Smile, Alice

  Her street is quaint and lined with tiny houses. Her front yard is tiny, there are only two windows on the front of the house, everything is fucking small. It’s more like a hobbit house.

  She opens the door and I follow her inside. The place wreaks of bleach and nothing is out of place. I’d bet all my money she’s been cleaning non-stop to keep herself busy.

  She leads me through to the kitchen and busies herself discarding a bucket of water down the sink. The bucket and a mop I missed on the way in is quickly put away in a cupboard, satisfied with herself, she shrugs out of her coat and hangs it behind the door.

  “Alice.”

  “Damon.”

  We both chuckle, and I wait for her to speak first, sitting down at the table.

  “What you and the guys did today,” she pauses and shakes her head, “it was beautiful.”

  “Joel had a lot to say about it.”

  “When? I mean, how? Actually, I don’t know what I mean, just tell me how this happened.”

  She sits facing me and I tuck the loose strands of hair that have fallen out of her bun behind her ear. I’ve missed seeing this face every day, I need a clear view of it today.

  “Joel knew you too well, he knew you’d leave alone and he knew you’d plod along doing the bare necessities to survive. The kid knew his shit and you did everything he said you would. He left you those messages to get you through and remind you it’s not what he wanted.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “I flew in with Joel, I’ve been staying at the hotel in town. I wanted to be close to you and give you your space. I could let you go because I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I saw you.”

  She looks around her kitchen and it gives me a chill when her gaze falls on me. I never know what she’s thinking or planning next.

  “I’m tired, Damon. I’ve spent years keeping people away because they end up hurting us, I pushed you away when you did nothing but try to help us. It wasn’t fair and I’m sorry. When I saw you walking in the church, I thought you couldn’t possibly do anymore for us, but it turns out you already had. You gave Joel the one thing I struggled to do…”

  She exhales a rush of breath before carrying on, “Because of you, Joel had everything.”

  I lean forward and pull her chair closer to mine.

  “It was an honour.”

  Her eyes fall to her lap and she starts picking at her dress, which shouldn’t look as hot as it does in these circumstances.

  “Talk to me, Alice, tell me what you want,” I push her.

  Before Joel passed on, I broke through her walls and she came to me when she needed support. She feels something for me and I’ll force it out of her if she makes me.

  “I don’t know…”

  “Yes, you do, but it’s fine, I’ll do it for you. Even though you’re lost without Joel, and you miss him like crazy, you like me and you like being around me. You want to see where we go and what kind of life we could have if you let yourself be happy. Your heart knows I won’t let you down, but you follow your head that’s been programmed over the years not to trust anyone…”

  “Please, stop,” she sighs, and I do.

  “I’m done waiting for you to come to me, you want me and I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen next,” I say, making her smile.

  “Oh yeah, and what’s next?”

  “Firstly, you’re going to ask me to stay here tonight so I can help you pack. Tomorrow morning, Harry will pick us up and we’ll meet the guys at the airfield. You’re going to trust me to take care of you and you’re going to trust that I’m not going anywhere without you.”

  “And where will we be flying to?”

  “I’m taking you everywhere.”

  Her eyes don’t glisten with tears, they don’t fall to her lap, they settle on me and give me hope.

  “If there’s one person you ever trust again, trust me,” I plead.

  “I already trust you. Damon Coleman, will you stay tonight and help me pack? Although, what do you pack for a trip everywhere?”

  If I have my way, everything, because she won’t be returning to England.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Alice was quiet during the drive to the air field and as we stand at the bottom of the stairs onto the plane, she takes one last look behind her.

  She is probably thinking about the first time she made this trip, I know I have been this morning.

  “Are you ready?” I ask her.

  “Yes,” she smiles up at me.

  She walks up in front of me and I can’t help myself, I stare at her ass the whole way up onto the plane.

  Freddie hollers when he sees her and River claps.

  “I was hoping you’d say yes, I was dreading the flight back if you’d said no,” River quips.

  “He’s grown on me, I’ll keep him around for a while,” she winks at me and laughs.

  I’m looking forward to meeting funny Alice. I’ve met a lot of versions of her and I can’t wait for the day, I know her as well as she knows herself.

  “Come on, let’s sit,” I say, tugging on her hand and leading her to the two seats furthest away from the others.

  “This is the first time I’ve been on this plane without Joel,” she says quietly.

  I hold her hand and squeeze tightly, “You can do this, you know he’s always with you.”

  She offers me a small smile and keeps quiet until after take-off. I have so many plans for her, I want to show her every corner of the world and everything it has to offer and I’m going to. I’m going to be her rock and keep her close. I’m busy planning a trip for us when she turns in her seat and holds my hand with both her hands.

  She keeps her voice low and asks, “Will you tell me everything now, please?”

  Lifting my ass off the seat, I pull out my notebook from my back pocket and hand it over to her. I regret it instantly when she pulls away from me to read through it.

  “Read from the beginning,” I guide when she flicks through the pages.

  She opens the notebook at the beginning and her eyes flick to mine after reading the title on the first page.

