Trust Me
Was it a pantomime or a circus? She’d heard other children at school talking of such things. But how would the Sisters decide who could go and those who couldn’t?
As usual they were sent out into the playground, even though the temperature was below freezing with a biting wind. By half past ten some of the smaller girls were crying with the cold, so Dulcie organized a hopping game to warm them up.
Dulcie was now the second oldest in her dormitory. Carol, Helen and Janet had all had their eleventh birthdays during the year and moved up to the Seniors. Their places had been taken by Linda, Frances and Lily, from May’s dormitory, and three new five-year-olds had arrived during September to take their places.
Ruth should have been the new leader as she was ten and a half, six months older than Dulcie, but she was a bit simple and a bed-wetter, so Dulcie had found herself in charge. Although not a leader by either choice or nature, she had a natural dignity and an air of calm that was admired by the other girls. During the summer holidays when the school governors had organized a short holiday in Dymchurch in Kent, the teachers there had noticed this quality and made her a team leader in many of the activities and games. By the time they returned to London all the children had grown used to Dulcie in this role and automatically deferred to her judgement in many areas. Dulcie felt she had to live up to their expectations, so she organized games in the playground, and up in the playroom helped the slower girls with their reading and learning their tables.
As her confidence grew, so teachers at school had begun to take more notice of her too, even to the extent of giving her the coveted part of Angel Gabriel in the Nativity play. She grew tougher too – if she fell over she didn’t cry, if anyone called her names she laughed. She could now pull a face behind Sister Teresa’s back without feeling that somehow the woman could see her. She always spoke after lights out when she felt like it. One day she’d even refused to eat her dinner, just to see what would happen, and to her amazement she didn’t get it cold the following day after all, it seemed to have been forgotten. Daily she pushed the boundaries a little further back, a whisper as they went in for dinner, a quick run round the outside of the playground to collect some conkers, it felt good to be a little daring.
May, however, wasn’t faring so well, and maybe it was this which prompted Mother Superior to blame Susan’s influence. The arrival of the new five-year-olds had put May’s nose out of joint, the Senior girls babied them now, not her, her front teeth had fallen out, giving her a less attractive appearance, and she was becoming known as a tell-tale amongst the other children. While the Sisters found little to punish her for, as May went out of her way to suck up to them, she wasn’t keeping up with the rest of her class at school, and didn’t appear to think it necessary to try.
New Year’s Day dinner was toad-in-the-hole, Dulcie’s favourite, followed by treacle tart which was May’s. Then Sister Teresa announced that there would be no outside play that afternoon, but instead they were to go straight upstairs to the playroom, because someone was coming to speak to them. To Dulcie this was confirmation that the New Year ahead was definitely going to be better than last year.
Even the Senior girls had to join them, the washing up and clearing away left to the Sisters. They were all ordered to sit cross-legged in rows on the floor and warned that they were all to behave, and not to speak unless spoken to.
Sister Grace came in after they’d been waiting only a few minutes, accompanied by two women and a man. All at once the older girls started giggling, for it was extremely rare to see any man at the Sacred Heart.
‘That’s quite enough,’ Sister Grace said, giving them a stern look. ‘Anyone who misbehaves will be sent out to the playground.’
‘Our visitors have come to talk to you today about Australia,’ Sister Grace said, introducing Mr Stigwood, who put a large, thin black case on the table. ‘Now, who can tell me where that is?’
No one put their hand up.
Mr Stigwood opened the case and drew out a map of the world which the two women held up for him. With a pencil he pointed to England. Then he moved the pencil to a much larger country down at the bottom of the map.
‘This is Australia,’ he said. ‘Even if you didn’t know where it was, I’m sure some of you know things Australia is famous for. Would you like to tell me?’
‘Kangaroos,’ one girl called out.
‘Koala bears,’ called another.
‘Aborigines,’ Dulcie said.
