Breaking the Cycle

  In spite of her, I made it further than the four-year college and attended dental school where I trained to become an oral surgeon. See, I learned to take that negativity she fed me on a regular basis and turn it into fuel. More than anyone in this world, I was going to show her.

  But there was that side of me that couldn’t completely cut her off. She was my mother and had given me life. I’d sit around and wonder if he hadn’t walked out and left us, would my relationship with her had been different. Would she have been the loving and nurturing mother I’d seen growing up watching the Cosbys and other television shows?

  Candy once asked me if I had any desires to find my father; just to let him know the hell I had been put through because of his shortcomings. My answer was a simple “no.” I’d long given up that fantasy. And at this point in my life, I don’t know if I would be able to control my anger.

  I used to worry that the abuse I endured at the small hands of my mother would eventually turn me into an abuser myself. But it was the opposite. I had grown into a weak man where women were concerned. Went out of my way to please a woman; especially my woman.

  Candy blew into my life after a breakup with a married woman. After I wined and dined her and uplifted her from the depressive state she was in when we first met, she decided to go back to her husband. “Glad I could be of service,” was the best response I had. Instead of telling her how used and betrayed I felt, I helped her move her things back to his house. Yeah, stupid me.

  There’s no truer statement than the one about how we attract certain types of people at certain times in our lives. Candy happened to be another stop on the train of destruction I was riding. I remember the first time the monster that lived hidden under the big brown eyes and not quite perfect, but beautiful, smile showed its head.

  “Eddie, what the fuck is this?” she asked about the piece of paper in her hand.

  I walked closer and she handed the paper to me for a closer inspection. As I read the letter, the contents of it became clear—it was a thank you note from one of my patients. The woman had been petrified about having her wisdom teeth pulled. I assured her that I would be extremely gentle during the procedure, making sure the discomfort she experienced was minimal. While the content of the letter was nothing more than a thank you, Candy seemed to be reading something that was supposedly between the lines.

  “Are you fucking her?”

  “Candy, you’ve got to be kidding? This woman is—”

  Before I could get the rest of my statement out, she smashed her fist into the side of my head; hitting me hard enough to make me stumble and my teeth rattle.

  “Don’t think you’re going to stand up here and tell me a blatant lie. I told you when we got together, cheating is the one thing that I won’t tolerate in any shape, form, or fashion!” Her hand quickly found its way to my family jewels and grabbed a handful. “This is my dick! Don’t you ever forget that, you hear? Before another bitch gets it, I’ll Lorena Bobbitt your ass!”

  Her eyes glazed over with anger. My fear paralyzed me momentarily. All I could see was Tessa. Tessa with the unfeeling eyes that bore through to my soul. Tessa with hatred for the hurt one man had placed on her; hurt she tried to take out on the one person in the world who loved her more than breathing.

  Once Candy loosened her grip, she methodically undid my belt and zipped my pants down. Fear of not knowing what was going to happen next kept me from getting the instant arousal most men experience when a woman strokes their dicks the way she was stroking mine. Knowing that if I didn’t reach that erection she was in search of, I would surely be accused of the cheating she was insinuating, I put a mind trick in place to help the process along.

  Candy fell to her knees and kissed the head, all the while praising how much he meant to her. She loved him and didn’t want him near some foreign pussy. Being inside her mouth and pussy was the only place on earth for him. When she finally inserted me fully into her mouth, I relaxed enough to enjoy the oral pleasure. She sucked and slurped until I reached the climax she desired.

  She regained her standing position and wiped the remnants of the short escapade from her mouth as I stood there helpless with my pants around my ankles. I stumbled toward the nearest couch and collapsed onto it. She walked away and returned with a warm rag and threw it at me.

  “Clean yourself up.”

  I obeyed and fastened my pants up. Like a puppy, I followed her into the bedroom and sat on the bed until she came out of the bathroom.

  “What was that about, Candy?”

  “Just wanted to let you know who’s running things.”

  “Why couldn’t you simply believe me? Candy, I don’t want anyone but you. I need you to trust me when I tell you that.”

  “The one thing I’ve learned about trust is you can never completely trust anyone. My mama trusted my daddy and he did everything he was big enough to do and then some. Unlike Mama, I know how to please my man. So, next time you get the urge to seek pleasure elsewhere, keep in mind the things I’m willing to do for and to you.” She walked over and kissed me on the lips before disappearing out the door.

  The next episode came a month or so later. We were at the annual function for black dentists when I was approached by an old schoolmate.

  “Eddie? Eddie Adelson, is that you?”

  I turned to find myself on the receiving end of the person who had played a major part in my finishing dental school. Nisha Von had been more than a friend to me while we were in school. She’d been my crutch, my sounding board, and study partner. I owed much of my success to her.

  “Nisha, it’s so good to see you.” I instinctively reached out to hug her.

  “How long has it been? Three or four years? How are you? How’s your practice?”

  “Everything is great. I can’t complain. What about you? Did you open your own practice? Or are you still over there with the group?”

  “Actually, I went back to school to become a hygienist.”

