Paradox Love: Paradox Love Book 1

  “Yes, of course.”

  Liz was something else. Her outfit evoked images of a 50s roller-skate diner. She wore a knee length skirt, bright yellow with little cherries all over it. On her feet, shiny red pumps. Her top was short sleeved, crisp and white, buttoned all the way up. She had an artificial red flower pinned to it like a broach. She was certainly cheery. Wearing her usual white pajamas, Grace wasn’t sure which one of them looked more ridiculous.

  “Okay, let’s go.” Grace wanted nothing more than to be at the end of this corridor as soon as possible. They stepped out of the office together.

  “You know, Liz, it would have been nice for you to tell me that Abigail was no longer the Senior Chancellor.”

  “Abigail? You said you wanted to see the Senior Chancellor.”

  “Yes, but last time I was here, Abigail was Senior Chancellor. She was the one I wanted to see.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you still want to see her?”

  Grace locked her eyes on the transference room door at the other end of the corridor. It felt like she’d been away for days. She wanted to get back to him.

  “I guess not. I think I got what I needed from Jonas.”

  “Okay. Good.”

  She was on her way, but the knot in her belly was unrelenting. The pain in her chest a nightmare. It was quiet here again, completely untouched. She looked sideways at Pietra’s door as she passed. And then it swung open silently, as if in response to her attention.

  “Grace,” Pietra called to her.

  Grace stopped, several feet from the open door. She braced herself, anticipating another explosive episode.

  “Grace,” her voice was softer this time. “Look at me.”

  Liz looked back over her shoulder, muttering, “Oh, not again.”

  Grace’s eyes were frozen on the transference room door. She didn’t want to turn around and look back. She wasn’t going that way.

  “Come on, Grace,” Liz nudged, “Luke is waiting.”

  Grace felt a rising tide in her stomach. She was going to be sick again.”

  “Grace, look at me,” Pietra was still speaking to her back.

  Needing relief in most urgent way, Grace’s eyes remained fixed on that door at the end of the hallway.

  “You aren’t feeling well, Grace. I can help.”

  Finally, her eyes dropped to the floor.

  Liz stepped in front of her to get her attention. “Grace, Luke is waiting.”

  Grace kept her eyes down. Before her were Liz’ shiny red shoes.

  “Grace, I can help you. Let me help you,” Pietra’s voice came again.

  Grace’s hands went to her belly. She wanted to hold it in. She didn’t want to be sick again. Her chest was tight. The pain was returning, dripping through her like a wet rag with water being squeezed from it. Finally, she turned her head so see Pietra standing in the doorway of her classroom, gesturing to her.

  “Come, Grace.”

  She could have puked her way all the way down the hall to Luke. She could have. But that door seemed so far away at this moment. She turned her body slightly. Pietra’s door was closer.

  Liz placed her hand on Grace’s shoulder. “No Grace. That’s not what you want.”

  Once Grace had locked eyes with Pietra, that contact was like a tractor beam. She was being drawn in.

  Pietra knew it was working. “Stay focused on me, Grace. It’s a just a few steps.”

  Grace’s head was spinning like the first seconds after a merry-go-round ride. She stepped toward Pietra’s door. Liz’ hand was still on her shoulder. She pushed it off and took another step, and then another.

  Liz kept talking, kept trying to get her to move the other way. But Grace couldn’t hear her anymore. There was only Pietra’s voice now.

  And when she was close enough, Pietra threw her arms around Grace and pulled her into an embrace. At last, relief. The contact brought her an instant reprieve from the pain and sickness. Her head was no longer spinning. Warmth ran through her, numbing the pain. Pietra was still holding on. Before she released Grace, she asked, “Feel better?”

  “Oh my God, yes. Thank you.”

  “Good.”

  Pietra let her go, but placed her arm around Grace’s shoulder and turned her, so that they could both see Liz.

  “Now Grace, ask your counselor, Liz, why she did not offer you the same relief that I have offered, a relief she was free to give.”

  Grace looked to Liz. Liz looked down before she brought her eyes back to Grace’s face.

  “You didn’t ask me.”

  She’d spoken to Grace in an entirely different tone than she had ever before. Cheerfulness had turned to matter-of-fact.

  “Now Grace,” Pietra spoke in her ear, “ask me to explain.”

  Grace stood a bit taller, now that she was feeling better. She did want to know. Why had Liz let her suffer?

  “Yes, please explain.”

  “Well Grace, there are those of us who abide by the strictest form of universal law. Liz would be among those. She will honor your supreme right. If you ask something of her and if she is capable of providing it, she will do so. You might consider this to be quite noble. But if, on the other hand, she bears witness to your suffering and you do not ask for help, neither will it be offered. Simply put, she would rather see you suffer while honoring your free will than to bend the rules help you.”

  Liz shifted her stance. Grace looked at her and tried to understand. How could you see someone in need and not help them, especially when it was so simple?

  “Grace,” Pietra continued, “free will is a supreme right. But it isn’t the only one. Come inside and we’ll talk. You have time, Grace,” she spoke reassuringly. “I promise.”

