My Forever

  I didn’t let him finish his sentence. I suddenly kissed him fast and strong. I was in charge this time, and it took him by surprise. I swiftly lifted his tank over his head to reveal his perfectly chiseled abs. I ran my hands up and down them, not wanting to forget this moment. He pushed me against a wall and was kissing me all over, my mouth, my neck, and then proceeded to remove my shirt. His hands were all over me, almost like he had been dreaming, wishing for this moment all along.

  He quickly cleared off the table. I heard all the dishes and food hit the floor loudly. And then he hoisted me up on top of the table. I was about to have sex with a man I loved. Sex with Parker was so sensual, beautiful, and safe. He would never dream of doing it anywhere other than the norm. I think that’s why I was so excited now, Lee was dangerous, passionate, and it was a new experience for me. There was a first time for everything, and this first time was worth all the buildup.

  Twenty Seven – A Missing Spark

  Parker

  I had been home from Basic for two weeks and still no word from Maddy. To keep my mind off of it, I preoccupied myself with getting ready for my trip to Montana, for which I would be leaving for the following week. Jacqueline was ecstatic, and while I wasn’t sure what to expect from the first trip and meeting, I had decided not to buy a return ticket. It was a bold move, I’m sure, but I had been dreaming of meeting Jacqueline for too many years to take the trip for granted.

  The past few weeks with no contact from Maddy, Jacqueline and I had grown closer. I couldn’t deny any longer the extreme feelings I had for her. I wasn’t sure what this trip would mean for Madalynne and me, and our relationship, but I had convinced myself it was something I needed. Whether it was just to meet the online friend who had been there for me through my toughest times, or to see if there was any potential there, I was keeping myself open to the possibilities.

  As much as I had lied to myself that there wasn’t anything wrong with my relationship with Maddy, I was coming to the harsh realization that she may have not waited for me…and therefore might have already moved on with her life, without me. The thought crushed me. The radio silence I had gotten from my girlfriend over the past couple of months could not be ignored any longer. I was going to have to man up and face the music sometime, and what better way than exploring my feelings for the only other lady in my life, Jacqueline.

  * * *

  Filing off the plane and walking through the airport to the baggage claim I pulled out my phone from my jacket pocket and turned it on. I proceeded to send a quick text letting Jacqueline know I had arrived in Missoula.

  I was standing at the baggage claim waiting for my luggage to appear, when I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. I turned around and there she was, the girl I had secretly been fantasizing about for who knows how many years. I had thought she was beautiful on a small computer screen, but the real deal was so much better. She was wearing a white tank top and skinny jeans with gladiator sandals and minimal make-up. I immediately threw my arms around her in a tight hug, instantly feeling a sense of comfort around her, “Jacqueline,” I whispered into her hair.

  “I can’t believe this is real,” she replied.

  I smiled back at her as I released her from my tight grip. “I can’t believe it’s you.” I grabbed her small, tiny hands in mine and squeezed them lightly, before sadly remembering that was my signature move with Maddy. Feeling guilty, I let go of her hands, letting them drop slowly to her sides.

  After collecting my luggage, Jacqueline and I piled into her extremely small smart car and drove back to her not much bigger apartment. Merely eighteen years old, Jacqueline had been living on her own since she had turned thirteen and got herself emancipated. Her mother was a heroin addict, living on the streets, and she had never met her father. Jacqueline was younger than me by less than two full years, but I always felt like she was way beyond me in maturity, although they always say that about the female race don’t they?

  “So, this is the infamous desk you’re always sitting at when I Skype you,” I pointed out as I lightly tapped the desk.

  She nodded, smiling slightly.

  I wondered if my presence made her nervous. She was standing on the complete opposite end of the room. “Come here.” I motioned to her with my hand; she obeyed, slowly striding towards me.

  When she was finally within arm’s length, I surprised her with another tight, long hug. “You have no idea how long I have waited, thought, and dreamt about this moment,” I whispered into her hair, smelling it discreetly.

  And that is where we remained, in silence, holding each other tightly, for what seemed like hours.

  * * *

  Two days had passed since I had arrived to Montana, and while Jacqueline was doing everything in her power to make my time as memorable as possible, I couldn’t help feeling like she was hiding something.

  I hadn’t gotten the greatest sleep since I arrived, and I had noticed more than once as I got up to get a glass of water—the bathroom light on under the door. I didn’t think much of it the first night, but the occurrence on the second night had me a little worried.

  “Hey, are you okay?” I asked on the third day of my stay. “I’ve been noticing you up at night a lot, in the bathroom. Have you been feeling alright?”

