Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime

  Contents

  1. Party Ideas

  2. Scribble Scraps

  3. Picking out Valentimes!

  4. The Disagreedment

  5. Valentime’s Time

  6. Bingo

  7. Wink, Wink

  8. Who Knew?

  1/Party Ideas

  My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.

  I go to school in Room Nine. Room Nine is where they have afternoon kindergarten.

  Also they have morning kindergarten. Only I am not familiar with that arrangement.

  Today at school, my teacher had a ’nouncement to make.

  A ’nouncement is the school word for listen to me…and I MEAN it.

  My teacher’s name is Mrs. She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.

  Mrs. told us that we are going to have a special day in Room Nine. And it is called Valentime’s Day.

  She said that valentimes are special cards about friendship. And all of us in Room Nine are going to give them to each other!

  My bestest friend Lucille squealed real happy.

  “Oooo! I love getting cards, Teacher!” she said. “I especially love getting the kind with money in them. Money is my favorite kind of mail!”

  “Me, too, Lucille!” I said. “Money is my favorite kind of mail, too. Plus also I enjoy the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.”

  Mrs. did a chuckle.

  “Well, I’m sorry, girls. But I’m afraid there won’t be money in our valentines,” she said. “In Room Nine we will just be sending happy wishes to each other. But it will still be lots of fun.”

  She smiled.

  “We will be making a special valentines box to hold all the cards. And on the day of our party, I will personally deliver the cards to each one of you,” she explained.

  Just then, I jumped right out of my chair. ’Cause nobody even mentioned a party before!

  “Hurray!” I yelled. “Hurray for parties! Can we have cake and doughnuts, Mrs.? And what about cheese popcorn and cotton candy and pretzels and candy apples?”

  I thought some more.

  “Plus also we’ll need red licorice and peanut butter cups, probably. And chocolate-covered raisins. Oh yeah, and malted milk balls! AND GUMMI BEARS!”

  I looked over at her.

  “Maybe you should be writing this down,” I said.

  Mrs. shook her head no. She said we would have cupcakes, punch, and candy hearts.

  I sat back down very disappointed.

  ’Cause not much thought went into the menu, that’s why.

  Lucille stood up.

  “What kind of punch, Teacher?” she asked. “Will it have fresh raspberries and strawberries floating in it? My nanna’s caterer always puts fresh raspberries and strawberries into our punch. And it is delicious.”

  After that, Lucille twirled around in her fluffy dress.

  “And what about dancing? I am learning ballroom dancing at my expensive dancing school. And so I would be happy to teach the children who are cheaper than me.”

  Mrs. stared at Lucille a real long time.

  “How very generous of you,” she said finally. “But I don’t think we’ll be having ballroom dancing, Lucille.”

  Jamal Hall waved his hand in the air.

  “Then what about a puppet show?” he asked. “If we can’t have dancing, can we have a puppet show?”

  “Yes,” said a girl named Lynnie. “Or else maybe we could hire a magician.”

  “Or what about a wild animal act?” asked a boy named Roger. “Like a grizzly bear or a sea lion?”

  Just then, a boy named Paulie Allen Puffer ran right to the front of the room. And he jumped up and down all over the place.

  “NO! WAIT! I’VE GOT IT! I’VE GOT IT!” he shouted real excited. “WE COULD GET SOME OF THOSE JUGGLERS WHO JUGGLE CHAIN SAWS!”

  After that, Room Nine clapped and whistled and hooted and hollered.

  ’Cause who doesn’t love chain-saw jugglers? That’s what I would like to know!

  After we finished clapping, we looked at Mrs.

  Her head was on her desk. And her eyes were staring out the door.

  Then all of the children in Room Nine got very quiet.

  ’Cause Mrs. was scaring us a little bit.

  Plus also we were out of party ideas.

  2/Scribble Scraps

  The next day, me and my bestest friend named Grace were playing on the playground.

  And guess what?

  We saw Mrs. carry a giant box into Room Nine!

  It was the box we were going to decorate for Valentime’s Day, I think!

  “Wowie wow wow! That thing will hold a million bajillion Valentime’s cards!” I said real thrilled.

  That Grace did a frown at me.

  “Stop saying valentime, Junie B.,” she said. “You keep on saying valentime with an m sound. And you are supposed to say valentine with an n sound.”

  I did a frown back at her.

  “Who said so?” I asked.

  “I said so,” said that Grace. “Didn’t you hear my voice? I just got finished telling you it has an n in it. The word is valentine.”

  I did a huffy breath at that girl.

  “You are not the boss of my words, Grace,” I said. “This is a freed country. And if I want to say valentime, I can. And I will not even go to jail.”

  That Grace looked annoyed at me.

  “I didn’t say you would go to jail, Junie B.,” she said. “I just wish you would say the word correctly, that’s all.”

  “Yeah well, we can’t always have what we wish for, Grace,” I told her. “I wish valentime had an m in it. But it doesn’t, does it?”

  After that, me and that Grace made squinty eyes at each other. Plus also we crossed our arms. And we tapped our angry feet.

  Only pretty soon we got tired of that. ’Cause fighting with your friends is not that fun.

