Love in the Light

  “God, I could kiss you like that all day,” she whispered.

  His grin was full of smug masculine satisfaction. “Could you now?” With a wink, he turned and opened the door.

  Down the hall, they ran into Ian. “Were you seriously in the bathroom together?” he asked.

  Makenna glared, not appreciating his standoffishness toward Caden downstairs. “Did you seriously bring my ex-boyfriend to Thanksgiving?”

  “He’s my best friend,” Ian said, stepping past them. True, but it had been a lot of years since Cameron had celebrated a holiday with them. When they were all younger, it hadn’t been unusual for Cameron to be at their house for meals and sleepovers, including the holidays. But he hadn’t last been there since before she and Cam broke up.

  When her brother closed himself in the bathroom, she turned to Caden. “Sorry about him. Not sure what his problem is.”

  On one level, she wasn’t surprised that Ian was the one to cause trouble where Caden was concerned. Because Patrick was so much older, she’d always idolized him and he’d always been an awesome big brother to her—they always got along great. And because Collin was younger and generally the easiest-going person you’d ever meet, she usually didn’t end up having issues with him. But her and Ian—the two middle kids—butted heads over just about everything and anything, and always had.

  “Loyalty, I’m guessing.” He kissed the top of her head. “Stop worrying.”

  “Okay,” she said. They went into the kitchen to find her father pulling the turkey out of the oven. “How can we help?”

  “Collin and Shima started on the table. See if they want help and, if not, you can start plating everything. We’ll be ready to eat in about twenty minutes. Just need to make some gravy.”

  “Okay,” Makenna said, leading Caden into the dining room that hosted every meal whenever the whole family got together. Collin and Shima were setting out plates and silverware around the big formal table.

  “Wait. You forgot Mom’s runner,” Makenna said.

  “Oh, shit,” Collin said. “Sorry.”

  “It’s no problem,” Makenna said, going to the glass-fronted hutch that sat on the far wall. She found the decorative cloth in the bottom cabinet. “When my mom died, my dad was really good about sharing all the traditions that had been important to her. My grandmother made this and gave it to Mom as a present, and Mom apparently used it every Thanksgiving.” She unfolded the long rectangle with embroidered leaves and pumpkins and acorns. “We still like to use it.”

  Caden helped her spread it out down the length of the table between the place settings Collin had already set out.

  “It’s beautiful,” Shima said. “It’s really special that you still honor her this way.”

  “Yeah,” Makenna said. “Collin and I were too young to really remember much of her, so it’s nice to have things like this.” She shrugged. “I’ve always felt like, if I can’t have her, I have to hang on to whatever parts of her I can have. I don’t know.”

  Caden’s arm fell around her shoulders and he hugged her against him. “Shima’s right. It’s a special thing to do.” The sweetness of his words unleashed warmth in her chest. God, she loved this man.

  They made quick work of setting the rest of the table and then Makenna and Caden returned to the kitchen to help with the rest of the food. One by one, Makenna filled serving dishes and platters and Caden took them out to the table for her.

  She and Caden had made a million meals together over the past few months, but there was something really special about the two of them working on a meal in the house where she grew up. It made Caden feel like part of the family, because to her he already was. Finally, the turkey was carved and the gravy was ready, and it was time to eat. Her father called everyone to the table.

  Her father and Patrick sat at the ends, and Collin, Shima, and Ian sat on the far side. Cam went for the middle seat on the close side, which would put him between her and Caden. Not happening.

  “Hey, Cam? Would you mind moving down one so Caden and I can sit together?” she asked, perturbed that he’d made her ask. She wasn’t sure what he was up to with this visit, but she wasn’t playing, whatever it was.

  “Sure,” he said, sliding over.

  “Here you go,” Caden said, pulling out the end chair for her so he’d end up between them.

  She hid her grin as she sat next to her father and Caden took the middle seat. Score one for Caden.

