Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself

  Solution 4: Plan Leisure Activity

  Because Powerful Choleric loves to work even on vacation, other Powerful Cholerics have come up with a new occupation—that of

  Leisure Time Counselors. It’s only logical that we Powerful Cholerics make a business of our pleasure and hire someone to find fun for us! In an article “They’ll Help Organize Your Leisure Time” (Parade, February 25, 1979), Dr. Chester McDowell, Leisure Lifestyle Consultant, is quoted as saying about us workaholics, “They erect all sorts of barriers that prevent them from enjoying themselves and they feel guilty about leisure. We help break down the barriers.”

  Research done on workaholics shows they don’t have the need for diversion that other temperaments do, and they love their work. They do not have any more psychological problems than others—a fact that appears to surprise the researchers who are, no doubt, Perfect Melancholies looking for deep and hidden neuroses.

  Powerful Cholerics just like to work.

  In an article, “Is Your Fun Too Much Work?” (Parade, October 11, 1981), Madelyn Carlisle asks, “Is your recreation wrecking you? Is it boring you when what you need is stimulation? Is it making you tense when what you seek is relaxation?” She then points out how important it is for everyone to plan some quiet time if their job is active, or some exercise if their job is sedentary. Powerful Cholerics should plan some leisure activity.

  REMEMBER

  You can relax and not feel guilty.

  PROBLEM: Powerful Cholerics Must Be in Control

  Solution 1: Respond to Other Leadership

  In dealing with extreme Powerful Cholerics, I have found they are comfortable only when in control positions. Marita dated an exceptionally Powerful Choleric young man who was continental and charming. When we would meet him in his area, he would treat us royally, giving expensive pens for table gifts, and tipping the waitress heavily for extra service. When we hosted him in our home, he was ill at ease and not so gracious. As we analyzed this contrast in behavior, we realized he was insecure when not in control.

  Powerful Choleric must learn to adapt to social situations and try to relax when he is not in charge. He must let others make decisions and organize functions. He must respond to events he didn’t plan and leadership not of his own choosing.

  Solution 2: Don’t Look Down on “The Dummies”

  One of the most dramatic weaknesses of Powerful Choleric is his firm conviction that he is right and those who don’t see things his way are wrong. He always knows how to do everything the quickest and the best, and he tells you so. If you don’t happen to respond, you are at fault. Powerful Choleric spends much of his time standing on the top of the world, looking down at what he often calls the “dummies of life.” This superior attitude can do psychological damage to those under Powerful Choleric’s domain.

  Because Powerful Choleric values strength in himself, he looks down with little mercy on weaknesses in others. He can’t tolerate sick people, and as one friend told me of her Powerful Choleric husband, “When I’m sick he puts me in bed. He says, ‘Come out when you’re well’ and shuts the door.”

  A Powerful Choleric speaker I recently met told me, “I hate insecure people; I just want to shake them.” Not being able to stand weaknesses in others is a major weakness in Powerful Cholerics. They just don’t understand people who aren’t like them and think all others are weak or stupid. It is difficult for the Powerful Choleric to comprehend that not everyone is going to respond to his strong leadership. He expects everyone to get motivated by his programs and inspired by his ideas.

  When a Powerful Choleric understands the temperaments, he can tailor his leadership to fit the variety of individuals. When he does not know the temperaments he rallies other Powerful Cholerics to his principles and lets “the dummies” fall by the wayside.

  Solution 3: Stop Manipulating

  Powerful Choleric has an amazing way of getting others to do things without realizing how they were conned. While Popular Sanguine charms others into waiting on him, Powerful Choleric manipulates. Naturally, a Popular Sanguine/Powerful Choleric combination manipulates in such a charming manner, you think you dreamed up the idea yourself.

  When Marita was twelve years old, she wanted to go on a daylong “Jesus March,” and I was resisting her request until I received this note:

  How can one oppose the will of God?

  Lauren, who is more Powerful Choleric than Marita, is a master manipulator. One day she posed a hypothetical question to me. Her Schnauzer dog, Monie, was in heat, and Lauren asked, “If you were going to have one of Monie’s next puppies, would you prefer I bred her to this great champion I found in Palm Springs, or just to the plain Schnauzer down the street?” I hesitated to answer this question, because I definitely did not want anything that had to be fed or mopped up after. “If I were going to have one (which I’m not), I would definitely want one from a champion versus a plain dog down the street.”

  Quickly Lauren agreed. “I knew you’d see it my way. Now on Wednesday, when she must be bred, I will need three hundred and fifty dollars, and you could cover this in one of two ways. You could either give me the money outright, or I could retain the stud fee rights to your puppy, which would make up the difference within a few years.”

  I sat dumbfounded. Within two minutes, I had gone from not wanting a puppy under any circumstances to breeding Schnauzers without even getting a stud fee!

  Once I regained my composure my Powerful Choleric nature firmly turned down this promising offer, and I felt I had come out on top. But Powerful Cholerics never give up. Lauren bred Monie with the plain dog down the street and gave me a tiny puppy in a box for Christmas.

