Stories From the Shadowlands

  All because I was careless. I was in an apartment sixteen blocks south-southwest of the edge of downtown, still looking for the most recent nest. Ana and Takeshi had already departed to set a trap for Mazikin about ten blocks to the west, and I was preparing to patrol to the south.

  When I heard the woman screaming in the hallway, I didn't hesitate. The fear in her voice jolted me, and I dashed out of the apartment without putting on my armor. Two men—obviously Mazikin—were dragging her into a stairwell, but one of them dropped her and fled as soon as he saw me. I hurled the only knife I'd managed to grab on the way out the door, and it hit the other Mazikin in the gut.

  I ran to him as the woman, young and blonde, sank to the floor. I knelt over the downed Mazikin and pulled my knife from his belly. But as I was leaning to cut his throat, fiery pain tore across my lower back. The blonde landed on me, wrapping her arms around my throat.

  "I'm Juri," she snarled. "Juri. Remember."

  I flipped her over my shoulders and stabbed her. Him. Juri. This Mazikin who has a personal thirst for my blood. I stared at it, dripping from the blonde's long, jagged fingernails.

  I finished off both of them, the attacker and his false victim, sending them back to their homeland, freeing the two human souls they'd condemned to suffer there. And then I went back to the apartment and bandaged the oozing wounds on my back the best I could. I set out an hour later for the long walk to the Station.

  Were it not for the Guards who carried me in, I wouldn't have made it. And I wonder, is that what Juri wanted? Or did he just want me to suffer so he could come back and attack once more? This Mazikin is trouble. But he did teach me an important lesson. We wear the armor for a reason. I'll never forget to put it on again.

  Day 12168

  Ana came to my quarters this morning, bearing a cup of tea and a few stale biscuits on a tray. I could not mask my surprise when I opened the door to find her standing there. She shouldered her way inside, then set the tray on my desk.

  She looked at my map, which is slowly filling in as I explore the city on my patrols and bring back sketches of each area. "Where did it happen?" she asked.

  I tapped the spot sixteen blocks south-southwest of downtown. "The nest must be close. We'll find it soon."

  She gave me a sidelong glance. "Why weren't you wearing your armor?"

  "Because I thought someone needed help. I didn't think about it." All I could think about was saving her.

  "You care too much about these people, you know that? Maybe those Mazikin are figuring that out."

  I sat down in my desk chair. "You believe you're qualified to give me advice?"

  She shrugged, unperturbed by the annoyance in my voice. "Just making an observation. Takeshi's worried about you, I think."

  "If Takeshi's worried, it's because one of his Guards hasn't been patrolling for a week, right when we were close to finding the nest."

  She rolled her eyes. "Right. That's it." She gestured at the biscuits. "And I only brought you those in the hopes of speeding along your recovery. You know, so you can patrol as soon as possible." She walked to the door. She opened it and added, "I'm glad you made it back."

  And then she was gone. I laughed to myself as I took a bite from one of the biscuits. It tasted surprisingly good.

  Day 13041

  I had him. I could have ended it. And I probably should have. This morning Juri staged an ill-conceived ambush as I was patrolling alone a few blocks from the Suicide Gates. It took me only seconds to have him on the ground, knocked senseless.

  It was not a random attack. He hates me in particular. He wants to hurt me in particular. And of all the Mazikin, Juri reminds me most of Nero, and that makes him extraordinarily dangerous.

  But as I looked at his face, which wasn't really his face, but instead that of a young man with my complexion, with my dark hair, I couldn't see Juri. I could only see the person he condemned to suffer in that place of fire and death the Mazikin call home: a young man who had already experienced enough pain to drive him to suicide. A young man who looked a lot like my brother.

  When I shoved Nero into the dark tower all those years ago, I didn't know there was a way to free the man he'd condemned by stealing his body. But now I know.

