Love in the Light

“Shit, was I loud?” he asked, his head resting against hers, his heart still racing in his chest.

  “No,” she said, a smile plain in her voice. “Maybe we should sleep right here. That way if we get horny again, we can just pick up where we left off.”

  Caden chuckled. “You’ve got big plans for tonight, huh?”

  She grinned over her shoulder. “Where you’re concerned? Absolutely.”

  The words were just light-hearted joking, but he couldn’t help but wonder if she meant them more broadly. If her conversation with Cameron was still pinging around inside his head, which it was, then surely it was doing the same to hers. Part of him thought he should tell her he’d overheard it, but part of her wanted her to choose to tell him it had happened. He eased off of her, removed the condom, and wrapped it in a tissue from a box on her nightstand. Then he gave her a hand off the floor and pulled her into his arms.

  “Happy Thanksgiving, Caden. I’m so glad I got to spend the day with you. Of everything I have in my life, I hope you know that I’m most grateful for you this year.”

  He let the words settle like a balm into some of the raw places inside him, and they helped. But in his darkest places, he couldn’t stop wondering if what her ex-fiancé had said to her could change that.

  * * *

  Caden felt better in the light of the morning. After the incredible lovemaking on Makenna’s floor, they’d slept wrapped around one another all night, skin to skin, and both left him feeling claimed, owned, connected. She’d seduced him last night. She’d slept with him last night. She’d woke up in his arms this morning. That’s what mattered. Not what Cameron wanted.

  Why did the part of his brain that controlled Caden’s fears and anxiety have to be so powerful?

  No matter.

  He could be stronger. For her.

  Caden dried off from his shower and tugged on fresh clothes, glad to be back in jeans again. It made him feel more himself. He tugged the soft black Henley over his head, gave himself a onceover in the bathroom mirror, and opened the door to join Makenna downstairs.

  Except the sound of his own name in a male’s voice had him freezing in place and pushing the door most of the way closed again.

  “She said she was serious about Caden, but that she’d think about it.” Cameron. “I said my piece. There’s nothing else I can do.”

  “Caden.” Ian that time. He said the name with so much disdain that he might as well have said Fucking Caden. Their voices came from Ian’s room right across the hall from the bathroom. Caden opened his door a little wider so he could hear them. Because if they were going to fucking talk about him, he was going to fucking listen. “If you want her, you need to fight for her. You think he’s good enough for her? Because I don’t. And I can’t believe that my brothers do either. Tattoos and piercings all over his face? Did you see how the conversation flat-out halted when she said she was going to get a tattoo? That’s all him. Great fucking influence. She deserves better.”

  Ian’s hostility was a sucker punch to the gut, his words slicing deep at those darkest places. Caden’s pulse pounded in his ears.

  “I agree. It kills me to see her with him. For all those reasons and more. But I laid it all out for her. I didn’t hold anything back. If I push her, she might shut me down all the way,” Cameron said. “I gotta give her space on this. If it’s gonna happen, it has to be her decision this time. She has to come to me.”

  “I hear you,” Ian said, frustration plain in his voice. “You two were just so good together. I know things got messed up, but Makenna was so happy with you. I want that again for her. And for you. You’re family. You’ve been family for twenty years. You deserve this and so does she. I’m glad you had the chance to talk to her, at least.”

  “Yeah,” Cameron said. “Listen, I’m going to cut out before breakfast. I don’t want things to be awkward with Makenna, and clearly Caden and I both being here is creating stress for her.” There were some shuffling sounds, and then the door across the hallway clicked shut.

  “You should be the one staying,” Ian said.

  Caden nearly held his breath. He pushed the door closed as much as he could without making it click and listened as footsteps and voices crossed to the stairs and disappeared altogether. When they were gone, he secured the door and fell back against it, his head aching, his chest hollow. He scrubbed his hand over the scar running in a crescent over his ear.