  While these two family stories are humorous, most of Powerful Choleric’s schemes are not so funny. Even though Powerful Choleric seems to get away with his manipulations at the moment, later, when people reflect upon what’s happened, they resent being conned. To keep friends and business associates for any period of time, Powerful Choleric must stop manipulating and become open with others. Powerful Cholerics resist this approach, because much of the joys of triumph are these very scheming conquests. If Powerful Cholerics could only see what an unappealing trait manipulation is, they might consider changing.

  REMEMBER

  Stop manipulating others and

  looking down on “the dummies.”

  PROBLEM: Powerful Cholerics Don’t Know How to Handle People

  Solution 1: Practice Patience

  I love the message in James 1:2, 3: “Is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems” (TLB). What a great Scripture for Powerful Cholerics who want everything done their way now, and who try to squirm out of anything that isn’t positive. Powerful Cholerics are impatient by nature, but this weakness can be overcome, once they realize it is a problem.

  Since Powerful Cholerics can accomplish more in a shorter time than any other temperament, it is very hard for them to understand why others can’t keep up with them. They feel that quiet people must be stupid and nonaggressive people must be weak. From a position of strength and self-confidence, they judge others to be somehow part of an inferior race.

  The greatest value a Powerful Choleric can receive from this study of temperaments is to realize his ability to accomplish and achieve is often a handicap in personal relationships. No one likes a bossy, impatient person who makes him feel insecure. If only Powerful Choleric could let his mind dwell, even momentarily, on the possibility that he might be abrasive to others, he could modify his behavior quickly and really be the great leader he already thinks he is.

  Solution 2: Keep Advice Until Asked

  Because Powerful Choleric has a compulsion to correct wrongs, he assumes everyone with a problem would love his solution. He feels led to give directions to everyone who needs help, whether or not he has been asked. Our friend John was driving down the h
ill from the mountains. He noticed the truck in front of him was “dog walking.” That is, listing slightly to one side. Since the truck looked new, John assumed the man had bought a defective truck and would welcome his advice. He drove up beside the truck and started waving at the man to pull over. The man looked and then chose to ignore John, who became insistent by blowing his horn and pointing to the side of the road. Finally the man gave up and pulled over. John explained to the puzzled man, “Your truck is dog walking.”

  “It’s what?”

  “It’s dog walking. That means you have a bent frame. It must have been dropped in shipment. You take this truck right back to the dealer. They shouldn’t get away with that!”

  After having given his directions, he left the man standing, dejected, by his truck. John drove off pleased with what a great help he’d been. Not everyone responds with joy to the Powerful Choleric’s helpful suggestions.

  Solution 3: Tone Down Your Approach

  In a survey I took at a Personality Plus seminar on what traits people disliked most in others, the winner was bossy. No one liked bossy people. I asked them to write a second list of what negative traits they had, and not one of them was bossy. Isn’t it amazing how we dislike bossy people, and yet not one of us is bossy. The obvious conclusion is that overbearing people don’t see themselves as others see them. They feel they are being helpful and others should be grateful for their instructions.

  Because Powerful Choleric thinks so quickly and knows what’s right, he says what comes to his mind, without worrying about how people will take it. He is more concerned with getting things done than with the feelings of others. He feels he’s helping the cause, but those in his way may look at him as bossy.

  Powerful Cholerics are not only bossy orally, they are great at writing notes of instruction. One day my Popular Sanguine friend Peggy came over with a clutch of papers in her hand. She was obviously upset as she shoved them at me and said, “Look at what my mother wrote to me! I was using her house while she was away and I was moving, and just look at these notes!” The first paper said:

  Peggy, return my red Dansk pot!

  (Powerful Cholerics love to underline for emphasis and use exclamation points to show they mean business.)

  The second note said:

  Peg,

  Please remember to turn my furnace off before you leave as it runs up

  the BILL!!

  The third had been taped over the washing machine with two Band-Aids.

  Peg,

  Turn off the two faucets after washing. If left on, water can leak out all over

  into the playroom. Also empty fuzz out of the dryer catcher each time!

  Since Peggy is Popular Sanguine, she paid no attention to the notes. One day her mother had come by unexpectedly and found the place a mess. She had pinned the final note:

  Peg,

  I do not like the way I found my house when I returned.

  You did not find my broiler dirty (like it was left), nor did you find our burglar alarm off—that is why we have it to protect our property.

  I’m very mad as you can well tell!

  If you use our home again leave it as you found it.

  Love, Mother

  While Peggy was upset, I was thrilled with the notes and asked if I could keep them. They are perfect examples of Powerful Choleric instructions, which they feel are justified (and others feel are bossy).

  Solution 4: Stop Arguing and Causing Trouble

  Because Powerful Choleric knows he’s right, he loves to lead the confused, insecure public into battle—and then win triumphantly. Baiting “the dummies” and proving them wrong becomes a challenging hobby for Powerful Choleric.