‘Well done,’ Mr Stigwood said, but he smiled only at Dulcie as if that was the answer he’d hoped for. ‘The Aborigines are the native people of Australia, as the Red Indians are the natives of America. But there is a great deal more to Australia than just its natives, the kangaroos and Koala bears, and today myself and my two assistants are going to tell you all about it.’
There were a couple of muffled groans from the Seniors as they clearly thought this was going to be a geography lesson.
Dulcie was entranced from the very first picture the ladies held up, which was of a long and beautiful sandy beach. As Mr Stigwood spoke of the warm water, palm trees, sand as soft as talcum powder and the heat of the sun, she was there in her imagination, splashing in the clear blue water.
He went on to show them pictures of sheep farms, only he called them stations. There were more of men cutting down pineapples, sheep-shearing, and chopping something he called sugar cane which towered above the men’s heads. Then there were pictures of strange animals, yachts out at sea, fantastic-looking birds, men playing cricket, beautiful houses, jungles, horses, brilliantly coloured fish, and mountains.
By now all the girls were as immersed in the lovely coloured pictures as Dulcie was, the cold outside forgotten.
‘Who would like to live in Australia?’ Mr Stigwood asked as he put the last picture down.
Every single hand shot up.
‘Well, that’s a blessing,’ he said, and laughed. ‘Because we came here today hoping to find some children who wanted to come out there with us. You see, Australia is a very young country, there aren’t many people there yet and there is so much space to fill.’
He went on then to show pictures of a school. A white-painted long low building with something he called a veranda all along the front of it. A group of girls in striped cotton dresses were sitting on the grass under a tree, they all looked very happy and smiley. Even the nuns who stood behind the group looked jolly. He said the school had its own farm and the girls helped with the animals, and that it was near a beach so they could go swimming.
To Dulcie, it appeared to be a place of freedom, warmth, fun and happiness. She wanted to go there so badly it almost hurt.
‘So who would like to go to a school like this one?’ Mr Stigwood asked.
Again every single hand shot up.
Mr Stigwood went on then to speak about how if they were chosen to go they would travel there on a huge ship and it would take six weeks to get there. He said that it was summer-time now in Australia, and in July it would be winter, but the winters were very mild, not a bit like England. One of the Senior girls asked what work prospects there were for girls at fifteen and Mr Stigwood said that they were better than in England with higher pay and usually shorter hours, and English girls were in very high demand by employers.
Dulcie was beside herself with excitement. When Mr Stigwood appeared to be about to depart with the two women, saying he’d leave them all to think about the wonderful opportunity he was offering them, she shot to her feet.
‘My sister and I definitely want to go,’ she said.
He looked at her and smiled. ‘I’m glad to see such eagerness,’ he said. ‘But the Sisters will talk to you all in a little while about who is eligible to go, and who the life in Australia would be suitable for. What’s your name?’
‘Dulcie Taylor, sir,’ she said.
‘Well, I do hope you get selected, Dulcie,’ he said. ‘Good luck.’
For the rest of the afternoon all the girls cou
ld talk of nothing else. They sat in tight little groups, hope shining out of all their faces.
There were only two girls who didn’t seem very enthusiastic, Janice and Maureen. But they were both nearly fifteen and due to leave soon anyway. They said they didn’t fancy a country with so few people, they wanted to be near shops, cinemas and dance-halls. ‘I shouldn’t bank on you and May getting picked, Dulcie,’ Janice said. ‘They want orphans, and you’ve got a dad.’
After over a year of no contact with her father there were times when Dulcie almost forgot him. Guilt flooded through her and she looked at the older girl in dismay, not knowing what to say in response.
Janice grinned at her. ‘Look on the bright side, Dulc, if they ship all the other kids off, they might have to close this place down. You might get fostered out somewhere. Anything’s got to be better than here.’
