Rare Lansdale

  Jebidiah pointed. The deputy looked. Bill’s head had been pushed onto a broken limb of a tree, the sharp end of the limb being forced through the rear of the skull and out the left eye. The spinal cord dangled from the back of the head like a bell rope.

  The deputy puked in the bushes. “Oh, God. I don’t want no more of this.”

  “Go back. I won’t think the less of you, cause I don’t think that much of you to begin with. Take his head for evidence and ride on, just leave me my horse.”

  The deputy adjusted his hat. “Don’t need the head…And if it comes to it, you’ll be glad I’m here. I ain’t no weak sister.”

  “Don’t talk me to death on the matter. Show me what you got, boy.”

  The trail was slick with Bill’s blood. They went along it and up a rise, guns drawn. At the top of the hill they saw a field, grown up, and not far away, a sagging shack with a fallen down chimney.

  They went that direction, came to the shack’s door. Jebidiah kicked it with the toe of his boot and it sagged open. Once inside, Jebidiah struck a match and waved it about. Nothing but cobwebs and dust.

  “Must have been Gimet’s place,” Jebidiah said. Jebidiah moved the match before him until he found a lantern full of coal oil. He lit it and placed the lantern on the table.

  “Should we do that?” the deputy asked. “Have a light. Won’t he find us?”

  “In case you have forgotten, that’s the idea.”

  Out the back window, which had long lost its grease paper covering, they could see tombstones and wooden crosses in the distance. “Another view of the graveyard,” Jebidiah said. “That would be where the girl’s mother killed herself.”

  No sooner had Jebidiah said that, then he saw a shadowy shape move on the hill, flitting between stones and crosses. The shape moved quickly and awkwardly.

  “Move to the center of the room,” Jebidiah said.

  The deputy did as he was told, and Jebidiah moved the lamp there as well. He sat it in the center of the floor, found a bench and dragged it next to the lantern. Then he reached in his coat pocket and took out the bible. He dropped to one knee and held the bible close to the lantern light and tore out certain pages. He wadded them up, and began placing them all around the bench on the floor, placing the crumpled pages about six feet out from the bench and in a circle with each wad two feet apart.

  The deputy said nothing. He sat on the bench and watched Jebidiah’s curious work. Jebidiah sat on the bench beside the deputy, rested one of his pistols on his knee. “You got a .44, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. I got a converted cartridge pistol, just like you.”

  “Give me your revolver.”

  The deputy complied.

  Jebidiah opened the cylinders and let the bullets fall out on the floor.

  “What in hell are you doing?”

  Jebidiah didn’t answer. He dug into his gun belt and came up with six silver tipped bullets, loaded the weapon and gave it back to the deputy.

  “Silver,” Jebidiah said. “Sometimes it wards off evil.”

  “Sometimes?”

  “Be quiet now. And wait.”

  “I feel like a staked goat,” the deputy said.

  After a while, Jebidiah rose from the bench and looked out the window. Then he sat down promptly and blew out the lantern.

  ***

  Somewhere in the distance a night bird called. Crickets sawed and a large frog bleated. They sat there on the bench, near each other, facing in opposite directions, their silver loaded pistols on their knees. Neither spoke.

  Suddenly the bird ceased to call and the crickets went silent, and no more was heard from the frog. Jebidiah whispered to the deputy.

  “He comes.”

  The deputy shivered slightly, took a deep breath. Jebidiah realized he too was breathing deeply.

  “Be silent, and be alert,” Jebidiah said.

  “All right,” said the deputy, and he locked his eyes on the open window at the back of the shack. Jebidiah faced the door, which stood halfway open and sagging on its rusty hinges.

  For a long time there was nothing. Not a sound. Then Jebidiah saw a shadow move at the doorway and heard the door creak slightly as it moved. He could see a hand on what appeared to be an impossibly long arm, reaching out to grab at the edge of the door. The hand clutched there for a long time, not moving. Then, it was gone, taking its shadow with it.

  Time crawled by.

  “It’s at the window,” the deputy said, and his voice was so soft it took Jebidiah a moment to decipher the words. Jebidiah turned carefully for a look.

