Skin Deep

  Nate stared at the closed door.

  Maybe she’s not answering because she doesn’t want to see you.

  The thought put a fist-sized hole through his chest.

  He found it hard to believe she would let him stand here on her front steps after last night. He could understand her being hurt and upset by what she’d heard Chuck say. He could even understand her packing up and leaving. She probably thought she was doing them a favor, getting out of the house to spare them shame or some damned thing.

  But to ignore him? No, he couldn’t understand that.

  Megan, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to us.

  It shouldn’t matter to her what Chuck or anyone else thought. What mattered was what she and Nate felt.

  Seconds ticked by.

  Then it occurred to him that she might have come here and then left to stay at her brother’s house. That would explain the lack of a surveillance unit on the street—and why the house was dark.

  He turned to go, hesitating on her front steps. Something about the situation didn’t feel right, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. He glanced around, his senses trained on the darkness.

  Nothing.

  He walked back toward his truck, climbed in, and headed down the street, wondering how her brother would feel about him dropping by.

  # # #

  “You hear that? Whoever it was, they just drove away.” Donny chuckled, bent down until he was looking into Megan’s eyes, his grin exposing missing and blackened teeth, the foul reek of his mouth overpowering. “With the lights out upstairs, nobody knows you’re here.”

  What little hope Megan had evaporated, fear churning in her stomach. When she’d heard the doorbell, she’d thought for certain it must be Nate or Marc coming to check on her. She’d felt sure that if they saw the lights out they would know something was wrong. It hadn’t occurred to her that they would think she wasn’t home.

  Donny walked back to the couch, sat, and picked up his pipe, dropping a blue-white rock of meth into the bowl and reaching for his lighter.

  “No! Please don’t smoke any more of that in front us.” She’d watched him binge on meth for the past hour, his actions toward her growing more and more aggressive. “I don’t want Emily breathing the fumes.”

  He turned to look at her, his gaze dropping briefly to Emily, who sat silently in Megan’s lap, clutching her toy pony. “It won’t hurt her. Besides, I’ve got to have it.”

  Megan had never done meth, but she remembered feeling that way, her veins hollow and screaming, her head pounding, her body aching for that next fix of heroin. Helpless to stop him, she turned Emily away from the smoke, a faint chemical smell like burning plastic in the air. “Why don’t you play over here, sweet pea? Mommy doesn’t want you breathing that—”

  Donny groaned. “Fuck! Fuck, yes! Aaah, yeah!”

  Megan covered Emily’s ears, looked over, saw a euphoric expression on Donny’s face and felt chills slide down her spine as his gaze shifted—and locked with hers.

  He grinned. “Either you need to let me turn this TV back on, or you need to get over here and give my dick what it really wants.”

  “No! There is a four-year-old child here.” Four years old. That’s the age Megan had been the night her life fell apart. “You’re just going to have to go upstairs if you want to do that with yourself. There’s another TV in the living room.”

  Wired from the drug, Donny fidgeted, his gaze still on her. “Do you remember how I used to take care of you, Megan? I took you in. I fed you. I got you whatever you needed—clothes, drugs, makeup. Do you remember that? Now you think you’re too good for me, don’t you? You’re not. You might have a house and a car and a brother who’s a cop, but you’re still the same little smack whore.”

  Megan felt heat rush to her face, rage chasing her fear way. “You used me. You gave me drugs, and you used—”

  In the blink of an eye, he was on his feet and moving toward her.

  Megan put Emily behind her. “Hide, Emily.”

  Donny fisted his hands in Megan’s hair, jerked her to her feet, pointed the gun in her face. “After all I did for you, you owe me.”

  Not this. Not rape again!

  “But my baby girl—”

  “Tell her to close her eyes if you don’t want her to watch.” Donny dragged Megan to the couch, pressed the gun to her face and pushed her back onto the sofa, one hand dropping to the zipper of her jeans.

  Emily started to cry. “Mommy! Mommy!”

  “Mommy’s okay, sweet—”

  “Tell her to shut the fuck up!” Donny turned, pointed the gun at Emily, who cried harder. His hands were shaking, his finger on the trigger. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

  Oh, God Emily!

