West of Want (Hearts of the Anemoi)

  “What do you want?” she whispered.

  When they came, the words were unthinking and terrifying but true. “A chance. With you.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  His words echoed in the stillness of the hallway and made her stomach flutter. She didn’t need to ask for clarification—what he asked for was the very thing she wanted, too. A chance to know him. A chance to understand how he was even possible. A chance to explore the restrained chemistry dancing between them.

  She shifted onto her hip, knees tucked under his thigh, and met his unwavering gaze. Jesus, he was so damned gorgeous. And the fact that he apparently wanted her amplified his appeal by about a thousand. “But, you’re a god. I’m just a woman. You said it yourself. You live in a different realm, have a whole different existence. How can we—”

  Fingers fell gently against her lips. “I know. I do. But there is something about you, Ella. Something I can’t resist. And I don’t want to. If there is something here, something we both want, we will figure out a way.”

  “But, aren’t you busy right now? You know, with the whole spring thing?”

  “I am always aware. And I have help. All is as it should be, for now.” He chuckled, and the sound made her smile.

  “You should do that more often.”

  “What?”

  “Smile. Laugh. It looks good on you.” She ducked her chin.

  “Gods, Ella.” He shifted and dug his hand into her hair, around her neck. “Say yes. Say you’ll give me a chance. Tell me you feel it, this thing between us.”

  She nodded, loving the possessiveness of his grip. “I do. I feel it.” She pressed a kiss against his forehead. “So, what now?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “Is that a yes?”

  His cautious enthusiasm made her chest go warm and tingly. “Yeah.” Then his smile fell and she frowned. “What is it?”

  “I have to be honest with you, though.”

  “Okay.” She held herself still when self-preservation wanted her to draw away. She wanted to reward his honesty, whatever it was he felt the need to say.

  “My brother is not happy that I’m here.” He shook his head. “No, that’s not strong enough. Ella, unlike the rest of us who prize life and humanity, Eurus…something happened to him…he thinks of humans as, well, subservient inferiors at best, worthless and inconsequential at worst. He’s warned me away from you, and I think you should know that. What he did to you earlier? It was a drop in the bucket compared to what he’s capable of.” He squeezed her neck reassuringly. “I’m stronger, and I can protect you. But I’ll understand if that’s more than you want to take on.”

  Anger made her stomach go hot. She hated the thought of someone threatening this man who could show passion, then tenderness in turn, who seemed to value honesty the way she did, whose eyes shone with an ache that felt familiar. And she resented the idea that someone wanted to take her choices from her. Again.

  Infertility. Divorce. Betrayal. Loss. None of these things she chose or wanted, yet they’d been forced upon her by circumstance or fate.

  Zephyros? She wanted him—at least the chance of him. And she refused to be bullied into walking away, or telling him to do so. Plus, if he hadn’t ever told her about Eurus, she wouldn’t have known otherwise. His honesty gave her heart the confidence to take the chance her body so desperately wanted.

  “Thank you for telling me. It is something to consider. But, you know what?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Fuck him.”

  Zeph’s eyes narrowed and flared that deep blue light.

  “I want a chance, too, and I refuse to run scared.” Her stomach flip-flopped, revealing the hearty dose of bravado in her words. But, damn it, enough was enough. She was putting the world on notice—she was done with the bad luck and tragedy. We’re all full-up at the inn, she thought wryly.

  “So, fuck ’im?”

  Ella blushed and nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Say it.” He grinned.

  “No.”

  “Come on.”

  God, she loved this playful side of him, so she rolled her eyes and humored him. “Fuck. Him.”

  She wasn’t sure what happened or, rather, how it happened. But the next thing she knew she was flat on her back, Zephyros’s huge body atop hers. The kiss was consuming and filled with gratitude, promise. His hands tangled in her hair, little appreciative and totally sexy groans echoing deep in his throat.

  Desperate for more contact, she spread her legs, and he slid into the cradle of her thighs.

