Rebecca’s Rose

  She didn’t surrender to the tears, but Levi did. After he wiped the wetness from his face, he reached out and pulled Rebecca into his arms. He wished he had about ten arms to embrace her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he propped his chin on top of her head. He could feel the rapid rhythm of her heart.

  “Fater brought Mamm home two days later. She had a broken leg and a broken wrist and a bruised kidney. She looked so pale. I remember standing in her doorway watching her sleep. Fater caught me looking. ‘This is your fault, Becky. If she dies, it will be because you cared more about yourself than your mamm. Mend your ways.’ That is the one and only time he ever struck me. And that is the last time I ever cried.”

  Levi held her close and tried to shield her from the chill. “I’m so sorry, kid. I wish I’d been there.”

  She held on to him for another lingering minute then pulled away and took a step back. Her sense of propriety seldom took a vacation.

  “You won’t tell anybody?”

  “All your secrets are safe with me.”

  She put her hand to the bandage on her forehead. “I’ve got to go.”

  Although this seemed like rotten timing, Levi couldn’t string Rebecca along with false hope. He ran his fingers through his hair again. “I don’t think I can take you skiing.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because after what happened today with the car, I will never forgive myself if you get hurt.”

  “But—”

  “People break their necks skiing. People die. You don’t know how to ski, and you aren’t exactly the most coordinated person in the world.”

  “I can do it.”

  “When have I heard that before?”

  Rebecca’s voice rose with her agitation. “You promised. This is what I have been waiting for all these months.”

  She couldn’t know how those words stung. Was it all about skiing? After he took her to the slopes, would she cut him out of her life?

  Of course she would. He didn’t belong in her world.

  “Maybe it was a promise I never should have made,” he said.

  “Please, Levi. I’ve got to do it for Dottie Mae.”

  “I think Dottie Mae would have wanted you to be happy and live your own life. Not hers.”

  Rebecca paused to think about that. “They put you in a box when you die. A little box that holds your whole life, your whole existence. Dottie Mae was fourteen years old. She died with nothing to show for her life except a friendship quilt she made with her mother. They wrapped her in it and buried her. No matter how much I wished or prayed or cried, I couldn’t bring her back. I promised Dottie Mae, on her grave, that I would finish what she never got to do.”

  Levi didn’t know what to say. His pool of answers to life’s most pressing questions was very shallow.

  He only knew he didn’t want to take her skiing. He caught his breath. He knew more than that. He had come face-to-face with his true desires just as Rebecca had hit her head against the steering wheel.

  He loved her. He couldn’t bear to lose her.

  He wanted to marry her.

  And he was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen.

  The thought sent his spirit soaring to the sky and crashing to the ground at the same time.

  He would do whatever it took to be with Rebecca.

  His life was about to change drastically.

  “I’ve… I gotta go,” he stammered.

  “What about the skiing?”

  “We’ll talk about it later,” he said. “I gotta go.” He turned back to her. “Call me if you have any trouble or need anything, okay? I’ll be here in a heartbeat.”

  Doubt filled her eyes.

  “I gotta go,” he said.

  She frowned, folded her arms, and quickly walked away from him.

  “Don’t worry, kid,” Levi whispered as she disappeared into the house. “Everything is going to be okay.”

  * * * * *

  It was two o’clock in the morning, but Levi knew his mom would be waiting for him. Sure enough, as he silently walked through the door, she sat at the kitchen table clutching a cup of coffee. The apartment was dark except for the single light that hung above the table, casting shadows around the dim room.

  “Sorry, Mom. You know I didn’t want you to wait up.”

  Her eyes held that exhausted look that Levi had seen so many times. “You want some coffee?” she said.

  “I’ll get it.”

  He stepped into the kitchen and poured himself a cup then sat at the table across from his mom. He had things to say. She had things to say. They’d probably be up the rest of the night.

  She looked into his face and frowned. “You’ve been crying.”

  Levi lowered his head. “Yeah, all night.”

  “Are you all right?”

  He put his hand over hers. “I’m good, Mom. It was a good kind of crying.”

  Mom studied his face for several seconds before taking a sip of her coffee. “She is a beautiful girl, Levi.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I know she is in rumschpringe, but what do her parents think?”

  “Her mother is okay with it. Her father thinks I’m Amish.”

  Mom shook her head. “Oh, Levi, deception is a dangerous thing. The lies pile up until you are buried in them.”

  “He hasn’t even met me. He just assumes I’m Amish.”

  “You are still deceiving him.”

  “Rebecca does everything at that house. I help her so she doesn’t keel over from exhaustion. Her father would never let me come if he knew who I really am.”

  “I guess it doesn’t matter,” Mom said. “You know this relationship must end before you both get hurt.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “I wish I would have known. I would have put a stop to it long before now.” Mom took a deep breath. “You love her.”

  Levi snapped his head up. “Yeah, I do.”

  “And you are going to be devastated when you are forced to go your separate ways.”

  “I don’t want to go separate ways.”