But that wasn’t a bright side, it looked even blacker to Dulcie. The other girls here were her friends now, she didn’t want to be sent somewhere else which might turn out to be even worse. When Susan had written on her birthday and said she wouldn’t be able to write so often now she was having the baby, she had slunk into the lavatories to cry about it. But later, when she’d calmed down, she’d read it again and decided Susan wasn’t saying goodbye at all, just being honest. It was much the same situation with her father too, he couldn’t write because they wouldn’t let him. Yet it really wasn’t fair that she and May were supposed just to sit and wait for people to write or see them! Why couldn’t they go to Australia in the meantime?
At tea-time Mother Superior joined them in the dining-room for the first time in months apart from Christmas Day. After she’d said the grace, she spoke of Australia too.
‘I’m sure most of you feel you would like to go,’ she said. ‘But before you build up your hopes, I must point out that not everyone will be eligible. In the next day or two I shall speak to each of you in turn, and I will submit the names of the girls I think will benefit most from the opportunity.’
The bread and marge seemed to stick in Dulcie’s throat, the tea had a bitter taste. When Janice caught her eye, she seemed to be saying, ‘I told you so,’ and it was all Dulcie could do not to burst into tears.
That evening as she said her prayers, she silently pleaded with the Virgin Mary to intervene on her behalf. She promised she wouldn’t forget her father or Susan, that she would be really good and never ask for anything else for herself again.
On Monday morning it was even colder than the previous day, the sky was like lead, and Sister Grace said she thought it was going to snow. But they still had to go outside. May kept complaining that her inner thighs were sore, and when Dulcie looked at them she saw they were red raw, chapped with the cold. She felt very angry then that the Sisters could be so cruel as to send children outside in such weather – many of them had bad colds and coughs, their gabardine coats were so thin, even gloves, hats or scarves were denied them. That added even more fuel to her desire to go to Australia.
It was almost dinner-time when Dulcie and May were called in to see Mother Superior. Others had been called earlier and returned to the playground within ten minutes – none of them had any idea if they were going to be selected.
The old nun was sitting almost on top of her fire, and she didn’t move when she called the sisters in, just told them to sit down.
‘I believe you told Mr Stigwood you wanted to go to Australia,’ she said, looking at Dulcie over her glasses.
‘I do, Mother,’ Dulcie said, quivering with tension. ‘I want to go really badly.’
‘Even if it means you won’t be able to see Mrs Bankcroft any more, and you’d be leaving your father here?’
‘Daddy won’t be free till I’m at least sixteen, even with remission,’ Dulcie said. ‘And Mrs Bankcroft will be very busy with her own child.’
‘What a sensible child you are,’ Mother Superior said, smiling to reveal wobbly false teeth. She turned to look at May. ‘How about you, May, would you like to go to Australia?’
‘Yes please,’ May whispered. ‘I want to be warm all the time. I’ve got really sore legs from the cold.’
The old lady half smiled. ‘I’d like to be warm all the time too,’ she admitted. ‘But Australia isn’t just warm, it’s very hot. It’s a very long way away too, you couldn’t just hop on a train and come home.’
‘There isn’t any home here any more,’ Dulcie said. ‘None of our aunts or uncles write to us. Granny’s gone, there’s no reason to want to come back, except Daddy, and he could come there too when he gets out of prison.’
The nun looked very thoughtful, fingering the material of her habit. ‘I’ll see what I can do,’ she said.
Dulcie knew the interview had come to an end, and to say anything more might even irritate the old lady. She knelt down, kissed the ring on her hand and thanked her.
‘You are a bright and capable girl,’ the old lady said, patting Dulcie’s bent head. ‘I believe you will do well in life, wherever that takes you. After dinner take May up to Sister Grace, she will give her some ointment for her sore legs. I will tell the other Sisters that there will be no outside play this afternoon.’
Dulcie’s heart soared with happiness. To be praised and to be allowed to stay indoors was almost as good as being told they could definitely go to Australia.
‘Thank you, Mother,’ she said breathlessly.
Chapter Eight
‘Carol Trueman, Janet Phillips, Dulcie and May Taylor, Pauline Dwight and Alice Field, all sit down and wait,’ Sister Margaret announced after dinner. ‘The rest of you will go outside as usual.’
