Between Sinners And Saints

  "You could put a little rainbow penis," Levi said.

  It surprised Jaime enough he burst out laughing. "What?"

  "People put those little Christian fish in their ads. It's the same idea. It's like a code. You could start a new trend."

  "No, thanks," Jaime said, still laughing. "Full color ads cost extra. Anyway, my point is, my schedule's fairly full, but it's not like I have anyone clamoring for your spot. So if you want to keep coming, you should."

  "I can pay you twenty-five dollars per treatment," Levi said, and Jaime could hear the embarrassment in his voice. Twenty-five dollars was a third what he normally charged.

  "That'll be fine."

  "Twenty-five dollars, and you go surfing with me."

  Jaime smiled. "Okay. Maybe next week--"

  "Tonight."

  "Tonight?"

  "This afternoon. When we're done here."

  "Are you serious?"

  "Why wouldn't I be?"

  "You've already been surfing today."

  Levi gave him a killer smile. "No rule says I can't go twice. Besides, some exercise might help you sleep, and you could use the practice. What do you say? Do we have a deal?"

  Yes, Levi was his bright spot. And Jaime swore he could feel Levi's light filling him up. He couldn't help but smile. "Deal."

  * * * *

  Jaime was surprised when he followed Levi outside to find Levi's motorcycle parked by the curb. He knew Levi had come straight from the beach, so it was odd he wasn't in his truck.

  Like he was reading his mind, Levi said, "My apartment was on the way, and the truck's too fucking hot. Didn't figure we'd be going straight back out." He climbed on and looked at Jaime expectantly. "You coming?"

  The motorcycle was shiny chrome and bright red speed, and just looking at it made Jaime break out in a cold sweat. "No way am I getting on that thing."

  "It's perfectly safe," Levi assured him.

  That may or may not have been true, but as was so often the case with his fear, logic did little to abate it. "I'll take my car and meet you at your place," he told Levi, and although Levi rolled his eyes in good-natured exasperation, he agreed.

  The surfing turned out to be a good idea. Levi surfed a little, but mostly he floated on his board in the surf while he helped Jaime. The sun and the water and the Levi's cheerful company burned away some of Jaime's lethargy and the depression that had been building over the past weeks. When they were done, he was tired, but it was a weariness that made him feel strong and healthy. He climbed back into Levi's truck sunburned and hungry, but feeling better than he had in days.

  "You want to go out?" Levi asked him as he started his truck.

  Jaime shook his head. "I don't have the energy."

  "You want to come over?"

  "Why?" Jaime asked in surprise.

  Levi shrugged. "Why not?"

  "Can we stop and get Dolly first?"

  Levi practically rolled his eyes at him, but he smiled, too. "I suppose it's on the way."

  It wasn't. Not really. But Levi took him back by his house and barely blinked an eye when Jaime put Dolly in the cab with them instead of in the back.

  "She's never been in the back of a truck before," Jaime told him. "I'm afraid she'll jump out."

  Levi just shook his head. Once they were at his place, Jaime sat down on the couch. Dolly hopped up next to him and lay with her head in his lap. Levi raised his eyebrows at her, but only said, "What do you like on your pizza?"

  "Mushrooms."

  "That's it?"

  "No. Anything else is fine. Just as long as there're mushrooms, too. Not those rubbery canned kind, though." He leaned back on the couch, closed his eyes, and felt himself finally relaxing. His week without sleep was catching up to him fast. "Real mushrooms. Lots and lots of mushrooms."

  He drifted for a while, Dolly's head a comfortable weight on his thigh, and Levi's sultry voice in the background. His mind couldn't seem to make sense of Levi's words, but knowing he was close was reassuring.

  The next thing he knew, the doorbell was ringing. He hadn't meant to nod off, and part of him hated to wake up. But the smell of pizza made his stomach grumble, and he remembered he hadn't eaten since breakfast.

  "You want a beer?" Levi asked as he set the pizza down on the coffee table.

  "No."

  "I have Pepsi."

  "Do you have milk?"

  "Are you serious?"

  "Yeah. Why not?"

  "Why not? Because it's weird."

  "I like milk with tomato-based things," Jaime said defensively. "Pizza. Spaghetti. Chili. You know."