  Mom leaned her elbows on the table and clutched Levi’s arm. “Don’t do that to her. If you pull her away from her community, she will end up miserable. Don’t make the biggest mistake of your life.”

  Levi stood and took his mother’s hand. “Come here,” he said. He pulled her to the sofa, and they sat with his arm draped around her shoulder.

  “Mom, I want to tell you something. Or ask you something. Just don’t think I’m crazy, okay?”

  “I can’t promise anything.”

  He squeezed her shoulder. “Mom, what would you say if you and I—okay, this sounds crazy—but, Mom, I think I want to join the Amish church.”

  He could have heard a pin drop. In Africa.

  With a look of utter perplexity, Mom sat up straight and fixed her eyes on Levi. “What are you—? Are you—I don’t—”

  He leaned forward. “You want to go back more than anything else in the world.”

  “No, I don’t. I want my family more than anything else in the world.”

  “Most of them are in Apple Lake. And they are shunning you. What kind of family life is that?”

  She frowned. “You and Beth are my family.”

  “I want to come with you. Beth could live with us too, Mom. She’d just have to manage without electricity. It’s not like she’s going to be with us much anyway. She’s got four years of undergrad and then medical school.” He took both her hands. “Mom, this is going to work.”

  “Oh, Levi, it is much harder than you think to fit into the Amish way of life. You have to give up cars and electricity and cell phones. You’d be as miserable as Rebecca would be, trying to fit into your world.”

  “It’s different with me. I was Amish until I was seven. I have good memories. I’m pretty good at the language, and I spend one day a week immersed in the culture. I want to do this.”

  His mom stared at him with her brows furro
wed. “If this is all for Rebecca, it’s not enough. You have to understand, Levi. Love is not enough. I learned that the hard way.”

  “I understand that. It is hard to separate my feelings for Rebecca from this decision. But, Mom, I love her. I would live on the moon if that’s the only way I could be with her.”

  “I can’t let you do this, Levi.”

  “Don’t even think about me for a minute. Think about yourself. You want to go.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

  Levi leaned back and pulled his mom with him. “Let’s go talk to a bishop. Get details about what you’d need to do to get back in. It can’t hurt to get some information. I kind of sprung this on you. Let it marinate for a few days.”

  Mom grinned. “Marinate. Good idea. You’d better marinate, yourself.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I’ve been marinating for weeks. I’m ready for roasting.”

  “Out of the frying pan, into the fire. Have you told Rebecca?”

  “No, I have to figure out how to break the news to her.” Levi pulled out his phone. “Speaking of the girl of my dreams, I’ve got to call her so she doesn’t fall into a coma. That would make the relationship more difficult.”

  “No,” Mom said, “your relationship is already about as impossible as it gets.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Rebecca woke with a splitting headache and a stiff neck. Linda slept beside her, her deep breathing a sure sign that she would not be waking soon.

  Had it really only been twelve hours since the car accident? Rebecca felt as if seventy years had passed and she was now an old lady ready to die.

  Luckily all the siblings and Mamm had been in bed and Fater’s bus hadn’t come yet when she got home last night. She could avoid the questions and awkward explanations until morning. But twelve hours wasn’t enough time to determine exactly what to tell Fater about the mountainous goose egg on her forehead. Should she stay in her room and tell him she was ill? That wouldn’t be a lie. She felt as if her head might explode if she sat up.

  The pain of the accident wasn’t even what ailed her the most. She puzzled over Levi’s sudden change of mood last night. Would he take her skiing? That barely mattered this morning. Did he share Fater’s opinion about her fault in Mamm’s accident? Or had he decided to be done with her because she insisted he take her where he didn’t want to go?

  She rolled over in bed and curled up into a little ball. Tightening every muscle, she tried to squeeze the unwelcome emotions from her body. How could one boy make her feel so whole and so torn to pieces all at once?

  When they were apart, she thought of nothing but him—his eyes, his smile, the way he looked at her as if she were the only person in the whole world. Levi monopolized every corner of her life so that chores and responsibilities were almost impossible to complete.

  When they were together, she wanted to fly over the clouds and shout at the top of her lungs how happy she was—how wonderfully, deliriously happy—just being with him, just sitting by him in the grass while he laughed and teased her.

  But how much more time did they have together, really? Once he took her skiing, he might not want to end it, but she would. Reluctantly. Very reluctantly. But what else could she do? Levi was not Amish, and Rebecca would never leave her community. They would have to break from each other eventually.

  She knew it was the only possible decision, but thinking about doing the right thing had never made her feel so miserable.

  Rebecca pulled herself from the bed and ran her fingers through her hair. It didn’t matter how rotten she felt, she would do what had to be done. Rebecca always found the strength that others did not. Regardless of Levi’s pleading or her own heart’s sorrow, she would not waver.

  She had to be strong.

  After pinning her kapp into place partially over her bandage, Rebecca tied her shoes and ventured into the kitchen. Fater might be sleeping in. After arriving home so late on Fridays, he often slept until seven or eight on Saturday mornings.