  Her father held out his hands, and they all followed suit. Out of nowhere, sitting at Thanksgiving dinner holding the hands of the two most important men in her life made her throat tight with gratitude and joy. Dad bowed his head. “Thank you, God, for fulfilling all our needs and blessing us with this food. Thank you for each person who shares this meal with us today. May our lives never be so rushed and busy that we don’t remember to stop and be grateful, to see all the things we have in this life. Our family, our friends, our homes, our health, our jobs. And may those who are less fortunate get everything they need this Thanksgiving, and may we always do our part to make their lives better. Amen.”

  “Amen,” they all echoed.

  Makenna smiled at Caden and gave his hand an extra squeeze before she let it go. The incredible serendipity of getting stuck in that elevator with him was the thing she was most grateful for right now, because she couldn’t imagine her life without him. His quiet generosity, his selflessness, his protectiveness, his sarcasm, the adoring way he looked at her, the way their bodies fit together—there were so many things to love about him.

  Soon their plates were piled high and everyone was digging in. Makenna was well into her second cup of sangria and the warmth of it was spreading through her.

  “Everything’s great, Mike,” Caden said. A chorus of agreements rose up all around the table.

  “Shima,” Makenna said. “Where are you from?”

  “I grew up in New York,” she said, “though my mother is from Japan. She met an American sailor and fell in love and here I am.”

  Makenna smiled. She really liked this woman and was super excited for Collin. “That’s so romantic. There really is something about a man in a uniform.”

  “Why, thank you,” Patrick said.

  Rolling her eyes, Makenna laughed. “I didn’t exactly have you in mind.” She winked at Caden, who gave her a crooked grin. Even though his wasn’t as fancy as some, he looked damn sexy in his uniform—especially knowing he’d be helping people and saving lives while wearing it.

  Patrick pointed his fork at Caden. “They just relaxed the tattoo policy in our department last year,” he said. “Used to be you couldn’t have any showing. Now you can have one showing on each arm. They give you any problems with that?”

  Caden shook his head. “Arlington doesn’t have any policy regarding tattoos. But most of mine are covered anyway.”

  “Your dragon’s beautiful,” Shima said. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”

  Makenna’s belly did a little flip, and then she decided to share the news, because she’d have to at some point anyway. “I’m going to get one.”

  Things suddenly got quiet at the table.

  “Really? What are you going to get?” Shima asked, not yet cluing into the fact that all the James men were looking at Makenna like she had three heads—and looking at Caden like he’d introduced her to drinking the blood of bats. No one in her family had any tattoos.

  Makenna glanced at her father, whose expression was largely neutral, though probably carefully so. “A Celtic family tree with all our initials. I wanted a design that meant something to me. And nothing is more important to me than the people at this table.” Her father’s gaze softened. Annnd she won him over.

  “Just give it a lot of thought,” her dad said. “But your idea sounds great.”

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Why do you want a tattoo?” Ian asked, an edge to his tone that said he thought he knew.

  “Because I like them.”

&n
bsp; “Since when?” he asked.

  She nailed him with a stare and debated throwing her corn bread at him. Except that would be a terrible waste of corn bread. They might be twenty-seven and twenty-five respectively, but they still had the ability to bring out the twelve-year-old in each other. “Since a long time. I just wasn’t sure what I would want before.”

  “A lot of guys on the force have them,” Patrick said. She could’ve hugged him for the show of support. “They’re pretty mainstream these days.”

  “My father has quite a few,” Shima said. “A lot of military stuff, as you might imagine. Initials of friends who died. Some of them are very moving, to see what he found important enough to memorialize on his body.”

  Makenna nodded. Caden’s tattoos were the same way. He had a yellow rose on his chest for his mother, Sean’s name and Chinese characters that meant “never forget” on his shoulders, and the dragon on his hand and arm which was his reminder to fight his fear so he could live when Sean couldn’t, among others. The accident had truly marked him inside and out.

  “I need more sangria. Can I get anyone something while I’m up?” Makenna asked.

