Saving Red

  Dedication

  For Bennett, Jeremy, and Ava—

  who have saved me so many times

  Contents

  Dedication

  Why Am I Out Here

  I Know, I Know

  Unfortunately

  Not at All Fun, Actually

  Though Tonight

  At First We Can’t Find Any Homeless People

  We Head West on Wilshire Boulevard

  We’ve Been Scouring Our Assigned Area

  Suddenly

  Now It’s Almost Two a.m.

  We Whirl Around

  Who Is This Girl?

  For a Split Second

  Then She Turns Away

  The Next Morning

  I Mean Seriously, God

  Most Days

  My Friends

  Generally Speaking

  Pixel and I Are Only Halfway Home

  We Break into a Run

  Out of the Rain . . .

  As Usual, the House Reeks of Pot

  As We Sprint Through the Storm

  She’s Shaking Her Hips

  Kind of Hysterically, Actually

  And She’s Twirling Me Around

  And I Know This Might Sound Strange

  Then the Rain Stops Falling

  I Can Hardly Wait

  I Can’t Believe My Ears

  I Don’t Get It

  Mom Is Exactly Where I Left Her

  It Wasn’t Always Like This

  I Guess By Now It’s Pretty Clear

  I Would Have Tried to Stay Awake

  And Then—It’s Morning

  Pixel Grins at Me

  It’s Quiet in the House

  And I’m Contemplating This Monumentally Sad Fact

  Which Means

  Fifteen Minutes Later

  So Much for My Winter Break Plans

  Pixel Cocks His Head at Me

  I Offer the Coat and the Cinnamon Bun

  I Think I See Her

  No Dogs Allowed

  The Pier’s Hideously Crowded

  Then I Hear a Familiar High-Pitched Laugh

  Then a Baby Starts Wailing

  I Rush Up to the Railing Overlooking the Water

  Then He Starts Tugging on His Leash

  The Three of Us

  I Smile Back at Him

  I Can Feel My Own Cheeks Flaming Up Now

  Oh. Wait.

  So, Just to Clarify Then:

  Pixel Rests His Paw on My Arm

  Pixel Gives Me a Look

  A Second Later

  I Open My Mouth to Call Out to Her

  Then

  Their Gondola Crests the Top of the Wheel

  As Our Gondola Begins Its Descent

  Pixel Gently Nips One of My Fingers

  But Now Cristo’s Smiling at Me

  When Our Gondola Finally Reaches the Ground

  Something Tells Me

  So Here’s What I’ve Learned So Far:

  After Dinner

  The Mime Bursts Out of His Invisible Box

  A Minute Later

  Her Arms Are Raised Above Her Head

  Red Tears Her T-Shirt Off

  The Guys Are Chanting Faster Now

  Pixel’s Straining on His Leash

  The Girl Looks Toward the Sound

  Then Red and I Are Dancing

  Pixel’s Glowering at the Guys in the Crowd

  Minutes Later

  Cristo Clears His Throat

  I Stifle a Scream and Shout Her Name

  I Stifle Another Scream

  Before Red Heads into the Shelter

  She Bumps Fists with Me

  As We Head Away from the Shelter

  We Manage

  Then

  I Pull Out My Phone to Check the Time

  When We Walk into the Restaurant

  But As We Ease into Our Seats

  Whoa . . .

  When a Boy Walks You Home

  But

  So Now

  And I’m Staring at That Hedge

  But Then—My Phone Rings!

  I Sigh

  My Throat Closes Up

  Then I’m Lighting the First Candle

  Because All of a Sudden

  I Trudge Upstairs to My Room

  A Second Later, My Phone Buzzes

  So I Write:

  But a Few Seconds Later

  The Moonlight

  Pixel Fetches That One Too

  So Basically

  It Takes Me Hours to Fall Asleep

  Then—It’s Morning

  I Throw on Some Clothes

  We Manage to Get to Daybreak on Time

  There’s a Ringing in My Ears

  She Stops Dancing and Grins When She Sees Me

  It Takes Some Convincing, Though

  And You Know Something?

  Noah . . .

  But Noah’s Joke About the Spider

  But I Can’t Think About Noah Right Now

  While We’re Waiting in Line to Pay

  It’s Late Afternoon

  Red’s Cheeks Flush

  When the Elevator Doors Slide Shut

  It’s a Beautiful Room

  A Minute Later

  When Red’s Finally Through

  Riding the Red Roller Coaster

  Pixel Hops Up onto Red’s Bed

  But a Little Chill Shoots Up My Spine

  A Second Later

  My Heart Does a Little Cartwheel

  Yikes . . .

  Multitasking

  She Tells Me That God Used to Visit Her

  Which Cracks Her Up

  Then Red and I Are in That Awful Coffin

  Because

  Then Pixel’s Beside Me

  While Red’s in the Tub

  It Turns Out

  But Then Cristo Asks Me

  Suddenly I Hear Red Shouting

  At Noon

  Maybe I Was Wrong About Red

  As We Continue Walking Through the Park

  And Now That Red’s All Cleaned Up

  Red Gathers What She Wants

  Sometimes I Miss Him So Much

  Mom Used to Be So Proud

  He Was the Best Brother Ever . . .

