All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1)

  I was an idiot.

  I took a deep breath and tried for the third time. “What I mean is that I don’t want to charge you for anything. I want you to look around and find whatever you want and take it home. You too, Dee,” I said softly. “But only if you want or if you find something you want. My store isn’t everyone’s style. Some people say it’s too girly.”

  “I couldn’t do that,” she said quietly, and her eyes again went soft. “And your store is gorgeous, Honey. I always look in when I’m walking down Main Street, and I’ve been meaning to come in for a while now.”

  My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.

  “And seeing that neither of my children have introduced us, I’ll do it myself,” she continued with a playful dig. “I’m Dianne, Ben and Dee’s mom.”

  “I’m Sasha,” I said, introducing myself to her for the second time today.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you, Sasha.”

  My heart now slammed in my chest begging for freedom. Ben had told his family about me? What could he have told them? I looked at him over my shoulder and gave him wide eyes, and he gave me a smile in return.

  “Come on, Mom, let’s go choose something.” Dee laughed, and I stopped eye balling her brother and looked back at her. “If you’re free on Sunday, come to my house with Ben. We cook way too much food and sit on the couch and watch football. I have no clue what I’m watching, so it would be good to have another girl there to gossip with. Unless you want to watch the football.”

  “We’ll be there,” Ben answered for me and gently squeezed my waist.

  “Awesome. The kids are excited to meet Sasha.”

  Kids?

  Dee and Dianne left the counter and walked straight to the candle display, and I took a deep breath. Ben twisted me around quickly so we were chest to chest. My arms circled his waist and his hands rested on my lower back.

  “You did good,” he murmured. “Expect to see Mom a lot now that she’s met you. But, Sasha, you are going to have to let her pay for things. She’ll want to do that. Dad wants to meet you too, and he’ll have an issue with you not letting Mom pay for the shit she brings home.”

  “But I don’t want their money.”

  “Sweetheart, you don’t have to buy their acceptance.”

  Buy their acceptance? What the hell? I sucked in a breath as I felt my body tense and heat. His words were a massive slap in the face, and I needed distance. I stepped out of his arms and took two steps back.

  “I’m not trying to buy anyone’s acceptance, Ben. They are important to you, so I thought I’d do something nice for them. I’ve never had the chance to use the term ‘family discount’ before, so I thought I’d give that to your family.”

  He sighed and regret flashed in his eyes. “Sweetheart.”

  “You should go. I have work to do.”

  I didn’t wait for him to speak, I just transformed into Sasha Hamilton, Sass Owner. Putting my shoulders back, I put a grin on my face and crossed the store to where his mom and sister were both looking at me with varying degrees of confusion.

  It was only when I was handing his mom a blackberry-scented candle that I heard the bell over the door chime, and I knew he’d left.

  28

  SASHA

  I needed cake.

  A lot of cake.

  But it wasn’t Sunday and I didn’t have Gigi’s cake to gorge on, so Missy’s was the next best bet.

  After locking up Sass, I darted across the street and burst into Missy’s. It was early evening before the dinner rush hit, so only a few tables were occupied. Missy was behind the counter, and Crazy John, and surprisingly Austin, were sitting at the counter.

  “I need cake,” I announced dramatically, crossing the diner.

  “Oh fuck, we have a drama,” Crazy John grunted. “What’s it today?”

  “His friend is frustrating,” I announced, pointing at Austin.

  Crazy John scoffed. “You mean your boyfriend is frustrating.”

  My boyfriend.

  I glared at him, and he grinned back at me. “You frustrate me too.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “Love you too, Sassy.”

  I pulled out a stool, placed my purse on top of the counter, and took a seat. Missy slid a massive piece of caramel cheesecake in front of me, handed me a fork, and shot me a wink. Her status as Best Friend knew no boundaries. I dug into the caramel goodness and the sugar started to do its job. All afternoon I’d been thinking of Ben’s words. What I said to him was true. I never got to give my discount to family before, so it felt good to offer it to his family, and I had it pushed back in my face. He’d tried calling me, and sent a couple of texts, but my stubbornness won out in the end and I ignored them; although, it was hard not to break and respond.