  "Next time," I whispered. And then I cut Juri's throat and said the prayer, the words that give my hope a shape and voice. Until the day I imprison Juri in the tower, he'll keep coming back. I know that. But perhaps when he returns, he will choose a face that will make it easier for me to forget, a soul that will be easier to sacrifice in this war.

  Ah. The lies I tell myself.

  Day 13791

  Takeshi and I were trying to corral a small group of Mazikin in an abandoned townhouse yesterday. He had gone to the back while I prepared to charge in the front. But then I heard him shout, and I sprinted around to the back, where I found him on the ground with a knife sticking out of his side, just below the bottom edge of his armor.

  "It was Sil and three others," he said. He sounded quite calm. "They got past me and went that way." He pointed to an alley. "Go kill them."

  I laughed. “No, I’m going to carry you back to the Station.”

  "No, you’re going to go kill them, and then you’re going to carry me back to the Station. That’s an order.”

  I rolled my eyes and tried to pick him up, but he drew a knife. “I’m in a terrible mood right now, Malachi. Stabbing you would give me great, if temporary, satisfaction. Now. Go kill them. I’ll wait.”

  I took a step back. “Fine.” My anger and frustration was enough to fuel me as I pursued the four Mazikin who had attacked him, including Sil, who had chosen a much more agile body than last time.

  Luckily I have become very, very good at throwing knives.

  Once they were dead, I jogged back to the townhouse. Takeshi was unconscious and pale, his armor stained with his blood, his pants soaked with it. I picked him up and carried him back to the Station, cursing him every step of the way. He was still alive when we arrived, but just barely.

  Day 13792

  I arrived at Takeshi's quarters this morning in time to witness Ana storming out. She stalked past me, shoving me out of her way. I let her, because fighting is pointless. She's not angry at me, anyway.

  I walked into his chambers to find him sitting up on his bed, looking hassled. He ran his hands through his hair before letting them fall to his lap.

  "How are you feeling?" I asked.

  "Good as new," he said.

  "How's Ana feeling?"

  His mouth twisted in annoyance. "I wish I knew. I thought she was going to stab me just now. She's mad that we didn't take her with us. She wants to go on multi-day patrols."

  "She's ready," I said. Because she is. And has been for a very long time. "And have you considered that might not be the only reason she is so mad at you today?"

  He groaned. "What else have I done wrong?"

  "I don't think it's something you've done wrong." Why can't he see it? Ana's anger only barely conceals her fear for him. Her gaze never leaves him when they're together—unless she thinks she's being watched. But it's so clear to me how attached she is. I think part of the reason she wants to go on long patrols with him is because she thinks she can protect him.

  But he doesn't see it. Possibly because he's so busy concealing his own feelings. "Ana is complicated," he muttered. "I don't know how to be a good Captain for her."

  "Start by letting her be a good Guard. We've discussed this before."

  He looked away. "I know. And I'm trying. I just… if something happened to her…"

  "I know."

  He nodded. I patted his shoulder and left him alone.

  Day 13800

  Takeshi and I returned to the apartment this evening after another day of fruitless searching for the Mazikin nest. They know we’re here. We hadn’t so much as caught their scent all day and were discussing whether we’d been searching in the wrong zone.

  We opened the door to find Ana
sitting on the living room couch, watching the television. She smiled when she saw our stunned looks.

  Takeshi recovered first, his posture going tense. “What are you doing here?”

  "I followed you."

  "We’ve been here for two days!" he shouted.

  She shrugged. “I know. So have I.”

  "You’re violating orders!"

  She shot to her feet. “You didn’t give me orders, Takeshi. You left me behind, again, with no orders at all.”

  "When I give you no orders, it means you’re supposed to stay where you are!"

  She rolled her eyes. “Then what good am I?”

  His fists clenched. “What good would you be if you died? Do you know what could happen to you?” His voice was so loud that a woman walking down the hall began to cry.

  I shut the door. “But she’s not dead. She’s right here.” I looked at Ana. “And you seem quite pleased with yourself.”

  "I am." She grinned. "I found the nest."