  Liz was chattering on now, but Grace wasn’t listening. Pietra took note and withheld the smile that wanted out. Her hand was still around Grace’s shoulder and once again, she was speaking into her ear.

  “Grace, you have a powerful gift of manifestation. If you want to, you can use that gift to remove her right now from this corridor. You just have to want it, sincerely want it. Manifest your will. Summon her away.”

  Grace looked to Liz and then closed her eyes in concentration. I want you to leave, Liz. The words ran through her mind, although she did not speak them. And then, without a word, Liz turned and walked back into her office, closing the door.

  Pietra looked to Grace.

  “Well done! Now come.”

  They turned and together walked inside.

  * * * * *

  The door closed behind them as they entered. Pietra pulled her pen from behind her ear and then with a flourish, the appearance of the room was transformed from a classroom into something more like a comfortable living room. Two blue and white checkered loveseats were facing each other and between them a coffee table with a teapot and cups. Pietra sat on one sofa and gestured for Grace to take a seat opposite her before pouring tea for two. Grace accepted her cup as the scent of lemongrass filled her nose.

  “Thank you, Pietra. Not just for the tea, but for helping me. I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it, physically, I mean.”

  “You’re welcome, dear. Do I have your permission to speak without reservation?”

  After everything she’d done, Grace was nowhere near refusing.

  “Yes.”

  “Let me tell you why you’re hurting.”

  “Okay.”

  “Grace, you are half of a twin flame soul. The other half of that flame is your soul mate. And the single most painful experience for a twin flame soul is to be separated from their other half. You will only experience the physical manifestation of that pain while here, in between the worlds of Earth and Castellans. Here is where you are vulnerable to that pain. Once you have completed your assessment you’ll be free of it. Free of the physical pain, anyway. But there are other forms of pain and I would venture to guess that you will not be free of those.”

  “But Luke is here.”

  ?
??Yes, but you see, Gabriel is not.”

  Grace abruptly placed her tea on the table, not so carefully.

  “But Luke is here.”

  It was difficult to witness the weight of the words being piled upon Grace. And yet, it was only going to get worse.

  “Luke is not, nor ever could be your soul mate, I’m afraid. The other half to the flame from which you emerged is Gabriel.”

  Grace wished she hadn’t drank the tea. She was afraid her stomach would begin to churn again.

  “Drink the tea, Grace. I offered it, because it will help.”

  Instead Grace put her face in her hands.

  “He lied to me. He lied to me about everything.”

  “Not so much, Grace.”

  “He told me my pain would go away as I let go of Luke, that every time I went to Earth to find him and then returned, that it would be less.”

  “And wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, but not because of Luke.”

  “Well that part, yes. He might have taken some liberties, but he was trying to give you want you wanted. That is Gabriel. That is Gabriel’s love for you. The truth is that the more time you spent with Gabriel, the less pain you would feel. That is why each time you returned to Castellans, it weakened. It was because you were in the presence of your soul mate.”

  “But why would he do that? Why would he let me go back to Earth all for the purpose of reuniting me with someone he knew was the love of my life? Why would a man who is my soul mate do that?”

  “Because love isn’t selfish. Because he saw your pain and he wanted to provide you relief. Because he knew that no matter what experiences you were having on Earth, in the end, nothing could keep you from him.”

  It was so difficult to sit still. It was not fathomable that anyone would do that much for someone they loved. She doubted whether she would be able to. Release the one you loved to someone else’s arms?

  “He was not really my counselor.”

  “He was. The best counselor you could have hoped for. He gave you what others would have denied. Without him, you would have sat in that hallway until the day Luke passed from his life on Earth, never having the opportunity to connect with him quite possibly for the rest of your existence.”

  Grace sipped at her tea, but only to calm the rising tides. It was possible to puke here. She knew that. She felt a wave of cold sweats building.

  Pietra continued. “But in another sense, you are correct. He was not really supposed to be your counselor. The two of you had an agreement. From the time Castellans had built the proper structure and process for souls returning from Earth, you and Gabriel agreed that you wanted no one but the other of you to be your counselor. You wanted always that Gabriel be the first face you saw, even if you did not remember him. And Gabriel wanted your face.”

  “I am in love with Luke. I did everything I did because of that love. It’s everything to me.”

  Pietra wore a long, colorful skirt and a black turtleneck sweater with a string of large beads to match the colors in her skirt. Her hair was as black as her sweater, hanging long in dozens of braids. She would often pull a loose one back and tuck it in behind her ear.

  “I’m sorry to state it so bluntly, Grace. But you have loved Luke for seventeen years as a student of Earth. You have loved Gabriel for millions of years as a citizen of Castellans. There simply is no scale that would place them at equal measure.”

  She wanted to feel something like that kind of love for Gabe. She wanted to have a sense of this powerful love that Pietra was talking about. She could imagine it. She could believe that it was true. But right now, she could not feel it.

  “My pain is the worst it’s ever been. And I’m on Castellans. Why is it so bad?”

  “The further you are from your soul mate, the worse it will be. Gabe is on another world. Can’t get much farther away than that.”

