Smile, Alice

  I really fucking do.

  “Why hasn’t Harry been tailing him?” I ask River when I join him in the car.

  I don’t recognise the driver, or the minder already seated up front.

  “Ah, so there’s something else I have to tell you about.”

  “Spit it out, man.”

  “Baz fired everyone.”

  “What the fuck? Why?”

  My eyebrows pull together in a mixture of anger and confusion. I haven’t been gone that long.

  “In the beginning we couldn’t work it out, he would just fire anyone as he wished, there wasn’t a reason for any of them. It wasn’t until he fired Harry that it all came out he didn’t want anyone around who reminded him of Joel.”

  I lean my head against the head rest and close my eyes.

  “He’s gonna have to get used to it, because Harry is coming back, and Alice is here to stay. I asked her to marry me when we were in Paris and she said yes.”

  I open my eyes to River bugging out, he gets over the shock pretty quickly and hollers his approval.

  “Congrats, man. I knew she was different for you…Oh, you know what this means?” he smirks slyly.

  “I’m going to be a husband?”

  “Well, that’s a given, dickhead,” he chuckles, “I’m talking about your bachelor party. It’s going to be fucking epic,” he vows.

  I’m about to destroy his hopes of a bachelor party when the new minder turns in his seat.

  “Baz is at Club Bounce.”

  “Take us to him,” I order knowing we’re not far.

  I pray hard Harry wants to come back with immediate effect. I trusted him, and he was my friend.

  “You should be ready for anything, he isn’t the same Baz you last saw.”

  “How much has happened since I left, and tell me the fucking truth.”

  “You’ll see for yourself in a minute.”

  The car comes to a stop outside the club, and I throw open the door. We’ve all been here a thousand times over the last few years and the door men allow us entry without a problem.

  The new minder sticks close to us as we make our way up to the VIP section and no one notices Riv or I until we stop at the top of the stairs. I don’t bother with anyone, I scan the area and stop when I see Baz lounging back on a couch with a chick on either arm.

  Nudging River, I jerk my head in Baz’s direction and I push through the people until I’m standing at his table.

  He’s in his own world of booze and women, he doesn’t see us until one of the chicks jumps up shrieking at our presence.

  His eyes lazily roll around and fall on me. His pain is deep and shines from him, but he shoots up to his feet and hides it with his joy to see me here.

  “You’re back,” he cheers, throwing himself at me.

  “I sure am.”

  I hug him back and then push him back onto the couch.

  “Get out of here,” River orders the chicks and then we’re alone.

  The only one missing is Freddie.

  “Are you here to stay, or are you planning another trip?” he asks, filling shot glasses for River and me.

  “I’m here to stay,” I say, pushing my drink away.

  “What’s your problem? Have a drink with me,” he urges, pushing the shot back towards me.

  “I’m not here to drink, I’m here to take you home.”

  “Why? I’m having a fucking ball here.”

  “We need to talk and I’m not doing it in a fucking club.”

  He rolls his eyes at me and shoots my shot back in one, and then Rivers.

  “I ain’t listening to your travelling stories, or watching a slideshow.”

  “You don’t have to,” I sigh.

  I stand and pull him up with me, he’s unsteady on his feet and together, River and I help carry him out of the club.

  In the car, he falls asleep and the stench of alcohol on him is strong.

  “Why didn’t you tell him about Alice?” River asks, keeping his voice low.

  “From what you’ve said, and it hasn’t been a lot, I didn’t want to put that on him in public. Once we’re home, we’ll get this shit sorted out.”

  If he had come to me, I would’ve helped him through whatever demons are plaguing him. If I’m honest, I didn’t think Joel’s death would have impacted him this much. I’ve been so dedicated to Alice and her grief, I forgot about my family.

  The car comes to a stop and music is blaring from the house. When we left, Alice was going to sleep, and the house was quiet.

  “Freddie must be awake,” River sighs.

  And we all know where Fred is, the party isn’t far behind. As long as he hasn’t woken Alice up, then again, I’ll be shocked as shit if she’s sleeping through this.

  “Come on, man, wake up,” River coaxes Baz, and he groans, coming around.

  “Let’s go, sweetheart,” I laugh, helping him out of the car.

  “Fuck off,” he grunts, “I’m fucking happy you’re back though.”

  The short nap seems to have sobered him up, and he slings his arm around me. There are people everywhere when we walk inside, some I recognise, and a lot I’ve never met before.

  “Now you’re here, we should totally throw you a welcome home party.”

  “Look around, Baz. You’re in the middle of a party,” River laughs.

  He seems fine to me, until everything stops. He freezes beside me when he sees Alice coming down the stairs, he watches her every step until she is beside me and I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me.

  “Why is she here?” Baz demands, his tone simmering with disgust.

  “She’s here because…”

  “Damo!”

  I turn to Freddie standing in the doorway, holding a bottle of tequila in each hand.

  “And look, little Alice is here too.”

  “I’ll ask again, what is she doing here?” Baz growls.

  “What is your problem?” I yell, losing my patience.

  He glares at Alice and I find myself moving in front of her to shield her from his mood.