  My Heart Clenches Like a Fist

  I Squeeze My Eyes Shut

  I Call Her Name

  He Asks How Operation Red Is Going

  I Send Him Back a Zillion Smiley Faces

  Then

  We Find the Hidden Key

  Cristo’s Yard Is So Beautiful

  I Grab a Couple of Towels

  Sequoia Yawns in Response

  So I Suggest

  Somehow This Sound Triggers a Memory

  Before We Head Off

  Red Peeks at the Picture Over My Shoulder

  I’m So Mad

  I Dash Across the Lawn

  Then He FaceTimes Me

  And We Just Sort of Gaze at Each Other

  The Bicycles Are Perfect

  On the Way Back to Cristo’s Backyard

  She Always Used to Say She Did, Anyway

  Though I Sort of Wish I Had

  I Know I Should Just Say Good Night

  When Pixel and I Get Home

  God I Miss My Brother Tonight

  And That’s the Kind of Guy Dad Was, Too

  I Toss and Turn for Hours

  Fifteen Minutes Later

  There’s Red!

  But Looks Can Be Deceiving

  I Can Feel My Cheeks Burning Up

  Then She Bursts Out Laughing

  We Share Another Laugh at This

  But When I Call Out to Pixel

  I Look Down at My High-Tops

  A Half Hour Later

  Two Hours Later

  When We Get Back to Cristo’s

  When You’re Riding Your Bike

&nb
sp; But an Hour Later

  For the Last Couple of Days

  I Don’t Get It, God

  When I Tell Red What’s Going On

  There’s Only Five Days Left Till Christmas Eve

  I’ve Been Trying My Best

  Finally

  For the Next Few Days

  When I Wake Up

  When We Get to Cristo’s

  Maybe It Would Be Better to Bring Him with Us . . .

  As Red and I Take Our Seats at the Library

  Red Searches My Face

  As We Pedal Back to the House

  Because a Few Seconds Later

  My Stomach Lurches

  I Steal Another Glance at Red

  Red and I Collapse into Each Other’s Arms

  But Then I Think of Pixel

  I Rinse Out My Mouth

  Then Just as I Hang Up from the Last Call

  We Careen Around the Block

  Then

  The Whole Way There

  By the Time We’re Approaching Cristo’s Gate

  Mom Doesn’t Answer Till the Zillionth Ring

  I Don’t Even Bother Answering Her

  All of a Sudden

  My Mouth Goes Dry as Dust

  Red Shrinks Away from Me

  But I Don’t Know How to Help Her

  Then Suddenly I’m Standing in the Chapel

  The Crashgrinding Roar

  My Fingers Start Tingling

  Then She Bursts Out Laughing

  It’s So Total and Complete

  I Leap onto My Bike

  But I Can’t!

  When I Finally Get to Palisades Park

  Then

  I Whirl Around and Around

  A Sharp Pain Rips Through My Chest

  Did Red Feel Just Like Jimmy?

  My Body Feels So Heavy All of a Sudden

  Then I Hear a Sound

  She’s Going to Jump!

  I Begin Pretending to Cry

  She’s Standing There Frozen

  And Then I’m Running Toward Her Too

  We Cry

  We Pull Apart and Lock Eyes

  A Few Delirious Minutes Later

  I Can’t Help Cracking Up at This

  And We’re Just Sort of Sitting Here

  And Just Then

  I Hold My Phone Out to Red

  I Tell Her All About Noah

  The Ice in Red’s Eyes Has Melted

  My Dad Doesn’t Really Like Alcohol

  The Truth Is

  I Just Wanted to Have Some Fun

  I Stopped in My Tracks

  But

  Red Squeezes My Hand

  Then Red Gathers Me into Her Arms

  Suddenly Red Pulls Away from Me

  Pixel Cocks His Head at Me

  I Suck in a Breath

  I Give Red a Giant Bear Hug

  I Can Tell By the Look on Her Face

  I Wish I Could Say

  So What Red’s Mom Actually Says Is This:

  Her Mom’s Crying Now

  After I Say Good-Bye

  Red Wraps Her Arms Around Herself

  My Blood Freezes

  Now Red Breaks into a Run

  Her Eyes . . .

  Keeping a Tight Hold on Her Hand

  The Ambulance Arrives Five Minutes Later

  This Isn’t Just a Sprinkle

  A Second Later

  My Parents Pick Up on the Very First Ring

  And That’s When I Realize

  A Few Minutes Later

  When My Parents Finally Let Go of Me

  Then I Leap onto My Bike

  Pretty Soon

  When She Opens Her Eyes Again

  I Can Feel Her Words

  I Refuse to Cry . . . I Absolutely Refuse!

