Collision

  I was floored. She owned hardly anything. I’d only seen her in a handful of sets of clothes since I’d met her. Yet there she was, about to make a couple hundred dollars, and the first thing she thought of was buying things for other people. I knew that the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind to keep the money for herself. Even when Oliver had given her money for the movie, she bought me candy with it. In the months that I’d known her, I’d never seen her buy anything for herself or even heard her talk about it.

  I made fifteen million dollars on my last movie. Of course, more than half went to taxes, and a percentage went to James, my agent, and everyone else who makes up my entourage, but the rest was sitting in a bank, waiting to be spent. I’d shopped for houses but couldn’t justify spending a lot of money on something I’d barely ever see. I considered buying a car but realized that it would sit in my parents’ garage the majority of the year while I was gone. I’d even met with several businessmen about possible ventures. Other than trying to buy my parents a new house (which they turned down), I wrote checks to charities every once in a while or donated items to be auctioned, but I never put a lot of time and energy into it.

  “The three pictures made over three thousand dollars tonight,” she continued. “My parents are going to be so excited when they find out. I’m thinking maybe we should go ahead and use the money to get the new van they need. I don’t know how much they raised altogether over there, but it seems like a lot.”

  I’d stopped eating, and she’d noticed.

  “I’m sorry I’m gabbing on. I’m just excited. I’ve never done anything to raise that much money for the mission before. I finally feel like I truly helped out somehow.”

  “You’re not gabbing on. Keep going.”

  “I don’t know. I’m just starting to wonder if this is it. Maybe God can take my passion for the children and love of photography, put them together, and use them to promote my parents’ missions program. I’ve gotten butterflies, I’m so excited thinking about it. What if I’ve actually found my purpose?”

  “It sounds like you might be onto something.”

  “Which leads me to you.”

  “Me?”

  “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”

  “You have?” She wasn’t the only one getting butterflies. Her words caused an all-out swarm in the pit of my stomach.

  “Yes. You have an amazing gift in acting, but you don’t seem to enjoy the life that goes along with it. I don’t think you see the purpose in all of it.”

  “That’s definitely true.”

  “You’re recognized all over the world. You influence what people watch, what they wear, how they think. What if you used all that for good? What if you found something you were truly passionate about and directed some of your time and attention toward it?”

  “I’ve kind of been wondering the same thing since meeting you.”

  “It could be anything, whatever excites or interests you.”

  “I hate the idea of using my celebrity to promote a political or religious agenda. I’ve never liked it when people do that.”

  “You can serve others without having to disclose your political or religious views. My religious views are only obvious because of the work I do, but I’ve worked alongside hundreds of people, and I didn’t have a clue where they stood spiritually or politically. You did too while you were there. Those physicians at the IDP camp, did you know anything about their politics or religion?”

  “No.”

  “See. You don’t have to give that information out. You just serve. That’s all that matters.”

  “That’s true, I guess. Until I met you, I never really thought about the world outside of myself. I admit it; I’ve been completely self-absorbed. I’m so new to all this that I don’t even know what all’s out there. I do want to find out, though. I’d like to do something that makes a difference, do some good with what I’ve been given.”

  “What are you passionate about, Cabot?” She leaned toward me and smiled. “What wakes you up in the morning? What catches your eye or captures your imagination?”

  “You.”

  She bolted upright in shock. “Okay. That’s not the answer I was expecting. I thought maybe you’d say animal cruelty or something.”

  “It was the truth.”

  “Well, I meant more along the lines of humanitarian or environmental issues.”

  “Then you should have been more specific. But while we’re on the subject—”

  “I don’t know if we should be on that subject. Let’s return to the matter of good deeds.”

  “No. I want to camp out here for a minute.” I shoved the plate away and stood. “Do you think you’ll ever give me a chance?”

  “A chance?” She sat back, looking confused. “I wasn’t aware that you wanted a chance.”

  “I do.”

  She unfolded her legs, slid off the counter, and walked into the main room.

  “What about Griffin?” she asked.

  “What about him? Personally, I don’t think he’s that into you.”

  “He is.”

  “Really?”

  “He cares about me, and we have a lot of the same goals. So what if he isn’t storming the house wanting to see me? He understands me, and he knows what I need.”

  “What about passion?”

  “I’m passionate about what I believe, the God I serve. I’m passionate about my family and the people of Uganda. I’m passionate about serving others. Those are my passions. I don’t need the fairy tale of Prince Charming sweeping me off my feet.”

  “You can have all of it.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not going to attract that kind of men. It’s not what I am.” She pushed past me, but I followed right behind. “I don’t get that kind of attention. I’m not even certain that I want it.”

  As she opened the door, I reached over her shoulder and shut it back.

  “I don’t turn heads,” she muttered.