  “How is it that he’s on another world when this is his home? How is that possible? Which world?”

  “Some of that is not clear just yet, I’m afraid. I have an idea of what happened. That is all.”

  “What? What happened?”

  “Let me try to explain in a way that you will understand.”

  Whenever she was working to translate into words the vast knowledge collected over millions of years, Pietra would often pull the pen from behind her ear and chew it momentarily, as if this act alone served to coax the flow from her brain to her lips.

  “Each world, including ours, is home to one million souls. Each soul is advancing at its own pace, yet we all ascend as one people. It is true that in some ways, we are as strong as our strongest soul or the one with the most advanced élan vital. At the same time, we are as weak as the one among us with the least advanced élan vital.

  You and Gabe as a couple, were an anomaly of sorts. You should have been at the top, among the strongest. But you often were of the mind that being at the top and among the most advanced was not as important as other things.”

  “What other things?”

  “Adventures, entertainment, testing boundaries.”

  “In other words, we did things that we knew would cause our own regressions?”

  “Yes. You should know that in most instances, it was you who would beg Gabriel to defy the rules for the sake of pleasure. And he would not deny you. He could never say no. This way of going about things kept you both at the bottom echelon of the élan vitals of our world. If not for your follies, you would both likely be on the Council of Five. Gabriel would be Senior Chancellor.”

  Grace was trembling noticeably, the implications of all that she’d done being placed squarely at her feet.

  “I told you to drink the tea, Grace. It will help you.”

  Pietra waited to continue until Grace had swallowed some of it down. Only then did the explanations begin again.

  “Because Castellans is an advanced world, the results of your regressions were significant only in appearances. There were two schools of thought among our citizens. One which frowned upon your lack of ambition – a perception that you were not serious about advancing. Others were rather unconcerned. Some even admired you. Your activities were generally not enough to have a significant effect on the rest of us. Until now, that is.”

  Grace’s heart thudded in her chest, summoning the familiar pain that had for a brief time been numbed. Pietra was immediately aware. She left her seat and took a place next to Grace. She pulled Grace’s hand into hers and cupped it with both of her own hands. The contact resulted once again in a relegation of the pain to a distant throb, rather than an all-encompassing agony. Pietra returned to her seat.

  “In a world’s early times, there is utter chaos, Grace. The maturation of our world was not accomplished in swift fashion by any means. The collective experience of the souls on our world is a powerful force, but in the beginning, new souls have a lot to learn. In those times, it was not uncommon for a soul to take actions so severely against supreme law that they regressed themselves right out of Castellans.”

  Grace choked on her tea, which brought on a coughing fit. Internally, the words played in her mind. What have I done? What have I done?

  “Our youth was a time of war in many ways. We had not advanced sufficiently to secure the shield around our world. We were vulnerable to attack from others, other souls on dark paths. And yet, we progressed. Each time we went to school on Earth, we earned a grain of sand to fill our beach, our paradise. Through much suffering, we advanced to become a powerful world.

  Some retained streaks of complacency. Some could not move past the thrill of risking advancement for what they perceived to be more exciting ventures. And all of that was manageable, because of our collective experience and strength. Your childish ways could be absorbed by the rest. And Castellans continued its advancement.

  During your last time on Earth as Grace, a human being, the Council of Five was aware of the pending ascension of our world. Although official announcements are never made until an ascension
is upon us, there were some that were aware. When it was known that you had returned, the chatter began to spread. Every soul on Castellans had earned the ascension, for all had collectively contributed. All were waiting for you.

  In the beginning, Gabriel was unaware. Because it was time for you to return, he secluded himself, preparing to be reunited with you. It was such an important time for him. And then everything changed. To protect Gabriel and you and the rest of us, Abigail informed him of the pending ascension.

  That was when it all changed. Most immediately, Abigail faced regression herself, for she had now provided Gabriel with information that would influence his free will. It also placed a much heavier burden upon him, for now he had to weigh his love for you against the rights of our entire world. In sending you back to Earth again, with full knowledge that doing so would literally prevent the advancement of our world, Gabriel would be taking on a burden so egregious as to regress him from Castellans.”

  Questions were filling Grace’s head, but she knew she could not yet ask them. Pietra had more to say.

  “When Gabriel had in essence, banished himself from our world, it resulted in a vacancy – the vacancy of a single soul. His absence made room for another. This soul would come from another world. The world would be similar to Castellans in its advancement, but ever so slightly behind. If the topmost member of their world were to ascend beyond the rest on his world by a sufficient degree, that soul would advance to the next highest world, if and only if, there were a vacancy. Such occurrences are a rarity for worlds such as ours. It strains my memory to think of the last time it’s happened. But I do believe Luke has filled the vacancy left by Gabriel.”

  Grace was struggling to process it all. And she felt within her a rising, foreboding tide. This was all leading to something.

  “None of what I have told you yet is as important as what I will tell you now, Grace. In the early days of our world, occurrences such as this were common, unavoidable. In the beginning, we were learning the laws, observing what our actions wrought. We lost souls to other worlds and gained souls from other worlds. But not since our collective youth have we faced what we face now.”