  The earlier heat between them returned and went molten. Her body remembered her unsated arousal, which surged anew with every suck of his lips, stroke of his tongue, and shift of his hips.

  “Say it again,” he whispered against her lips, a sensual smile playing around his mouth.

  “Fuck him, Zephyros. I mean it.”

  “Gods,” he groaned. “That word, out of your mouth.”

  She kissed his cheek, his jaw. Leaning up, she licked his ear. “What word? ‘Fuck’?”

  His hands tightened in her hair, hips rocked against the jangling nerves of her center.

  “Fuck,” she whispered again, totally stunned at her own boldness. But she was too aroused to censor herself, and teasing him—and being teased in return—was just too damn much fun.

  He bit out what sounded like a curse in a language she didn’t know, and she went hot and wet between her thighs at the desperate, sensual tone of it. Cradling her head, he buried his face in her neck. He licked, nipped, and sucked his way down to the collar of her shirt, sliding against her, creating delicious friction against her nipples, her core. But not enough.

  “God, I need more of you.”

  He kissed up the other side of her neck, dragging his weight over her in the most maddeningly delicious way. She drew her knees up, adjusting him so he fell closer to where she needed him.

  “Ella,” he groaned and traced the shell of her ear with his tongue. “What do you want? This time, you tell me. I don’t want to make any mistakes here, and I”—he swallowed thickly—“I can’t…I have to…”

  She whimpered. Heart, body and mind aligned, she didn’t need to think about it. “In me. Need you in me.”

  His weight disappeared. Then so did she. For a split-second, her physical self seemed to vanish. And then they were on the bed in her room.

  Dazed and awed, she laughed. “What just happened?”

  Heavy-lidded eyes traced over her face. “I don’t have the patience to act human right now.”

  “Mmm, I kinda like the sound of that.”

  “Gods, woman, you are driving me crazy.” He sat up, straddling her thighs, and helped her remove her shirt. That flaring light returned in his gaze, and she swore she could feel it drag over her breasts. She bared them to his observation, and he caressed them with light fingertips that made her shiver. “Such exquisite perfection.”

  Her breaths coming in faster, shallower draws, she grabbed the hem of his damp shirt. “So, you can move us with your mind, but can’t remove our clothes? Not an all-powerful god, then?” Biting the inside of her lip to restrain the threatening smile, she looked up at him with what she hoped was innocence.

  He blinked once and the cotton disappeared from her fingers. “Are you questioning my godhood?”

  Mouth gaping, Ella dragged her gaze down Zeph’s completely naked body. She couldn’t restrain her huge grin. “Not…um, not anymore.”

  Zeph threw his head back and laughed, the warm and totally delighted sound filling the room, surrounding her. Every so often, something happened and he seemed momentarily free of the weight his shoulders normally carried. Ella’s chest went tight—what satisfaction she would feel to do that for him, always.

  Starting now.

  As his humor died down and the light of his eyes colored her skin once more, Ella focused on the impossible-to-ignore erection standing out from Zeph’s body. That ridged stomach and fascinating cut of muscles above his
hips weren’t the only amazing thing about his physique. Jesus.

  She wanted to take care of him. To please him. And she knew just how to begin. She leaned forward and licked the swollen head of his length. He sucked a sharp breath in through his teeth and groaned deep in his throat, urging Ella on and emboldening her. Still sitting before him, she scooted her body until she could reach him more easily.

  In her hands, he was soft and rigid, thick and warm. Gripping him in one palm, she nuzzled the smooth skin against her cheek, then turned her head to kiss along his shaft from base to tip. His hand fell gently upon her hair and petted her, encouraging, rewarding. Ella smiled and breathed in the musky maleness of him, then opened her lips around his head.

  “Ella,” he rasped. “My Ella.”

