The Last Piece of My Heart

  ‘Do you live nearby?’ I ask him as he grabs a beer for himself.

  ‘Just around the corner,’ he confirms.

  ‘Have you been there long?’ I’m trying to work out if it’s the same apartment Nicki would’ve written about.

  ‘Just a year,’ he replies.

  That’s a no, then.

  ‘Do you think you could take me for a look around before it gets dark? Show me the places that might’ve inspired Nicole? I’d like to take some photos.’

  ‘Okay,’ he agrees.

  We finish our beers and then set off. There is a whole bustling community right outside the doors of our exclusive, secluded resort. I’d like to bring Charlie and April back here – they should get to see another side of Thailand.

  We wander around for ages past vibrant, colourful bars and shops and don’t actually end up eating because I’m getting so much material for the book. I’m famished by the time we say our goodbyes. Isak gives me his contact details in case I want to catch up with him again.

  On my way back to the hotel, I grab something from a street food stand. It’s late and Charlie will have eaten by now. He’s probably in bed.

  He’s not. He’s waiting up for me, sitting on the armchair and reading a magazine.

  ‘Hey!’ I say, thrilled to see him.

  ‘How was it?’ he asks, unhurriedly flipping his magazine shut.

  ‘It was fine,’ I reply.

  ‘Where did you go for dinner?’

  ‘We didn’t. I just wanted to look around and soak it all up.’

  ‘Are you seeing him again?’ he asks as I flop onto the sofa.

  ‘Not sure.’ I lie back and stare up at the ceiling fan, whirring around. ‘I’ve got his details if I need them. Not tomorrow night, though. I’m desperate for that Thai.’ I turn my head and smile at him. ‘How are you guys? What did you have for dinner?’

  He sighs. ‘We’re fine. I got a burger, April had pasta.’

  ‘Were you lonely?’ I tease with a grin. ‘Did you miss me?’

  He rolls his eyes at me.

  I’m glad I’m able to joke with him again. I’m getting used to being back in his company, even if my feelings towards him have intensified like you wouldn’t believe.

  ‘Did April go to sleep okay?’

  ‘She took a while to go down, actually. I thought she was knackered, so I don’t know what was wrong with her.’

  ‘She missed me, too,’ I say playfully.

  ‘That did cross my mind.’ He’s not smiling.

  ‘Isak wanted me to pass on his condolences,’ I tell him gently. ‘He said he was very sorry for your loss. He remembers you.’

  ‘I bet he does.’ He sounds disdainful.

  ‘The last time he bumped into Nicki was when you guys were about to get married. He didn’t know you’d had a baby girl.’

  ‘Right, okay.’

  I frown at him. This subject is not going down too well.

  ‘Do you fancy doing something tomorrow?’ I ask. ‘We could do a boat trip to one of the islands maybe.’

  ‘You don’t need to do more research?’

  ‘That is research. I can write about the places we visit, the things we do.’

  ‘I feel like Isak should be showing you Thailand, not me. That’s who Timo is based on, after all,’ he says sulkily.

  ‘Hey,’ I chide, sitting up and swinging my feet off the sofa and back onto the floor so I’m facing him. ‘What’s going on?’ I demand to know. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s true, isn’t it? I did Cornwall, he should do Thailand.’

  ‘It’s not real, Charlie. You said it yourself, it’s only a story.’

  ‘She was obviously inspired by this place, by him. Maybe that’s where you should be getting your inspiration also.’

  ‘No, thank you,’ I say impertinently. ‘I can get plenty of information for the book, regardless of who I’m with.’ And then, and I say this without pausing for thought, ‘Anyway, if anyone inspires me, it’s you.’

  We stare at each other for a long moment.

  ‘And April,’ I add.

  He sits forward and rakes his hand roughly through his hair. ‘Sorry, I don’t know what’s got into me tonight,’ he mutters. ‘I’m feeling a bit, I don’t know, low.’

  ‘You did miss my company,’ I say with a grin.

  He flashes me a smile at last and I have an almost unbearable urge to go over and straddle his lap.

  ‘I did,’ he admits quietly, with a curious look of longing on his face. My breath catches.