  “A hygienist? What prompted that?”

  “After the baby, I wanted to be able to devote more time to her. The decision wasn’t a hard one.”

  “A baby? Wow, that’s wonderful! So, I take it that you’re married now? Or are you one of these new independent women who doesn’t have a problem with being a single parent?”

  “No, I’m happily married.”

  “A dentist?”

  “Heavens no! One dentist in the family is enough. Someone needs to be able to let the child get away with eating sweets every now and then.”

  We both laughed.

  Candy strolled over to where we were standing, wrapped her arm around mine, and brought her body up close to me.

  “Nisha, I’d like you to meet—”

  “Candace. Candace Knight,” she said in a dry tone.

  Nisha extended her hand to Candy, who glared at it and then kissed me. “Eddie, let’s get out of here. There’s nobody here but a bunch of buppies. I’m so tired of hearing about teeth. I swear I’ll throw up if another person walks up to me to inquire about my dental work.”

  Nisha looked down at her hand, the one Candy pretended not to see, and then pulled it back to her side. She shook her head and smiled uneasily.

  “Well, Eddie, you must promise to keep in touch. Maybe you and…” She paused, more for effect than anything. “… Candace can come over to the house and join Mike and me for dinner. I grill a mean steak.”

  “While that sounds all nice and well, Nashae, eating steak gives me heartburn,” Candy replied sarcastically, misstating Nisha’s name purposefully.

  I cleared my throat. “Nisha, it was really nice seeing you again. I’m happy to hear about the baby and your marriage. Maybe some other time, though.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Nisha gave me a pity stare as she slid her business card in my coat pocket without Candy seeing her. She mouthed the words “call me” as I glanced back while Candy yanked me toward the exit.

  I was still hot under the collar once we got
home. “I can’t believe you embarrassed me like that. Nisha happens to be—”

  “Yes, you told me; an old college friend. Umm, hmm, like I’m supposed to believe there was nothing more between y’all.”

  “Candy, I’ve never kept anything from you. You know the gruesome details of mostly everything else that has happened in my life. Why would I lie to you about something as trivial as an old girlfriend? If that were the situation between me and Nisha, I would’ve told you, but it wasn’t. She and I were more like—”

  “Brother and sister. Yeah, I’ve heard that line before.”

  “You really need to seek some counseling about your problems with infidelity.”

  “What did you say?”

  I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I knew the monster was going to make an appearance that night.

  “I’m not the one with a problem, Mama’s boy. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it, Candy. I was simply trying to say that I’m not like your father.”

  “You’re damn right; you’re not my father.”

  “Candy, look—”

  I went to walk out of the room and turned around to catch the TV remote with my forehead. Just like in a Looney Tunes cartoon, the hickey quickly rose up. I stumbled my way out of the room and into the guest bedroom where I fell on the floor. I could feel a trickle of warm blood as it snaked its way down the side of my head. Before I could recover, she was on me, punching and slapping and pulling at my clothes. This time she undid my pants and pulled them and my boxers completely off. She hastily slid out of the black slinky dress she was wearing and removed her thong. Then she ripped open my shirt, sending the buttons flying across the room. With nothing on but a pair of stilettos, she slid on top of me and began to ride her way to ecstasy. The harder she pushed, the more she cursed.

  “I keep telling you, this is my dick. No other bitch is going to get any part of my dick. Lil’ skinny yella bitch all up in your face grinning. Was her pussy as good as mine? Could she fuck you like I do? Answer me, Eddie! Tell me how much you love my pussy and how good I fuck you! Tell me this is the only pussy you want! Tell me, Eddie, that you’ll never leave me or do me wrong! Tell me! Tell me!”

  I couldn’t bring a response out of my mouth if my life depended on it. I couldn’t believe how hard she was humping on me, in an attempt to punish me and teach me that I wasn’t to look, let alone talk, to another woman.

  Once again, when we were finished, she calmly walked into the bathroom and returned with a warm rag for me to clean myself.

  From then on, the encounters worsened. Whenever we had a problem, it would start with a physical confrontation, more than likely to be followed by rough, aggressive sex. My only use was that of a prop.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Candy was holding me hostage on the phone while I had a lot of work to do.

  “What time you finish today?”

  “I’m not sure. I still have quite a few patients in the waiting room. We’re extremely busy today.”

  “Things are pretty much the same around here. Muthafuckas complaining about waiting in line. Complaining about the service. I mean, what do they expect when they wait until the last minute to come in and get their shit taken care of?”

  “You know that’s human nature. Seems like once we see that final notice or deadline date, we get the fire under our asses that we should’ve had from the beginning.”

  “I can understand that, but to wait until your tag or license is expired makes you really stupid. In the middle of the month, you can damn near walk in and out. You’d think everyone else would know that by now.”

  Lana poked her head into my office. “Mr. Harris is prepped and waiting in room five, Dr. Adelson.”

  “Thanks, Lana. Let him know that I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “I guess duty is a calling.”

  “Got to finish up so I can get out of here. Do you want me to pick something up, or were you planning to cook?”