  “You do remember the kid died, she doesn’t need to be here anymore, or are you keeping her around as some British pussy?”

  I see red.

  Lurching forward, I smash my fist into his jaw and he lands on his ass with a thud.

  “Don’t you ever talk like that about her,” I shout, louder than I have in a long time.

  We’re drawing a crowd and I catch a few of them holding their phones up to record us.

  Grabbing Alice’s hand, I lead the way up to our room and slam the door behind us.

  “I’m sorry he said that, you know it’s not true.”

  “I know,” she murmurs, “What’s wrong with him?”

  “I don’t know, stay here, I’m going to find out and I don’t want you caught in the crossfire.”

  “Don’t hit him again, if something is wrong with him, he’ll need you.”

  She is too kind for her own good, and fuck if I don’t love her even more for it.

  Downstairs, the music is off, and everyone is gone. As fast as they appear, they can disappear just as fast.

  Walking into the kitchen, Baz is holding a bag of ice to his jaw, River is leaning against the island, and Freddie, still swigging from the tequila bottle, is lying on the kitchen table.

  “I don’t want her here.”

  “Why?” I ask, staying in the doorway.

  “She doesn’t belong here, she isn’t one of us.”

  “She will be, as soon as she says, I do.”

  He drops the ice bag and Freddie springs up like a jack-in-the-box.

  “You’re marrying her?” Baz frowns.

  “As soon as I can, yes. So, tell me, what’s your problem with Alice? And while we’re at it, why did you fire Harry?”

  “You won’t understand.”

  “Try me.”

  I square my shoulders as he steps towards me. He doesn’t stop, not until we’re standi
ng nose to nose and his breath stinks of alcohol.

  “If you’re choosing her, then you’re not choosing me,” he sneers.

  “It’s not about choosing,” I sigh, “You haven’t given me one good reason why you don’t want her here, I thought you liked her? What’s changed?”

  “Everything.”

  “Like what?” I urge.

  He isn’t giving me anything.

  “You brought that kid back, so you could play the hero and guess what, he died worshipping you. It still wasn’t enough for you though, was it? No, you had to fuck the sister and bring her home and fucking propose to her. Are you that insecure you need to be hailed every day?”

  The vein in his forehead bulges as he screams in my face. When Baz is upset he throws his weight around and screams. Instead of getting into it with him, I throw my arms around him, and I don’t let go when he fights against me.

  “Talk to me,” I say, in his ear.

  “I can’t have her here,” he breaks, losing the fight to be rid of me.

  “Why?”

  He loosens up and clings to me.

  “Because I can’t stand seeing him and she’ll just be a reminder on replay. It’s fucking me up.”

  I pull away from him and I’m stunned when I see his cheeks are saturated.

  “Him? Are you talking about Joel?”

  “All I see is him in his chair with his head lolled to the side and his eyes wide open. Or I see him on the couch and the coroners coming for him. It doesn’t matter how much I drink, I can’t get him out of my head.”

  River comes up behind him and pats him on the shoulder.

  “You should’ve told us what’s been going on.”

  “I thought when Damon got back, everything would go back to normal. When he sends Alice home, it will do.”

  I reach out, but he moves before I can make contact.

  “She is home, with me, with us. I’ll help you through this, but I won’t let her go. I love her.”

  “I loved our lives before you brought death through our doors, and now you’re telling me she’s here to stay, so I’m done.”

  “Hey, no one’s done…”

  “I’m done,” Baz yells.

  He brushes past me and River is quick to chase after him.

  “You’re such a hypocrite,” Freddie snorts, stepping down from the table.

  “You’re having a go now?”

  “Nope, just stating facts. Who are you going to choose? The guy who’s had your back all your life, or the girl you’ve known for less than a year who walked out the front door five minutes ago?”

  What?

  Spinning around, the door is closed, and nothing is out of place. Rushing into the hall, I climb the stairs two at a time, and bounce into my room to find her cases are gone.

  She’s gone.

  Running back downstairs, I throw open the front door. She’s nowhere in sight and the car is gone.

  Storming into Slate’s office, I search through his iPad for the driving company contact information.

  I should’ve got his name last night. If Harry was still around, he would’ve come to me first before taking her anywhere.

  Did she hear what Baz said? If she did, she would make the decision for me and take herself out of the equation, not that there is a choice to make for me.

  I can’t find fuck all and chuck the iPad on the desk. I flip through the paperwork and freeze when I come across a contract for Joel’s song. Scanning each page, I crumple the papers in my hands and drown in the blood rushing around my veins.

  What is Slate thinking of? Joel’s song was never meant to be a single, he wanted it on our next album surrounded by our music.

  Slate is cashing in on the hype Joel created and I’m not standing for it.

  “Baz doesn’t mean it, he’ll come around.”

  “Riv, right now, I couldn’t give a shit. Did you know about this?”

  I hold up the paperwork and he frowns, coming over to get a closer look. The overstated sigh as he cottons on to what he’s reading fuels my anger.

  “This needs all our signatures, Damon. Nothing will happen if you don’t want it to.”