  Levi shook his head, but he went in the kitchen and came back out with a beer and a glass of milk and a roll of paper towels.

  Jaime'd ordered pizza before, of course. He'd asked for extra mushrooms. What he found was it didn't matter how many times he said it, he was still lucky to get a couple per slice. But Levi apparently knew what to say because the pizza was loaded with them.

  "That was the best pizza ever," Jaime said afterward.

  "I'm glad," Levi said, smiling at him. "Now, do you want to tell me why you're not sleeping?"

  The question surprised Jaime. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch and thought about how to answer. He didn't want to lie to Levi, but he was embarrassed to admit that, at the age of twenty-six, he was still afraid of the dark. Or, more accurately, afraid of the nightmares the darkness brought with it. "I have horrible dreams."

  "You want to talk about them?"

  He felt his cheeks turning red. "No."

  "Okay. Have you tried taking something?"

  Years ago, a therapist had given him sleeping pills, but they only made it harder to wake from the dreams. It was better to go without. "I hate that shit," he said.

  Levi didn't say anything, and Jaime opened his eyes and looked over at him. Levi was fidgeting with a hole in the knee of his jeans. He actually looked nervous. Jaime had never seen him look so uncomfortable before.

  "Don't take this wrong, Jaime," Levi asked with obvious hesitation, "but maybe I could spend the night? Maybe you'd feel better having someone else in the house. I bet you have a spare bedroom, right?"

  He did, although there wasn't a bed in it. Jaime had it set up as an office. But he knew in his heart it wouldn't matter. The thought of going back to his house and his own bed made his gut heavy with dread, and the thought of having Levi across the hall did little to alleviate it.

  Levi was still watching him, and Jaime shook his head. "I don't think it would help."

  "What would?"

  "I don't know."

  "There must be something."

  "There's not," Jaime said, but even as he spoke, he knew it was a lie. There was something. He wanted to stay at Levi's. He wanted to climb into Levi's big, soft bed, bury himself down in Levi's sweet scent, and lose himself forever. But it seemed like a ridiculous thing to ask. He leaned his head back again and closed his eyes. "You can't help me."

  "Jaime?"

  Jaime didn't lift his head, but he cracked his eyes open and turned toward Levi. Levi waited until he was watching and then slowly, slowly he reached across the couch. Jaime found he didn't even have the strength to object when Levi touched him. It wasn't much. Only his fingers on the back of Jaime's hand.

  "You need to sleep, Jaime," Levi said softly. "Tell me what I need to do."

  This was his chance--it was now or never. He took a deep breath and asked, "Can I stay with you?"

  For some reason, he expected Levi to balk or maybe even to laugh, but he didn't. He smiled with obvious relief. "Of course you can."

  "And Dolly?"

  Now, Levi did laugh. "Dolly can stay, too."

  "I'll sleep on the couch--" It wasn't what he wanted, but he had to say it.

  Levi shook his head. "No, you won't."

  The tightness in his chest eased. The relief of knowing he'd be able to get a decent night's sleep was overwhelming. Levi's fingers were still on the back of his h
and, and Jaime turned his hand over. He saw Levi's surprise and his hesitation, but then Levi's palm met his. Jaime gripped Levi's hand tight and didn't bother to fight the tears that filled his eyes. "Thank you."

  All Levi said was, "You're welcome."

  Chapter 17

  Levi wasn't sure why he was doing any of it. He didn't know why he'd asked Jaime to go surfing or to come to his house. He didn't know why he let Jaime's big, hairy dog in his truck or on his couch. He didn't know why, when he called to order the pizza, he specifically asked if they used canned mushrooms, and, when they said yes, he hung up and called a different place altogether. He didn't know why he wanted more than anything to take care of Jaime. All he knew was that he did. Jaime was obviously lost. He was obviously exhausted. He obviously needed something. And Levi was determined to give it to him.

  It wasn't until Jaime turned his hand over and his strong fingers grabbed onto Levi's hand that he realized why he'd done all of it: he cared about Jaime. It was such a simplistic explanation, but it was true. Looking back on his years in Miami, he realized he hadn't bothered to care about anyone in a very long time. He looked over at Jaime, who still had tears on his cheeks, but was already falling back to sleep. Jaime needed him. He knew it with every fiber of his being. And the truth was, it felt good to be needed. It made him feel lighter, knowing maybe he could do something good. Something important.