  Leaning into her, I put my mouth to her ear. “You turned

  mine.”

  “Don’t.”

  “By this point, I figured it would be completely obvious how I feel about you.”

  She shook her head, but it looked like it was more out of frustration than acknowledgment.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Kei. I can’t walk around acting like I don’t want more for us. I might be an actor, but I’m not good enough to hide my feelings. Heck, Millie spotted it the first day she met me.”

  “I’m a challenge to you, Cabot. If I were to give in, you would lose interest immediately.”

  “That’s not what this is.”

  “It is. We’re from two different worlds, and we’re about to go right back to them again. It doesn’t make sense to explore feelings beyond friendship.”

  “It does if it’s all you can think about, which is basically where I’m at right now.”

  “So what, we snog a bit, get emotionally wrapped up, and then go our separate ways? I don’t work like that.”

  I kept my mouth to her ear and stepped closer to her so that our bodies were actually touching. “I don’t either, regardless of what I’ve done in the past. This is different. You’re different, and I’m different now because of that.”

  “Our lives don’t intersect, Cabot. Don’t you see that?”

  “Don’t intersect? We aren’t two people who have casually entered each other’s lives. We full-force collided. Our lives do more than intersect; they’ve merged.”

  She reached for the door and turned the knob. “I can’t talk about this right now. I’ve got an auction to get back to. I’m trying to raise money. That’s what I should be concentrating on right now.”

  “Seventy-five thousand.”

  She turned around and glared at me. “Seventy-five thousand what?”

  “Dollars.”

  “What’s seventy-five thousand dollars?”

  “My bid.?
??

  “Your bid for what?”

  “One dance with you. Right here, right now.”

  She shoved me away from her. “A dance with me wasn’t one of the auction items.”

  “It is now.”

  “Cabot—”

  “Your goal tonight is to raise money. My goal is to win your heart. We can work on both at the same time.”

  “No.”

  “One hundred thousand.”

  “Cabot!”

  “One fifty. I guarantee that my pockets are a hell of a lot deeper than your fear of giving this thing a shot. One dance, one hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars. If nothing else, do it for the children.”

  “There’s no music.”

  “There will be as soon as you say yes.”

  She scowled.

  “Two hundred thousand. Are we going to keep this up all night, or are you going to admit how you feel and get your cute hind end over here?”

  She thought about it for a few seconds and then sighed. “If it’s for the children, I’ll dance with you, but I’m not owning up to having feelings of any kind.”

  “Whatever.”

  We stood, glaring at each other, just inches apart. I could tell by the look on her face that I wouldn’t be winning her over completely, but her resolve was slipping away. She still had some fight left in her, but for the first time in my life, I had something worth fighting for, and I wasn’t about to give up.

  “Don’t kiss me,” she ordered.

  “Okay.” I walked backward toward the middle of the room.

  “If you kiss me, you have to double your bid.”

  “It’d be worth it.”

  “Never mind then. Simply don’t kiss me at all.”

  “Simple? Not a good choice of words.”

  “I won’t speak to you for days if you do.”

  “Fine.”

  She took one step toward me. “You promise?”

  “I promise. Kei, I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

  “You’re making me dance with you.”

  “Other than that. Although, technically, I’m not making you; you’re choosing to do it for charity.”

  She slipped her shoes off and kicked them under the table.

  “Planning on staying a while?”

  “No. My feet hurt.”

  “Uh-huh.” I clutched her hand to make sure she wouldn’t run off while I leaned over and turned on the music.

  “Be careful with me,” she warned.

  There was no humor or sarcasm in her voice. She was scared, and it was obvious.

  “I’m not going to hurt you, Kei. I promise. You can trust me. I would never, ever hurt you.”

  As the song started, I slipped my left hand around her waist, placed it on her back, and slowly pulled her closer to me. We managed to make it through the majority of the song without saying a word to each other, and although she tried to avoid looking at me, she did glance up every once in a while.

  “Shall we chat?” she asked.

  “Whatever you want.”

  “I’m thinking that it will make this less awkward.”

  “Go for it.”

  “Tell me more about this film you’re about to do with Oliver. What is it about?”

  “You know part of it already. The main characters are in love but shouldn’t be. He’s royalty, and she’s a peasant. By the customs of that time, they can’t be together, but they can’t help themselves. So they decide to have a relationship but do it in secret.”

  “I’m sure that the fact that he can’t have her makes him want her even more. She’s a challenge.”

  “It’s more than that.” I acted like I didn’t get her hint.

  “Continue.”

  “While all of that is going on, his family’s enemies are planning an attack. They want to overtake their city and take control of it, but Fiero is refusing to go into battle with them. He’s trying to work things out peacefully. Until…”

  “Until what?”