  “No!” Megan grabbed him, tried to turn the gun away from her daughter. “Please, no! Don’t—”

  BAM! BAM!

  Megan’s heart seemed to stop, fractured images filtering to her mind through a haze of adrenaline.

  Donny jerking out of her grasp, pitching headfirst over the back of the couch.

  His gun falling.

  Blood spattering her shirt, the couch, the wall.

  And then Nate was there.

  He touched a reassuring hand to Megan’s shoulder, then hurried over to Emily, scooped her into his arms, and carried her back to Megan. “Everything’s going to be okay, sweetie. It’s over. Here’s your mommy.”

  Megan reached up, took Emily from Nate’s arms, held her tightly, her body shaking with relief. “Oh, Emily! Oh, my sweet girl! It’s okay, sweet pea. It’s okay.”

  Nate’s strong arm went around Megan’s shoulder. He drew her to her feet. “Can you walk? Can you carry her?”

  Megan nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Let’s get the two of you out of here.”

  # # #

  “How’d you know something was wrong?” Darcangelo asked.

  Nate walked across the hospital parking lot with Hunter and Darcangelo, the two of them having helped him retrieve his pickup truck from Megan’s house. He’d already spent at least two hours being debriefed by homicide detectives—who had confiscated the SIG for forensic purposes, leaving him down yet another firearm—and now he wanted to see Megan and Emily with his own eyes, make sure they were okay.

  “All the lights were out—not just the lights inside the house, but also the outdoor security lights. I knew Megan wouldn’t turn them off.” He’d been halfway down the block, looking at her house in his rearview mirror when it had hit him. “I stopped, went back, found tracks in the snow leading up to the entrance for the crawl space and signs of forced entry. So I called you—and went in.”

  Hunter clapped him on the back. “I told you to wait, but I’m damned glad you didn’t.”

  So was Nate.

  He’d seen a lot of twisted shit in his life, but nothing that had shaken him as much as seeing Donny point that S&W .38 special at Megan’s face—and then turn it on Emily. He’d hoped to get them out of there without bloodshed, but in that moment, he’d known he had no choice but to fire, five pounds of pressure and a 9 mm hollow-point round ending Donny’s wasted, meaningless life.

  Hunter stopped outside the ER entrance. “Did you disobey orders like that in the Marines?”

  Nate chuckled. “No, but Hunter?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Just to be clear, you don’t give me orders.” Nate reached for the door handle.

  Darcangelo chuckled. “I think you’ve been handed your ass, Hunter.”

  “Shut up, Dickangelo.”

  Nate ignored the bickering newlyweds and walked quickly through the ER, the bright fluorescent lights a sharp contrast to the darkness outside. With the help of Hunter’s wife, Sophie, a pretty strawberry-blonde, he convinced the nurse he was Megan’s partner, and was led to an exam room where Megan was resting and awaiting discharge, Emily asleep in her arms.

  “Hey.” Megan was wearing hospital scrubs, her clothing either taken as evidence or
confiscated due to exposure to hazardous chemicals from the meth. There was an adhesive bandage in the bend of her arm where they’d apparently drawn blood. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying, but she smiled when she saw him, reaching for him with her free hand. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  That was nice to hear.

  He took her hand, kissed it. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine … now.” She looked down at her daughter, stroked Emily’s hair. “And Emily is going to be okay, too. They don’t think we were there long enough for the chemicals to have done any lasting damage.”

  “I’m relieved to hear that.”

  Megan looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes. “Thank you. If you hadn’t showed up when you did, Donny would have…”

  “I know.” Nate moved to her side, drew her head against his chest, kissed her hair, the feel of her precious in his arms. “I know.”

  He held her while she wept, wishing he could erase all memory of the past five hours for her and for Emily. But he couldn’t.

  Megan sniffed, but she didn’t try to pull away. “When your gun fired, I … I thought it was Donny’s. I thought … I thought he’d shot Emily.”

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t have a chance to warn you.”

