Into the Deep

  My mouth dropped open at the news. Jake gave me a reassuring squeeze when he felt my body grow tense against him. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

  Claudia nodded jerkily. “I need to do it. Otherwise it’s just going to eat at me. And I’d invite everyone, but I don’t want everyone there. It’s too personal. I just need you guys with me. If you’re willing to come along with me, that is.”

  “Of course.” I nodded

  “I’m happy to come too,” Jake answered softly as my eyes sought out Beck’s. Not sure this was a good idea at all, I kind of blamed him for encouraging it.

  I won’t let anything happen to her, he promised me silently.

  I narrowed my eyes. That makes two of us.

  “Well,” Claudia heaved a sigh, “that’s good news. And it’ll be fun too. I mean, Barcelona,” she smiled, trying to cut the tension. “It’s still a few months away. Something to look forward to. Your parents will be fine with it, right?”

  At the mention of my parents, I tensed again. “Uh … yeah.”

  Understanding my sudden discomfort, Claudia’s eyes widened. “Oh, you haven’t told your mom and dad about Jake. That should be fun,” she grimaced.

  Jake stilled behind me.

  “Fuck,” I murmured.

  Jake had asked me a few times in the last month about my family and their reaction to us being back together. I’d been deliberately vague about the whole thing because … well … I hadn’t told them. They knew something was up because I’d been somewhat cagey in our conversations, but I just hadn’t been able to bring myself to discuss Jake with them.

  The truth was I didn’t know how to discuss it with them, to make them understand, when I was still trying to work out the whole thing for myself.

  By the tightening of Jake’s body against mine, I could tell he wasn’t happy about the news. He’d told his family. Apparently they were delighted for him, for us.

  Shit.

  “Anyway,” Claudia gave me an apologetic smile before continuing on, “Beck and I were just dropping by to grab my purse before we head to the movies.”

  “Movies?” I jumped on the idea, suddenly not wanting to be alone with Jake because I knew he was like a dog with a bone and would interrogate me about my family and then ask me about the whole “nape” thing again until I told him the truth.

  Claud frowned. “You want to come?”

  “Sure.” I twisted around to smile at Jake. “Movies?”

  He studied me carefully, and I knew he didn’t like whatever he saw behind my eyes. But he let it go and nodded slowly.

  I crawled out of his lap, ignoring the strain between us. Pulling playfully on his hand, I tugged him up off the seat. We filed out of the kitchen after Beck and Claudia, grabbing our coats as we went. Claudia and Beck stepped out into the building hallway and I was just about to follow when Jake’s hand appeared above my head on the door and he slammed it closed.

  Whirling around in surprise, I stared up at him as he pressed his body into mine. “What are you doing?”

  There was a wary aspect in his eyes as he replied, “I don’t really feel like a movie right now.”

  “Oh?”

  “I have something far more active in mind.”

  Relieved that he didn’t want to talk and also already turned on, I gave him a cocky once-over. “Do you think I’ll find it satisfactorily entertaining?”

  “I’m thinking mind-blowing.”

  “Mind-blowing?” I arched an eyebrow. “You’ll have to work really hard for mind-blowing.”

  He smirked at me, his eyes lidded with desire. “I think I’m up for the challenge.”

  “It’ll have to—”

  He cut me off but I didn’t care when he did it with such skill. His kiss was lush and earthy and so addictive. I held onto him for dear life as he kissed me breathless. When he eventually came up for air, I panted hard against his mouth. “Mind-blowing could definitely work for me.”

  Jake gave me a cocky smile and grabbed my hand, leading me back down the hall toward my bedroom. “Don’t get too comfortable,” he told me smoothly. “Sex first. Issues and answers later.”

  My grip tightened in his at his announcement and despite my fear of Jake discovering just how fragile my grasp on our relationship was, I followed him bravely inside.