  There’s a cry from the direction of his bedroom. Charlie tenses as he waits to hear if April has woken up. Sure enough, she starts to wail.

  ‘Better go see to her,’ he says heavily. ‘Think I’ll hit the sack now, anyway.’

  ‘Okay. Me too. I’ll see you in the morning.’

  ‘Night.’

  I watch him edgily as he ambles back into his bedroom.

  Chapter 42

  Alain joins us again the next morning at our breakfast table. ‘Where are you going for dinner tonight?’ he asks.

  ‘We were thinking Thai,’ I reply.

  ‘Oh, a beautiful restaurant.’ He shakes his head with incredulity. ‘The sunsets from the balcony are stunning. What will you do with my granddaughter?’

  ‘We’ll take her with us,’ Charlie says.

  ‘Oh, no!’ He looks dismayed. ‘You can’t enjoy the meal and the view with a baby! You must get a sitter.’

  ‘It’s all right, she’ll fall asleep in her pram,’ Charlie replies.

  ‘But our sitters ’ere are fantastic!’ he cries. ‘We ’ave a lovely girl for you. She is very friendly. April will adore her.’

  Charlie looks at me. I shrug. It’s up to him.

  ‘I’ve never left her with a sitter before,’ he muses.

  ‘The Thai restaurant is very close to our hut,’ I point out. ‘You could always take April to her room and settle her, then come back. And, if she wakes up, they could call us.’

  ‘What do you say?’ Alain prompts. ‘I get our girl to come to you?’

  ‘I guess we could give it a try,’ Charlie agrees.

  ‘Excellent!’ He claps his hands together and gets up from our table. ‘And tomorrow night I cook for you,’ Alain says meaningfully as he takes two steps backwards. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Okay,’ I reply with a smile.

  ‘Sounds like we have a plan,’ Charlie comments as Alain hurries back indoors. He looks at me. ‘You and I are going on a date,’ he says with a smirk.

  I suddenly feel very jittery.

  Is this too much? I ask myself later, as I eye my reflection in the mirror behind the wardrobe door. My dark hair is down and wavy and I’m wearing the nicest thing I’ve brought with me, but it’s a bit over the top: a silvery, shimmery slip dress with a hemline that floats around the halfway point of my thighs. With heels, my legs look crazy long.

  I love this dress. I bought it on a whim, but I haven’t had a chance to wear it yet. Fuck it. Seize the day, right?

  ‘Whoa,’ Charlie says when I come downstairs, treading carefully so I don’t slip on the polished wood and break an ankle. ‘I feel underdressed.’

  ‘You still look hot,’ I tell him with a flippant grin. He’s wearing navy shorts and a green T-shirt.

  ‘Not as hot as you.’

  A thrill goes through me, even though he’s teasing. I know he still sees me only as a friend, but maybe this dress will help to change that. There I go, trying to lay foundations, again.

  ‘I’m putting a shirt on,’ he says, leaving the room.

  ‘Are you serious?’ I call after him.

  He doesn’t reply, but I think that he is.

  ‘This’ll do,’ he says on his return. He’s kept his navy shorts on – they’re quite smart, anyway – but he’s changed his green T-shirt to a black shirt and he’s rolling up the sleeves. ‘Still up for cocktails at the cave bar?’ he asks.

  ‘Absolutely.’


  We plan to feed April first, then pop back to settle her and meet the sitter before going to eat ourselves.

  We sip our drinks and watch as the restaurant vendors pack up for the night and the visiting tourists board their long-tail boats to return to their own islands.

  ‘Have you seen anything of Jocelyn and Edward since I left Cornwall?’ I ask Charlie.

  ‘Actually, April and I went over there for Sunday lunch before we came away.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He smiles at my delight. ‘I think you’re right about Edward. He is shy. He was more relaxed at home. Mind you, it might’ve had something to do with the bottle of red we sank.’

  ‘Do you think you could be friends?’

  ‘Maybe. We’ll see.’

  ‘I miss Jocelyn,’ I admit. ‘I barely knew her, but I liked her a lot.’

  ‘She’s still trying to get me to go to that music group,’ he reveals.

  I wish I could be there to see his face if he does.