  “So, what did he do?” Austin asked, stealing my fork and taking a huge chunk of my cheesecake. “Fuck, Missy, this is good.”

  “You’ve just become my favorite.”

  “About time.” He winked at her before turning back to me. “So, spill.”

  I stole my fork back from him, took another huge bite and a sip of the coffee Missy had just place in front of me, and then answered, “I offered to give his mom and sister discounts at Sass, and he informed me that I didn’t need to buy their acceptance.”

  “You met Mrs. Hunt?” Austin asked, shocked.

  “Yep, she came to Sass with Dee today,” I revealed. “I called Ben to tell him, and then he turned up, kissed me in front of them, and then informed me that his Dad wants to meet me. Now, I’m apparently going to Dee’s house to watch football.”

  “Jesus, fuck,” Austin murmured.

  “What?”

  “Sash, this is huge.” He leaned back and scratched his lightly covered jaw. “Really fucking huge. I’ve known Ben since we were six. We’ve been through a lot of shit together, and he has never taken a woman to meet his family for a casual Sunday football session. And his father has certainly never wanted to meet a woman he has been seeing.”

  “Really?” I gasped, my eyes wide and my mouth agape.

  His low chuckle settled me. “Yeah, babe. And while we’re talking about this, I’ve got to tell you, I’ve never seen him this into a woman before. You mean a lot to him. Remember that.”

  I nodded and took a huge bite of cheesecake, before looking back at him. “Are you breaking bro code by telling me this?”

  His laughter echoed around us. “I don’t really give a shit. I am sure if I’m ever in the position when a woman knocks me off my feet, Hunt will be telling her something similar.”

  “Not if, when. I’m making it my mission to find you a woman.” I smiled and began nodding.

  “Christ, you sound like Ducky.”

  “Who’s Ducky?”

  “My sister, Ashlyn.”

  “I’ll have to call her when I find potential women for you. ”

  “Hunt, control your woman!” Austin demanded, and I twisted around just as Ben stepped through the door.

  “What has she done now?” He asked, humor evident in his words.

  “Her mission is to find me a woman.”

  Ben threw his head back and gave me the laugh I loved seeing. The deep, sincere laugh that transformed his whole face, relaxed his entire body, and brought a sparkle to his eyes.

  I turned back, and Missy leaned over the counter toward me. “He is so fucking into you,” she whispered, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly. “If I didn’t love you like a sister, I’d—”

  “Hate me?” I smirked, before shivering with the feel of Ben coming up behind me and sweeping my hair off my shoulder. "You've been telling me that a lot lately."

  “You got a brother? Cousin? Long lost best friend?” Missy piped up, quirking a brow at Ben as if to say “hmm?”

  Ben kissed my bare shoulder quickly and then focused back on Missy. “No brother. Definitely got cousins, and unless you want to fuck Austin, I’ve got no other best friend. But I’ve got a few
boys I’d take a bullet for.”

  “This sounds promising,” she said, before stepping out from behind the counter and going to greet her parents that had just arrived.

  "How’d I know I’d find you here?” Ben asked, bringing all his attention to me. He dragged out the stool beside me, took a seat, and then lightly kissed my jaw, which sent shivers down my spine.

  "Are you back to stalking me, Benjamin?” I flirted, feeling myself begin to swoon at the thought of him coming to find me.

  He shook his head, amused. "You must still be pissed at me if you’re calling me Benjamin?”

  "Maybe a little.”

  He leaned over, grabbed my chin, and kissed me softly, offering only the briefest touch of his tongue.

  "Still pissed?” he whispered, running the pad of his thumb over my tingling bottom lip.

  I melted against him. "You play dirty, Detective.”

  An hour later, after I’d finished my cheesecake and coffee and Ben had had his own, it was decided that we’d stay and have burgers for dinner. Ben, Austin, Crazy John, and I moved to the booth by the window, and Missy joined us soon after. Conversation flowed, laughter filled the table, and Ben’s arm rested across my shoulders while we waited for our dinner to arrive. It felt so . . . comfortable. Like these were my people. It felt good. Even while he spoke to Austin, Ben kept his arm around me, and I enjoyed the feel of his fingertip caressing my bare skin just below the sleeve of my top.