  “Right now, I need the new driver’s number. I can’t find anything I need in here.”

  He passes me his phone, and I ask, “What’s his name?”

  “Rex.”

  I scroll down to his name and hit call. Every ring drones on for what feels like forever and I’m ready to punch something by the time he picks up.

  “Mr Thornton, what can I do for you?”

  “It’s Damon, put Alice on the phone,” I grunt.

  It goes quiet and I faintly hear him talking to her. It goes quiet again, and Rex comes back on the phone.

  “I’m sorry, Mr Coleman, she doesn’t want to speak to you.”

  I don’t give myself any time to let her rejection hurt and push forward.

  “Put me on speaker,” I instruct him.

  “You’re on, Mr Coleman,” he says, a few seconds later.

  “Alice?”

  She doesn’t answer me, I flex my hand into a fist and out again.

  “Please, talk to me, tell me why you left? Where are you?”

  Nothing.

  It hurts worse than anything she could say. We’ve been through so much, there is no way it can end like this.

  “Rex, turn around and bring her back.”

  “Mr…”

  “Bring her back, or you’re fucking fired.”

  I hang up and lean on the desk.

  “What’s happening to us, Riv?”

  “We were hit with a dose of reality and we’re each handling it differently. Go and talk to Baz while you wait for Alice.”

  The man himself strolls into the room and plonks himself down in Slate’s chair.

  “Fred said Alice left.”

  “You must be happy?”

  “I haven’t been happy in a long time.”

  Pushing away from the desk, I move around to stand in front of him.

  “If you’re not coping, it doesn’t matter if Alice is here or not, the last six months have proven that. I’ll help you through this, but please don’t give me ultimatums. I love you both.”

  “I’m just tired, I can’t sleep, and everywhere I go, all everyone asks me about is Joel. Seeing Alice brought it all back like it only happened yesterday.”

  I understand now.

  “Alice is on her way back, if you talk to her, you’ll see how she copes, how she feels a tiny bit better each day.”

  He looks up at me and nods.

  “For what it’s worth, I think she’s good for you. Congratulations.”

  “I agree, thank you,” I smile.

  “Maybe we should all get away for a while, work on a new album with the material you’ve been working on,” River suggests.

  “I’m down for that,” Baz nods.

  “I’ll be down for that if Alice comes,” I say.

  It’s been ten minutes since I told Rex to bring Alice back, I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t, apart from fire him.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Alice

  Damon is leaning against one of the columns outside the house. He’s so beautiful, it hurts to look at him.

  The car hasn’t stopped moving before he’s jogging over and opening the door.

  I stay where I am on the far side of the back seat and I refuse to move, or look at him.

  “Why did you leave?”

  When I don’t answer him, he slides in and reaches for my hand. He’s always so warm to touch.

  “Whatever you heard, it’s all sorted now. Baz…”

  “Baz can’t stand the sight of me, all he sees is Joel. He told you to choose and I won’t put you in that position.”

  He laughs, and I could slap him.

  “If you weren’t so quick to run, you would’ve heard us sort it out.”

  “How can he go from one view to another so quickly? I came into your lives because y
ou wanted to help Joel, not to mess with your heads. It’s me, no matter where I go or who I am around, people hurt.”

  “Shut up, Alice,” he chuckles and my head snaps in his direction.

  Narrowing my eyes, I full on scowl at him.

  “Firstly, you have Rex bring back under threat of his job, and then you tell me to shut up…”

  He closes the distance between us and before any other words can leave my mouth, his lips are crashing onto mine and sucking all the air from my lungs.

  His hand wraps around the back of my neck and locks me in place. Not only does he have the ability to make me forget the world exists around us, he can make life seem so easy.

  He’s the first one to break the kiss, but he doesn’t go far and his hand remains on my neck.

  “Where was you going to go?” he asks.

  “I don’t know, all I knew was I had to get out of there. It’s hard enough dealing with Joel’s passing, when I heard Baz…” I shake my head, trying to figure out how to word this, “I couldn’t face you all knowing how he’s been feeling.”

  “You promised to marry me, Alice, that means we lean on each other during times like this. It was never a choice I had to make between the two of you, and because I know him so well, I knew he was lashing out instead of telling me what was going on. In time, you’ll know him better, you’ll know under the drink and women, he’s sensitive and Joel hit him hard because he really did care about him.”

  His thumb brushes over my cheek bone and I close my eyes.

  “You have to stop thinking you have no one, we won’t always agree but we will always get through together. After your dad died, you didn’t have anyone to make you feel better. When you went into care, you had no one. When Joel was ill, you had no one. You’ve gotten used to it, but I promise you, I’m going nowhere and nor are you. Together, Alice, forever.”

  He’s right.

  He’s always bloody right and he knows it.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “Don’t be,” he says, adding, “Can we go inside now, I have another shit storm to fix.”

  “Sure.”

  He takes a hold of my hand and helps me out of the car. Walking back into the house, my heart beats irrationally. I can hear the others, and while they don’t sound like they’re arguing anymore, I still have to face them after running off.

  Damon squeezes my hand as we enter the kitchen and all eyes fall on us.