  I may not be ready to let Jake lead me back into the deep, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to let him try …

  Sitting in the Library Bar, picking nervously at the soft wood of the table he was leaning on, Jake glanced at the clock above the bar and wondered for the fifteenth time if Charley was actually going to turn up, or if this was a deliberate stand-up. A form of revenge.

  For the first time in a very long time, his stomach churned with nerves.

  He’d always hoped that he might come across Charley at Edinburgh University, that he’d finally get a chance to apologize for the shitty things he’d said and done, but to actually see her for the first time since Lanton was so much more overwhelming than he’d expected.

  The sight of her across the room at Denver’s party had knocked the breath right out of him, and everyone else, including his girlfriend, had disappeared. When Charley had run from him without even saying a word … well, that stung. More than stung.

  He’d been a moody bastard for the last couple of days, something that was not lost on Melissa, and she was smart enough to know why. It wasn’t fair to her. He needed to talk this out with Charley, needed the closure so he could move on like she probably had and then make it up to Mel for being such a dick.

  All thoughts of moving on were shoved forcefully out of his mind as Charley Redford finally stepped into the Library Bar. The first thing she did was share a flirtatious smile with the bartender. Jake felt a spike of possessive jealousy simmer in his blood. Scowling at the guy, it felt like it was three and a half years ago again—as though Charley was his and he was pissed off because she’d smiled at that idiot Alex Roster, who made it so obvious he was dying to get into her pants.

  Jake mentally shook himself.

  It wasn’t three and a half years ago. It was now. She wasn’t his to care who the fuck she smiled at.

  Supposedly.

  Swallowing hard, Jake watched her cross the room, a slight, natural swing in her hips that he didn’t think she was even aware of. That was the thing about Charley. The girl knew she was smart, she was confident, and she was capable, but she had no fucking clue she was sexy. It only made all those things about her sexier.

  What the hell was she wearing? Was she trying to kill him?

  Her long, blond hair fell down her back in a riot of pale waves, dyed platinum now instead of her natural ash blond, still a constant reminder of amazing sex. She had bed hair. He’d loved her bed hair. Every day the sight of her hair had been a reminder that he had the distinct honor of knowing more about her than anyone else in the world.

  Right now that hair was swinging against her back, leaving her perfect breasts unobstructed from all male view in her snug green Harley top that showed off a sliver of her flat stomach. Jake wasn’t even going to get started on the tight black jeans and ankle boots.

  His dick stirred in his jeans and he shifted uncomfortably, longing and guilt warring for control within him.

  Guilt won and he focused on her face, reminding himself he was there to move on.

  “Jake,” she greeted him, her voice emotionless.

  A sharp pang radiated in his chest at her indifference, and he had to stop himself from physically rubbing the pain away.

  Finding his voice, he replied just as calmly, “Charley,” then raised his hand for the ogling asshole of a bartender to serve them. They gave their orders to him as the guy focused on Charley like he wanted to eat her up. It took a lot of effort not to tell the guy to piss off.

  A silence Jake didn’t like fell between them as they waited for their drinks. They’d never had awkward silences between them. Never. He’d been able to sit in the most per
fect quiet with Charley, neither of them saying a word because they didn’t need to fill every minute with conversation. They’d never felt the need to prove to the other that they were interesting. They’d always just … fit.

  Fuck. It suddenly occurred to Jake that being around Charley might be a bad idea, if only for his and Melissa’s relationship, but when their coffees arrived and she glanced up at him with those spectacular hazel eyes, the same eyes that had drawn him in from the moment his had collided with them at a bonfire, Jake was a goner.

  A contentment he hadn’t felt in a long time began to settle over him and he relaxed in his seat, sipping his coffee. “Your hair is much lighter. It looks good.”

  She stared blankly back at him and he felt his chest tighten again.

  When he first met Charley, it was her eyes he noticed, not just because they were physically striking but because of the way she looked right into you. If Charley caught your eye, you’d find it difficult to look away.

  He’d never seen her eyes shut him out before. Not once.