  It sat on the window sill, crouched there like a bird of prey, a halo of bees circling around its head. The hive pulsed and glowed in its chest, and in that glow they could see more bees, so thick they appeared to be a sort of humming smoke. Gimet’s head sprouted a few springs of hair, like withering grass fighting its way through stone. A slight turn of its head allowed the moon to flow through the back of its cracked skull and out of its empty eyes. Then the head turned and the face was full of shadows again. The room was silent except for the sound of buzzing bees.

  “Courage,” Jebidiah said, his mouth close to the deputy’s ear. “Keep your place.”

  The thing climbed into the room quickly, like a spider dropping from a limb, and when it hit the floor, it stayed low, allowing the darkness to lay over it like a cloak.

  Jebidiah had turned completely on the bench now, facing the window. He heard a scratching sound against the floor. He narrowed his eyes, saw what looked like a shadow, but was in fact the thing coming out from under the table.

  Jebidiah felt the deputy move, perhaps to bolt. He grabbed his arm and held him.

  “Courage,” he said.

  The thing kept crawling. It came within three feet of the circle made by the crumpled bible pages.

  The way the moonlight spilled through the window and onto the floor near the circle Jebidiah had made, it gave Gimet a kind of eerie glow, his satellite bees circling his head. In that moment, every aspect of the thing locked itself in Jebidiah’s mind. The empty eyes, the sharp, wet teeth, the long, cracked nails, blackened from grime, clacking against the wooden floor. As it moved to cross between two wads of scripture, the pages burst into flames and a line of crackling blue fulmination moved between the wadded pages and made the circle light up fully, all the way around, like Ezekiel’s wheel.

  Gimet gave out with a hoarse cry, scuttled back, clacking nails and knees against the floor. When he moved, he moved so quickly there seemed to be missing spaces between one moment and the next. The buzzing of Gimet’s bees was ferocious.

  Jebidiah grabbed the lantern, struck a match and lit it. Gimet was scuttling along the wall like a cockroach, racing to the edge of the window.

  Jebidiah leaped forward, tossed the lit lantern, hit the beast full in the back as it fled through the window. The lantern burst into flames and soaked Gimlet’s back, causing a wave of fire to climb from the thing’s waist to the top of its head, scorching a horde of bees, dropping them from the sky like exhausted meteors.

  Jebidiah drew his revolver, snapped off a shot. There was a howl of agony, and then the thing was gone.

  Jebidiah raced out of the protective circle and the deputy followed. They stood at the open window, watched as Gimet, flame-wrapped, streaked through the night in the direction of the graveyard.

  “I panicked a little,” Jebidiah said. “I should have been more resolute. Now he’s escaped.”

  “I never even got off a shot,” the deputy said. “God, but you’re fast. What a draw.”

  “Look, you stay here if you like. I’m going after him. But I tell you now, the circle of power has played out.”

  The deputy glanced back at it. The pages had burned out and there was nothing now but a black ring on the floor.

  “What in hell caused them to catch fire in the first place?”

  “Evil,” Jebidiah said. “When he got close, the pages broke into flames. Gave us the protection
of God. Unfortunately, as with most of God’s blessings, it doesn’t last long.”

  “I stay here, you’d have to put down more pages.”

  “I’ll be taking the bible with me. I might need it.”

  “Then I guess I’ll be sticking.”

  ***

  They climbed out the window and moved up the hill. They could smell the odor of fire and rotted flesh in the air. The night was as cool and silent as the graves on the hill.

  Moments later they moved amongst the stones and wooden crosses, until they came to a long wide hole in the earth. Jebidiah could see that there was a burrow at one end of the grave that dipped down deeper into the ground.

  Jebidiah paused there. “He’s made this old grave his den. Dug it out and dug deeper.”

  “How do you know?” the deputy asked.

  “Experience…And it smells of smoke and burned skin. He crawled down there to hide. I think we surprised him a little.”

  Jebidiah looked up at the sky. There was the faintest streak of pink on the horizon. “He’s running out of daylight, and soon he’ll be out of moon. For a while.”