  ‘I’ve finally agreed to take Mum up on her offers to help out a bit more with April,’ he continues. ‘Maybe I should ask her to do Wednesday mornings so she can take her.’

  ‘You’re missing out,’ I warn.

  ‘Yeah, yeah,’ he replies with a smile.

  Later, I wait by the pool while Charlie introduces April to the sitter, who is indeed a lovely, friendly lady. April seems to like her, but Charlie wants to make sure she’s asleep before we leave, and he instructs the sitter to call us if she wakes up.

  The resort’s Thai restaurant is situated further along the beach near the towering limestone cliffs. We’re taken to a table for two outside on the balcony facing the water, and we order a bottle of wine before perusing the menu.

  ‘Is it wrong that I just really fancy a pad Thai?’ I ask Charlie.

  ‘No, why?’ he replies with a laugh.

  ‘It’s so predictable and boring.’

  ‘You should have whatever you feel like,’ he states. ‘Anyway, it comes with lobster. That’s hardly predictable.’

  ‘True,’ I say, my mind made up.

  The sunset that evening is even more breathtaking than the last. The pale-green water is so still tonight – it barely laps against the white sandy shore. As the light dims, our faces are lit by the candle on the table and the fairy lights in the nearby trees.

  ‘Is that a couple swimming?’ I peer further down the beach.

  ‘I think so,’ Charlie replies. ‘That’ll be us later.’

  ‘Shall we?’ I ask eagerly. Night swimming!

  He shrugs and returns his smile to me. ‘Could do.’

  The waiter comes over with our food.

  ‘Are you going to see Isak again?’ Charlie asks after we’ve tried each other’s dish. This is seriously the best pad Thai I have ever had in my entire life. Charlie’s beef curry is bloody good, too.

  ‘Nah, don’t think I’ll need to,’ I reply.

  Ladies and gentlemen, that is the right answer! The relief on his face is palpable.

  ‘How did you cope reading Nicki’s novel?’ I’m perplexed. It’s obvious he hasn’t come to terms with what happened years ago.

  ‘In what way?’ he asks, leaning back in his seat and staring at me.

  ‘Well, if you know that Isak inspired Timo, how did that make you feel?’

  ‘Truthfully?’ He raises one eyebrow.

  I nod.

  ‘Like absolute shit.’

  I start with surprise.

  ‘Nicki didn’t tell me she was writing a book about cheating.’

  ‘You’re kidding me.’

  ‘I’m not. She said that it was about a travel writer and that it was set in Thailand and Cornwall. She told me it was a romance, but she didn’t go into details – it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.’

  ‘How did you find out?’ I ask.

  ‘When she got a book deal.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘You hadn’t read it before she submitted it?’

  ‘No. But Kate had.’

  I push my food around on my plate.

  ‘Nicki didn’t really want me to read it,’ he continues, and his expression is full of sympathy when I meet his eyes. He knows how much what happened with Kate upset me. ‘You’re the only one who knows that, though,’ he says.

  ‘Knows what?’ I ask with confusion.

  ‘That Nicki submitted her book without telling me what it was about.’

  ‘How did you react when you found out?’

  ‘We had a massive argument. Massive,’ he states. He shrugs and looks away. ‘I don’t know, I guess I felt a bit betrayed. It’s probably just as well I couldn’t stick my nose in. Look how well it did. Women obviously like reading about that sort of stuff.’

  I shift in my seat. I liked reading it, too.

  ‘I’m surprised you enjoyed it, actually,’ he says. Has he got a telescope into my mind? ‘You’re so anti-cheating.’

  ‘I am.’ I nod. ‘It wasn’t the cheating I liked reading about – in fact, a lot of the time I was screaming at Kit and wanting to hit her over the head with something hard.’

  He smirks.

  ‘It was the falling-in-love part that got me. And this book had two love stories. Nicki wrote them so well.’ I take a sip of my wine and pause for thought, then throw him a worried look. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to pull off this sequel, if I’m honest.’

  ‘Is it stressing you out?’

  ‘A bit,’ I admit. ‘The pressure is immense. All her readers. . . I’m not sure what they expect from this story, but I don’t want to let them down.’