  Sometimes I still didn’t know how this had become my life. How this man who’d absolutely rocked my world stumbled into my life? It would be a lie if I said he didn’t mean something to me. If I was being completely honest, he meant more to me than any other man had. What he offered me was everything I needed, but nothing I’d ever wanted: protection, comfort, stability, and the promise of being someone’s priority. It freaked the absolute hell out of me.

  “You good?” Ben leaned down and whispered into my ear.

  I looked up at him and nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Happy to hear that, Sweetheart.” He kissed my temple, and his finger restarted its caress of my arm. “It’s Sunday tomorrow.”

  An excited shiver exploded within me because I knew exactly what Sunday meant. His soft chuckle beside me indicated he’d felt my reaction. “My place or yours?”

  His smirk shot right between my legs with the promise of what the day would bring. “Start at mine, go out for supplies, end at yours.”

  “How can a girl say no to that?” I winked.

  “Are you two done with being cute?” Missy laughed from across the table. “Seriously, you are turning my girl into mush.”

  “I think its the other way around, Missy,” Austin added. “I’ve never seen Ben this pussy whipped before.”

  Ben scoffed. “I cannot wait for the day you meet a woman who gets under your fucking skin.”

  I was under Ben’s skin?

  “Where the hell is my burger? Enough of the cute chat, lets talk about the hunger chat. A man needs his strength.”

  We all burst out laughing at Crazy John’s unique way of changing the subject, and sure enough, within a couple of minutes, his double cheese, bacon, and lettuce burger was in front of him. Apparently, the lettuce made it healthy. Mumbled conversation started over the table, all of us eating our burgers and fries. Ben and I shared cheesy fries, Austin and Missy shared the sweet chilli fries, and Crazy John ate from both. Something made me look toward the door just as Drew stepped through wearing his all black Hamilton’s uniform.

  “Drew,” I called out.

  He stopped when he reached the counter and looked over his shoulder and smiled when he found me in our usual booth. Then he took in the others sitting at the table, his eyes moving from Ben and Austin to Missy and Crazy John. When he lingered on Ben, it hit me that they were potentially about to meet. I swiveled in my seat and stared across the table at Missy. She lifted her glass of Coke to her lips and smiled around her straw. She was no help at all. Screw it. It was bound to happen one day. It only took me twenty-eight years for my brother to meet a man that I had no plans of kicking out of my bed any time soon.

  Drew put in his order and crossed the diner toward us.

  “How’s my boy?” Crazy John questioned, the smile on his face evidence of what Drew meant to him. He nudged Austin’s shoulder, telling him to move so he could get out. As soon as Austin slid out and stood, Crazy John was on his feet and hugging Drew. It was clear that it had been a while since he’d seen Drew, and the reunion both made my heart ache and rejoice. “Where have you been?”

  “Life’s been a little crazy,” Drew murmured, slapping Crazy John on the back and glancing over his shoulder at his burger. “Good to see you are still looking after your health and having lettuce on your burger.”

  “Don’t you start,” he grunted, stepping away and sliding back into the booth. “Your sister gives me shit every time I have it. Lettuce is green, it means its healthy, therefore my burger is healthy.”

  Drew leaned over and kissed my cheek then did the same to Missy.

  “Hunt,” Drew greeted, giving Ben a chin lift like all of these men seemed to do in greeting when he reached the table. “Hart.”

  “Hamilton,” Ben replied with his own chin lift.

  Well, there goes the stress of introducing them.

  Drew called Ben, Hunt. “Wait! How do you two know each other?” I asked, my intrigued gaze darting between the two of them.

  “High school football,” Drew revealed, shooting Ben an intense look, and I swear I felt Ben tense up beside me. “Know him from Hamilton’s too.”

  “Ahh okay, that makes sense.”

  “Also know he is the friend you mentioned the day after you got hit at the pub.”