  “Project: Smile, Alice? Everything you said at the funeral was true?”

  “Every word, all he wanted was to know you would be okay,” I tell her.

  We haven’t spoken much about Joel or the speech at the funeral, she wanted to wait till now and I respected her decision.

  “I’ve been writing everything down since I received your brother’s letter. It’s been a personal journal for me and an idea book for Joel and me. I knew all about you before we met in the hospital, Joel and I spent hours on the phone and on skype. I read his letter and immediately emailed him back. The kid had me laughing and then in tears, I would lay awake at night wondering how he could do that to me?”

  She smiles and reads the first few pages. Her cheeks begin to blush, and I can guess where she’s got to.

  “Your plan to make me smile was to fuck me?” she laughs.

  “You make it sound like I wouldn’t be able to,” I fake mock, pretending to be wounded, “I figured it out in the end, you remember the first movie we watched?”

  She nods, and I carry on, “Joel told me you liked comedy movies, but you couldn’t sit still for that long anymore. He said you were too anxious about him to sit through an entire movie. When you started to loosen your hold on him, I knew then I could try getting you to sit long enough to laugh and you did. You were so enthralled you didn’t notice me watching you the whole way through. You smiled, and you laughed for nearly two hours, hence why we started watching movies every night. I wanted you to smile for Joel, but I wanted you to laugh with me. It turns out, Joel fell asleep every night listening to the same sound.”

  “Damon,” she sighs, but I stop her.

  “I looked forward each day till the moment we were alone, and I could hear you laugh. I savoured every one of them and I always will. I never told Joel this, but he helped me more than I ever h
elped him. He brought me you and I will forever love him for it.”

  She ever so slightly leans forward and brings her hand up to caress my cheek.

  “It’s easy to see why Joel looked up to you.”

  I cover her hand with mine, and bask in her compliment. When Joel first called me his hero, it choked me up. I’m used to people screaming my name, and trying to throw themselves at me, but Joel truly saw more to me than a rock star, he saw the goodness in my heart.

  She goes back to reading my notes and I wait patiently for her to ask her next question.

  “You had so many ideas to make me smile, I can’t believe you did this all behind my back. For the first two weeks my smile was sarcastic?”

  “It was, even when everyone was being nice, you always came back with sarcasm. It made us smile, but not you.”

  “So, you thought you would make me blush until my cheeks overheated and melted my lips into a permanent smile?” she says, reading along.

  “I was willing to do what I had to for Joel, you were a tough nut to crack. Joel told me about the comedies and then we found you smiled more often and loosened up.”

  She closes the notebook and hands it back to me. I won’t force her to read more, she can finish it when she’s ready.

  “For twelve years, I spent most days trying to make him smile, so he wouldn’t be scared. He paid me back, didn’t he?”

  I nod and tuck my arm around her.

  “I have a surprise for you,” I whisper, “We’re flying to the Caribbean. We’re going on our own adventure, and I promise you, I’m going to look after you every minute of every day. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I’m here for you.”

  Everything she gave to Joel, I’m going to give to her a thousand times more.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Damon

  “She’s beautiful, isn’t she,” I state, as Alice bathes in the tropical sunshine.

  Lying in a white bikini, her skin is a glorious golden brown and my dick has never been so hard.

  “She’s too good for you, I wonder how long it’ll be until you fuck things up for her?” Freddie snipes.

  I grab two bottles of beer from the ice bucket and frown at one of my oldest friends.

  “What is your fucking problem?”

  Before Joel and Alice came on tour, Freddie was acting weird with me and would walk out of a room if I walked in. While Joel was here, he seemed to get over whatever his problem was, and I thought he was good now.

  “Problem? I don’t have a problem. Who could ever have a problem with Damon Coleman?” he mutters sarcastically.

  “Kinda sounds like you’ve got a problem, Fred.”

  He goes to open his mouth but then he shakes his head and walks off, leaving me feeling a rift forming between us and no idea why.

  Leaving Freddie’s questionable mood for another time, I make my way over to Alice and dump the beers by her sun lounger.

  “I was wondering what was taking you so long,” she murmurs.

  “I’m back now,” I say, leaving out the conversation with Fred.

  Standing at her feet, her body entices me down to her. Lowering myself over her, I climb up her body and distribute my weight on either side of the lounger, as not to put my weight on her. The heat from her skin blasts against mine and the smell of sun lotion fills my nose. I love that I can be close to her like this, and I pepper soft kisses along her shoulder and into her neck.

  Her subtle moans excite me and spur me on. She responds to me every time I’m near her. I’ve been taking it slow with her but it’s killing me. The need to have her completely consumes me and it takes everything I have not to rush her before she’s ready. She takes life one day at a time and I don’t blame her.

  There are times when she’s lost, and she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She spent so much of her life living for Joel, she’s forgotten how to live for herself and that’s where I come in now. I’m going to show her how good life can be if you’re not hiding behind a wall of protection.

  Skimming my lips down her chest, my dick throbs.

  “That feels so good,” she moans.