  Fred’s brother Steve used to study “Words Commonly Mispronounced” in the Reader’s Digest, carry the ripped-out pages in his wallet, and then wait for some innocent soul to make a mistake. Sooner or later someone would fall into the trap, and he would pounce upon that person with glee and say, “I think you will find that you have mispronounced that word.” The victim would stammer as Steve pulled the proof from his wallet, pointed out the correction, and left the person devastated. Only Powerful Cholerics enjoy this ego game of shooting down the pigeons.

  Powerful Cholerics love controversy and arguments and whether they play it for fun or for serious, this stirring up problems is an extremely negative characteristic.

  REMEMBER

  No one likes an impatient, bossy troublemaker.

  PROBLEM: Powerful Cholerics Are Right but Unpopular

  Solution 1: Let Someone Else Be Right

  It is very difficult to counsel Powerful Choleric because he can always prove why what he did was right. Since he is perfect, if it weren’t the correct thing to do, he would not have done it. Powerful Choleric just can’t be wrong. He cannot admit to his inner self that he just might possibly be at fault. This unbending opinion makes dealing with Powerful Choleric close to impossible at times.

  My brother Ron told me of an adventure he had with a Powerful Choleric optometrist. He wanted to have a pair of bifocal sunglasses made for his wife. He went to the man who had her prescription and told him what he had in mind. The man countered, “That’s impossible.” My brother, being Powerful Choleric himself, would not give in easily and he pursued his purpose.

  “You don’t understand what I’m saying: I want regular sunglasses with her reading prescription on the bottom, so she can look at a magazine while at the pool.”

  The man countered with another “That’s impossible.”

  My brother continued making logical explanations, and the optometrist refused to budge. Ron finally took the prescription from the man’s hand and said, “I’ll go somewhere else and have this filled.”

  Not to be outdone, the man called to Ron on the way out, “If you take that somewhere else and they fill it the way you want it, they’re wrong!”

  What a classic example of the Powerful Choleric who knows he’s right.

  Solution 2: Learn to Apologize

  Because Powerful Choleric knows everything and is convinced he’s always right, he cannot imagine he should ever apologize. He looks at “I’m sorry” as a sign of weakness and avoids its expression as he would a disease. We had a Powerful Choleric young man live with us for a year, and during that time he felt free to criticize us, but never saw that he was any problem. One morning he came out after breakfast was over and started to look for some cold cereal. He took out the one box I had and told me bluntly, “You know I don’t like this kind of cereal. Can’t you ever have anything I like?” He threw the box on the counter and stormed out without eating. Later, young Fred, who was twelve at the time and had witnessed the rejection of Brand X, came up to me quietly in his Perfect Melancholy sensitivity and said, “I want to apologize for Robert. He wasn’t very nice to you about the cereal, but I know he’ll never say he was sorry.”

  Fred was right. Robert never apologized, and when he referred to the situation, he called it “the unfortunate misunderstanding you and I had over the cereal.” Powerful Choleric just can’t face the facts and say, “I’m sorry.”

  I got on a plane at Palm Springs, and an irate Powerful Choleric man sat down beside me. “Those idiots made me go through the security gate a second time, when all I did was go out to buy a magazine. I told them if I passed once, there was no point in doing it again, but they made me go through anyway.” He was furious, so I didn’t bother to give any opposing views. It is so difficult to counsel or reason with Powerful Cholerics because they know everything, can always place the blame on others, and can rationalize away any fault on their part.

  Solution 3: Admit You Have Some Faults

  Since Powerful Choleric has the greatest potential as a leader for the greatest causes, he should gain the most from the study of the temperaments. He should be able to take his dynamic strengths of quick, decisive action and move to eradicate his sins of conceit and impatience.

  But Powerful Choleric is his own worst enemy.
He has tattooed the word strength on his right arm, and he thinks the word weakness belongs only to others. It is this refusal to look at any possible fault in his own makeup that keeps Powerful Choleric from achieving the heights within his grasp.

  Shakespeare often wrote of the great hero marred by a tragic flaw. In the Powerful Choleric the tragic flaw is his inability to see that he has any. He is more interested in being right than being popular, and when he takes a stand he is inflexible.

  REMEMBER

  If only the Powerful Choleric would open his mind to examine his weaknesses and admit he had a few, he could become the perfect person he thinks he is.

  And don’t forget, Powerful Choleric:

  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

  1 John 1:9

  CHAPTER 11

  Let’s Motivate Peaceful Phlegmatic

  As with each temperament, the types of strengths have corresponding weaknesses. Peaceful Phlegmatics have low-key strengths, so they have low-key weaknesses. Where Powerful Choleric lays his strengths right out before you, so his faults are obvious and out in the open; the Peaceful Phlegmatic keeps both his best and his worst under wraps. Many Peaceful Phlegmatics can’t imagine they could possibly be offensive because they are so quiet and kind. It is difficult to communicate with them in a seminar for they are usually sleepy by the time I get to their section.