  Hell if Ian’s reaction wasn’t exactly what Caden feared from her family. And was Ian right? Did Patrick and Collin feel the same way? Was Mike horrified at the guy his only daughter had brought home? Caden hadn’t gotten anything but positive vibes from the other three James men, but maybe his radar was as fucked as his head.

  Or maybe Ian was just an asshole. Caden got it, he did. Cameron was his life-long best friend and Ian wanted to him to be happy. Fine. Whatever. That was one thing. But to dislike him because he thought Caden unworthy? That was another.

  That was his true fear.

  Jesus.

  Just when he’d managed to get his head screwed on right about Makenna’s conversation with Cameron.

  Knock, knock.

  Caden bowed off the door. “Yeah?” he said, pulling it open.

  “Hey, there you are.” Makenna’s gaze scanned over his face, and her smile dropped into a frown. “Are you okay?”

  “Uh, yeah. Yeah. Just finished getting ready.” He flicked off the bathroom light.

  “Dad’s still making breakfast, so I thought maybe we could talk for a minute?” she said.

  His gut clenched as dread snaked through him. “Sure. What’s up?”

  She took his hand, led him back to her room, and closed the door. Caden moved to the center of the room and crossed his arms, braced for the blow. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.

  “What is it you want to talk about, Makenna?” The words came out more clipped than he’d intended, but he was hanging on by a thread right now. Very thin and fraying in the middle.

  “Come sit,” she said.

  “That’s okay.” He forced a deep breath and stayed planted right where he was.

  She frowned, her gaze studying his face like she was trying to solve a puzzle. “We fell asleep so fast last night that we never had a chance to finish the conversation from the bathroom.” Makenna gave him a little smile, clearly trying to coax some reaction from him. “So.” She sagged onto the edge of the bed. “The short story is that three years ago, Cameron and I were engaged for about five minutes. It ended when he gave me an ultimatum. I’d landed the job I wanted in DC and he had fellowship offers from hospitals here and in DC. It all could’ve worked.”

  Hearing her talk about the life she might’ve been leading right now—a life with another man—settled a weight onto Caden’s shoulders. And the reason why was clear—he was all in. All in love with Makenna. Whether he wanted to admit it or not. Whether he wanted to face it or not. Whether he believed that meant certain doom for her or him or both of them, or not.

  For fourteen years he’d been alone, purposely keeping others out, purposely living life as a loner, purposely avoiding relationships except with a select few friends. He’d hooked up with women over the years, but he’d purposely distanced himself from the ones who seemed to want more with him. Building a wall around himself had been a survival mechanism after his family had been destroyed, and then it had become a habit, one he’d never even tried to unlearn until Makenna.

  “But Cam decided that the fellowship at Penn was more prestigious,” she said, staring up at Caden. “And he said if I really loved him, I’d stay in Philly and find another job. Because he wouldn’t do a long-distance relationship, so if I wouldn’t stay in Philly, the whole relationship was off.” She waved a hand. “We had a big fight. But it made me realize he wasn’t the right man for me, because the right man would never ask me to give up my dream for his, especially when he had another great and still very prestigious option that would allow both of us to have what
we wanted. So I took the job and moved to DC and we just sorta ended.”

  “Okay,” Caden said.

  “So that’s the backstory.” She heaved a deep breath.

  He frowned. “The backstory to what?”

  “To a conversation I had with Cameron last night that I want you to know about.”

  Caden swallowed. Hard. As much as he’d wanted her to tell him, now he was scared to hear what might come out of her mouth. “Which was?”

  “Cameron asked for a second chance,” she said, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her sweater. “And said he wants to try again and that he still loves me. I wanted you to—”

  “Do you still love him?” he forced himself to ask.

  She flew off the bed and came right up to him, one of her hands settling on his crossed arms, one cupping his face. “No. Not for a long time. I told him that I’m with you, that I’m serious about you, that it’s too late and too much time has passed.” Makenna shook her head, her eyes pleading. “You’re the only one I…that I have feelings for. I care about you so much, Caden. Please tell me that you know that.”

