It Starts With L (The Letters of Love Series Book 1)

  Arielle hugged her back. “It’s okay, Jess. I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for, Ari. I screwed up, not you. You were being my friend.”

  “I’m your best friend…you think I’m going to let something as silly as this tear us apart?”

  Jess pulled back, her eyes growing wider. “Really?”

  Arielle stuck her hand out. “Best friends?”

  Jess shook her hand. “Forever or longer. You want to sit down or something?”

  Arielle nodded, tired of standing by the coffin. Mom wanted her up there, but she had to take a break. She whispered to her mom before she went to the seats spread out over the blue carpet and sat down.

  The funeral home smelled like chemicals, the stuff that made flesh not decay so fast…formaldehyde, she thought it was called. It also smelled like bleach and other chemicals, like they tried to mask the real scent by cleaning with stronger stuff, but nothing was stronger than formaldehyde.

  Arielle sat down, rocking back and forth. She still couldn’t believe this had happened. That it was real. She braved a glance at Dad in the open coffin, who looked like he could sit up at any minute and start talking, which spoke volumes for the makeup artists at the funeral home. It was also deceiving for the family. A sense of false hope that this all might be a big, cruel, horrible joke and Dad would wake up. It didn’t matter. The facts were simple and they all pointed to one truth: he would never be coming back.

  Jess grabbed her hand and Arielle linked her fingers with her friend’s, holding on for dear life.

  The services started soon after. The funeral home was packed and there weren’t enough chairs for all the people who had showed up. A lot of people from school came, most weren’t even her friends but they came to support her anyway, so she put their faces in her memory so when this all faded she could thank them.

  She listened as the priest quoted Bible verses and played special country music her Dad had loved. She sat there while people walked to the podium and spoke of her dad, but she didn’t get up yet. She couldn’t. But she had to. She’d prepared something special she’d written for her dad and she had to share it.

  When she stood, everybody watched her walk up to the podium. She adjusted the microphone. “First, I want to say thank you to everyone who came to support our family today. This is such a hard time, but with your support I know we can get through it.” She paused, swallowing around the ball in her throat. “I prepared a poem I wrote for Dad. I want to read it for him as my last goodbye.”

  She cleared her throat and set the paper on the podium, straightening it. She stared at it, then started to read.

  “Memories. There are so many memories that will never go away. There are so many things that I never got to say. There are so many times that I wish you were here. Many times I’m afraid, but I realize there’s nothing to fear. I will always remember the father you were. Through bad times and good, I’ll remember, as I should. Even though you are gone, I will never let you go. And all these memories are what I have to show.”

  When she finished, she looked up and met the eyes of the crying audience. Tears were streaming down her face too. Why had she read the poem? She knew she’d have a hard time, and she hated crying in front of anyone. But it didn’t matter. It was for her dad. And as she descended the stairs and took her seat, she sat a little taller.

  But next came the burial. When the coffin was lowered into the open grave, Arielle lost it again. It all hit her: this was real. Dad wouldn’t be coming home this time.

  She sobbed, not caring if anyone could hear the rest of the Bible verses the priest had saved for this moment. She sobbed louder when everyone shoveled one sweep of dirt onto the coffin, which was tradition and their way to say goodbye, but she couldn’t take it.

  Dad wasn’t ever going to walk through the front door again, a big smile on his face. He would never take her fishing again, giving her one of his deep and meaningful talks. Never would she feel his warm embrace when she needed one of the best hugs in the world. She would miss his famous McDonald’s dinners and the sound of his goofy laugh ringing through the house most of all.

  He was dead, the most final end there was.

  The worst part was, the person she cared about, the one she loved, never even showed up. Blake didn’t come to support her. He didn’t come to say goodbye to her dad. He didn’t even come to say “screw you” to her.

  The most sting-worthy part, though…he hadn’t even had the decency to call and tell her he couldn’t make it.

  Her heart sunk to the floor and as she walked to Mom’s car, she kicked it right along with herself, knowing deep down she might never get over this loss. As she opened the car door, her legs gave out and she fell into the backseat. Reed closed the door for her as he slid into the passenger seat. Her ears rang as Mom sat in the driver seat, but when she started the car, it was like the engine screamed and Arielle couldn’t hear anything else. Nothing would ever be the same after today. Every part inside of her hurt so much she couldn’t imagine a day when it wouldn’t.

  A piece of her heart had been torn off, like the corner of a piece of notebook paper, and there was a constant ache where that part was missing. One day, maybe it would fade, but she had a feeling it would be there until the day she died.

  She’d figured something out, though. Blake would never again be a part of her life. They were done. For good. No way could Arielle ever forgive him for not showing up. Maybe that wasn’t fair…and it probably wasn’t. He’d been with his dad, surely, and couldn’t get away. But it didn’t matter. She’d needed him for this. And he never showed up.

  Chapter 22

  Renewed Friendships

  Arielle tried to move on from the devastating day, but it wasn’t easy. With Dad gone, her heart was broken. Blake hadn’t contacted her once since the funeral either. Sure, she’d made up her mind—it wasn’t worth it any longer—but it would have been nice if he’d called. At least tried to explain himself.