  Her expression looked like a deer in the headlights. “I’m fine,” she replied quickly, before brushing past me into the kitchen.

  I decided not to approach the subject after that unless she brought it up herself. I wanted to enjoy every single moment I had with her. And I trusted her more than most people in the world; I had to give her a little credit.

  * * *

  I had been staying with Jacqueline for almost an entire week and had been enjoying my time thoroughly. And even though my feelings for her were definitely more than on a friendship level, I hadn’t allowed myself time to explore. We were always on the go, taking on adventures all over the city; I never felt like the timing was quite right, until now.

  She had introduced me to her few friends from work. And I was able to get a glimpse into her real personality; which I adored the longer I was with her. She was so delicate and caring when it came to her friends, intriguing me more and more.

  Jacqueline and I were curled up on her couch together watching the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre film, and she just kept squirming in fear. It was the most adorable thing I think I had ever witnessed. She was covering her eyes with her hands, and peeking between her fingers at the most gruesome parts. And I had never felt surer about anything in my entire life, than kissing her, right then. So, I acted on impulse. She didn’t even see it coming, her eyes closed and all. I attacked her with my lips…is that such a crime? But what happened next was beyond unexpected. When the kiss broke, I could only think of one thing, or should I say one person, Madalynne.

  “That was nice,” Jacqueline murmured, slowly opening her eyes, smiling.

  The difference between my kisses with Madalynne and my kisses with Jacqueline was extraordinary. Jacqueline didn’t stand a chance. Kisses with Madalynne were magical, anxiety-driven, heart racing. I didn’t feel anything when I kissed Jacqueline, except her amazingly soft and delicate lips against mine. There was no denying it, Madalynne was my soul mate. I knew without a fraction of a doubt, that I was going after Maddy, and I vowed I would win her back.

  * * *

  Breaking the news to Jacqueline was heart wrenching. I never meant to lead her on; I never meant to hurt her. Seeing her cry was almost too much for me, I almost called it off right then and right there. With every tear she broke me a little more. I didn’t think I was going to be able to go through with it. But I found strength in the connection I now knew Madalynne and I had. It was indescribable; the stuff fairy tales are made of. But I hoped one day I would be able to see Jacqueline again, even if just for a moment, she had made such an impact on my life, I knew I would never be the same.

  Earlier that day I had packed all of my belongings I had brought with me to Montan
a, and marched myself to the airport. Instead of going home, where my loving parents were waiting, I headed straight to Hawaii, and straight for the love of my life. I was beyond nervous as Maddy had not answered; much less returned any of my countless phone calls to her. For all I knew, she wanted nothing to do with me, but I wasn’t willing to give up without a fight. Madalynne Johnson was my soul mate, and I was willing to do anything to help her see that.

  Luckily, during Basic there isn’t really a need to spend money, so over the months I was able to save enough along with some remaining graduation money to pay for flights, hotel, and a rental car.

  I had caught wind that Madalynne was enjoying the beautiful Kauai day at the beach, and I didn’t blame her. So after a quick check in at my hotel, and a drop off of luggage, I headed for the beach to which I had been given directions. I had been searching the beach for what seemed like an eternity, peeking under umbrellas, glancing at blankets, when I caught sight of the one thing that could make any guy’s stomach churn, my girlfriend involved in some heavy cuddling and kissing, and even, grossly enough, groping with another guy.

  The same girl I had been obsessing over for the past four years…seeing her with someone else was like a punch in the gut. My heart began racing beyond control; I had known this was a possibility but had been avoiding that fact.

  I couldn’t stop myself. All I saw was red. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I had literally pried the piranha off of Maddy. “Get the hell off my girlfriend!” I heard myself scream, before punching the stranger in the face.

  “What the hell man?” The guy held his face, pain stricken.

  “Parker…” Madalynne spoke then. “What are you doing here?”

  I looked at her with resentment. “You wouldn’t return any of my calls. You stopped writing. I came to find out why, although, I think I’m looking at the reason now.” I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  “So this is your unfinished business,” Madalynne’s extremely athletic friend exclaimed, angrily.

  “What?” I growled, my eyes darting between Madalynne and the stranger.

  “He has a name, Lee. Parker, can we please go somewhere and talk?” Madalynne finally gave his name up.

  “Yeah, I think we’re going to need to do a lot more than talking to erase that image out of my head,” I answered, honestly.

  “Lee, I’ll call you later. Parker and I need to talk this all through. Please understand. I know you can.” I caught Madalynne exchange a longing glance with the lip-locker.