  Then She Heaves a Ragged Sigh

  I Let My Mother’s Words

  Until Today

  When Mom and I

  When We Get to Cristo’s

  When She’s Done

  While Sequoia Eats Her Dinner

  I Feel So Overwhelmed All of a Sudden

  My Battery’s Totally Dead

  I’m Not Going to Say

  The Truth Is

  But When It Gets Real Bad

  When I Wake Up on December 31st

  Halfway There

  I Pedal Through Palisades Park

  A Part of Me

  When I Answer Cristo’s Call

  What I Know Now

  Then

  I’m Still Not Sure If God Exists

  It’s Almost Midnight

  The Emcee Starts Counting Down

  Acknowledgments

  Author’s Note

  Resources

  Back Ads

  About the Author

  Books by Sonya Sones

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Why Am I Out Here

  In the middle of the freaking night

  wandering the streets of Santa Monica

  looking for homeless people

  when I could be lying in bed

  watching videos of babies eating lemons

  and soldiers reuniting with their dogs?

  Because I need four more hours

  of community service this semester.

  That’s why.

  And

  I need them

  by tomorrow morning.

  I Know, I Know

  I shouldn’t have waited

  till the very last minute.

  But isn’t that what

  the very last minute is for?

  I mean, if God hadn’t wanted us

  to wait until the very last minute,

  he wouldn’t have

  created it, right?

  Unfortunately

  This morning, when I explained

  that theory to my Freshman Seminar teacher,

  she just laughed and said,

  “Molly, if God hadn’t

  wanted us to meet deadlines,

  she wouldn’t have created them.

  And you’ve known for months now

  that every student has to complete

  their community service before winter break.”

  Which is why I am out here

  freezing my butt off

  at eleven thirty at night,

  with a clipboard and a tally sheet

  and a pen that only works

  when you wring its neck,

  roaming the streets

  with my faithful dog Pixel

  and 250 other volunteers—

  all of us

  helping the city

  take its annual homeless count.

  Which is sort of like

  being on a scavenger hunt.

  Only much less fun.

  Not at All Fun, Actually

  I mean,

  I knew there were people

  living on the streets in Santa Monica.

  You’d have to be blind not to notice them.

  Though until tonight

  I never really focused on them.

  In fact, I tried really hard

  not to focus on them.

  Whenever I saw someone sleeping in an alley

  or picking through a trash can

  or trudging along in taped-up shoes,

  I looked away and hurried past them.

  Not because I’m one of those

  spoiled self-centered teenage girls

  whose idea of unendurable hardship

  is having a broken fingernail.

  But because . . .

  Well, because seeing those people

  stirs up all sorts of stuff in me.

  Stuff I don’t like to think about.

  Though Tonight

  I can’t look away

  and hurry past them.

  Because tonight it’s my job

  to count them for the city.

  My mom never would’ve signed

  the permission slip

  if she knew I was doing this


  alone.

  I had to lie and tell her

  some friends were coming with me.

  Even though I have exactly

  zero friends.

  So the people running this event

  assigned Pixel and me to a random team

  with these two ancient hippies—

  Feather and Eden.

  Their clothes are so scruffy

  they kind of look

  a little homeless themselves.

  But they’re not so bad, I guess.

  If you don’t mind hanging out

  with a couple of people

  who’ve decided it’s their mission in life

  to convince you of the many joys

  of a gluten-free

  meat-free dairy-free

  soy-free fish-free

  free-free existence.

  At First We Can’t Find Any Homeless People

  But when we get to Reed Park,

  we spot a guy with a long white beard

  wedged into the skinny plastic slide

  for toddlers,

  a baseball cap

  covering his eyes,

  his hands crossed over his chest

  like a corpse in an open casket.

  We stand here for a while,

  just sort of watching him sleep.

  And suddenly I’ve got this lump in my throat,

  and I’m wishing we could help him somehow . . .

  The event organizers

  warned us we’d feel this way.

  But they said we weren’t allowed

  to interact with the people we find.

  They said we should just concentrate

  on counting as many of them as we can.

  Because the more people we count tonight,

  the more homeless funding the city will get.

  So I swallow hard,

  mark the guy down on our tally sheet,

  and force myself to follow

  Feather and Eden out of the park.

  We Head West on Wilshire Boulevard

  And pretty soon we notice a man

  sleeping on a bench at a bus stop,

  cradling a suitcase held together

  with duct tape and string.

  And just as we cross over 5th Street,

  we see a woman sleeping in a beat-up Toyota,

  crammed full of all the stuff

  that once must have been in her closet.

  Then, a couple of blocks later, we see

  an old woman dozing on a yoga mat

  tucked underneath a stairwell,

  her fingers gripping a mangy stuffed bear.

  And when I see that shriveled old lady

  clutching that bear, my heart shrivels too.

  And it’s all I can do to keep myself

  from calling 911

  and begging them

  to get over here right now

  and find her a place to live.

  Find all these people places to live . . .

  We’ve Been Scouring Our Assigned Area

  For a couple of hours now,

  on this totally strange,