  She tilted her head back, looked up at him. “No, please don’t apologize. You saved her life. You saved mine. I … I just didn’t know you were there.”

  “I came in the same way he did—through your crawl space. It empties out behind your furnace. Did you know that?”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now. I won’t be going back there again.”

  She had a long road ahead of her there, as state law mandated the cleanup of meth labs to such a degree that sometimes the only real option was to demolish the home and rebuild. But whatever she had to do, Nate wouldn’t let her face it alone.

  “I’m sorry, Nate.” She drew away, looked up at him, took his hand. “I’m sorry I left the ranch the way I did. I … I heard Chuck telling your father the things he’d read about me in the newspaper, and your father looked so angry. I couldn’t stand to think my being there was leaving you open to gossip, so I…”

  “Ran.”

  Her gaze fell. “So I ran.”

  “My father was angry—at Chuck.” Nate sat in the chair beside the bed, bringing his face to her level. “He took Chuck to his office to tell him to mind his own damned business. But I think that was just an excuse, Megan. I think you’d been looking to run anyway. I could feel it—you drawing away from me minute by minute all day. Why, Megan?”

  Tears welled up in her eyes again, spilled down her cheeks. “Did you ever have anything you wanted so much that when you got it, it didn’t feel real?”

  “Yeah.” Nate had felt that way when she had kissed his scars.

  “I care about you so much, Nate. But my past—it follows me everywhere. After last night, I … I just couldn’t wait around for the moment when you realized you don’t want … someone like me … in your life.”

  “Oh, Megan.” Nate cupped her cheek in his palm. “You saw beneath my skin and accepted the man I am, scars and all. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I can accept your scars, too?”

  She stared at him as if in amazement, then laughed through her tears. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

  “Hell, yeah, I do.” He leaned in, kissed her. “I’m not asking for forever right now, but I am asking for tomorrow. Promise me you’ll try. Promise me you won’t give on up on whatever this is between us—not till we’ve given it everything we have. I won’t let you down.”

  “Oh, Nate!” She looked straight into his eyes. “I promise.”

  # # #

  Megan carried a drowsy Emily out to the parking lot, Nate on one side of her, Sophie and Marc on the other. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with her baby girl and sleep—for a week, if possible. Her boss had given her the next few days off, insisting she take time to recover. Since Thanksgiving was Thursday, that gave Megan a full week to recuperate—and figure out where she was going to be living for the next few months until she could decontaminate and sell her house.

  Julian was waiting outside for them. “How are you doing?”

  “Uncle Julie?” Emily stirred sleepily.

  “Hey, sweetie, I’m here. You look like a little girl who’s ready for bedtime.” Julian turned to Marc. “Your SUV’s warming up over there.”

  Megan was about to say goodnight to Nate when a pickup hauling a horse trailer pulled into the parking lot beside them, the letters C and R painted on its side.

  Nate stared. “What in the hell does the old man think he’s doing?”

  Jack climbed out and walked toward them, wearing a sheepskin barn jacket, a gray cowboy hat on his head.

  Emily perked up in Megan’s arms and reached for him. “Jack!”

  “Good evening there, Miss Emily.” He hugged her, then met Megan’s gaze. “I was sorry to hear about what happened. I’m glad you’re alright.”

  “Thank you.”

  Megan introduced Jack to everyone and everyone to Jack.

  “I feel like I’m meeting a celebrity,” Jack said when he shook Marc’s hand. “I had that wanted poster up on the barn wall for months.”

  Marc grinned. “Want me to autograph it for you?”

  But Jack’s attention was on Emily again. He motioned for them to follow him. “I brought someone to see you, Miss Emily.”

  Megan looked to Nate.

  Nate shrugged. “He’s supposed to be driving Baby Doe to the equine hospital at Colorado State University. I guess he thought he’d stop on the way and—”

  “I sent Chuck in with Baby Doe.” Jack opened up the back door, disappeared inside for a moment.

  A horse’s hindquarters appeared at the door, the horse backing slowly down a ramp.

  “Buckwheat!” Emily squealed. “You bringed my horsie!”

