Into the Deep

  I pulled off my jacket, grinning as he came to a stop inches from me. He reached for me but I pressed a hand against his chest and shook my head with a secretive smile. When I pulled the small envelope out of my jacket pocket, Jake frowned.

  “Happy seventeenth birthday, Jake.”

  His eyes instantly brightened and he gently took the envelope from me. “It’s not until Monday.”

  I gave a little shrug. “I know, but you won’t get to thank me properly in front of everyone at school if I give it to you then.”

  He was still smiling as he opened the envelope. His smile grew huge and gorgeous when he saw what was inside. “Two tickets to Blind Side? Are you kidding me?”

  I laughed, happy he was happy. Blind Side was a really cool indie band from Seattle who Jake had come across on the Internet. We’d spent the last few months listening to them. “I’ve been stalking them and found out they’re doing a small concert in Chicago in June.”

  Jake kissed me, still smiling. When he pulled back, he gestured to me with the tickets. “This is a great fucking present.” He frowned as he reached over to put them on his dresser. “I’ve just got to find someone to take with me.”

  “Funny.”

  He laughed and caught me by the waist, swinging me off my feet and crashing me down on the bed. I held onto him, giggling like crazy, as he followed me down. “I’m going to show my appreciation now.”

  I relaxed and gave him my best seductive smile. “Bring it.”

  As he kissed me deep, I wrapped myself around him, content in the knowledge that not only had I gotten him a great birthday present but I’d completely distracted him from Brett “effing” Thomas.

  Frankenstein was a cool pub/club on George IV Bridge that Claudia and I had discovered at the beginning of the semester. On the ground floor was the bar and dance floor where people could get their pictures taken at the Frankenstein statue and watch costumed bar staff dance on the bar top to music from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. If you were looking for something a little more low-key, their basement sports bar was a lot more chill. That’s where my Edinburgh gang and I found ourselves on a cold Thursday night in December, playing a pub quiz.

  All of us except Jake—who was talking to his parents and had promised to catch up later—were seated around a mammoth booth. Lowe was sitting in between Claudia and Beck and Claud kept leaning around Lowe to argue with Beck about the answers to the emcee’s questions. Rowena and Denver sat across from them trying to be helpful, but sometimes they had to resort to stealing the answer sheet from Beck. Matt had fallen asleep next to an exasperated-looking Lowe, who appeared to want to be anywhere but where he was—stuck in between the most frustrating non-couple ever.

  To my surprise when we’d slid into the booth, Melissa had slid in beside me. She’d been giving me friendly smiles since we’d all met up out on the Cowgate. I had no idea what to do with that since the last time I saw her, I was pretty sure she wanted to kill either me or Jake.

  “What is the largest omnivore in Britain?” the guy on the mic asked. “I’ll repeat, what is the largest omnivore in Britain?”

  “What kind of question is that?” Beck asked.

  “Does Britain have omnivores?” Claudia’s expression pretty much mirrored Beck’s.

  “I’m going tae pretend ye didnae ask that.” Rowena shook her head and pulled the paper toward her. “It’s a badger, people. A badger.”

  Melissa put a gentle hand on my shoulder, drawing me out of the conversation and into a little bubble with her at the back of the booth. I raised an eyebrow in question. “You okay?”

  She looked determined but also a little nervous, a strain visible in her pretty blue eyes. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior at the library. I know things are complicated and I’m trying. Really.”

  “Melissa, you don’t have to—”

  “No,” she held up a hand to cut me off, “I really need to explain, because right now I’m just this girl with a name who is dating your first love. You don’t know me and I only know you from what Jake’s told me. So I need to explain.” Melissa leaned into me, her voice just loud enough for me to hear. “When I met Jake, he was just coming out of what I’d later discover were a few messy years. Drinking, partying, sleeping around, and refusing to make a connection with anyone who wasn’t Beck. Luckily, he was starting to get pretty bored with that life and was pulling himself together, so when we started talking, he didn’t want a relationship but was open to a friendship. I liked him so much, I took what I could get. As soon as it dawned on me that I woke up each day excited about seeing him, I knew I’d fallen for him. We grew close enough that he trusted me with what happened—with you, with … everything. So I know,” she nodded, her regard kind and understanding and so not easy to hate. “I know what you meant to him, I know how special he thinks you are, and I know that he hurt you and that things between you are unresolved.” Melissa took a shaky sip of her beer before turning back to me. “But I’m not just some girl he met, Charley. I’m one of his best friends.