  That’s how come both of us hugged each other. And we said a ’pology.

  “Sorry, Junie B.,” said Grace. “Sorry I tried to be the boss of your words.”

  “Sorry, Grace,” I said back. “Sorry valentime doesn’t have an m in it.”

  After that, both of us holded hands. And we skipped all the way to Room Nine.

  That is called a victory skip.

  And guess what else?

  After we got to Room Nine, Mrs. said it was time to decorate the valentimes box!

  Everybody quick sat down in their seats.

  Then we watched Mrs. cover the box with shiny white paper. Plus also she cut a mail slot in the top.

  After that, all of the children got our scissors. And we cut out paper hearts to paste onto the sides.

  I cut my fastest.

  “Mrs.! Look! Look!” I said. “I am already done cutting my heart! And so I have the fastest scissors in Room Nine, probably!”

  Just then, a meanie boy named Jim jumped up from his chair.

  “No, you don’t! Look over here! I already cut two hearts! See? One…two! So ha ha on you!” he said.

  I quick cut another heart.

  “Yeah, well now I have two, too! And so you are not the winner anymore, Meanie Jim!”

  Jim held up one more.

  “Three!” he yelled. “I just cut number three! So I am still one ahead of you!”

  I made my scissors go speedy fast.

  “Ha! Now I have three, too. So there!” I said.

  Jim did a fast snip.

  “Four! I’m up to four!” he said.

  That’s how come I got fusstration inside me.

  “STOP IT,
JIM! STOP CUTTING SO FAST! AND I MEAN IT!”

  After that, I tried to cut one more heart. But my scissors went very out of control. And my heart turned out like scribble scraps!

  “DARN IT! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!” I hollered real mad.

  All of a sudden, a big hand came flying over the top of my head. And it snatched my scissors right off my fingers.

  I bended my head back to see who it was.

  It was Mrs.

  I did a gulp.

  “I was afraid it was you,” I said kind of soft.

  Then Mrs. went to Jim’s table. And she snatched his scissors, too.

  And so me and him had to sit in our chairs for the rest of the day. And we didn’t get to decorate the valentimes box.

  ’Cause our cutting days were over, that’s why.

  And our pasting days never even got started.

  3/Picking Out Valentimes!

  The valentimes box turned out very beautiful!

  After it was finished, Mrs. passed out lists for us to take home. The lists had the names of all the children in Room Nine.

  “There are eighteen children in our class,” said Mrs. “So that means that everyone needs to bring eighteen valentines.”

  I raised my hand.

  “Do we bring valentimes for ourselves, too?” I asked her.

  “Well, no,” she said. “I mean there’s no rule against it, I suppose. But valentines are really supposed to be given to others.”

  She thought for a second.

  “Oops. I guess that means I made a mistake, doesn’t it?” she said. “Since you won’t be bringing in cards for yourselves, you will only need to bring in seventeen valentines.”

  I raised up my hand again.

  “Yeah, only what if we also want to bring a valentime for you, Mrs.?” I asked.

  Mrs. raised up her eyebrows.

  “Well, then you would be back up to eighteen again. Wouldn’t you?” she said. “Seventeen plus one equals eighteen.”

  I tapped on my chin.

  “Yeah, only what if there’s people in here who we don’t actually like that much? Do we have to bring them a valentime, too?”

  “Yes, Junie B.,” she said. “Of course you do. Valentine’s Day is a day of friendship for everyone. So every single boy and girl in Room Nine will bring a card for every other boy and girl.”

  After Mrs. finished explaining, she sat back down at her desk.

  I zoomed up there and whispered in her ear.

  “Yeah, only I know I have to bring cards to the regular boys and girls,” I said real soft. “But I don’t have to bring cards to the big, fat stinky heads, do I?”

  All of a sudden, Mrs. throwed her arms in the air.

  “Yes, Junie B.! Yes, you do!” she said. “For the last time…you will bring a card for everyone in Room Nine. Even the big, fat stinky heads!”

  Just then, all of Room Nine looked at her.

  ’Cause teachers are not supposed to say big, fat stinky heads, I think.

  After that, Mrs. closed her eyes for a real long time.

  Then finally, she stood up very slow.

  And she went to the sink.

  And she took aspirin.

  The next day was Saturday.

  And it was the funnest Saturday ever!

  ’Cause Daddy took me to the drugstore! And he bought me beautiful heart antennas for my head! Plus also he let me pick out my very own box of valentimes!

  After we got home, Mother helped me pick out the perfect cards for every person in Room Nine.

  First, I picked a card for my bestest friend Lucille. It had a lovely princess on the front of it.

  “This one, Mother!” I said. “I will give Lucille this one! ’Cause when she grows up, she is going to marry an expensive prince! And she is going to let me and Grace sweep her castle! Plus also we will get to wear her raggedy used-up gowns!”

  Mother looked and looked at me.

  “Lucille is a regular saint,” she said very quiet.

  “I know it,” I said. “Me and Grace are lucky to have her.”

  After that, I found the perfect card for Grace, too. It had two running shoes on the front of it!

  Mother read me the words.

  It said, Valentine! You and I make the perfect pair!