  I don’t stop, I continue to raise goose bumps along her golden bronzed skin and move back up to her neck. Her hand finds the side of my head and guides me to her mouth.

  She tastes of mint and beer and I’m addicted.

  “I need you, Damon.”

  I freeze, praying I heard her correctly.

  “I need you, now.”

  I don’t waste a second. Lifting myself off her, I bend down and scoop her up into my arms. Since we arrived, she has been sleeping with me. I offered for her to have her own room since our relationship hasn’t been defined, thinking she’d want to have her own space for a while, but her cheeks flamed red as she said sleeping with me was what she needed to get some sleep at all.

  I carry her up to our room, and kick the door closed behind us. I lay her on the bed and I’m trembling on top of her like a teenager.

  “I don’t want to scare you, but I’m falling in love with you,” I tell her, leaning up on my elbow.

  The way she stares up at me like I’m the only one in the world hits me hard. She’s raw, and real, and the only one I ever want to be with.

  “I’m not scared with you.”

  She doesn’t say it back, but again, I have all the time in the world for this woman and I can wait.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Damon

  The warm breeze floats in through the open doors and I can smell the ocean as I lay in bed. During the tour, Alice didn’t go to sleep till well after midnight and was always awake by seven am. Whenever she sleeps now, I don’t wake her. She deserves to sleep uninterrupted.

  Instead, I lay beside her and write. I’ve been writing ever since her and Joel came into my life. They’ve both inspired me and erupted my emotions into overdrive. Knowing them, I finally understand love, I know what it’s like to feel helpless, and the torture of watching someone slip away at your fingertips.

  It was true I had lost the love for music and our songs before I received Joel’s letter, it all became meaningless to me and no amount of drink could deceive me into thinking I still had the magic our fans needed from us. Fans like Joel. Our music to him was a lifeline, a support he found without ever knowing us. Our fans deserve lyrics that have meaning, lyrics they can relate to.

  My love for music grows again as it does for Alice. The two coexist for me and I’m not crushed by the weight of the industries pressure any longer. No more will I be dominated by others to make them money. Life is too short, and no one knows when their time is up. Everything I write will mean something, it won’t just be a money-making song that will hit the charts.

  In fact, everything I do will mean something. I thought my life began when we hit the big time, but I was wrong. My life is beginning now, with Alice, as hers is.

  I close my notebook and put it down on the night-stand. I slip out of bed and pull the suitcase Alice likes to ignore from the cupboard.

  Inside is Joel’s laptop and it’s time I start following through on his last wish. His original wish was for me to help him make Alice smile, and over time, it evolved into more which I coaxed out of him.

  It was enough for him to see her smile, but he also needed to know she would be okay after he was gone. With me falling for her, I promised I would help him again. It’s been hard judging the best time to approach her about it, but I can’t put it off any longer.

  She stirs on the bed and stretches her long legs, rolling over to where I was laying. When she sees I’m not there, she sits up and looks straight to the case.

  “What are you doing?”

  She sounds terrified.

  “There’s a couple of reasons why we’re here, Alice, and it’s time I told you about the main reason.”

  I retrieve the laptop and grab the memory stick Joel saved everything to. I climb back on the bed beside her and turn the machine on.

  She si
ts quietly, watching my every move as I plug the memory stick in and bring up the right file.

  After a few seconds Joel’s face fills the screen and Alice jumps out of bed, turning her back on me and the video.

  “I’m not ready to watch them yet,” she cries, shakily.

  “You are,” I urge her, refusing to turn it off.

  “Don’t do this to me, I’ll watch them when I’m ready.”

  “This is about Joel, what he wants.”

  This gets her attention and she slowly turns to face me.

  “What he wants?” she asks curiously.

  “Come.”

  I pat the place beside me and on wobbly legs, she sits beside me, and I put the laptop on her legs.

  Her chest heaves up and down in anticipation and her hands tremble as she presses play.

  Joel is sitting up in bed, I can remember every word he is about to say as I’m the one holding the camcorder.

  “Right now, you’re asleep and I’m awake,” he begins, “When you watch this, you’ll be awake, and I’ll be asleep, for all eternity. It feels weird knowing that. I hope you’ve cried all your tears for me because Damon has told me he has plans for you and you’re not going to have time to cry. He asked if I would mind him being your shadow, looking out for you. I think it will do you good to be the centre of someone’s attention for once, and I do believe my hero will soon become yours too.”

  He pauses to cough, and the camera shakes as I get up to pass him his glass of water. He collects himself and I sit back down, and the camera is still.

  “From now on, Damon is taking you all over the world and I’m afraid, you don’t have a choice. You’re going to see all the places we never got the chance to see together. My final wish is to still do that with you, so, in each place you visit, enjoy life and find the perfect spot and scatter a scoop of my ashes. By the time you come to the bottom of the urn, we would’ve been everywhere, and in the future, I’ll be wherever you go. Always…”

  She pauses the video and looks at me. Her face is saturated with tears, but she doesn’t make a sound.

  “I never would’ve thought of such a beautiful idea,” she whispers.