  But he hadn’t.

  Arielle got a part-time job at a grocery store and gave Mom as much money as she could to help with things. Dad hadn’t had any life insurance, so Mom was having a hard time with bills being on her own.

  Reed also got a job to help because Mom…well, she wasn’t doing well.

  In fact, she was doing the opposite of well. She’d started drinking after Dad died and hadn’t stopped. Everything was a mess and Arielle didn’t know how to help.

  One day after school, she came home and found Mom sleeping on the couch. She shook her to try to wake her, and she didn’t move. Arielle started crying, thinking the worst, and Mom opened her eyes.

  Arielle breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God you’re okay.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be? I was sleeping.”

  “Mom, let’s go do something today. Want to go see a movie?”

  Mom shook her head and rolled over on the couch. “No. I want to lie here.”

  Arielle couldn’t take it, so she went to Jess’s house. When Jess answered the door, she wrapped her arms around Arielle and walked her up to her room. “It will get better.”

  Arielle sighed. “I don’t think it will, Jess. I don’t think my mom is going to come back from this.”

  “She will. Give her time.”

  The rest of the afternoon, they watched a movie in Jess’s room and talked about nothing in particular. When Arielle was about to walk home, Jess stopped her. “Why don’t you stay the night? It’s been forever since we had a sleepover.”

  Arielle accepted. She fell asleep fast, but woke up in the middle of the night, sweating and hot from the nightmare she’d had, so she walked outside.

  The first thing she smelled was the fresh, cool air. She wrapped her hands around her arms in front of her chest and walked to the end of the driveway. The house across the street had the garage door open and a light on.

  Music played from inside, so she walked across the street. Maybe she shouldn’t h
ave. Maybe it had been dangerous, and a small part of her might have deduced the bad things that could happen, but it didn’t stop her from continuing forward until she stood in front of the garage, leaning against the side of the house.

  She stared with her jaw hanging open for a few moments, watching a guy sitting on a chair, playing a flashy red electric guitar. He had dark brown hair, almost bald on the sides and spiked down the middle so high it looked like it might touch the ceiling. It also had blue streaks in it and she kind of liked it, even though it was something she hated on most people. Except Jess.

  He had a bit of stubble on his chin, as if he’d shaved recently. He had larger than life eyes, so brown they reminded of her of dark chocolate. His face was full of passion as he played the guitar and it sounded amazing. Arielle clapped when he finished.

  He jerked his head to the doorway. “Who the hell are you?”

  “Arielle.”

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  She shrugged. “Heard the music and thought I would check it out.”

  He raised his chin and widened his eyes. “Do you make it a practice to wander onto other people’s property?”

  “Not in the least. If I’m bothering you, I’ll go…” She turned and began the walk back to Jess’s house.

  “Wait. It’s okay. Stay.”

  She turned back around and stepped into the lit garage, pulling up a chair from the corner. It had cobwebs on the bottom, so she wiped them away before sitting on it. The last thing she needed was a spider crawling on her. She shivered. She hated spiders.

  “So, what’s a pretty girl like you doing standing outside of some guy’s house at three in the morning?”

  Arielle shrugged again. “What’s a cute guy like you doing sitting in your garage at three in the morning?”

  He grinned, pointing at her with his free hand. “You got me. I’m working on a new song. Trying to get it right.”

  “I think it sounded…out of this world.” Arielle’s face got hot. She didn’t know where her boldness came from, but she kind of liked it. It made her feel more alive than she had in a long time.

  “Just wait. You haven’t heard me sing yet. Do you mind?”

  Arielle made a gesture with her hands. “Please. I would love to hear what you’ve got.”

  He started playing, the music going straight to her soul. She had tingles spreading inside her and goosebumps running down her arms and legs.

  She suddenly realized she still wore her pajamas, with her hair in a messy bun. How embarrassing, but this guy had still said she was cute. Until now, she hadn’t wondered, but she wanted to put a name to the face in front of her, but she could wait, not wanting to interrupt him.

  The words he sung took her to another planet. The tones were soft and enchanting, making it easy to get lost in the melody. This guy was an artist, which she felt deep inside her bones.

  When the music stopped, she glanced up at him. “Don’t stop playing.” And then her cheeks got hot again.

  But his got red too as he stared at the ground. He set his guitar down beside him, stood up, and stepped over to her. For a minute, she didn’t think he would say anything, but then he extended his hand. “The name’s Tyler.”

  “Hi, Tyler.” She shook his hand. His was rougher than hers, maybe from playing guitar. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  He ran a hand down the side of his head. “Yeah, you too. You live across the street?”

  “No, my friend, Jess, does. I was staying the night with her.”

  “Yet you’re wandering around outside in the wee hours of the morning?” He smirked. “Doesn’t sound like your sleepover is going well, huh?”

  Arielle shrugged, realizing she was doing that way too much. “I had a bad dream and it was so hot I walked outside to get some fresh air and heard you playing.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know you.”