  Two little words. They planted themselves into the rapidly moving organ in her chest. Ella closed her eyes and sucked him in, slowly, teasingly. As she moved, she wrapped her tongue around one side of him, then the other, still exploring. She found a rhythm and dropped her hands to his hips, using only her mouth to pleasure him. God, she’d always loved sharing this with a man—it seemed one of the few times a man truly made himself vulnerable, emotionally and physically, and she adored the connection that created.

  Zeph’s grip tightened in Ella’s hair. Still, he allowed her to set the pace, but with that single touch he communicated the effect she was having. Words in that foreign language spilled from him again, his voice filled with gravel and need. He cupped her face and pulled back from her.

  Biting her bottom lip, she peered up at him. “I want to take care of you.”

  He kissed her, short but deep. “You are. Phenomenally. But how about we take care of each other?”

  She smiled and nodded around the kisses he showered over her face, and allowed herself to be laid back. His weight blanketed her and she reveled in it—she’d always loved the encompassing, secure feeling of a man atop her. She drew up her knees and welcomed him in.

  He drew lazy circles over her hip and thigh with dragging fingers. “Later, I plan to explore every inch of you. But now, now I just need to be in you.”

  Ella nodded. “I need that, too.”

  He reached between them and stroked gentle fingertips over her folds. He hummed as he dropped his head against hers. “So wet for me,” he murmured, lips hovering just above hers. “I want you, Ella. Can I please have you?”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Zephyros could barely restrain the energy flowing through his body, but it wasn’t the dark maelstrom he was so used to feeling. Light suffused his whole being, filling him with a new and nearly unbearable sensation of goodness that hovered just on the edge of true, unqualified contentment.

  It was Ella. It was all Ella.

  “Yes,” she finally replied, her hips tilting up, searching, inviting.

  A warm pressure expanded within his chest until he thought he must surely burst. He kissed her, trying to communicate with his lips, with his every touch, how very much this moment meant to him.

  Gods, how he hoped he wouldn’t be forced to pay for this bit of happiness.

  This time could be different. This time would be different.

  He shook the thought away and took himself in hand just as prudence intruded through the haze of desire. Zephyros froze. The gods had no diseases they could pass, but they certainly had the power to procreate. Eurus’s threat flashed through his mind, but no way he was letting that intrude into the righteousness of this moment. “Ella? Protection?” The fantasy of maybe one day not needing any—or wanting any—ricocheted down his spine. Good to know he wasn’t packing too much into this.

  Her gaze snapped into focus. “Oh. Um.” She rolled her head to the side for a long moment, then turned back to him. Her whole face had changed. Warm and engaged before, her eyes had gone wary. Now she appeared uncertain, even a little scared. She shrugged with one shoulder. “I don’t have anything because, um, well, I wasn’t expecting this…and”—she sighed—“in the spirit of all the honesty you shared with me, I can’t conceive, so…”

  Zeph’s heart clenched at the flat tone of her words, at what she shared. “I’m sorry,” he said automatically. Where a moment ago he’d successfully shut Eurus from his thoughts, now his brother burst in uninvited. Could it really be a coincidence that his brother would stake his ultimatum on an infertile woman?

  Ella shrugged again, her eyes skittering over his face but not meeting his gaze for long.

  “It’s okay,” Ella whispered, voice thin and strained. She patted his bicep. Zeph frowned and struggled to make sense of her movements. Her pat turned into a push against his shoulder.

  “What—” So tied up in his head, her actions caught him off guard.

  “It’s okay,” she said again, words all mechanical now. He let her push him up onto hands and knees. Under him, she turned to get up.

  “Ella.” The bleak shift in her aura sucker-punched him. Damn it. If he’d have kept his attention where it should’ve been, he would’ve been able to read how devastating the admission was for her. In that moment, his world shifted. Concerns over self-preservation transformed into a soul-deep need to preserve and protect…her. His gut now demanded, as a man, as a god whose purpose was facilitating the birth and rebirth of spring, to fix it. But a healing of this magnitude was not something that could be offered or achieved without consideration or sacrifice. And his brain cells were too scattered to think on the ramifications clearly.