  “We do, Mother! Me and that Grace do make the perfect pair! ’Cause Grace can beat me at running! And I can beat Grace at lots of other stuff, probably! Only I haven’t actually found anything yet.”

  After that, I picked out special cards for all of the other children in Room Nine.

  Every time I picked out a valentime, Mother crossed a name off the list.

  Finally, there was only one name left.

  “Jim,” said Mother. “You still need to pick a card for Jim.”

  I did a big sigh. ’Cause I didn’t want to give that guy one, of course.

  I looked all through my box of valentimes.

  Then, all of a sudden, I saw a card with a funny skunk on the front.

  “That one,” I said. “I will send Jim that one.”

  Mother shook her head.

  “I don’t know, Junie B.,” she said. “A picture of a skunk just doesn’t seem very nice.”

  I put it in an envelope.

  “Perfect,” I said. “’Cause neither is Jim.”

  4/The Disagreedment

  On Monday I skipped into Room Nine very thrilled.

  “Mrs.! Mrs.! Look!” I said. “I have all my valentimes for the big, giant valentimes box! They are right here in this paper bag I am carrying!”

  I runned and showed her inside it.

  “See them? See them, Mrs.? I matched every single card to the exact person who will get it!” I explained.

  Mrs. patted my head. She said the word good job.

  Then she took me by my hand. And she showed me how to put my valentimes through the mail slot in the box.

  “I do believe that you are the very first person in Room Nine to bring in her cards,” said Mrs.

  I did a gasp at that exciting news!

  “First, Mrs.?” I asked. “I am really, really first?”

  After that, I springed way high in the air. And I ran around and around in a circle.

  “I’ve never been first at anything before!” I said real squealy. “Not ever, ever never! And so what is my prize for winning?”

  I closed my eyes and held out my hands.

  “Put it right in my hands, okay, Mrs.? I won’t even peek. promise!”

  After that, I stood there real patient. But nothing got put in my hands.

  Finally, Mrs. bended down next to my ear.

  “Junie B., honey, I’m really sorry. But there is no prize,” she said. “We weren’t actually having a contest.”

  I opened my eyes.

  “We weren’t?” I asked.

  Mrs. shook her head no.

  My shoulders slumped a teeny bit.

  “So then, a prize would be out of the question, probably,” I said.

  Mrs. shrugged. “I’m afraid I didn’t buy any prizes,” she said.

  After that, I rocked back and forth on my feet. And I thought and thought.

  “Would you have a mint in your drawer, maybe? Or some stickers?” I asked.

  Mrs. smiled.

  Then she took me to her desk. And we looked in her drawer.

  “How about a broken piece of chalk and a yellow rubber band?” she asked.

  “Sold!” I said.

  After that, Mrs. told me congratulations. And she gave me my prizes.

  I quick skipped to my table to show them to Lucille.

  She wrinkled up her nose.

  “Yuck. Have you been going through the trash can again?” she asked.

  “No, silly! These are my prizes!” I said. “I got prizes for bringing in my valentimes first!”

  Lucille smoothed her dress.

  “Yes, well, I would have brought my cards in today, too. But they’re not back from the printers yet,” she told me.


  “What?” I said. “What printers?”

  “The printers where they print my name on the cards,” she said. “Wait till you see them, Junie B.! Every card will have Love and kisses from Lucille on the bottom of it!”

  She hugged herself.

  “They are so beautiful,” she said. “Each valentine has a cherry lollipop on the front. And the lollipop is in the shape of Cupid.”

  She sighed very dreamy.

  “Cupid is the symbol of Valentine’s Day, you know,” she said.

  “Of course I know,” I said back. “Plus also skunks and shoes are symbols of Valentime’s Day, too. ’Cause that’s what are on my cards.”

  After that, me and Lucille did our work till recess.

  Then both of us went outside to play with our other bestest friend, Grace.

  Only too bad for us. ’Cause Lucille kept on bragging about Valentime’s Day. And that’s how come she and that Grace got into a disagreedment.

  “I am going to get more valentines than anyone,” bragged Lucille. “That’s because the boys love me better than any other girl. And they will bring me lots and lots of cards.”

  Grace looked curious at her.

  “But Mrs. said to only bring one card for every boy and girl, remember? Not lots and lots.”

  Lucille flounced her flouncy dress.

  “Silly Grace. Look at me, for goodness’ sake! I am precious! And when you’re precious, boys automatically bring you lots of valentines. They just can’t help theirselves.”

  She twirled all around.

  “I am the cutest girl in Room Nine, Grace,” she said. “I am way cuter than anyone else.”

  She giggled and pointed. “Even you.”

  After that, Grace did a little frown. ’Cause that hurt her feelings, I think.

  I tapped on Lucille.

  “Yeah, only Grace is the nicest, Lucille,” I said. “And so maybe the boys will bring her lots of valentimes, too.”

  Lucille did a huffy breath at me.

  “But I’m richer than Grace, Junie B. So that is another reason to bring me more,” she said.

  I thought for a minute.

  “Yes, but Grace can run faster,” I said.

  “So?” said Lucille. “My hair is longer. And boys like long hair.”

  I looked at Grace’s head.