  “Yeah, call me later, if you’re not too busy with your boyfriend,” I heard Lee call after us as we walked away.

  * * *

  We had retreated back to Madalynne’s aunt’s house. “So what now? Are you going to choose him?” I asked, nervous thoughts consuming me.

  “Parker…I don’t know,” Madalynne responded. “It’s been awhile. He’s been here…and you have been…” she trailed off.

  “I have been training with the military; thinking of you every God damn second; writing countless letters only to be let down; calling multiple times, to only get your voicemail.” I couldn’t stand still any longer, I began pacing anxiously.

  “Parker,” Madalynne closed the distance between us and then whispered, “I don’t know what to say.”

  I caressed her face with my hand and just lost myself in her beautiful hazel eyes. “Madalynne, I can’t lose you.” I kissed her gently on the forehead, and then allowed myself to get lost in her longing stare; Time felt like it was standing still. All I wanted was to take her in my arms and show her how much I cared for her, how much I loved every inch of her. How I never stopped loving her.

  I felt the magic, but I couldn’t read her. The love that lingered behind those hazel captivators was not easily noticeable, like it usually was. But I knew something she didn’t this time; Madalynne was my soul mate without a fraction of a doubt. So, without any more hesitation I leaned in to kiss her.

  I wasn’t surprised however when Madalynne pushed me away. “Parker, this is wrong. I can’t do this, not when I’m this confused…”

  Just hearing that she was confused about being with me or not was like a knife to the heart; unconsciously, I backed up, hurt. “What happened, love?” I asked, trying not to let my emotions show through. “I thought you were my forever. What happened to us?” But I couldn’t help it, tears were snaking their way down my face, I swatted them away quickly.

  Madalynne came rushing to me the minute she saw the tears, it definitely was not an emotion I showed her very often. “I’m sorry,” she said, tears streaming down her face as well. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  I took a couple more steps back, far enough that I could see straight into her eyes. “Is this goodbye?” My lip quivered, showing my vulnerability.

  But when I least expected it, Madalynne was kissing my tears away. “I love you, Parker Grant. I may be confused, but that much, I know,” She exclaimed before kissing me lightly.

  There was a mixed signal if there ever was one. “So where do we go from here?” I looked down at her.

  She closed her lips on mine one more time, savoring the delicate touch. “I need some time. Not space; time. To figure out what I want.”

  “How much time are we talking here?” I asked her to wait for me to go off for training with the Military; the least I could do was hear her out…

  “Give me a month. One month and I will make my decision. I promise you. But there is one thing I ask of you.” She shifted forward slightly, looking into my eyes.

  “Anything for you baby.” I wiped away my salty tears. “Please don’t go home. Please stay here. For me to be as clear minded and to be able to make the best decision possible, I need to know what it’s like to have you around again. I need to fall in love with you again.” She caressed my face with her hand, gently.

  “I will make you remember. I promise I will stay. I will make you fall in love with me again. I will remind you why I am your soul mate.” Not wanting to miss a beat, I left her with that, staring behind me as I walked out the front door.

  Twenty Eight – Do Not Make Me Decide

  Madalynne

  After the confrontation with Parker, I was treading lightly. He made it obvious that he wanted me to choose; him or Lee. I wasn’t ready for such a decision. I felt like I was being ripped in half, I had never been more confused in my life. Worried that one wrong move could cost me either or both of my incredibly important relationships.

  All I knew was that I needed Parker in my life if I wanted to be able to make a clear decision. It was unfair of me to spend time solely with Lee, getting wrapped up in our time together, when I knew Parker was home, back from Basic.

  The two guys were polar opposites; Parker, this gentle, caring, loving individual and Lee, the passionate, feisty, exciting lover. Weighing my future with Parker showed me love and support, but the tough situation of accepting him as an infantryman. If I ended up with Lee, it was unpredictable; he was a world traveler, and it excited me. But his unpredictability was also his downfall. I wished I could simply mesh the two guys together into one person, because that person would captivate me for the rest of my life…but I was having no such luck.

  The situation with my parents back at home had escalated, so much so that my father had moved out. They weren’t talking divorce, as far as they led me to believe, however they were on another separation. I felt guilty being so far away from them. I wondered how my mother was spending her nights now that I wasn’t there to comfort her.

  I tried to call and speak with her a few times, but it appeared as though we could never track the other down; always playing phone tag because the other was out. Her phone messages sounded sad, which was to be expected, but I noticed something else in her voice, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it sounded like hope.