  When she wasn’t smiling or laughing with him, her eyes were. If they weren’t laughing, they were silently telling him she adored him, she’d do anything for him, he was everything to her. Even when they were arguing about something and there was a whole lot of fire in those eyes, the adoration never went away. An adoration and vulnerability made only more special because she didn’t look at anyone else that way. Not ever. For her family, there was affection and love. For her friends, an easy loyalty. For Jake, all her doors were wide open.

  To have that be gone and to know he was responsible hurt more than he was prepared for.

  Jake cleared his throat, needing to apologize and explain. “I know I fucked up hugely.”

  Appearing instantly bored, Charley sighed. “Is that why I came here, Jake? To listen to you state the obvious?”

  A panic clawed at Jake’s throat as his worst fears and pained prediction were confirmed. She’d moved on. Wanted nothing to do with him. It’s what he should’ve wanted. What he was sure he wanted for the both of them, and for him and Melissa, but now that Charley was sitting in front of him, he admitted to himself that he’d kill for her to smile at him. Absolutely kill for it. “I’m trying here. You used to admire honesty. Have you changed?”

  “I’m meaner now. A lesson I learned from you.”

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Controlling his self-directed anger, Jake leaned closer, hoping she could see the sincerity in his eyes as he told her, “I was a dick to you. I can’t take that back. But I can apologize. I can try to explain.”

  The slight nod she gave him unlocked the tension in his muscles.

  “I was lost somewhere else inside my head when it happened, Charley. I couldn’t see past that to anything or anyone. I was angry that it got that out of control and I blamed myself. You got caught up in it.”

  Still cool, seeming nothing more than curious, Charley replied, “I never turned my back on you, though. I don’t understand why you blamed me.”

  Unable to admit the truth—that he had irrationally blamed her for what happened because he needed to be angry at someone other than himself—Jake fought through the surprising pain he felt at rehashing history with her. “I didn’t blame you. I said things I didn’t even mean. All I wanted was to get out of there and put the whole thing behind me. By the time I looked back, it was too late. I couldn’t change what I’d done to you. I couldn’t change what I’d destroyed. I thought it was better to just let you move on. We were just kids, Charley.” He said it because he thought that’s what she’d want to hear.

  But it wasn’t true. Not to Jake. Their age had nothing to do with it. They’d loved each other. And waking up out of his fog three months after leaving Lanton to realize he’d lost her forever had, along with the day of Brett’s death, been the worst of his life. Luckily, he had parents who understood and helped him through it. A long time ago, his dad had let his work take over his life, neglecting his wife and young family. Jake’s mom had left him. It scared the living crap out of Logan Caplin and he’d desperately fought to win her back. It meant Logan understood and he did his damnedest to get his son through it.

  Jake was glad his dad had gotten his happy ending.

  At least one of them had.

  Watching Charley as she processed his apology, Jake studied every inch of her face. At first glance, someone might say she wasn’t a knockout like her friend Claudia, but she was very pretty with delicate features. But when you looked again, there was something about Charley that took her beyond pretty, beyond beautiful. She was perfect to him, even when she wasn’t.

  Her brows puckered together as she asked quietly, “Move on from me? Or from there?”

  Thoughts moving in the entirely wrong direction, Jake decided to answer honestly this time. “From there. From you too. You were a part of it, as much as I didn’t want you to be.”

  For the first time since she’d sat down, Jake detected a hint of annoyance in her tone as she replied, “Then it’s a good thing you didn’t come back, if that’s the way you still see it.”

  As much as he was glad to observe some emotional reaction from her, it was quickly becoming clear to him that he wanted to see her again and he couldn’t see her again if he pissed her off. He guessed she’d only want to see him again if she still felt a modicum of something, anything, toward him.