  He winked. “But you let me play a personal song for you. And you are sitting in my garage with me.”

  Arielle stood. “Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t be.” She began to walk out again and his hand on her arm stopped her.

  “Stay. Tell me what’s haunting you.”

  “Nothing…”

  “Your eyes tell a different story.” He spun her around to face him and was way too close.

  She couldn’t help it, her eyes went to his lips. They were redder than any she’d ever seen, almost as if he wore lipstick. It made him smirk, and Arielle found herself thinking about how sexy she found him.

  “I lost my dad a little while ago.” She met his eyes, not able to believe she’d told him. “I haven’t been the same since. The same day my dad died, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, so it hasn’t been a good month.”

  “What a dick.”

  “Don’t. Name calling isn’t the answer. He’s not a dick, misguided, maybe, but not a dick.” Why she was defending Blake, she didn’t know. “We live a long way from each other and never saw each other so it was time to part ways. He broke up with me before my dad passed, but he wasn’t there for me…when I needed him to be…” Her voice came out strained, the hurt and pain wrapping through her words.

  Tyler put his arms on her shoulders and leaned his forehead in to touch hers. “Loss is difficult to handle when the people you care for the most aren’t there to support you. I’m sorry you had to go through this. If there is anything I can do to help, please tell me.”

  She found she kind of liked him close. He smelled like the woods, earthy and real, and she liked it.

  Maybe she wasn’t in her right mind, but she met his eyes and planted a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you. I am going to get back now, Tyler. But I’m kind of glad I wandered over here in the wee hours of the morning.”

  He grabbed her hand as she walked away and yanked her into him, almost as if he was using a dance move. He placed his open palm on her face and his thumb wrapped underneath her chin as he kissed her. Fire burned through her stomach and excitement shot through her, bouncing from one corner of her body to another.

  A part of her couldn’t believe she was standing there kissing a complete stranger in the middle of the night, but another part of her, one she didn’t let out much, loved the rush of energy that it brought. Blake had broken her heart first, then when Dad had died the same night, her heart had been ripped from her. Now, it might be on its way to mending…at least a little bit.

  One thing was for sure: she loved kissing Tyler, maybe even more than she’d liked kissing Blake. Maybe I’m crazy, she thought.

  When he pulled back, he had another sexy smirk on his face. “Didn’t want you to leave without a proper goodbye, Arielle.”

  “I like your proper goodbyes,” she said, realizing how much she meant the words.

  “Good. Maybe there will be more goodbyes, since you like them so much.” He ripped a piece of paper from over on the wooden tool table and pulled a pen from his pocket. “Here’s my number.” He handed her the paper. “Call me anytime.”

  She grinned and tucked the small piece of paper in her pocket, then wandered back to Jess’s house, feeling like she was walking on clouds, a feeling she hadn’t felt since…it wasn’t until then she started to think about Blake. Before she’d met the stranger across the street from her best friend, Blake had been the one thing on her mind all the time, but now, maybe she’d begun to let him go. All those thoughts she had after Dad’s funeral had been true. Putting Blake behind her was something she’d already done, she just hadn’t realized it until now. Some things a person couldn’t come back from.

  Sure, she understood he’d been with his dad and they were working on their relationship, but couldn’t he have called her since then? It had been weeks.

  It seemed as if he’d forgotten about her before she’d even thought about forgetting about him.

  It would be better if she moved on. And it would be interesting moving on with Tyler. He had a sort of bad boy vibe to him, maybe because h
e played the guitar, but to Arielle, there seemed to be much more to him, and she couldn’t wait to find out.

  She would call him first thing tomorrow and see if their three a.m. meeting had been a fluke, or if it had meant the same to him as it did to her.

  For now, though, she crawled back into her makeshift bed on Jess’s floor and closed her eyes, wishing for happier dreams than she’d had before. She couldn’t fall asleep right away because an image of Tyler drifted through her mind and her heart raced. Something good might be coming her way. It might be different than what she’d wanted, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be great.

  It was nice to have something put a smile on her face again, albeit a small one.

  When she fell asleep, it was Tyler she dreamed of instead of Blake.

  Epilogue

  Seven Years Later

  Arielle rubbed her swollen stomach, feeling the baby inside her kick her hand. The sensation was unreal, but always made her smile, not able to believe there was life growing in there.

  Moving to a bigger house had been the right thing to do, but she had so many boxes. Old ones and new ones.

  She opened an old one and lost her breath as she saw what sat inside. Blake’s white shirt, yellow from age, sat in there right next to a certain painting with a beach scene and kids playing. She thought she’d gotten rid of those things.

  For some reason, she’d held on to them. A small part of her heart wondered how her life would have changed if she’d kept Blake in it, but the thought skated through her mind, leaving as fast as it came.

  Before she’d met Tyler, she’d imagined spending the rest of her life with Blake, her first love. She’d thought they would grow old together and have children…but as she stood and rubbed her belly one more time, she couldn’t imagine having anyone else’s child other than Tyler’s.