  “Are you…are you sure that you don’t want to consider what he’s offering?” Voicing the question made Caden nauseous, but if he didn’t ask her, he’d just wonder about it. Better to get it all out in the open. His anxiety needed to hear her say the words. “He’s a high-powered specialist. He’ll be able to give you a good life. And he’s known your family forever.”

  Makenna blanched and her whole face frowned. “Oh, my God. I don’t want to consider his offer. I don’t want him. I want you. I have a great life with you right now. Caden.” She forced his arms to part and pressed herself against him, both of her hands cupping his face. “You’re the only man I want. You.”

  For a moment he didn’t say anything because he couldn’t. Relief made his throat go tight and his chest ache with pressure.

  “Do you remember the night we met, before we went to bed? I mentioned how late it had gotten and you thought that was me trying to tell you to go?” Caden nodded. That night had been so amazing with her that he hadn’t been able to avoid wondering when the other shoe would drop. He’d thought it had been that moment. “Do you remember what I said?”

  “You called bullshit on me,” he said, the memory pulling a little of the heaviness off his shoulders.

  Makenna smiled. “I totally did. And I said, just so there’s no more weirdness or uncertainty, I like you.” He nodded, the memory tugging at the corner of his lips. “Well, I’m saying it again right now. Just so there’s no more weirdness or uncertainty, I like you. A lot.” She nailed him with a stare, her blue eyes blazing.

  “Shit. I get caught in my head sometimes, Makenna,” he said, throwing out a lifeline.

  She caught it. “Oh, Caden, I know you do, but it’s okay. I hated to even dump all this on you, but I also didn’t want to keep it from you. That didn’t feel right.”

  Knock, knock.

  “Yeah?” she called, not letting him break the embrace.

  Patrick popped his head in the door. “Dad said breakfast is ready.”

  “Be right there,” Makenna said. Her brother ducked back out. “Are we okay?” she asked.

  Caden blew out a breath, some of the tension bleeding out of his body with it. It was just, on top of Ian’s comments, he’d been so ready for more bad news. Instead, she’d given him her honesty and understanding, and it made him love her even more. No sense in denying that’s what it was anymore.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry,” he said, feeling a little drained. Life was a lot fucking easier without all these emotions coming at him all the time. Makenna had opened him up, and sometimes it made him feel like an exposed nerve that was too sensitive, too vulnerable, too unprotected.

  He was always going to be a lot to take on board, wasn’t he?

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” she said. “I’m sorry you even have to deal with any of this.”

  “No, I’m glad you told me,” he said. And he was.

  Sometimes his brain got stuck on a loop of negativity, spiraling him down and down and down, and having her words saying the things she’d said was the best cure for when that happened. He needed her words, just like he’d needed them that night they’d been trapped in the elevator. Then they’d kept him from succumbing to his claustrophobia. Now they kept him from handing a microphone to his darkest fears so they could convince him those fears were real. Both times, she’d pulled him back from the brink.

  “And for the record, I like you, too. A lot.” His feelings ran deeper than that, obviously, but he was too bare, too raw, to contemplate confronting his fears by saying anything more just then.

  Her smile was radiant. “Best thing I’ve heard all day.” She rested her hands on his chest. “Look, if you want to go back to Virginia, we could leave today. I know Cameron being here made this trip more stressful than it should’ve been.”

  Caden immediately shook his head. “No. No way. I’m enjoying your family.” Well, most of them. “And I know you love being here. I don’t want to go home early.” No way would he do that to her. He knew how important her family was to her.

  “I would go, for you.” Earnest blue eyes stared up at him.

  He knew she would, and it was part of why he loved her. He shook his head. “And I’m staying for you.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Despite the rocky start to the morning, Makenna had a great day with Caden and her family. Breakfast, a late lunch full of yummy leftovers, and an afternoon of board games that had everyone laughing and teasing. With Cameron gone, the whole atmosphere changed from tense to easy, at least that was the way it felt to her. She was itching to confront Ian about inviting him, but she didn’t want to create new tension. It could wait until after the holiday.