  ‘You just have to do what you think is right,’ he says. ‘I have faith in you.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I mean it sincerely. ‘The thing is, I do believe Nicki was going to have Kit marry both Morris and Timo, so I want to respect her wishes. That’s the book that I’m writing. You remember the baby theme I came up with?’

  ‘Yes.’ He nods. ‘Kit realises she can’t bring children into the mix.’

  ‘That’s right. And her relationship with Morris breaks down because he wants a family and she doesn’t.’

  I think of Liam and know that I’ll be writing that part from my own personal experience.

  ‘I thought it was a great idea,’ he says.

  ‘Thanks.’ I smile at him.

  ‘And Timo?’ he asks.

  ‘He doesn’t even want children,’ I remind him.

  ‘Maybe he finds out he can’t have them,’ he says. ‘But he refuses to adopt.’

  ‘That’s a good idea. Once Kit is his and only his, she realises she’ll never be happy.’

  ‘So she ends up sad and alone?’

  I regard him warily. ‘How do you feel about that?’

  ‘How do I feel about you writing a book about a bigamist who ends up sad and alone?’ He checks I’m being serious.

  ‘Yes.’ I nod. ‘I’m not sure it’s what Nicki would have wanted.’

  ‘She’s not here, so we can’t second-guess her, but I think that ending feels appropriate.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yep. If you’re going to bring this story crashing down around Kit’s ears, I support that. Nicki built the story up; it’s your job to tear it down. But, for God’s sake, make it clean, because the last thing we need are readers wanting a trilogy.’

  I grin at him.

  He smiles back at me and tops up my wine.

  ‘I told you, you were the only inspiration I needed,’ I say.

  We chink glasses.

  Charlie goes back to the hut to make sure everything is okay with April after dinner, but he tells me he’ll meet me on the beach. As soon as he’s gone, I realise I meant to ask him to bring our swimming costumes back. Hopefully he’ll remember.

  He doesn’t.

  ‘There’s no one around,’ he says with a mischievous glint in his eye. It’s true. The beach is completely deserted.

  ‘Are you suggesting we partake
in a spot of skinny dippy, Mr Laurence?’ I ask cheekily. We’re both a little drunk.

  ‘I’m game if you are,’ he replies.

  ‘You first,’ I say.

  He shrugs and unbuttons his shirt. Thankfully it’s dark up here by the cliffs, because I am blushing.

  I turn my back on him and shiver as I hear the sound of a zip going down.

  ‘See you in there,’ he says.

  When I hear his footsteps padding away across the sand, I have a quick look over my shoulder at his tall, naked body in the moonlight.

  I’m still trying to compose myself when he calls out to me. I turn around and make a spinning gesture with my forefinger in the air. He gets the hint and looks the other way. I slip out of my knickers and pull my slip dress over my head, then wade in.

  As soon as I’m submerged nearby, I say, ‘Hi.’

  ‘Hi,’ he replies, turning around to smile at me. ‘Nuts, huh?’

  ‘Ridiculous,’ I reply.

  The sky is sparkling with starlight, punctuated only by the dark, ghostly shapes of the nearby cliffs and islands.

  Charlie looks at the shore, where the resort restaurants are glowing with candles at either end of the beach.

  ‘Was April okay when you went back to check on her?’

  ‘Fine. Hey, how do they say hello again?’ he asks me. ‘The sitter said it and the other staff say it all the time, but I can never catch it.’

  ‘It’s pronounced sawasdee,’ I tell him. ‘Sa-was-dee.’

  He repeats it. ‘Think I’ve got it now. Seems to be their go-to phrase here.’

  ‘It is.’ I’m about to float on my back when I remember that I’m not wearing anything.

  ‘What did Sara say when she found out about you and Elliot?’ Charlie asks curiously.

  ‘I haven’t told her yet.’

  ‘Why not?’

  I shrug, but don’t give him an answer.

  ‘I still don’t really understand why you didn’t tell me.’ He doesn’t just sound curious now: he sounds a bit hurt. ‘That’s a big thing to leave out. I thought we were friends.’

  ‘We are,’ I confirm quietly. He’s facing the shore, but I’ve paddled off to his left.