  Day 13801

  We’ll attack the nest during the brightest (or, more accurately, the least dim) part of the day tomorrow. Today was spent assembling squads of our non-human Guards and making our plan. The nest Ana found is located in a tenement surrounded on all sides by similar buildings, all full of harmless citizens. It would be too easy for the Mazikin to scatter from the nest and hide themselves in empty apartments, too easy for us to accidentally hurt or kill an innocent, so we are planning accordingly, with Guards who will move into position and block all entrances to each building right as we attack the tenement.

  Much to my relief, Takeshi has settled down. At first I was afraid he would insist that Ana travel back to the Station, in light of her insubordination. But after she showed us the nest we’d been seeking for the past thousand days, one she found after only two, he simply looked bemused. He said she could stay and participate in the raid if she wore a cloth mask over her face.

  I think that’s smart. Ana is an excellent and deadly decoy, and I have no wish to lose that advantage. If even one Mazikin sees her and is able to report back to its family, that advantage would be gone. But I suspect Takeshi is more eager to protect her from being targeted.

  Like Sil targets him. Like Juri targets me.

  I’m wondering if we’ll encounter either one of them tomorrow. I’m wondering if I’ll once again face the choice to condemn Juri to the tower—or to condemn the innocent human whose body he stole to eternal suffering. And I wonder what I will choose when the time comes.

  Or maybe I don’t. Mercy is a gift. And too often in this world, and in the one where I spent the first nineteen years of my life, it is withheld from those who need it. I don’t have to offer mercy to those trapped human souls. But what kind of man would I be if I didn’t?

  Day 16091

  I have been waiting for this day for a very long time. Not with any eagerness, but not with dread, either. It’s been the strangest feeling, waiting for my Captain to finally admit that what’s real is actually real.

  I am up in the tower at the top of the Station. I have been here for hours. Takeshi has just left. I don’t know if I helped him or not.

  "I have done a terrible thing," he said. "I have fallen in love with Ana."

  For many moments, I sat here and stared up at the sky. I couldn’t believe he had finally said it. “Why is it terrible?”

  "Look at this city. It is not a place for anything as fragile as love."

  "Is your love so fragile?"

  He laughed, a bitter sound. “If this is a fragile love, I fear the powerful kind.”

  "Then tell me again why it’s so terrible?" I looked over at him. For thousands of days, he’s pined for her, watched over her, held himself back from her. Trained her and teased her and fought with her. Stared at her when he believes she isn’t looking. And I see that longing written on his face. His love may not be fragile, but his heart appears to be.

  "She can’t love me back," he said quietly. "I know that."

  "I’m not sure," I said. I can’t pretend I understand Ana. I admire her. I like to spar with her. She is a skillful fighter and a good Guard, even though Takeshi still refuses to let her go on multi-day patrols. She seems to hate him and adore him in equal measure. "Maybe you should talk to her."

  His laugh was louder this time. “That’s an absolutely awful idea.”

  "Well, I know absolutely nothing about women, so neither of us should be surprised. But, indulge my ignorance. Why?"

  "It would place her in a terrible position. I’m her Captain. I give her orders. How is she supposed to feel if I confess my feelings to her? She can’t escape from me." He shook his head. "I would never do that to her."

  He loves her, and so he will not tell her he loves her. Ever.

  Suddenly, my chest was aching for him. “You are a good Captain,” I said. “And a good man. Perhaps if you give Ana time, she will see that, too. And she might love you for it.”

  He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the metal railing. “Again, look at where we are. Does this seem like a place where it is possible to be happy? What you suggest could only happen in the Countryside. And maybe one day it will. For now, though…” He rubbed his hands over his face and stood up. “Thank you for listening.”

  He opened the trap door and disappeared down the stairs. And now I’m sitting here, wondering whether I feel envious that he has found someone to love that deeply or fortunate that I have not and probably never will.

  Fortunate, I think.

