started, then stopped and realized what he had just said, “wait, you painted this?”

  “Don’t look so surprised,” he said smiling at her again, “I am more than a guy hugging a microphone every night.” He turned from her to look back at the painting.

  “Plus, I had a wonderful muse that pulled this out of me.” He told her. She looked at the painting, feeling jealous of whoever this girl was that he was painting, even though she knew that was ridiculous.

  “Oh, that’s nice.” She said curtly, not meaning to sound annoyed but she was, even with every logical part of her brain telling her she is crazy.

  Logan turned back to look at her, a confused look on his face. Then he seemed to have a realization and smiled at her. He took another step closer to her, this time entirely closing the gap. His arms encircled her waist and he pulled her against his bare chest.

  Again, Caroline lost every ability to breath or even to think. She was frozen in his arms and her legs had gone limp, which is why it was a good thing that he was holding her up.

  “Caroline, I painted you. You are the most beautiful muse there ever could be. Your button nose, pretty lips, and shiny hazel eyes.” His deep voice was becoming softer as he began to whisper to her repeating some of the lyrics that she had just heard on stage, while looking deeply into her eyes.

  She couldn’t even believe what she was hearing, but all she knew is that the butterflies in her stomach were gone. She felt at home, she felt like she had been in his arms her entire life, or that her life hadn’t even started until just then.

  “Logan.” She breathed his name, trying to say something but the words wouldn’t come.

  “This painting is you, my final song was you, you have been my every thought since we met. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, I can’t do anything but think about you.” Logan whispered to her, his face coming even closer to hers.

  “Caroline…” Logan exhaled her name and then leaned forward.

  His forehead first met with hers, as they looked down at each other’s lips. Their breath was hot and slightly ragged as his arms tightened around her. Her hands were on his chest, trying to keep some barrier between them but her defenses were quickly melting away. With that, he moved slightly and she felt his lips brush against hers. It wasn’t a kiss, just a brush but the sensation was like lightning attacking her entire body and raising her pulse.

  “Caroline,” he said, trying to continue what he was saying, “I’ve never felt this way before. Tell me you feel this.” He was almost begging but somehow commanding at the same time. His lips brushed hers again, her eyes were closed and her body was limp against his.

  “Yes,” was all she was able to utter as she leaned further towards him, willing his lips to finally meet hers. It was like she was on fire and only his lips could cool her flame. But he didn’t move closer, he pulled slightly further away.

  “Caroline, I have to tell you-“ Logan said, still holding her but looking deeply into her eyes. He looked worried for a moment, a look that she had never seen on him before. It grounded her and brought her out of her hazy moment with him.

  “What?” She asked him, pulling slightly back so his arms dropped to her hips instead of around her back. However, just as she was pulling back, a high pitched woman’s voice came from the other side of the curtain.

  “LOGAN!” The shrill voice screeched.

  Logan jumped back from Caroline, letting go of her completely. The moment he let go felt like someone was ripping a bandage off of her, it was literally like a physical pain to not have his arms around her. He turned and walked towards the part in the curtains just as a tall woman with black hair tied firmly into a bun marched into the room.

  Her face was pulled tight with irritation and her frail frame was held together by a tightly wrapped dress and way too high heels. Her eyes were green, which was probably the most appealing part of her because it drew you in and helped you look past the snarl that seemed like it permanently belonged on her lips.

  “Logan, you are late. You need to be finishing sound check for tomorrow’s show. Then you need to rest so you will be able to perform!” she walked straight up to him and kissed him squarely on the mouth.

  “Come on, babe. Let’s move it.” She said. Finally, she seemed to notice Caroline standing in the back of the room there. The mystery woman’s eyes tightened slightly as they appraised Caroline.

  “Oh, hello there. Didn’t know Logan had company.” She turned to Logan with an angry look. “Care to explain?” she directed at him.

  “Gina, this is Caroline. Caroline, this is my girlfriend, Gina. Caroline was just looking at this painting. She is considering buying it when I am done.” Logan flubbed through an explanation but Caroline hadn’t heard anything past the word “girlfriend”. That sentence and the moment that they had just shared did not mix, she couldn’t understand what was going on. Logan was still talking to Gina, but it was all a fog to her.

  Caroline just stood there, getting angrier by the moment, as she realized that she had been so close to almost kissing a man who was involved with another woman. Logan said something to her, but she wasn’t listening. He and Gina then walked through the curtain and left her standing there alone.

  Caroline looked back at the painting of her and a flash of fury ran through her. With one swipe of her arm, she knocked the entire easel over and the painting lay face down on the floor. Feeling slightly satisfied by the action, Caroline took a deep breath. She mentally slapped herself for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

  She can’t believe she had let herself get carried away like that, twice! He was a musician, a rock star, a man surrounded by groupies. Of course he would be the player type too, of course he would have a girlfriend. Caroline felt so stupid as she headed over to the curtains to leave. She paused right before the curtains though and saw Logan’s shirt draped over a chair arm.