  I swallowed hard at Drew’s revelation, and my head swung to Ben. His jaw clenched, and I couldn’t understand his reaction. Maybe it was because of that particular night at Hamilton’s. He was majorly pissed with what went down that night. I’d seen him look through the security footage, but because the lights went out we couldn’t see who’d hit me. I doubted we’d ever know.

  “How do you know he is the friend I was talking about?” I asked, little sister attitude seeping into my words.

  He grinned. “Cameras at Hamilton’s, Squirt.”

  Oh! And there was the nickname again.

  “Well, then yeah, he’s my friend,” I confirmed, and I received a leg squeeze under the table from Ben.

  “Ben’s her boyfriend!” Crazy John announced, shooting me a look. “Austin’s your friend, Sassy, Ben’s your boyfriend. Austin don’t see you naked, but Ben sure as hell does. There’s a big fuckin’ difference. Friends? Give me fucking strength.”

  I knew my cheeks were turning pink. Ben’s body shook with silent laughter beside me. Austin didn’t hold his in, and he was laughing loud and proud at the table. Drew was shaking his head but smiling big. Missy giggled and rested her head on Crazy John’s shoulder while he continued staring at me.

  “I cannot believe this conversation is happening here,” I said with a sigh to Ben, turning slightly in my seat so my face met the firmness of his bicep.

  Thankfully, conversation moved on from whether or not Ben was my boyfriend. He and Austin started chatting, while Drew and Missy’s attention was on Crazy John who was telling them a story from what he called the good old days. I concentrated on finishing my food, but my appetite vanished when my attention was drawn outside.

  “Ben,” I said, my voice low.

  “Hang on a sec, Sash.”

  “Ben.” This time I spoke louder.

  I felt his body turn to me, but my gaze refused to move from Edward O’Leary, who was staring from the sidewalk wearing the creepiest smirk I’d ever seen.

  The temperature in Missy’s turned arctic, and all talk ceased. If a pin had been dropped, it would have sounded like a bomb detonated when it hit the floor. Edward entered and didn’t hesitate in moving to our booth. Every step he took was laced with arrogance, and
he looked out of place in his tailored suit.

  My hand darted out and grabbed hold of Ben’s arm. Ben’s body had become rigid, and the clench of his jaw was evidence that he was barely holding on at the arrival of our unwanted guest. Quickly glancing over at Drew, I saw he looked just as on edge as Ben.

  “Seems I missed the reunion you three had in Salt Lake. My invite must have gotten lost in the mail.”

  Salt Lake?

  What the hell was he talking about?

  I started to turn to Ben because I wanted to ask him what was going on, but when Edward said my name, I froze. My gaze blinked to him, and he edged in close, leaning over the table and stealing the little space I had.

  “Fuck you look good, Babe. Good enough to eat.” His voice caused fear to creep over my skin, and like a magnet, my body moved closer to Ben for protection.

  Ben reacted immediately, and hostility intoxicated the air. He slid out of his seat in record speed, grabbed Edward by the collar, and chaos erupted around us. Drew and Austin sprung into action and tried feverishly to pry Ben from a smirking Edward. Ben stalked forward, his grip on Edward not relenting, and Edward stumbled back, not losing his smirk. They burst onto the sidewalk, and Ben pushed Edward against the red brick wall, away from view of Missy’s customers, but still in view of Main Street, Monroe. Something told me that right now he had forgotten all about being a cop. I rushed after them, and Ben was my only concern. My fist clenched the back of his shirt, and I pulled hard, trying desperately to break it up.

  “Ben, stop,” I begged loudly. I tugged hard on his shirt, using all of my strength to get his attention. “He isn't worth it.”

  With a shove that sent Edward hurtling back, a furious Ben entwined his fingers with mine and pulled me close to his side. His chest heaved as he sucked in deep breaths, trying to reign in calm, and I rested my free hand on his stomach.

  “Look at me,” I demanded softly, turning my body into his and hiding our still joined hands between us. The ferociousness of his glare softened into a desperate look begging for calm when his blue eyes dropped to mine. “Focus on me. Forget him.”