  Day 16863

  The three of us trained together for the first time in over two hundred days this morning, and it was a tense affair

  Takeshi has been going out on long solo patrols, leaving Ana and me to patrol together nearer the Station. I don’t mind so much; it gives me more time to work on my map, where I’ve been sketching based on all the notes I’ve taken over the past thousand days or so.

  Ana, however, does mind. She rarely talks to me about it—her frustration with Takeshi is now so deep that there don’t seem to be words for it. Instead, she speaks with hurled knives and utter ferocity. She kills at a distance, never visible to her prey. We are a good team, as she hits the Mazikin with blades and I finish them off, up close.

  I’m teaching her some of the Mazikin language, too. A few days ago we lured an old one into an alley by calling out—really, it’s a bit more like barking and growling—that we had found a good recruit. Unfortunately, this Mazikin saw Ana’s face, and to keep my vow to Takeshi, I had to take it to the tower so it would not be able to return to its homeland and tell its comrades about Ana. It hurt, to think of the soul I was abandoning to that terrible realm. But again, I had given my word, and Takeshi seems to need my loyalty more than ever.

  He spends so many of his days alone. We rarely patrol together anymore, but when we do, it is miles of silence. He has withdrawn into himself. We have not spoken of his love for Ana since the first time he confessed it. But today, as I watched them spar, it was there, in the smile on his face as he watched her train, in the sigh he let out whenever she brushed past him, in the way he never looked away from her eyes as she fought him.

  And oh, did she fight him. With everything inside her.

  She’s trying to prove herself. She doesn’t realize that she already has. She’s nearly as good as either of us with the staff, and better than both of us with the knives. Perhaps not as good in hand to hand combat, but enough to hold her own. These days, she is much more composed, as well, much more controlled. But today her anger overflowed. She hit Takeshi so hard that he staggered back. She screamed that he was lucky her blades were dull, or she would happily stab him in the heart. Then she stormed out of the room.

  I looked over at Takeshi. He held up his hands. “I don’t want to hear it,” he said, and then he cleaned up his weapons and left as well.

  I think I need to speak to Ana. Things cannot go on as they are.

  Day 16864

  I should not be allowed to
talk to women. I’m quite terrible at it.

  This morning I went to Ana’s quarters. I had thought about my strategy all evening after yesterday’s training debacle. It was sorely tempting to simply tell her that Takeshi is in love with her, and his worry for her is what keeps him from assigning her dangerous missions.

  However, I was smart enough to realize this was a very bad idea for multiple reasons. So I decided to try to puzzle out her feelings, in the hope that she might have developed some over the last several thousand days.

  She opened the door and scowled at me. “Our patrol isn’t until tonight,” she said.

  "I know. Can I come in?"

  Her eyes narrowed. “What do you want?”

  "Takeshi is leaving for Harag zone tomorrow." I watched her carefully for her reaction.

  She clenched her jaw and stepped away from the door. “Of course he is.” Her hands were fists.

  "You’re upset."

  "You have a gift for stating the obvious."

  "Why is it so upsetting?"

  Her brow furrowed. “Are you really trying to talk to me about my feelings? Is this what we’re doing?”

  It felt like I was walking on dangerous ground. “I thought you would be happy to see him go. You did threaten to stab him yesterday.”

  She folded her arms over her chest and glared at my knees.

  "You’re not happy to see him go," I concluded.

  The tip of her knife blade was against my chest before I could blink. I knocked it away and captured her wrist. She tried to draw another blade, but I twisted her arm behind her back. She stomped on my foot and kicked at me, but I didn’t release her. “So if you’re not happy to see him go, why is that? Do you want to go with him? Or do you want him to stay?”

  She jumped and threw her head back, slamming into my nose. I let her go. My ears were ringing.

  She backed into her room, a knife in each hand. “You and I are not friends, Malachi.”

  I wiped my face and my sleeve came away covered with blood. “Obviously.” Pain and irritation loosened my tongue. “But I am a Guard, and so are you, and so is Takeshi. And the two of you are becoming ridiculous.”