  “I’ve never judged him, and I like to think I helped him finally realize that what happened wasn’t his fault—that he’s not a bad person. Every day since meeting me, Jake has smiled a little more. He laughs at my stupid jokes because he cares enough to. I know that he can’t start the day without black coffee, that he texts his brother every day about random stuff as an excuse to check in with him, I know he treats listening to Pearl Jam like a religious experience, and I know that when he sleeps on his back, he snores. I know him. We share the same views on practically everything, we never fight—well, until you—and I know that that means a lot to him. I love him and he loves me and I give him peace.

  “Thing is, I know that he cares about you too and that he wants to be your friend. That isn’t easy for me and I imagine that my existence isn’t easy for you. But we both care about Jake, so I want to give friendship a shot. I think if we try to be friends with each other as well as Jake that it might help.” She smiled. “I can be pretty cool when you get to know me.”

  I swallowed hard, feeling everything she’d said like a burning log in my throat. “I can see that,” I replied a little roughly. “And thanks. For being honest.”

  “Jake says you appreciate people being upfront and straightforward.”

  I nodded, not sure what to say, how to respond, and thanking God when our group got loud as they greeted someone. Jake. He grinned at us, his warm eyes coming to a rest on Melissa and me. Noting our expressions, his own grew thoughtful.

  “Here, man, I’ll let you in.” Beck began sliding along the booth.

  “Let me out first,” I called, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. “I need a drink. Anyone else?”

  Everyone but Claudia was set, so they let me out and as I stood, Jake moved in. Looking up into his face was a big mistake. It made what Melissa had said hurt that much more.

  He looked into my eyes and flinched, concern immediately puckering his brow at whatever he saw in me. His lips parted and I knew a question regarding my welfare was coming, so I hurried toward the bar and hoped he’d slide in next to his girl and forget all about me.

  I leaned against the bar, trying to catch my breath and stem the shaking in my hands.

  Every time I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I got smacked in the face. Everything she said was enough to cut through me and finally put me in my place. She gave him peace. They didn’t fight or argue over stupid shit. They were good. They were perfect together. She gave him peace.

  She was his one.

  And I just had to hope to God that Jake wasn’t my one.

  A warm body nudged into my side and I glanced up from the broken place I’d just been in to stare into Lowe’s gorgeous face. He winced, a reaction fairly similar to what Jake’s had been when he looked at me a minute ago. Lowe put an arm around my waist and tugged me into his side. “He’s my friend and he’s a great guy, but right now I could kill him.”

  I reared ba
ck a little, my gaze speculative. “What?”

  “Charley, your poker face is slipping and he knows it. He saw it, the pain in your eyes after whatever the fuck Melissa said, and if that isn’t enough to get him to stop being a selfish bastard and back off so you can move on, then I might have to hurt him. He wants you both. He can’t have you both and needs to wake the fuck up and see that.”

  I tried to pull away from him, not wanting to discuss this with him, of all people. “I can handle it.”

  Lowe gripped me tighter, refusing to let me retreat into myself. “Sure. You’re a tough badass.”

  “You know it,” I muttered.

  Lowe laughed softly and gave me a squeeze. “We go back to that table and you sit with me so I don’t have to sit in between Sid and Nancy over there.”

  I chuckled, attempting to pull myself out of the tugging weight of heartache. “I don’t need you to rescue me, Lowe.”

  “No, but I need you to rescue me from Claud and Beck.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I paid for the drinks and walked back to the table at Lowe’s side. We slid into the booth and I leaned into him as he casually put his arm around me, turning to say something to Beck.