  “They have spies inside the palace who find out about Fiero and Philline’s relationship. The leader of the enemy has her attacked and beaten. He knows that it’s the only way to make Fiero fight. When Fiero finds her and sees what happened to her, he loses it and goes after them.”

  “And this is romantic how?” she asked with a scowl.

  “He loves her. He can’t handle the fact that she’s been hurt.”

  “So he retaliates?”

  “Yeah. He basically slaughters everyone and delivers the prince’s head on a platter.”

  I regretted saying the words as soon as they left my mouth. It was like I’d just justified everything her mother had done.

  “And then Fiero and Philline live happily ever after?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Interesting concept.”

  “You don’t approve?” I asked.

  “It’s not that I don’t approve; I just don’t understand.”

  “What don’t you understand?”

  “How violence solves anything.”

  “It’s a movie, Kei. It’s not real. I’m not making a moral judgment or sanctioning violence. It’s just a movie.”

  “I understand that, I suppose. And I’m sure the action and romance, added to your popularity, will make it a huge success.”

  “I hope so.”

  “And this was Oliver’s project? He understood the storyline and everything?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh.”

  She looked down, appearing to be deep in thought, and I knew exactly what she was thinking about.

  Say it, Kei. Just say it. Tell me what happened in your past. Say it.

  She didn’t.

  “I chose the first thing to chat about. You choose the next,” she said instead.

  For a split second, I thought about telling her that I knew about what had happened to her. But then I realized that it wasn’t the time. It would more than likely scare her off.

  “Okay. Here we go,” I said. “I haven’t had to beg like this for a girl’s attention in a long time.”

  “I’ll give you my attention. It’s my heart I’m frightened to give over.”

  “Why?”

  “You can have any girl in the world.”

  “I don’t want any girl in the world. I want you.”

  “Cabot, if we chose to become involved, we would both have to make huge sacrifices. Just finding time together would be difficult, if not impossible. Friendships, on the other hand, ebb and flow. And if they stop flowing or if communication becomes too difficult, nobody gets hurt. What are the chances we’re going to stay in contact long term?”

  I stopped dancing but didn’t let her go. “We stayed in contact for the four months before I came to Uganda. And then I went to Uganda. I think that shows this can work.” I hesitated before continuing. “Do you think about me when we aren’t together?”

  It took a few seconds, but she eventually nodded and looked embarrassed to be doing it.

  “Have you once given thought to wanting to be with me?”

  She nodded again, which sent my heart soaring.

  “Do you care about me?”

  A nod.

  “As more than a friend?”

  Another nod.

  “Have you given any thought to this, to giving us a shot?”

  She looked down at the floor and nodded.

  I bent at the knees and lowered myself until she didn’t have a choice but to look at me. “I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how we can make this thing work. Now I feel like you’ve been trying to convince yourself it can’t.”

  “Cabot, you’re used to getting what you want. Like you said, nobody tells you no. People don’t tell you what you don’t want to hear. But when we started this friendship, I promised you that I wouldn’t do that. So here I am, telling you that this can’t work. It might not be what you want to hear, but it’s true.”

  “No—”

>   Pulling her hand out of mine, she backed away and toward the door.

  “Wait. Where are you going?”

  “I can’t let you say another word until you know everything.”

  “Know everything?”

  “Actually, you probably won’t want to say anything else, once—”

  Here it comes. “Just say it.”

  “What we’ve shared has been the most wonderful time of my life, but there’s something you don’t know, and knowing it will mean that this probably won’t continue.”

  “That’s not possible.”

  “I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t know I needed to. And trust me. There’s just never a right time to tell something like this. There’s no possible way it can go well or—”

  “Just say it, Kei.”

  She slightly tipped off balance and then sat on the coffee table to steady herself.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m damaged,” she blurted.

  I knew what she was finally about to tell me, and the realization brought tears to my eyes. “No you’re not,” I whispered.

  “I am. I am, Cabot. The parents you met in Gulu aren’t my true parents. They’re my guardians. They took me in after…” Her voice caught in her throat.

  I knelt down in front of her and took her hands in mine. “Just say it. Nothing you say is going to change anything. But you need to say it. Trust me. Trust us enough to say it.”

  When she hesitated, I squeezed her hands again.

  “When I was seven, my mother,” she finally sputtered, “she…she tried to kill me.”

  I kept my eyes locked on her as she looked down at our hands.

  “She killed my father and my two younger brothers, shot them. And then she shot me as I tried to run from her.”

  “Why did she do it?” I prodded.

  As she looked back at me, I could almost see the blood drain from her face. She was completely colorless. I let go of her hands and placed my hands on her cheeks.

  “Say it.”

  “My father molested me,” she cried. “She caught him doing it and killed him and then tried to kill me because she knew that nobody would want me when they found out.” Her cries were so violent as she spoke that each word paused before it spilled out.