  It was late as their group walked out of the movie theater after seeing the last showing of a new action flick, their bellies full of Chinese food and popcorn—everyone had been ready for a change of menu after several meals in a row of turkey and stuffing. The sidewalks were crunchy with rock salt and patches of ice that hadn’t been shoveled away.

  Four inches of snow had fallen yesterday, which wasn’t bad for Pennsylvania. But then freezing rain had fallen over night after the streets had been plowed, so driving had been more hazardous today then it’d been yesterday, but luckily her dad and Caden hadn’t minded bringing them out to the movies.

  “Be safe heading home, kids,” her dad called as he, Ian, Collin, and Shima passed Caden’s Jeep and headed over to Dad’s Ford Explorer.

  “Will do,” Caden said, unlocking the doors. Makenna hopped in the back seat so Patrick could have the front.

  Yawning, Makenna secured her seatbelt and sagged back against the seat as Caden pulled out of the lot. He followed her dad’s car through the commercial area around the mall to where the surroundings became surburban and then almost rural-looking on the way to their house.

  As the lights receded, Makenna’s eyelids grew heavy. And against the backdrop of Caden and Patrick talking, she finally stopped fighting it and let herself drift off.

  A sudden jerk startled Makenna awake. Screeching tires. The Jeep fishtailed hard in one direction and then the other.

  “Fuck,” Patrick bit out.

  The Jeep came to a hard stop, jolting Makenna against her seatbelt and knocking the breath out of her.

  Both men seat turned to her. “Are you okay?” they asked.

  “Yeah. What happened?” Her eyes focused on the scene out the front window. Two cars sat just off the road at an intersection. One was an Explorer. “Oh, my God. Dad.” She ripped at the seat belt buckle.

  “Makenna, call 9-1-1. Patrick and I will check it out,” Caden said. He flew out of the driver’s seat, ran to the trunk and grabbed something, and then ran toward the accident. Patrick was already opening her father’s car door.

  She pressed the phone to her ear as she jumped out of the Jeep. Caden had managed to stop in plenty o
f time, his Jeep just off the road. He’d placed an orange cone at the back corner of his vehicle.

  “Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?” the dispatcher answered.

  “I’m calling to report an accident,” Makenna said, jogging toward the scene, heart racing. She recounted what’d happened and let the dispatcher know that an off-duty police officer and paramedic were on scene.

  “Can you put me on with either of them when they’ve assessed for injuries?” the dispatcher asked.

  “Yes. Let me get them,” Makenna said. She didn’t know how either Patrick or Caden did this kind of thing every day, because just the act of calling 911 had adrenaline flowing through her system until she was shivering. It was more than just the cold, she knew that much for sure. Dread flowing through her, she approached the driver’s side of her father’s truck and could see that the front end was crumpled.

  Patrick leaned into her father’s door while Caden stood in the rear driver’s side doorway, a big medic kit opened next to him. She peered in to see Collin, bleeding from the forehead and grimacing. Oh God.

  “The dispatcher would like to talk to one of you,” she said.

  Patrick held out his hand, and she passed him the phone. He rose and stepped away from the vehicle.

  Makenna leaned in and gently touched her father’s arm. The air bags had deployed inside the car. “Daddy, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah, peanut. The seatbelt just took the wind out of me. I’ll be fine,” he said, his voice like gravel.

  “Hang tight, Collin. I don’t want you to move until we can get your neck immobilized, okay?” Caden asked, snapping off one pair of gloves and putting on another. “Let me check your dad. I’ll be right back.”

  Makenna stepped away to let Caden pass and Ian came around from the passenger side. “Are you okay?” she asked him.

  “Yeah. Shima and I are fine. Collin didn’t have his seat belt on, though,” Ian said, the words not critical, just worried.

  As she watched, Caden listened to her father’s heartbeat and took his pulse, and then he unbuttoned her father’s shirt and examined his chest in the dim overhead light.