  "Come on," he said to Jaime as he stood up and tugged on his hand. "Let's put you to bed."

  "It's only eight o'clock," Jaime grumbled, but he let Levi push him down the hall to the bedroom. Once there, Jaime started pulling off his clothes, leaving them in a trail from the door to the bed. Levi knew Jaime would have wanted him to turn away, if he'd been awake enough to think about it, but Levi couldn't help but watch him undress. He had discovered the first day he took Jaime surfing how beautiful his body was. He wasn't huge or muscular, but he wasn't too soft either. He was thin, but not overly so. His skin was the golden-pink shade that only true redheads had, and it was almost flawless. No freckles marred his shoulders or his arms. He had sparse red hair across his chest. His legs were muscular.

  And his ass? Levi eyed it appreciatively as Jaime stepped out of his shorts. He wished he could see more of it because the shape was absolutely perfect.

  Wearing only his boxers, Jaime burrowed under the comforter and onto the bed. His head surfaced again on the other side, a spot of reddish-blonde curls above Levi's blue comforter, and he settled down with a sigh. Dolly jumped up on the bed, and Levi bit back his urge to tell her no. She turned in several circles before throwing herself down, practically on top of Jaime.

  "I really love your bed."

  Levi smiled. "Get some sleep."

  "Levi?"

  "Yes?"

  "You can sleep here, too. I'll stay on my side."

  "Don't worry about me."

  He wasn't sure Jaime heard him. He had a feeling he was already asleep.

  * * * *

  It was eleven-thirty when Levi turned off the TV and headed for his bedroom. Dolly, who was curled up by Jaime's legs, didn't raise her head, but greeted him with a wagging tail as he climbed into bed. Jaime was sound asleep, buried deep under the covers. Only one arm stuck out from under the comforter, lying across the bed, almost as if he was reaching out to Levi in his sleep.

  Levi hadn't anticipated how hard it would be to share a bed with Jaime. Jaime had said he'd stay on his side, but Levi quickly realized he was going to have a very hard time doing the same. For a long time, he lay looking at the smooth, pale skin of Jaime's arm. He remembered how scared he'd been on the couch as he'd reached for Jaime's hand, and how pleased he'd been when Jaime didn't pull away. He wondered what would happen if he touched Jaime now. Could he touch the hand that was only inches away? What about Jaime's thin wrist? Maybe he could slide his fingers up Jaime's arm. Was it possible Jaime would give in to his touch? Or would Levi only destroy the trust he'd managed to build so far?

  He reached toward Jaime. He didn't dare touch him, but he moved the comforter out of the way, so he could see Jaime's face. When Jaime was awake, Levi always thought he looked younger than his twenty-six years. But when he was asleep, he actually looked his age, and Levi realized it was Jaime's eyes that made him look so young. No matter how good a front Jaime sometimes put up, the hint of fear and vulnerability lingering there always betrayed him.

  Levi longed to touch him. His fingers itched to trace Jaime's cheekbone or his jaw. He imagined brushing his thumb over his lips. He imagined kissing him and felt every part of his body react. It wasn't just that his cock stirred, although that happened, too. He felt it everywhere--a lightness in his chest, his heart beginning to race, butterflies in his stomach, and he had to close his eyes and breathe deeply. He imagined Jaime's mouth opening underneath his. He wondered how he would taste and had to fight the urge to slide across the bed and find out.

  He felt as if he was wound tight, tense and aching, his entire body practically humming with the need to touch Jaime. To kiss him and hold him and--

  Levi sprang out of bed so fast, he made Dolly jump up in alarm. He grabbed his pillow and headed for the couch. It was old and lumpy and a little too short, but anything was better than lying in his own bed, seeing and wanting what he couldn't ever have.

  * * * *

  Jaime knew, before he even surfaced from his dream, that he was in Levi's bed. It felt good. It smelled good. It was as if somehow, something about Levi had rubbed off on his sheets, and now Jaime was wrapped in it, cocooned and comfortable, and feeling better than he had in a week.