  “I’d love to try some,” Shima said. Collin and her dad asked for some, too.

  “I’ll help you,” Dad said, getting up.

  She grabbed her glass and rose, and she gave Caden’s shoulder a small squeeze before she stepped away. What she really wanted to do was kiss him, but she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by doing it in front of everybody.

  In the kitchen, her dad grasped her arm. “Are you doing okay with Cameron being here? I didn’t know Ian invited him until they showed up,” he said in almost a whisper.

  “It’s fine,” she said. “Ancient history, anyway.” And it really was. She hadn’t thought about Cameron in ages.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before you went downstairs. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable in front of Caden.” He shook his head.

  Makenna pressed onto tiptoes to kiss her father on the cheek. “Don’t worry about it, Dad. Really.”

  They poured everyone’s drinks and carried the out to the table.

  “Need anything?” she asked, leaning closer to Caden.

  He shook his head. “I have everything I need.” The look he gave her said his words weren’t about the food.

  Conversation flowed around the table. About her Aunt Maggie, who’d been a mother figure to Makenna when she was a kid—she wasn’t there this year because she’d gone on a cruise with a group of girlfriends. About Dad’s painting, something he’d been doing for as long as Makenna could remember. About Cam’s fellowship and where he hoped to land when it was done next year. About Collin and Shima’s masters theses. And so much more. The conversation was lively and easy, and Makenna appreciated how much Caden joined in with this big group of people he didn’t know. She knew that wasn’t easy for him.

  “Okay, everybody,” her dad said. “Go unbutton your pants and rest your stomachs for a bit and I’ll get this cleaned up and pull our dessert.” Everyone laughed.

  “We’ll help, Dad. You did all the cooking,” Makenna said.

  “I won’t protest that,” he said with a grin.

  Everyone pitched in on clearing the table. Patrick and Dad focused on boxing up all the leftovers, and Collin and Shima reset the table for dessert. Ian took out the overflowing kitchen trash.

  “I’ll rinse, you load?” Caden asked, stepping up to the sink. Makenna nodded with a smile. This was their routine at home, and she kinda adored that he didn’t give a second thought to doing it here. “What?” he asked as he handed off a dirty.

  She just smiled. “Nothing at all, Good Sam.”

  He rolled his eyes, but the look on his face was all contentment. Not something she saw all that often, and she totally adored it. “Hey look.” He nodded toward the window.

  “Oh, it’s snowing,” Makenna said. Just enough had come down to dust the tree branches and grass. It wasn’t sticking to the roads yet, but even if it did, they were staying until Saturday. Snow was especially nice when you didn’t have to drive in it. “How much are we supposed to get, Dad?”

  “Just a couple inches. Enough to make it pretty.” He gave her a wink.

  “This was the nicest Thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time,” Caden said, drying his hands once they’d finished. “Thank you for letting me be a part of it.”

  The sentiment melted Makenna’s heart. She wanted him to enjoy himself so much. He had holiday meals at the fire station or occasionally with friends, but it had been a lot of years since Caden had celebrated a holiday with family. And given how tight her own was, that broke her heart. Everyone needed somewhere to belong, and she really wanted to be that for him. And her family, too.

  Her father gave Caden a big smile. “I’m glad to hear it, Caden. But it’s not over yet.”

  “Everything’s all set,” Collin said. “Sugar comas to commence in three, two, one.”

  “That is if the tryptophan doesn’t set in first,” Cam said.

  “Either way, we’ll all be asleep in an hour,” Patrick said, clapping their dad on the back. They settled back around the dining room table, treated this time to a smorgasbord that included Makenna’s pumpkin roll, a pumpkin pie, an apple pie, and a carrot cake that Shima made.

  “I’m seriously going to need some of each,” Makenna said.

  “Oh, good. I was hoping I wouldn’t be the only one,” Caden said, taking a piece of her pumpkin roll. He passed her the plate.