  “He damn sure surprised me. Why don’t we let him hide? You could come back when the moon isn’t full, or even half full. Back in the daylight, get him then.”

  “I’m here now. And it’s my job.”

  “That’s one hell of a job you got, mister.”

  “I’m going to climb down for a better look.”

  “Help yourself.”

  Jebidiah struck a match and dropped himself into the grave, moved the match around at the mouth of the burrow, got down on his knees and stuck the match and his head into the opening.

  “Very large,” he said, pulling his head out. “I can smell him. I’m going to have to go in.”

  “What about me?”

  “You keep guard at the lip of the grave,” Jebidiah said, standing. “He may have another hole somewhere, he could come out behind you for all I know. He could come out of that hole even as we speak.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  Jebidiah dropped the now dead match on the ground. “I will tell you this. I can’t guarantee success. I lose, he’ll come for you, you can bet on that, and you better shoot those silvers as straight as William Tell’s arrows.”

  “I’m not really that good a shot.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jebidiah said, and struck another match along the length of his pants seam, then with his free hand, drew one of his revolvers. He got down on his hands and knees again, stuck the match in the hole and looked around. When the match was near done, he blew it out.

  “Ain’t you gonna need some light?” the deputy said. “A match ain’t nothin’.”

  “I’ll have it.” Jebidiah removed the remains of the bible from his pocket, tore it in half along the spine, pushed one half in his coat, pushed the other half before him, into the darkness of the burrow. The moment it entered the hole, it flamed.

  “Ain’t your pocket gonna catch inside that hole?” the deputy asked.

  “As long as I hold it or it’s on my person, it won’t harm me. But the minute I let go of it, and the aura of evil touches it, it’ll blaze. I got to hurry, boy.”

  With that, Jebidiah wiggled inside the burrow.

  ***

  In the burrow, Jebidiah used the tip of his pistol to push the bible pages forward. They glowed brightly, but Jebidiah knew the light would be brief. It would burn longer than writing paper, but still, it would not last long.

  After a goodly distance, Jebidiah discovered the burrow dropped off. He found himself inside a fairly large cavern. He could hear the sound of bats, and smell bat guano, which in fact, greased his path as he slid along on his elbows until he could stand inside the higher cavern and look about. The last flames of the bible burned itself out with a puff of blue light and a sound like an old man breathing his last.

  Jebidiah listened in the dark for a long moment. He could hear the bats squeaking, moving about. The fact that they had given up the night sky, let Jebidiah know daylight was not far off.

  Jebidiah’s ears caught a sound, rocks shifting against the cave floor. Something was moving in the darkness, and he didn’t think it was the bats. It scuttled, and Jebidiah felt certain it was close to the floor, and by the sound of it, moving his way at a creeping pace. The hair on the back of Jebidiah’s neck bristled like porcupine quills. He felt his flesh bump up and crawl. The air became stiffer with the stench of burnt and rotting flesh. Jebidiah’s knees trembled. He reached cautiously inside his coat pocket, produced a match, struck it on his pants leg, held it up.

  At that very moment, the thing stood up and was brightly lit in the glow of the match, the bees circling its skin-stripped skull. It snarled and darted forward. Jebidiah felt its rotten claws on his shirt front as he fired the revolver. The blaze from the bullet gave a brief, bright flare and was gone. At the same time, the match was knocked out of his hand and Jebidiah was knocked backwards, onto his back, the thing’s claws at his throat. The monster’s bees stung him. The stings felt like red-hot pokers entering his flesh. He stuck the revolver into the creature’s body and fired. Once. Twice. Three times. A fourth.

  Then the hammer clicked empty. He realized he had already fired two other shots. Six dead silver soldiers were in his cylinders, and the thing still had hold of him.

  He tried to draw his other gun, but before he could, the thing released him, and Jebidiah could hear it crawling away in the dark. The bats fluttered and screeched.

  Confused, Jebidiah drew the pistol, managed to get to his feet. He waited, listening, his fresh revolver pointing into the darkness.

  Jebidiah found another match, struck it.