  Glancing up quickly at Jake, I found him staring at me with that little pucker between his brows again. Bolstering myself, I gave him a carefree smile and shot it Melissa’s way too. She looked relieved and snuggled into Jake’s side.

  Ignoring them, I laughed at Beck as he tried to steal a sip of Claudia’s drink and got slapped for it. He smiled at her mischievously. “It’s the closest you’re going to get to my tongue, babe, so I’d let me have a drink.”

  Claudia made an affronted “ugh” sound at the back of her throat. “If I wanted your tongue, I could have your tongue. Put my drink down, you Neanderthal.”

  “A little overconfident in your charms, gorgeous.”

  My best friend threw her hands up in the air and turned to me. “Why am I letting him wind me up?”

  I gestured helplessly, laughing. “I don’t know. Why are you?”

  She narrowed her eyes on Beck. “Maybe because he’s been a broody asshole for the last two weeks but tonight he’s himself again and I don’t want to ruin that but if he doesn’t put down my drink my stiletto is going through his foot.”

  Beck gave her an appeasing smile and slowly lowered her beer. “Let’s not get crazy now.”

  Rolling my eyes I glanced up at Lowe and we shared a knowing look. Beck was in a good mood because Claudia had stopped dating the Scottish guy from the library. It was a good thing because she’d been fake enthusiastic about the whole thing for the past week, and the reason why was sitting next to her.

  Beck and Claud needed to sort themselves out already.

  I relaxed back into Lowe and asked him when the guys were playing next, happy to let an attractive, great-smelling guy do what he could to take my mind off Jake and his one and only.

  Despite Brett’s efforts to make both Jake and me persona non grata, Alex was too cool a guy to listen to petty slander. That’s why when Alex invited Jake and me to his seventeenth birthday party, I told him we’d be there. Jake hadn’t been certain we should go, but I was sick of the drama and didn’t want my senior year to be as loaded with it as my junior year had been. Don’t get me wrong—I would go through it all again to be with Jake, but that didn’t mean dodging certain classmates and having to think up clever retorts when I couldn’t dodge them wasn’t a pain in the ass.

  Things between Jake and Brett had only grown more strained when Doug Clare, one of Trenton’s oldest friends and well-known Trenton follower, was arrested and charged not only for breaking and entering Logan Caplin’s office but for vandalism and destruction of private property. Sheriff Muir knew that Trenton put Doug up to it, but without any evidence and Doug being idiot enough to take the fall for his friend, there was nothing Muir could do about Brett’s father’s involvement. This meant that Jake was always just seconds away from punching a smug, taunting Brett Thomas in the face. During the last few weeks, I’d used a lot of distraction techniques to make sure Jake kept his cool.

  Alex promised me he’d had a quiet word with Brett and that he felt he’d finally gotten through to him. My ex wanted to make amends for the crap Jake and I had put up with; I just wanted Jake and his family to start feeling like Lanton was their home. So I dragged Jake to the party.

  “I’m telling you,” Jake sighed, taking my hand, “this is not a good idea.”

  I smiled at a classmate as we strode up the wide white timber-frame porch of Alex’s home. His parents lived in a large house at the edge of Jake’s neighborhood. A long drive led up to the five-bedroom house, and right now that drive was packed with cars. Alex’s birthday had actually been a week ago but Mayor and Mr. Roster were vacationing in Cape Cod for their twentieth anniversary, so Alex had pounced on the opportunity to throw a kegger behind their backs. It was a bad idea, and I told him so. He grinned at me with boyish excitement, a look I knew, and a look there was no point arguing with.

  “Jake, it’ll be fine. We need this.” I squeezed his hand as we walked into the packed house together. Hip-hop pounded throughout the ground floor, kids were dancing and drinking in the large living area, talking and drinking in the dining room and hallway, and bodies littered all the way up to the second floor.