  “Well, of course I brought your horsie!” Jack frowned, tying the reins to a hitch on the trailer’s side. “When a little girl has a bad night like you had tonight, sometimes she just needs her horsie.”

  Megan was afraid she was going to cry again. She handed Emily to Jack, who carried her over to the gelding.

  Buckwheat tossed his head and snorted a greeting.

  Emily leaned forward, hugged the horse’s neck. “Oh, Buckwheat, I’m so happy to see you. There was bad, bad man, and he was going to hurt Mommy, but Nate shot him, and he’s gone now. I was so scared.”

  Buckwheat whickered, seeming to listen, tolerating Emily’s affection with good spirits.

  And then everyone crowded around, petting the horse’s muzzle, patting his neck.

  Megan’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, Jack.”

  “You’re welcome.” His gaze was fixed on Emily, a suspicious sheen in his eyes. “And by the way, if I have a problem with you, you’ll know it because I’ll tell you. So don’t you ever run out on me again, young lady. And know this—you’ve got a home at the ranch as long as you need one. Anyone who has a problem with that can get the hell off my payroll and off my land.”

  “Yes, sir.” Megan felt Nate’s arm go around her shoulder. She looked up at him. “Would you mind if Emily and I came home with you tonight?”

  He kissed her forehead. “If you’re sure it’s what you want to do. I don’t want to rush you. I want you to feel—”

  She pressed a finger to his lips. “I’m sure.”

  In short order, Buckwheat was loaded back into the trailer and the doors secured.

  Sophie appeared carrying one of her kids’ car seats. “You can borrow it for as long as you need it. We have an extra.”

  “Thanks, Sophie.” Megan gave her sister-in-law—and closest friend—a hug.

  “Are you certain you want to do this?” Marc asked, his gaze following Nate, who was loading the car seat into the backseat of his truck.

  “Yes, I am. I really care about him, Marc, and he cares abou
t me.”

  “Alright then.” Marc nodded. “Call if you need me.”

  “I will.” Megan watched her brother walk away, Julian and Sophie beside him.

  And as she stood there in the dark, something Nate had said last night came back to her.

  It’s not so much that the world won’t forgive you, Megan, honey. It seems to me that you won’t forgive yourself.

  And she realized he was right. She’d never really forgiven herself—for what she’d done to her brother, for what she’d done to herself, for what she’d done to Emily.

  But, how, exactly, did one forgive one’s self?

  Maybe she didn’t have to figure that out tonight. Maybe it was enough just to know it was something she needed to do. Maybe it was enough for now just to be conscious of it.

  And then Nate was there, beside her. “Are you ready?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”

  He walked her to his truck, opened the door for her, and steadied her as she climbed into the warmth of the cab. Emily was already sound asleep in the backseat, a blanket tucked around her. Then they set out, Jack following behind them with the horse trailer.

  And as the lights of Denver disappeared in the rearview mirror, the mountains gleaming white in the moonlight ahead, Megan knew the weight of the past was still with her. But with Nate beside her, it no longer felt so heavy.

  EPILOGUE

  Seven months later

  Alone for the first time all morning, Megan stared into the floor-length mirror.

  A bride stared back at her.

  If you had asked her last fall whether she’d be getting married in June, she would have laughed and shaken her head, knowing with one-hundred percent certainty that she would not. And yet here she was, about to marry a man she loved more than life, a man who cherished her, a man who had become a doting father to her precious daughter.

  The bride in the mirror smiled.

  The Vatana Watters gown had transformed her, lengths of ivory washed silk organza and silk taffeta making her feel like a princess, the intricately embroidered bodice fitting perfectly, the pink silk sash at her waist the perfect touch to make the gown a little less formal for an outdoor wedding. She wore nothing on her head, nothing on her wrists or throat, the princess cut Canadian diamond studs Nate had given her for Christmas and her two-karat princess cut engagement ring her only adornment. Her hair had been styled into waves, the sides drawn back into a silver barrette, the length of it left to spill over her shoulders. Her makeup was minimal. She looked … classy, beautiful, happy.