Always With Love

‘Billy told me I have you to thank for changing his mind,’ she says, releasing me from her grasp and taking hold of my hands instead so that we can see each other’s faces.

  ‘Oh, not really,’ I say with a bashful smile, hating the fact that I feel shy of her now I know she doubts our relationship, and wondering if this is just for show.

  ‘Put her down, Mum,’ Billy laughs, shaking his head as he goes to the cupboard and pulls out a few boxes of cereal.

  ‘It’s wonderful news,’ she grins, before sighing heavily as her face becomes more serious and sorrowful. Unexpectedly, she starts to stroke the back of my hand. ‘Sophie, I am so sorry about yesterday. I’m sure the other kids have told you that it’s completely out of character for me to act in such a way.’

  I decide not to say anything to the contrary and listen instead, nodding my head in agreement. It would be a shame to push her back into the demonic mood I witnessed before and I’m really not one for any sort of confrontation.

  ‘I think I was exhausted from all the party planning and just found myself looking at the family future with uncertainty for the first time in a decade. I know we’re very fortunate to have Billy providing us with such a beautiful life, but it’s not usual for parents to have the control taken from their hands and given to one of their children. I panicked and I acted appallingly. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Please, don’t worry,’ I say, somehow managing to clamp my lips into a smile.

  ‘I know this is going to be a worrying time for you, knowing that your relationship is about to go transatlantic,’ she whispers so that Billy can’t hear, while leaning in really close and squeezing my hand. ‘But, I just want to reassure you that I know Billy loves you more than anything.’ She smiles warmly, pulling me in for another hug – one that is, thankfully, not as tight as before. ‘It’ll be over before you know it and then Billy will find his way back to you,’ she whispers, almost conspiratorially.

  ‘Baby, what do you fancy?’ Billy asks, turning to me and rubbing his tummy hungrily. His pouty lips save me from having to dwell on what’ll happen beyond the next week and the fact that I have no idea how to deal with his mother.

  ‘Actually, before you do that … now, don’t kill me,’ Julie says, grimacing, her chest caving in as though she’s nervous of sharing whatever she’s about to.

  ‘What have you done, now?’ asks Billy, looking up from setting two bowls on the kitchen island.

  ‘Bought us some tickets,’ she grins, her face brightening up. ‘I thought we’d take Sophie somewhere exciting.’

  ‘Where?’ I ask.

  ‘Disneyland,’ she giggles, putting her hand over her mouth to control the girlish noise. ‘You need to see it before you leave.’

  ‘What? Really?’ I flounder, my insides torn between loving the idea of having a childhood dream fulfilled and hating the fact Julie’s doing this to counteract yesterday’s terrible behaviour.

  ‘Today?’ Billy asks, filling both bowls with Lucky Charms and milk before handing one to me.

  ‘Yes. It’s high time Sophie had her first experience of wearing sparkly mouse ears on her head,’ Julie beams, clapping her hands together in excitement.

  ‘Well, thank you,’ I smile, the thought of me and Billy running around like children making my heart soar as I munch on a spoonful of colourful sugary cereal.

  I look at Billy with a huge grin on my face and notice that he’s not quite as pleased as I am.

  ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Of course,’ he shrugs.

  ‘He’s worried about the crowds,’ Julie says knowingly, pursing her lips.

  ‘Oh,’ I reply, feeling instantly deflated.

  Billy has an extraordinarily passionate fanbase, so it makes sense that he’d get swamped in a public place like Disneyland. I can’t believe the thought didn’t cross my mind straight away.

  ‘Well, we don’t need to go,’ I shrug feebly, my bottom lip puckering outwards. I feel like a small child who has, quite literally, been told she might not be going to stand in front of the princess’s castle of dreams after all. It won’t be half as magical if I’m being pushed around while Billy signs autographs.

  ‘Oh, don’t be like that, Billy. It’s all sorted,’ says Julie forcefully, waving her hands around to let us know we’re worrying over nothing. ‘James is coming along with some extra security and a couple of their staff will be taking care of everything, so that we don’t have to stay in one spot for too long.’