  He hoped Levi would still be there when he opened his eyes. He hoped he'd have a moment to watch him sleep. But when he finally turned to look, he found the other side of the bed empty. Dolly rose from her spot by his feet and came to greet him, bumping his face with her nose and wagging her tail.

  Jaime checked his watch. It was nearly six. "Time for your walk, isn't it, girl?"

  She whined pitifully, although her tail continued to wag.

  "Okay, okay. I'm coming."

  He barely remembered climbing into Levi's bed the night before. His clothes were strewn across the floor, which itself was an indicator of how exhausted he'd been. He was never so sloppy. He wondered with some embarrassment if he'd at least managed to wait for Levi to leave before performing his little striptease.

  He was surprised to find Levi asleep on the couch. He was on his side with one leg and one arm hanging off at awkward angles. It made Jaime's back hurt just looking at him.

  He sat down on the floor next to him. He wasn't sure how to wake him. He wasn't sure if it was fair to touch him or not. In the end, he fell back on what he knew. He took Levi's hand and started to massage it, working the channels between his fingers as he knew Levi liked. Levi's eyes didn't open, but his breathing changed, and he sighed.

  "I bet your neck hurts," Jaime said.

  "It does."

  "You shouldn't sleep like that."

  Levi smiled. "It's okay. I know this great massage therapist. He'll fix me right up."

  Jaime felt himself blush and he was glad Levi's eyes were closed so he couldn't see. "I told you you could sleep in the bed."

  Levi was silent for a second, but finally he said, "I snore."

  "You weren't snoring just now."

  Levi's eyes opened, and Jaime found it easier to look back down at Levi's hand rather than to face him. "I didn't want to wake you," Levi said. "You needed the sleep."

  "I'm going to take Dolly for a walk and then I need to get home. You should go sleep in your bed."

  "I will," Levi said. But he didn't move. "Did you sleep well?"

  "Yes."

  "No bad dreams?"

  "No. I know it sounds crazy, but your bed..." Jaime kept his head down, hoping Levi wouldn't see his blush, but knowing his cheeks were probably so red Levi would have to be blind not to. "It makes me feel safe," he said, as he continued to massage Levi's hand. "Thank you."


  "You're welcome." Levi turned his hand, catching Jaime's fingers in his own.

  Jaime's instinct was to pull away, but before he could, Levi stood up, pulling Jaime to his feet at the same time. He let go of Jaime, then went to the table by the door and dug around in the drawer. He was wearing only a pair of shorts, and Jaime did his best to keep his eyes on Levi's face when he turned and walked back over to him. Levi's eyes were dark and sexy, seeming to ask him a question as he slowly reached for Jaime's hand.

  Jaime resisted the urge to pull away and he saw a hint of a smile on Levi's face as he took his hand. He placed something in it, curling Jaime's fingers over it with his other hand. But he didn't let go. They stood there, Levi holding Jaime's hand in both of his. It could only have been a second or two, but they felt to Jaime like the longest seconds he'd ever experienced. Levi seemed to be staring at his lips, and Jaime felt himself blush again.

  Levi hesitated, as if he didn't know what to do next, and then he took a tiny step forward. Without even thinking, Jaime backed away. Levi stopped. His smile was a little bit sad, as if Jaime's reaction was exactly what he had expected, and yet still not what he had hoped. He dropped Jaime's hand, stepping backward as he did.

  Jaime opened his hand and looked down at what Levi had given him. It was a key.

  "Is this to your apartment?" he asked in surprise.

  "I have to work tonight," Levi said, "but my bed will still be here."

  * * * *

  Levi felt good about giving Jaime a key to his place. Each night that weekend, Jaime and Dolly arrived at his apartment as Levi was leaving for work, and when Levi came home shortly after five in the morning, he'd find them both sound asleep in his bed. Jaime always seemed to wake up when Levi came in, even when Levi tried to be quiet. And even if Levi told him to keep sleeping, he wouldn't. He'd get up and take Dolly for a walk before heading home, and Levi would climb into a bed still warm from Jaime's body heat and fall sound asleep before Jaime was even dressed.