  “Please,” she said.

  Zephyros’s stomach sank. He curled his arm around her shoulders before she could get away, pulled her back against his chest. “Love, wait, talk to me.”

  She shook her head and clapped her hand over her mouth. Within his grasp, she trembled.

  “Are you crying? Ella, talk to me.” She shook her head harder and he could literally feel her effort to restrain her emotions. He hiked himself up behind her so he could look over her shoulder. A single silent tear tracked across her cheek. The physical proof of her pain escalated the whole array of these new primal needs within him—to comfort, to protect, to defend.

  His kissed the corner of her eye, tasting the salt of her tear on his lips, and slipped into the ancient tongue, whispering a small prayer against her ear. He hated learning that she carried around within her such a deep-seated pain. Of all the traits they might find they had in common, that was one for which he never would’ve wished.

  He kissed her cheek and switched into English. “I’m sorry this hurts you so, Ella. But why do you pull away from me? I would comfort you.” The way you comfort me.

  Her breathing hitched and her eyes cut to him in a sidelong glance. “You…would?”

  “Of course. Why would you think otherwise? Good gods, have I given you the impression my only interest here is in having your body?” Zephyros kissed her shoulder. “I want to know you. All of you. If you are in pain, I want to know that. I want to help ease it, if I can.” The shadows receded from her face, easing the tension in Zeph’s gut. “I understand why this would be upsetting, of course, but is it something more? Did something happen to you, Ella?”

  She shrugged the slender shoulder between them. “My husband, or, rather, my ex-husband…he left me after we learned I can’t have children.”

  Dark energy whirled through Zephyros. She’d been cast aside and deemed unworthy by someone she’d loved. Just like him.

  No. Not like him. Because Ella didn’t deserve the way she’d been treated. He shuddered in an effort to restrain an outburst. In the darkness of the rainy night, thunder rumbled.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked in a small voice.

  “I’m thinking I’d like to hurt him. But then, if he was still here, I couldn’t be.” His stomach soured. What a horrible thing to say. Had he no common sense? No compassion? He cut his gaze to her eyes, prepared for the recrimination he deserved. “I apologize, Ella. That was truly insensitive of me.”

  Her muscles relaxed within his grip and she sank bac
k into his chest. “No it wasn’t. I liked it. And I agree with you. I hate the idea that I might never have met you.”

  Zephyros clenched his eyes and absorbed her words into his heart, his soul. By the gods, this woman appealed to parts of him he thought long gone, long buried away, or broken to pieces by ancient betrayals.

  “Zeph?”

  He opened his eyes and knew how bright they flared from the light that illuminated her face and shoulder. But he couldn’t help the release of some of the energy flowing through his veins. “Yes?” he managed after a thick swallow.

  “Will you still make love to me?”

  “That’s not even in question. It would be my honor. And my pleasure.” He dragged a finger over her hip, his mind rational enough now to make him want to put her fully at ease. “I know humans must be careful of this, so I want to reassure you that my body is clean and you will be safe, even without protection.”

  She smiled and bit down on her lip. “Thank you,” she said with an expression equal parts shyness and seductiveness. He moved to roll Ella from her side to her back. She grabbed his hip, her touch warm and claiming. “No. Like this. Please?”

  Zeph groaned and let himself once again acknowledge the deep, needful ache between his thighs. With his front to her back, his cock lay hard and heavy against the top of her buttocks. “This pleases you?”

  She chuckled. “Uh, yeah. And I like the feeling of your arms around me.”

  “Oh, Ella. I would hold you forever.” He shifted his body, loving the satin feel of her skin against his, and gripped himself in one hand. Ella arched her back and they were aligned. He dragged his sensitive head through her folds, coaxing her body. It wasn’t long before he thrilled to find the slick evidence of her arousal.