  At Denver’s party her reaction had implied she wasn’t unmoved by their situation, but her attitude the night before at Teviot and now again sitting across from him suggested she was. Confused, Jake hedged his words carefully to see if he could get her to admit one way or another how she felt. She definitely had been a lot easier to read when they were together. “Charley, all I remember now about you is the good stuff. I let all that other shit go. You were the best friend I ever had. I miss you. I’ve always missed you and regretted how I left it. But at the party … the way you looked at me … that was hard. I’d somehow convinced myself that you would be indifferent about it all. You quickly dissuaded me of that.”

  To his relief, Charley relaxed against her seat. “I know it wasn’t easy for you and your family, Jake. I know that’s the biggest understatement of the century … I tried, though, I tried to understand, and as much as I want to, I can’t excuse what you did to me because of what happened. That doesn’t mean your apology doesn’t help. It does. Thank you.”

  Tenderness toward her rose in him and he found himself smiling at her. For all her cockiness and smart-assery, Charley had always been one of the kindest people he’d ever met. She’d tried to be there for him so much after Brett died. God, she’d tried to be there for him when it was happening, and he’d been so proud of how she’d handled it. Even trying to save Brett’s life. She was the one person in the world who hadn’t deserved the shit he’d given her. Nothing could change what he’d done, or take away how badly he felt about it. However, he had the chance now to try to make it up to her as much as he could, to be a friend and prove to her that he wasn’t the bad guy she thought he’d turned out to be.

  He was still Jake.

  Before he could stop himself or think of the consequences, he said abruptly, “I want us to be friends.”

  “What?”

  Instead of using her disbelief at his suggestion to back out of something he knew Melissa would definitely have a hard time dealing with, Jake continued on in hope of persuading his ex to give him time to prove himself. “We’re both here for the year. We were great friends once …”

  His hope was quickly dashed as Charley stood and threw money for her coffee on the table. “Look, Jake, I’m sorry I reacted that way to you at the party, and I promise that from now on, if I see you around I’ll be polite. You don’t deserve any more shit in your life. But it’s been a while. We’re different people now. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  Before he could get another word out, she turned and strode away from him, unconsciously beautiful and consciously out of reach.

  A fist of pu
re, unadulterated pain twisted in his chest and Jake sat back feeling breathless. Leaning his elbows on the table, his head in his hands, he fought to catch his breath.

  Jesus.

  He was still in love with her.

  Hands shaking, Jake reached for the last of his coffee to soothe his suddenly parched throat.

  He was still in love with her.

  I’m still in love with her.

  His insides felt suffocated. Jake didn’t know how else to describe it.

  It was a good thing she didn’t want anything to do with him. Feeling this way about her wasn’t fair to Melissa and in the end, it did neither of them any good.

  Charley had done the right thing.

  Exhaling heavily, Jake stood, pulling his wallet out and shoving a ten-pound note on the table, overtipping the irritating bartender and not even noticing. Instead he walked out of Teviot in a fog.

  Next time he saw Charley, he’d just do as she wanted, leave her alone, and give her a polite nod hello.

  Jake rubbed a hand through his hair, ignoring the knifelike pain in his chest at the thought, and knowing for certain that next time he saw Charley, he’d probably do everything in his power to persuade her that spending the next year of college in his company wasn’t such a bad idea.

  Cursing inwardly, Jake shoved his hands in his jeans and headed toward New Town where he was meeting up with Melissa. Melissa, his girlfriend. A sweet girl, a kind girl, a cute girl, and his friend whom he loved.

  It had taken him a while to come to the decision to start dating her seriously, but he’d finally made that decision under the realization that he was never going to fall in love with a girl the way he’d fallen for Charley. If he couldn’t have Charley, he’d have to settle for attraction and affection.

  He’d battled with that decision because he thought Mel deserved better, but she’d convinced him she wanted to be with him, no matter what.

  They both hadn’t factored in the consequences of Charley’s reappearance in his life. For a while, he’d let himself forget what it was like to be around her.

  It was peace. It was war. It was excitement. It was contentment. It was exhilaration. It was soothing. It was heat. It was calm.