My Forever

  When it was over though, my mind was angry with me for leading him on. For giving him hope, when I, myself, didn’t know if there was any. As I was pulling my shirt back over my head, Parker grabbed me from behind and kissed the top of my hair. He had obviously gotten the wrong impression…

  But I had to remain firm. I let him know that our future was still up in the air; only to be revisited when he returned from Basic.

  I hadn’t told Parker I loved him in over a month, and so when he begged me to say it, I gave in. I told him exactly what he wanted to hear, praying with every inch of my soul that I would be able to believe those words myself in a few months’ time.

  He kissed me then, grabbing my face in his hands, and parting my lips with his, leaving me breathless. And with that, he walked out my door. I couldn’t help running to the door after he left and watching him drive away. When I closed the door, I leaned up against it, and fell to the floor, crying. My best friend had just left me. I just prayed I was as strong as he believed me to be.

  * * *

  As my plane took off for Hawaii, I let my eyes wander towards the window. Was I making the right choice? Parker was all I knew. I was headed toward the unknown. Was I overreacting? Would I regret it?

  From the corner of my eye, I saw someone settle into the seat beside me. As the guy sat down, his arm slowly rubbed up against mine, sending chills down my back. What is wrong with me? This is going to be a long flight. Great, stuck beside a total stranger, and to make it even worse, he is drop dead gorgeous….

  I snuck glances to my left. The guy had to be around my age. He had beautiful brown skin, a black shaved head, and eyes I couldn’t look away from. Before I knew it, he caught me checking him out and a huge grin spread across his face. I blushed, I was not used to looking at other guys…flirting with them…I had always been with Parker. Someone who knew me better than anyone, someone who I was comfortable with, and never intimidated me. But this stranger was so different. And I wasn’t sure how I handled different.

  “Hi,” the passenger beside me broke the uncomfortable silence. “I’m Lee.” He extended his hand out for me to shake.

  “Hello, I’m Madalynne,” I replied as I took his hand. Lee had the most incredible eyes, a bright hazel with a hint of teal. Someone could get lost in those. I thought to myself. I wonder who has had that chance…Just as I was daydreaming; I felt a little squeeze of my hand.

  “Hey…do you think I could get my hand back anytime soon?” Lee grinned back at me.

  Embarrassed, I slowly let go of his hand. “Sorry about that, I just kind of spaced.”

  “That’s alright, I get that a lot,” Lee joked. “Maybe I should call you Madalynne the space cadet.”

  I rolled my eyes at his comment, but at the same time grinned to myself. We barely knew each other and merely five minutes into meeting he was giving me a nickname. Suddenly, I felt conflicted. I loved Parker, there was no doubt to that, but I didn’t know if it was okay that I was already getting chills with other guys.

  “So why are you headed to Hawaii?” he asked, interrupting my thoughts, keeping eye contact the whole time.

  “Long story, I don’t really want to get into right now, but my aunt and uncle live there, so I am going to visit them for a bit, you?”

  Lee shifted in his seat to face me fully. “I live there.”

  “Seriously?” I practically squealed.

  Lee smiled sheepishly. “I have my whole life.”

  “Wow that sounds amazing!” I felt dumb for being so shell-shocked, but I had never met anyone from Hawaii--well at least not anyone as handsome as Lee.

  “I get that a lot…so what Island are you headed to?”

  “Kauai, you?” I took a sip of the Pepsi the flight attendant had just handed me, then glanced back at Lee.

  “Me too…It’s almost like fate brought us together so that you could have a friend to show you around.” Lee’s eyes lit up.

  “Ya never know.” I bit my bottom lip, nervously. “When I told my parents I was going to Hawaii, I never told them that a hot islander was going to show me around.”

  Lee blushed a little at the mention of him being hot. “When I signed up for this flight, a gorgeous girl in the seat next to me wasn’t on my agenda--but hey, I’m not complaining.”

  As Lee and I got to know each other, I realized this flight was not going to suck at all, for I was sitting by the hottest guy from Kauai.

  * * *

  I had been in Hawaii for a little over four days, and after I finally unpacked my belongings and set up the room I would be staying in, I wanted to get out and explore. I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed my new acquaintances’ number. He picked up right as I was about to hang up, assuming he was out.

  “Hello?” he answered; his deep voice sultry on the other end.

  “Hey…Lee?”

  “Is this Madalynne?” He sounded surprised, but not in a bad way.