  Her anger seemed to immediately dissipate and was replaced with a sudden feeling of sadness. She didn’t know why she was doing this, but she grabbed his shirt and stuffed it into her purse, hiding it from view. Then continued to storm out of the curtains and go find Jackie and Aralia. They were still on the other side of the room and Caroline walked over to the angrily, Logan was nowhere in sight she noticed.

  “Aralia, I want to go. Now.” Caroline said, sounding angry because if she let out anything but anger it was going to be an unending stream of tears and she was not going to give this jerk the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

  Caroline was strong, always had been and always will be. She didn’t cry over guys. Aralia and Jackie both turned to look at her and immediately sensed her tone and understood this was serious. They quickly said goodbye to the people they were with and followed Caroline. The three girls headed back to the first door that they had entered.

  Just as Caroline was about to open the door, it opened from the other side and Logan came rushing back in. Caroline took a step back, startled, but then slit her eyes and attempted to push past him.

  “Caroline! Caroline, please, let me explain.” Logan turned to her, grabbing her arm. She quickly yanked it away from him and shot him an angry look, as hard as she tried she couldn’t stop the tears that had begun to brim on her lids. She knew he probably could see them in her eyes which only made her more angry.

  She turned from him and walked out. Jackie and Aralia were right on her tail supporting her, but both looking bewildered as to what had just taken place. Logan followed them out into the hall but didn’t chase her down the hallway.

  “Caroline! Please!” He shouted after her. It wasn’t going to do any good, she was already through the double doors and leaving him and his world behind. Caroline didn’t cry over guys.

  Chapter Six

  There was a full line of yellow taxis still picking up concert attendees, so
the three girls added themselves to the back of the line of people waiting their turn. Everyone was dressed in varying degrees of night club clothing ranging from fishnet stockings to bright neon colors.

  The girls blended in with their outfits, Caroline was still rocking her skinny leather pants and her green top had fallen even further off her shoulder during her encounter with Logan. As the girls waited in line, inching further towards the front, Caroline’s friends couldn’t stay silent any longer.

  “Caroline, are you going to tell us what happened in there? You rushed us out of there like the place was on fire or something.” Jackie said to her, Aralia nodding in agreement. Caroline turned to face the girls, dropping her left hip so her weight was being supported on her right leg. She looked down at her hands, fidgeting again.

  “It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I was just ready to go home.” Caroline said, attempting to stay vague.

  “Caroline, Logan Clay, a famous musician, was calling your name down the hallway as we rushed away like we were fleeing the scene of a crime.

  I mean, if your shoe had fallen off, it would be like the rock and roll version of Cinderella.” Aralia scoffed back at Caroline, refusing to let the issue drop at vague.

  “I thought we had a moment, I thought there was something there. It was stupid. I should have known better, just like you said he is a famous musician.” Caroline said, sighing.

  “What does that mean? Shit, Caroline, did you hook up with Logan Clay. THE Logan Clay?” Jackie interjected, her eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

  “No! Of course not, I’m not like that. I mean, not really, there was just a quick moment where I thought we were going to kiss but, I don’t know, we didn’t. Okay?” Caroline stammered, trying to explain herself, but how could she explain to them what had happened when she didn’t understand it herself?

  “Caroline, what happened?” Aralia probed again.

  “I thought something was going to happen, he gave me this whole speech about how he couldn’t stop thinking about me since we met on Monday. It was all so romantic, I just got caught up. I should not have let my guard down like that. Just when I thought something was going to happen, he pulls away and then his girlfriend walks into the room.” Caroline said, speaking faster with every syllable she uttered as she felt the anger rushing back to her, sitting like a rock in her stomach that she would rather of grabbed and thrown right at his face.

  “His girlfriend?!” Aralia and Jackie gasped in unison, as they balked at her, begging for further details.

  “Yeah, the girlfriend he didn’t mention. Of course. He is just a player, stereotypical musician. I shouldn’t be surprised. She walks right in and they kiss right in front of me and then he leaves with her. I mean, the nerve of him to try and seduce me, pretending he has feelings for me, drawing a painting of me, telling me that he never felt this way before. Seriously? Those are such lines. Stupid me, I fell hook, line, and sinker until Gina walked into the room. BAM, fantasy shattered.” Caroline was ranting now.

  “Wait, wait, who is Gina?” Aralia asked.

  “He drew a painting of you?” Jackie asked at the same time.

  “Gina, his girlfriend. Well he said it was of me, but it’s probably just a ploy he uses to get women.” Caroline said, taking a deep breath and calming down. Aralia and Jackie stared at her, their minds trying to absorb the breadth of information that she had just rained on them. At that point, they were at the front of the line and the cab driver opened the door for all of them. They squeezed into the backseat and gave directions back to Caroline’s place. The car took off in the typical unsafe New York taxi jerk into oncoming traffic, pulled a u-turn, and headed in the direction of Caroline’s apartment.

  “Don’t brush him off so quickly, Caroline. I mean, the guy is a rock star. That kind of scores him some bonus points, you know. Plus, I know you pretty well and your judgment is rarely off base. If you thought he meant those things he said, then maybe he really did. Aside from the entire girlfriend fiasco, it sounds unbelievably romantic.” Aralia said to Caroline in the cab.