  The food went around and the conversation resumed, and even Ian seemed done with making little digs at her and Caden. So Makenna finally allowed herself to relax about the visit. Caden was doing great, just like she knew he would, and her family had taken him into the fold. Just like she told him. There’d been absolutely nothing to worry about.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Standing in her childhood bedroom, Makenna shrugged into her favorite oversized sweatshirt, chilly after hours of watching movies with everyone in the basement. If Cameron hadn’t been there, she would’ve just changed into pajamas given the late hour, but somehow it felt too familiar to do that given their history.

  Why was he there? And what was he up to? All day, she’d felt him looking at her, watching her, trying to catch her eye. And all day, she’d pretty much ignored him and stuck by Caden’s side, hoping to avoid giving Cam an in. Over the past few years, he’d texted or emailed her occasionally, and she heard stories about what he was up to from Ian when the family got together, but generally, they didn’t have much contact anymore. Which was fine by her.

  She tugged her boots off and ran a brush through her hair, then stepped out into the hall. When she rounded the bannister to go downstairs, her stomach dropped.

  “Hey,” Cam said, almost at the top of the steps.

  “Hey,” she said, waiting to go around him.

  “Can we please talk for a minute?”

  Alarm bells went off in her head. The final conversations they’d had several years ago hadn’t been pleasant. Whatever this was, she wasn’t looking forward to it. “I don’t know.”

  “Come on, Makenna. Please?” He gave her the look, the one that once had melted her on sight.

  She studied him for a moment—he had all-American good looks with blond hair, blue eyes, and a square jaw that was to die for, and wore a light gray V-neck cashmere sweater over a blue button down that made his eyes even brighter. Once, she’d thought there was no hotter man. And she’d been as attracted to his brain and his ambition as she was his looks. Not to mention his long association with her family, because she’d known Cam since her age ran in the single digits.

  With a sigh, she nodded. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

  He gestured toward her room. “Can we, maybe, talk somewhere more private?”

  “I’d rather do it here,” she said, crossing her arms. She was feeling a bit ambushed, which in turn made her irritated with both Cameron and Ian for setting
it up. Because whatever it was he wanted to talk about was why he was here today. She knew that in her gut.

  “Okay, then,” Cameron said. “Well…the thing is…” He chuffed out a laugh. “I had this all planned, but now that you’re standing in front of me, my tongue’s all tied like I’m a teenager.”

  The self-deprecation was charming, as was the sheepish look on his face, but the sentiment set off more alarm bells.

  He gave her a smile. “I miss you. That’s the first thing I wanted to say. I miss you and I now know I made a huge mistake when I didn’t take the fellowship in DC.” Makenna’s stomach flipped and the floor wobbled beneath her feet. “Actually, I knew it was a mistake almost immediately, but I was too immature and proud to admit it, and too scared to ask you to take me back.”

  No. Nonono. “Cam—”

  “Please let me finish,” he said with a tilt of his head. “I know I might not deserve it, but please?”

  Heart racing fast, Makenna nodded. Even though she felt a little like she might throw up that second piece of apple pie she’d sneaked an hour ago. She didn’t still have feelings for him, but that didn’t make hearing this from someone she’d once loved any easier.

  “I’ve done a lot of growing up and a lot of thinking about what I want in life. A prestigious match is still important to me, but not as important as having someone I care about to share my life with. I could’ve had that with you. I should’ve had that with you. And I still want it. With you,” he said, his eyes blazing.

  “Cameron, I’m with someone else now,” she said, her insides all a-jumble at the surprise of this conversation. Never in a million years would she have expected this from him.

  “I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry for that. It’s why I had to say something now, before you got serious with him. But you’ve only been dating for two months. We have a history that goes back twenty years. We were together for three of those. And we’d be married right now if I hadn’t been a stubborn, selfish prick.”

  “I am serious with him,” she said, the walls spinning around her. Once upon a time, she would’ve given everything to hear these words from him. But it was too late. She’d moved on. From Cameron and with someone else. With Caden. “We’ve been apart for three years, too. A lot has changed.”