  “Yeah, how’s it going?” I asked.

  “Great, how’s Kauai treating you?”

  “Great as well.” I laughed. “Look, the reason I am calling is because I am on the lookout for something to do.”

  I heard him chuckle on the other end before replying, “Well you called the right person.”

  It didn’t take long to meet up; Lee’s house was only a short walk away. I was happy for the time to explore my new city on foot. When I arrived he wasted no time at all making sure I got to experience the best Kauai had to offer.

  I didn’t think the day could get any better when Lee pulled his car up to Princeville ranch. “What are we doing here?” I asked as we both exited his blue ford focus.

  His hazel eyes danced with excitement when he finally responded, “we’re going to zip and dip!”

  “Huh?” I shot him a look of utter bewilderment.

  “I told you I was going to be the best tour guide.” He winked at me and began heading towards the building.

  I later found out what he meant by ‘zip and dip’. Princeville Ranch was a widely popular zip-lining and swimming destination. There were over nine zip lines and a waterfall to swim in. I was lost for words.

  I probably should have mentioned to Lee the extreme fear I had for heights, but I had never seen anything more incredible and I was hoping to conquer my fear by going through with it.

  When we were fully harnessed and ready to go, the zip line experts led us on a short hike where we finally came upon the first line. It was the test run, but I was scared nonetheless. Lee must have seen the color drain from my face because a look of utter concern took over his face. “Madalynne, are you alright?”

  I nodded, without answering; trying to remind myself not to look down. I thought I was going to be sick. With each person that made it across in our group, the realization that I was going to be doing the thing that feared me most left me with an upset stomach.

  “Listen, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Lee softly exclaimed after a few minutes of radio silence from me.

  “No, I want to do it,” I replied firmly—and I meant it. I was taking charge of my life; one step at a time. The old Madalynne would rely on anyone and everyone to get her through the tough times…but not me. I wanted to learn how to rely on myself. I wanted to learn what it was like not to have to lean on Parker for everything. And I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything else in the world.

  * * *

  The day at Princeville Ranch had been one for the record books. I faced my fear head on and I came out unscathed! I was riding high on cloud nine, never wanting to lose that feeling.

  It was also the first time I was able to see Lee without his shirt on. His body could make any girl blush, his rock hard abs and bulging biceps under his dark tan skin was breathtaking. I was nervous how I would stack up; once he saw me in my bikini.

  I had chosen my vintage-inspired retro red polka dot bikini. It showed enough cleavage to be sexy, but was also fairly modest. When I saw Lee do a double-ta
ke I knew I had chosen wisely. What was the harm in a little sightseeing?

  The problem was the obvious sexual tension you could cut with a knife. Lee had been a complete gentleman every single day we had spent together; never once overstepping boundaries. But the more time that passed by, the more my feelings developed. I wasn’t sure how he felt, but I knew if it continued, I was fucked. And there was no denying our chemistry. I honestly didn’t know how much longer I could resist the urge to simply take his hand in mine, or run my fingers through his hair. It was becoming almost too much to bear.

  * * *

  A few of weeks after arriving in Kauai, Lee and I had already become closer than ever. We had spent practically every day together, exploring the island. He had really made my time away from Parker, seem easy as pie. And he was so much fun to be around. I felt like every time I turned around he had something else planned to keep me busy and my thoughts off of Parker.

  I was passing the time with Lee at his house when I caught sight of an opportunity to tease him.

  “You’ll never get it!” I squealed, laughing and running around the coffee table waving Lee’s prized possession, his Pokémon boxers.

  “Hey! Give them back!” Lee chased me and finally caught me.

  I hugged the boxers tightly, determined never to give them up. “Never!”

  Lee started to tickle me, which only made it worse. “Ahhh!” I shrieked.

  Lee was much stronger than me, therefore he could easily throw me around without even blinking, and before I knew it, he had pinned me to the bed. I giggled as he tickled my stomach. “Stop! Please!” I begged.

  “Not until I get my boxers back!” Lee responded, laughing.

  “Fine! Here! I surrender!” I gave them up, and gasped for air.

  Before he had time to respond, I was leaning in. My lips touched his and a volt of electricity shot from my lips and out through my toes. Lee was a good kisser, soft and sensual, but before I had time to react he was pushing me away.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, puzzled.

  “I’m not the relationship type. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m just looking for fun,” he replied.