  The thing lay with its back draped over a rise of rock. Jebidiah eased toward it. The silver loads had torn into the hive. It oozed a dark, odiferous trail of death and decaying honey. Bees began to drop to the cavern floor. The hive in Gimet’s chest sizzled and pulsed like a large, black knot. Gimet opened his mouth, snarled, but otherwise didn’t move.

  Couldn’t move.

  Jebidiah, guided by the last wisps of his match, raised the pistol, stuck it against the black knot, and pulled the trigger. The knot exploded. Gimet let out with a shriek so sharp and loud it startled the bats to flight, drove them out of the cave, through the burrow, out into the remains of the night.

  Gimet’s claw-like hands dug hard at the stones around him, then he was still and Jebidiah’s match went out.

  ***

  Jebidiah found the remains of the bible in his pocket, and as he removed it, tossed it on the ground, it burst into flames. Using the two pistol barrels like large tweezers, he lifted the burning pages and dropped them into Gimet’s open chest. The body caught on fire immediately, crackled and popped dryly, and was soon nothing more than a blaze. It lit the cavern up bright as day.

  Jebidiah watched the corpse being consumed by the biblical fire for a moment, then headed toward the burrow, bent down, squirmed through it, came up in the grave.

  He looked for the deputy and didn’t see him. He climbed out of the grave and looked around. Jebidiah smiled. If the deputy had lasted until the bats charged out, that was most likely the last straw, and he had bolted.

  Jebidiah looked back at the open grave. Smoke wisped out of the hole and out of the grave and climbed up to the sky. The moon was fading and the pink on the horizon was widening.

  Gimet was truly dead now. The road was safe. His job was done.

  At least for one brief moment.

  Jebidiah walked down the hill, found his horse tied in the brush near the road where he had left it. The deputy’s horse was gone, of course, the deputy most likely having already finished out Deadman’s road at a high gallop, on his way to Nacogdoches, perhaps to have a long drink of whisky and turn in his badge.

  "Deadman’s Road" was originally published in 2008 in Kith and Kin, a collection of Lansdale’s short stories published by Subterranean Press. And also available on-line from Subterranean P
ress on-line magazine © 2008 Joe R. Lansdale.

  DRAGON CHILLI

  This recipe is in response to the one I posted here on Share Your Recipes a week ago that proved to be more popular than I expected. I have been asked by so many readers to post another, and as I am not immune to flattery or persuasion–even mild persuasion–I am back with culinary enthusiasm and this time out I would like to post my recipe for dragon chili.

  I know dragons are not normally thought of as an ingredient in chili, but trust me, they are an excellent source of protein, are low in fat, and the meat is very clean and low caloric and it does not taste like chicken or the more popular chili meat.

  Dragon meat has gotten a bad reputation due to a misunderstanding about dragons. First off, for the meat to be good, and for it to work in my chili recipe, it is necessary that you acquire a very young dragon. The younger, the meat the sweeter.

  You should also avoid the green dragons, as there is nothing you can do at any time or any age to make that meat serviceable. The brown dragons are the best. At an early age, when they are no more than three feet long, they are perfect. Their eyes are just open (which is a sign the toxins in the blood have passed, which is the way of brown dragons), and the meat, especially in the tail, is ready to be harvested. The head meat, though darker, is also tasty, and is best made into ground patties. The body meat is fine as well, but riddled with bones, so extreme care should be taken, lest you get one of the small bones that litter the dragon’s torso and appear to accomplish nothing towards locomotion or the firmness of the body and are extraordinarily hard to detect during a simple cleaning.

  Also, the hearts (remember browns have two hearts instead of one like green dragons, and like both kinds of dragons, they are large and eight chambered) and the fatty livers are delicacies and require a different approach to preparation than I am going to provide here, and some people suggest that for them to be enjoyed one has to persevere, as they are something of an acquired taste.

  For chili, we are going to consider the head meat and the tail meat. I prefer the tail meat, as I like my chili meat to be sliced and then chopped, as opposed to ground. And once again, the white meat of a dragon tail is so vastly superior to the darker meat of the head.