It was the end of July, school had broken up for the summer holidays just the day before, no one had had any time yet to do anything wrong. The named girls all looked at each other in consternation, but they didn’t dare speak, Sister Teresa was standing in the doorway just waiting to pounce.
Once all the other girls had gone upstairs, Sister Margaret told them they were to follow her up to Mother Superior’s room. ‘It’s about Australia,’ she said crisply, but whether this was intended to cheer or dismay them they couldn’t tell, for her face was as blank as Sister Teresa’s book of kindnesses.
Back at the end of January twelve girls had been selected by Mother Superior to go to Australia, including these six. In February they were all taken to Australia House in the Strand for an intelligence test and a medical. But since then they had been told nothing more, not even whether they’d passed the tests.
As they made their way up the stairs, Dulcie decided to herself that this group consisted of all the failures, for aside from her and May having a father, Pauline Dwight had a mother and Alice Field had a grandmother who visited her. None of the remaining six girls at present outside had anyone. She supposed Mother was going to break the bad news first, then call in the ones who were successful.
She wasn’t really disappointed, not after all this time. Besides, just after the tests, Dulcie had written to Susan about what moving to Australia meant to her. Mother Superior tore the letter up and told her to rewrite it without the part about Australia. Her words were, ‘There’s no point in telling someone something which might not happen.’
Mother Superior was sitting in her usual chair, a rug over her knees. She’d been poorly for months now, Dulcie couldn’t remember when she last came down to the dining-room, or even into the playroom.
‘Sit down on the floor,’ she said. ‘Sister Margaret, you take the chair by the window.’
The girls sat down and crossed their legs, pulling their summer dresses over their knees the way the Sisters always insisted on.
‘I’m very pleased to be able to tell you girls that you will all be sailing on the SS Maloja to Australia on August the twelfth,’ Mother Superior said.
For a moment there was a stunned silence. It was a subject they had talked about many, many times, before and after the selection of the twelve girls. But in recent months, because they’d been told nothing more, the
y’d put it aside. Dulcie knew that most of them, like her, were so used to being let down that they’d almost expected to be.
Carol broke the silence. ‘Whoopee,’ she shouted, and everyone joined in.
Mother Superior gave a faint smile. ‘That’s enough noise, I have important things to tell you.’
None of them could really believe what they were hearing. Sister Margaret was going to take them to the children’s outfitters that very afternoon to buy them new clothes and shoes. On the morning of the twelfth they would be taken to Tilbury Docks in Essex by train, and the ship would be sailing on the evening tide, along with around another hundred boys and girls from orphanages around London. ‘The voyage takes around six weeks,’ Mother went on. ‘None of the Sisters from the Sacred Heart will be accompanying you, but there will be other Sisters to take care of you. Each one of you has been chosen because we believe you will benefit from this wonderful opportunity, so don’t let me or yourselves down by behaving badly. Now, are there any questions?’
No one could think of anything to ask, all they could do was look at each other and grin. So Mother Superior dismissed them and told them to wait in the hall until Sister Margaret was ready to take them to the outfitters.
‘Are we really going to get new clothes and shoes?’ May whispered to Dulcie once they were out in the hall. Her eyes looked like two big glass marbles, almost popping out of her head.
‘I think so,’ Dulcie whispered back gleefully. She was so excited she felt she could burst, and even if she did feel sorry for the other six girls who presumably wouldn’t be going, she couldn’t think about them now. ‘But just you behave yourself this afternoon, I wouldn’t put it past them to suddenly say they’ve changed their minds if anyone plays up,’ she said warningly.
It wasn’t until they were going out through the orchard that Dulcie remembered Susan. She had written earlier in the month to say she had a baby boy called Edward, and she was hoping to come to stay with her parents in London at the end of August for a short holiday, during which she’d come to visit them. It was only the third letter they’d got this year, and it seemed forever since they had last seen her. Dulcie really wished they could see her before they left, for now she might never, ever see her again. Then there was her father.