  “Hey, Jake!” Amanda Reyes stumbled to a stop in front of us, her cheeks flushed but her eyes focused. I noted the can of Red Bull in her hands. She wasn’t drinking, which wasn’t a surprise. Neither was her enthusiastic greeting toward Jake. Her crush had not waned one iota. I was surprised that she was at the party, however. Amanda wasn’t really part of the social scene outside of school. It looked like she was trying to change that. Her eyes flicked to me and although they dimmed a little, she still gave me a smile. “Hey, Charley.”

  “Hey, Amanda,” I answered.

  “Amanda,” Jake gave her a friendly nod and then walked around her, his hand still in mine. He did this every time she approached him. He was friendly but not too friendly, and when I was with him, he emphasized it by keeping me close. I got the impression her obvious crush made him a little uncomfortable.

  I gave Amanda an awkward wave and her face fell as she watched Jake drag me away.

  As soon as we were out of earshot, I pulled on Jake’s arm. “Dude, we need to find her a guy.”

  Jake’s eyes widened in agreement. “You think.”

  I laughed. “You should be flattered.”

  He tugged me closer to his side as we waited to get past a group of kids standing in the kitchen doorway. “I am. But every time she gives me those sad puppy eyes, I want to run a mile. Sad puppy eyes from a girl I know is bad enough, but from a girl I don’t …” He shrugged as if to say “I don’t know what to do with that.”

  “Charley, Jake, you came,” Alex smiled as we entered the packed kitchen. He squeezed through to greet us at the door. “I wasn’t sure you would.”

  I glanced over at his shoulder to see a very drunk Brett give us the stink-eye before he wrapped an arm around Lacey’s neck and stumbled outside with her. Turning my attention back to Alex, I teased him. “And miss your birthday-slash-excuse to wreck your parents’ house? How could we?”

  He laughed. “Whatever. It’ll all be good. They don’t get back for another four days, so I’ve got plenty of time to clean up. I also roped a couple of sophomores into helping out with cleanup tomorrow.”

  Jake snorted. “How’d you manage that?”

  Alex leaned into us. “I’m paying them fifty bucks each,” he admitted, as if it were some genius secret.

  “They’re cleaning up a royal mess for a measly fifty bucks?” I said.

  “Hey, these are desperate times,” Alex laughed and then pointed to the counter to our right. “Lots of drink over there. Help yourselves. I am going to hunt down a certain senior who slipped her phone number in my ass pocket at school.”

  “Good luck with that.”


  He winked at me and brushed past us.

  Once Jake and I had grabbed a couple of beers, he pulled me back out of the kitchen and out of the house to the porch where it was a little quieter. “So you and Alex seem good,” he said, but I could see the question in his eyes.

  Hoping this wasn’t leading into a familiar fight, I leaned back against a pillar and replied casually, “We are. You know we are. It was weird at first for him, but he’s over me.”

  Jake nodded into his beer. “I know I haven’t always been a big fan of his because of Brett, but I think you might be right. The guy goes out of his way to be cool to me at school. I’m letting this shit with Thomas skew that.”

  “How about,” I leaned into him, my fingers tangled in his shirt, “for tonight, we don’t think about any of that?”

  His eyes glittered and he nodded, bending down to brush his mouth over mine. I smiled happily into his face and settled back against the pillar.

  “We met at a party like this.”

  “Six months ago.”

  I studied him in the low light, wondering how it was possible I’d only known him for six months. “That doesn’t seem right somehow, does it? I can’t remember what it feels like not to be with you.”

  “Ditto, baby.” He took a pull of his beer, his affection focused on me. “This is it from now on. You and me. Sure you can handle that?”

  “Well, it’ll be a hardship, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger,” I teased.

  “Hardship, my ass.” He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into his body, grinning wickedly down at me.

  “Oh, people I know!”

  We turned as Lois McKinley zeroed in on us from across the porch, her beer spilling as she dragged her best friend Deke over to us. Lois was the editor of the school paper (and sick of hearing Lois Lane jokes) and Deke was her computer-geek sidekick.

  “Hey, guys,” I eyed Deke. “Not working at Hub’s tonight?”

  He shook his head,. “I swapped shifts. It’s not every day you get invited to a party at Alex Roster’s house.”