  No matter. Rebecca determined to face his wrath head-on. She would tell him the truth about the bump on her head, regardless of how he may react. She couldn’t think up a truthful explanation that would appease him, so she opted for the whole, unedited story. She wearied of tiptoeing around her fater.

  Fater stood with his back to her, scrambling eggs at the stove. He turned his head to glance at her. “Did the apples get picked?”

  “Jah, they are out on the back porch. I will do applesauce this week, Lord willing.”

  He didn’t turn around. “Gute. The two trees did well this year. I milked the cows, but have Max strain the milk.”

  Rebecca didn’t call attention to herself, just retrieved the broom from the closet and started sweeping the floor. Might as well get along with the chores.

  “I am pleased with the way the barn turned out,” Fater said. “Your mamm says the new young man did most of it.”

  Fater wasn’t one to throw out a compliment lightly. He seldom remembered Levi’s name—quite all right with Rebecca—and usually referred to him as “the new young man” whom he had never met. But whatever disapproval Fater felt for Levi’s presence on the farm melted when Fater saw the difference Levi’s work was making—hinges that creaked for years happily silenced, the horses’ coats cleaned and brushed like proper Amish animals, the yard groomed with nary a leaf out of place, the barn crisply painted.… Levi’s labor had turned their place into the kind of farm tourists passed and said, “Amish people must live there. Look how well kept it is.”

  “Jah, he works very hard.” Rebecca’s heart shrank. Only for a few more weeks. Then he would be gone.

  Fater scooped the eggs onto two plates and put the plates on a tray with forks and napkins. Without looking up, he said, “I am taking breakfast to your mamm. Wake Linda and the boys for chores.”

  Rebecca smiled to herself. This was going well. With any luck, Fater would neglect to look at her all day and a lengthy explanation would be unnecessary.

  A knock at the door interrupted Rebecca’s sweeping. Who could that be on a Saturday morning?

  Levi stood on her porch, as she had seen him so many times before, in full Amish garb with a red rose in his hand. He looked weary but content, like a farmer after the hay was successfully harvested and safely stacked in the barn.

  “What are you doing here?” she said in a hissed whisper.

  “How’s the head?” he said, handing her the rose and stroking her cheek. “Have you changed the gauze yet?”

  The flower distracted her for a second, and she buried her nose in its petals. Then she snapped up her head and glared at Levi. “You have to get out of here. Fater is in the other room. If he sees you, he will ask too many questions that have the wrong answers.”

  “How is your head?” he repeated patiently.

  “It feels like a cracked egg,” she said dismissively. “You could have asked me this in a text. Now go away.”

  “Did you take something for the pain?”

  Rebecca sighed. Didn’t Levi realize what he was risking here? “Please, go.”

  Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of two orange pills. “Ibuprofen. Take them.”

  “Will you go away if I promise to take them?”

  Levi’s smile did not quite reach his eyes. “I’ve come to have a talk with your fater.”

  Panic rose into her throat. “Not about what I told you?”

  “No, no, of course not. I would never—”

  “Then what? Fater will put an end to us faster than the chickens run from the cat. We can’t risk it before we go skiing.”

  A frown flickered across Levi’s face. “I need to talk to him. Could you ask?”

  “I know you don’t want to take me skiing, but if this is your way to make sure I can’t go, don’t bother. I will find a way to ski with or without you.”

  For once she couldn’t determine the emotion in his expression. “I swear to you, Rebecca,
I will take you skiing. Can I talk to your fater now?”

  In confusion, Rebecca turned from Levi and went to fetch her fater. It irritated her that he seemed always so confident and sure of himself when she was certain the floor was going to open up beneath her and swallow her whole.

  She knocked on her parents’ door. “There is someone to see Fater,” she said.

  A pause before the door opened, and then Fater slipped from the room. For the first time today, he took a good look at her. “Becky, what happened to your head?”

  “I had an accident.”

  “Mamm did not mention it.”

  Rebecca fingered the bandage. “I think you should meet your visitor.”

  Fater frowned and turned his gaze down the hall. “Who is it?”

  “Cum and see,” was all she could say.

  He followed her to the front door. When he laid eyes on Levi, Fater studied him with unguarded suspicion.

  “Fater, this is Levi. He is the boy who has been helping us.”

  Some of Fater’s icy exterior melted, and he shook Levi’s hand. “You have done much good for us, Levi. You could be working your own farm, but you choose to help Rebecca.”

  “I am glad to help her,” Levi said.

  “Do I know your parents?”

  “I wonder if there is a private place we could go to talk,” Levi said.

  Fater looked surprised and puzzled at the same time.

  “A place we could discuss a serious matter,” Levi added.

  Fater’s eyes darted from Rebecca to Levi, and Rebecca could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

  Had Levi come to ask for her hand in marriage? Her heart did a joyful somersault before she yanked it down to earth.

  Of course not. What could be more absurd?

  “The barn will be warm enough,” Fater said.

  Levi glanced at Rebecca and nodded. “Very gute.”

  Fater lifted his jacket from the hook by the front door. “Keep everyone from the barn until I come back.”