  “I was hoping we could get dressed and go down to Preston’s. I really have a taste for the seafood dish I love.”

  “I’m really tired, Candy. Can I get a rain check?”

  “Damn, Eddie. I was really looking forward to it,” she said in a whiny voice.

  “I’ll make you a deal then. If you let me slide tonight, we’ll go to Preston’s on Friday and stay in a hotel. How does that sound?”

  “I guess that’s a fair deal. Just make sure you get a suite. I love the oceanfront view.”

  “I’m not sure if we can get a deal on a suite on such short notice, especially this time of year.”

  “For someone who makes good money, your ass is so cheap.”

  “That’s the only way I’m going to keep my money.”

  “See what they say first, before you start talking against it.”

  “I thought you could call, since you’re going to get home before me.”

  “Why is it that you suggest something and then I get stuck having to do all the footwork? Which hotel were you talking about? I know how much of a penny pincher you are, but since we’re going to Preston’s, it would be nice to stay at the Loews. I mean, it’s what? Only a few bucks more than the Palms.”

  “Call both hotels. See if they have any kind of specials for this weekend. Better yet, go online and see. I know the Royal Palm gives better rates online. Maybe the Loews does the same.”

  “Do you want me to go ahead and put it on the credit card?”

  “If you have to. Candy—”

  “I know… call you first. Go see about your patient.”

  I’d almost forgotten about Mr. Harris.

  “Okay, I’ll see you when I get in.”

  “Yeah, okay. Bye.”

  She hung up before I could reply.

  Things between us were unpredictable most days. I was trying my best to keep her satisfied, in more ways than one. Didn’t flinch when she asked about bringing her prized vibrator into our action. Using it on me was a definite no-no, but we discovered a few ways to please her by adding it into the act.

  “Mr. Harris, how are you today?”

  “Seeing that I’m sitting in your chair about to be put to sleep so you can pull my tooth out my head, I’m not sure I’m doing all that well.”

  I laughed at the irony and continued to prepare for the procedure. “Don’t worry. I’ll have you feeling brand-new in no time.”

  I had my assistant start the drip. Within seconds, he was out.

  “Can you believe that Mr. Harris thought he could drive himself home after his procedure?” Lana asked.

  “I guess it helps to have an arsenal of women to pull you out of a crunch. I didn’t want to leave him here, but it’s time to go.”

  “A man with his credentials? Plus he’s single? I would’ve driven him home in that nice, new BMW he had out there.”

  “Is that all that’s important to women nowadays? I mean, what about what’s in his head and in his chest?”

  “Those things can be worked on. Relationships are something you have to put in time and effort on.”

  “Is that right? How about being happy with them as they are? Why would you have to change someone in order to be happy with them?” I ran my tongue over the spot I knew was still there; no matter if the swelling had gone down. A busted lip; courtesy of a flying shoe.

  “That’s not what I’m saying. You should never compromise your happiness for someone else.”

  “So, that brings us back to your statement about Mr. Harris. Isn’t wanting him because of his money, nice house, and nice car, despite the fact that he may not be your Prince Charming, a compromise?”

  “I guess, but those things let you know if you want to get to know someone.”

  “Now, that’s shallow.”

  “Hey, what can I say? Women have been known to be that also.” She laughed and walked out the door.

  Never compromise your happiness for someone else
, echoed in my head while I set the alarm. That one simple phrase was food for thought.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Are you sure you couldn’t get a room next door?” I hesitantly asked Candy later that evening.

  “If you feel I’m lying to you, why didn’t you make the reservation yourself? I don’t need this aggravation.”

  It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford to pay the two hundred dollars-a-night room rate; just the principle of whether or not I had to. Although the Loews was by far the more extravagant of the two, the Palms was nothing to bat your eyes at and usually had more affordable rates. While it was touted as the black hotel, you couldn’t tell by the people working behind the counter, or anywhere else in the hotel for that matter.

  I decided to give in, once again. “It’s been a long day for both of us and I want this to be an enjoyable weekend. So, the Loews it is.”

  I pulled under the overhang and unlocked the doors. Candy waited as the valet ran over and opened the door for her. She seemed to switch into another mode once her hand hit his. Yeah, my Benz was nothing shameful to get out of, but it was like she was a star or something.

  “Will you be with us this evening?” the valet asked as he stood waiting for me to turn over my $50,000 car to him.

  “Yes.”

  He pulled a card from his shirt pocket and wrote something on it before tearing off one part and handing it to me. He went on to explain the price of the valet service per night and instructed me to have them put the room number on it at the front desk.

  “Thank you for choosing the Loews. Enjoy your stay.”

  Candy stood waiting on the curb as the bellhop pulled the last of our bags from the trunk. We followed him into the grand lobby and made our way around to the check-in counter.

  As the bellhop placed the last of our bags into the room, Candy walked over and drew the curtains back to reveal the breathtaking view of the Atlantic Ocean, which lay just beyond the white sandy beach. I placed a bill in his hand and he quietly thanked me and slipped out the door.