  “Fun?” I scoffed. “Is that what they call sex these days?”

  “Don’t be like that,” Lee responded, softly. “We have a great friendship going. I don’t want to ruin anything.”

  “Well, obviously you don’t know how vital this is for me then, because I have someone back home. And I was willing to risk it all for you,” I spat, unable to contain myself.

  “Then you, of all people, should understand why we can’t cross that line. Nothing good would come of it,” Lee replied, staring into my eyes.

  “Whatever. I have to get going anyways. I’ll let myself out.” I began walking away, without another glance.

  “Maddy!” he called after me. I knew he never meant to hurt me, but I didn’t know what else to do. So, I left his house and walked to my aunt and uncle’s. It wasn’t a long walk, and because Kauai was so warm and pretty, I actually enjoyed the brisk walk home.

  When I arrived home, what was waiting for me there, was what I least expected. As I carried in the mail, I noticed a letter addressed from Georgia, and I knew, right away, it was from Parker.

  Immediately, I felt guilty, but I still hurriedly ripped it open, not knowing if I could handle the contents inside.

  Dear Madalynne,

  Man do I miss you. It’s been a week since I got here, and I can’t stop thinking about you. Wondering how you are, wondering who you are with, wondering if you are happy. I know that we are meant to be together and I just hope and pray every night that you do too. Things are okay here. The guys are pigs and I hate the drills they put us through, but I am finding I am actually good at something, and that, gives me something to look forward to. I hope this letter reaches you, and that you too feel the same way about me. If you do, please write me back and let me know. It’s lonely here, and it would be nice if I knew you were thinking about me. I am counting down the days until I get to see you again. 62 days, it seems like a lot, but it gets closer each day. Please tell me you will be there, waiting for me, when I get off the plane. I love you so much. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

  Love, Parker

  Great, here I was spending all my time with Lee, not thinking one bit about Parker. I loved Parker; I didn’t know that I could ever not love him. He was my other half. But these new feelings I had been getting for Lee were foreign to me. Parker was all I knew. Was it possible that Parker and I were not soul mates? That he was my first love, and therefore, important to my life journey, but not the man I would end my journey with?

  Suddenly, I felt very overwhelmed. This much I knew; I wanted to be with Parker, I wanted to marry him…but I had also developed feelings for Lee. It was so new and so fresh; I didn’t want to ruin anything. I was feeling very conflicted.

  To make matters worse, I still wasn’t sure how Lee felt about me. We had talked a few times about him not being ready for a relationship, but I had to believe that these feelings I had weren’t completely one-sided. That he too had felt the chemistry in our kiss. That he wasn’t just simply biding his time with me for fun…

  Was it possible to love two people at once? I didn’t know. But, I did not want to find out what life was like without Lee for these next two months. And I did not want to give Parker up so easily. I couldn’t imagine my life without either of them.

  I am a horrible person, I thought to myself as I sat down at the kitchen table with a piece of paper and a pen to write my response back to Parker.

  Twenty Five – Into the Unknown

  Lee

  I never intended it to go this far. I could tell she was falling for me, and hard, with every bat of her lashes, wink from her eyes. I wasn’t the relationship type, and honestly, I had never given it much thought. I was always much more of a thrill-seeker; never putting roots down in any one place for too long.

  That’s how we met, I was arriving home after months’ abroad back-packing across South America. I was headed home for a little R&R before choosing my next destination. My career as a personal trainer made it virtually no feat to travel anywhere I wanted. Health was important to people from all walks of life.

  I saw her sneaking glances at me, trying to be stealthy. I knew she was checking me out. And given that I had spent the past ten days in silent meditation I was ready for some female attention.

  It’s not like I didn’t enjoy the time we spent together, I actually found myself surprised by how much fun Madalynne was; and how great of company she was. But I knew without the commitment she would never be mine. She was pure. I could tell she was inexperienced. I never wanted to take advantage of her, hurt her, or disappoint her.

  I tried to keep her at a distance. But now that she was in my life, I didn’t want to lose her. I had gotten myself in a predicament I thought I could avoid. I knew with the growing time we were sure to spend together it was inevitable feelings would develop.

  Since the night of our kiss I was filling my time up with replacements that could never even compare to Madalynne. But I knew I wasn’t ready for commitment; and I knew she wasn’t ready to give up her unfinished business back home, Parker. It was obvious Madalynne was not a hookup type of girl, and I was not a relationship type of guy.