  “I guess, but the girlfriend part is a pretty big part to leave out.” Caroline responded. Jackie and Aralia both nodded in agreement and then began chatting about their night and the men that they had met. Jackie had met a security guard whose phone number was written down the side of her arm and Aralia had met a group of gay men that she was going to go clubbing with next weekend. It wasn’t long until the taxi jolted to a stop in front of Caroline’s apartment building. She climbed over Aralia and hopped out of the cab, waving goodbye to the girls as they smiled and shouted goodbye to her, then turning to give the driver the next address.

  Caroline waved until the taxi pulled away, then walked over to her front door and thanked the door man as he opened it for her, then climbed the several flights of narrow stairs until she reached her apartment door. She had a large apartment for New York, but that still wasn’t saying very much.

  She let herself in and dropped her keys on the front table. The apartment was dark and she didn’t turn on any of the lights. Instead she stepped out of her heels, wiggled out of her leather pants, and tossing off her shirt, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor to her bedroom.

  Once in her room, she threw on the t-shirt that she had stolen from Logan, that hung very loose and baggy on her small frame, and climbed straight into bed. She was already asleep when her head hit the pillow. The commotion, exhaustion, and emotions had zapped everything that she had.

  ~**~

  Caroline woke up to a stream of sunlight stealing its way into her room through a gap in the blinds where they were tangled. She scrunched her eyes back closed, trying to ignore Sunday altogether and just go back to sleep. After about an hour of willing the sun to disappear and it’s defiant refusal to do so, Caroline yawned and lifted herself out of bed.

  She had no plans today and could just relax, which was exactly what she planned to do. The events of last night were behind her and she was back to real life and ready to move on.

  She trotted into her kitchen and began rummaging through her fridge, finally settling on yogurt mixed with some granola. Grabbing a spoon, she balanced the yogurt in one hand and scooped up her sketch pad and a pencil and went to the living room. Her favorite part of her apartment was an alcove jutting out of the building that she had turned into a window seat with comfy pillows. It was the perfect spot to sit and people watch, looking for inspiration for what to draw that day.

  She settled herself onto the bench, leaning her bare legs against the window, as she was still wearing just the large t-shirt. Her sketch pad sat behind her as she dove into her yogurt, enjoying each bite as she watched people walk by on the sidewalk below. She was on the second floor, so she was at the perfect angle that most people couldn’t or wouldn’t notice her, but she could see all around her.

  After a few moments of just enjoying the view, Caroline spotted an older woman sitting on a bench reading a book. For no particular reason that she could pinpoint, she knew that that was what she wanted to draw today. So, she put down her yogurt and started on her sketch pad.

  First forming the shape of the woman’s body position and the bench, then going back to add the more specific details like her hair and clothes, then lastly drawing in the final aspects of the scene like the look in the woman’s eyes, the turning pages of the book, and the surrounding scenery.

  As she had been working, the sun had risen further in the sky and was now burning bright above her causing the window seat to become too hot. Caroline hadn’t realized that so much time had lapsed, but she looked down at her portrait and smiled with pride at the piece.

  She put the sketch pad down and stretched out her arms, preparing to get up. Just as she was unfolding her legs, she noticed a swift movement on the sidewalk close to her. She realized what she was looking at and jumped up like lighting had just hit her. She pressed her face further against the window to get a better view, but it only confirmed what she
had seen.

  She jumped back from the window, afraid of being spotted. She turned to look at her apartment and immediately saw a million things wrong with it. She quickly tossed her yogurt away and picked up her clothes off the floor, rushing to her bedroom to toss them in the laundry bin. She was scrambling around the living room when her doorbell rang.

  She came to an abrupt halt and looked down at the newspaper she had been taking to the trash and didn’t know what to do. She quickly tossed it behind a couch cushion and took a deep breath, walking over to the front door. She quickly tried to brush down her hair with her hands, hoping that she looked somewhat presentable. Her hand grabbed the knob, just as the bell rang a second time. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

  “Hi.” Her visitor said gently, a smile in his words.

  “Hi back.” Caroline exhaled, standing awkwardly in the door, leaning against it for support in case her knees buckled in a rebellious attempt to embarrass her. The two stood in silence for a moment, just looking at one another.

  “May I come in?” He asked.

  Caroline nodded and stepped out of the way, her eyes glued to Logan as he walked into her apartment.

  “How do you know where I live?” she asked him. He turned back to look at her, clearly looking up and down enjoying the view of her barely clad frame under a large t-shirt.

  “George, from the Java Jolt. Then your nice door man downstairs helped pin point the specifics.” Logan told her. Caroline made a mental note to have an angry talk with both Jeremy and George. But she couldn’t focus on that right now. Logan Clay was standing in her living room. LOGAN CLAY WAS STANDING IN HER LIVING ROOM. She took another deep breath, then tossed her hair behind her shoulder, putting on a look of nonchalance as she walked past him further into the living room.

  “Well, why are you here? I think I made myself pretty clear last night. I have no interest in being another groupie or notch on your bed post, especially when you are already committed to another woman. I am not that kind of girl.” She said crossly, folding her arms and dropping her right hip as she looked at him with accusation.