  ‘Wow,’ I say. ‘That’s nice of them.’

  ‘Stops it being a security hazard, too,’ Julie replies, with an insightful tilt of the head. ‘Don’t want people getting crushed or trampled on trying to get to this one,’ she says, grabbing hold of Billy’s shoulders and giving him a shake. ‘Which did actually end up happening a few years back when we took a family trip to another theme park, alone. One poor girl broke her ankle.’

  ‘Sounds awful.’

  ‘These things happen,’ Julie shrugs, shaking her head sadly. ‘Not today though, these guys are on it. So organized and professional, but then, they’re used to dealing with A-listers. It’s LA. The Beckhams, Ramsays, Kardashians – they all venture there with their little ones and love it.’

  ‘Great,’ I smile, feeling elated again as I continue to munch on my moreish breakfast.

  ‘Who’s coming?’ Billy asks.

  ‘Just us and your dad,’ Julie replies with a pinched smile. ‘Thought it might be easier and the girls can go whenever they like, anyway.’

  My elation wavers slightly. The last thing I want to be doing is spending time with Julie after yesterday, but it’s obviously her intention to have Disneyland sprinkle its magic wand over us both.

  ‘It’ll be nice,’ Billy nods, appearing happier now he knows we’re going to be looked after, although I find myself wondering if he’s thinking about yesterday at all.

  He obviously doesn’t know I’m aware of what Julie said, but if my mum had been so negatively vocal about my partner I don’t think I’d be able to simply brush it off and forget. In fact, it would definitely make me question my relationship … is that going to happen with Billy? Now that I’ve pushed him into remaining in LA and shooting this movie with Ralph, is he going to become distant and aloof? What if Julie keeps on sharing her doubts? How long until they resonate with him and become his own thoughts?

  ‘Honestly Sophie, nowhere does this time of year like Disney – even in the sunshine!’ Julie squeals.

  ‘I can’t wait,’ I smile, trying to brush off the thoughts clamming up my brain.

  ‘Good. Now you two go get showered and ready,’ she bosses, taking our bowls and pushing us to the kitchen door. ‘Ooh, we’ve got to stay for the fireworks, too! They’re beyond anything you’ll have seen before, Sophie,’ she adds, calling after us.

  ‘Come on,’ Billy says brightly, wrapping an arm around me and holding my body into his. ‘Let’s go have the best day ever in the most magical place on earth.’

  And just like that my heart leaps in my chest.

  I’ve always heard that Americans do things bigger than anywhere else in the world, but now I can fully understand and appreciate the truth in that saying. As soon as we arrive at the Disneyland entrance I’m hit by the fun and mayhem as romantically magical and festive music pumps out through the speakers. Little girls and boys run around in the costumes of their favourite characters, all excited at the prospect of meeting their idols. There’s literally a buzz in the air as both children and adults crowd to soak up the electric atmosphere – and that’s all before even getting through the ticket machines and inside.

  Our newly assembled team of security (dressed in normal clothes but with official looking earpieces wedged into their ears) and two staff members inconspicuously walk alongside the four of us. We’re guided straight down the central road into the park, Main Street, which has a gigantic Christmas tree (decorated with more baubles and bells than I’ve ever seen) at one end near the entrance, and the iconic Disney c
astle at the other. Garlands and wreaths shaped into Mickey heads, complete with two ears, hang between the row of shops looking particularly festive, decked out with luxurious giant red bows.

  ‘Where do you want to go?’ asks Billy, turning from Aly, the girl hosting us who’s dressed in her Disneyland uniform of a navy skirt, white shirt, red checked waistcoat and name badge (which tells us she’s originally from Louisiana). Billy squeezes my hand that’s already firmly in his grasp, letting me know that now he’s here he’s just as giddy as me.

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ I shrug. ‘Everywhere!’

  ‘I’ll see what I can do,’ grins Aly, before talking into her walkie-talkie.

  She does a remarkable job of giving us the full Disney experience with little fuss. We silently slip on and off rides while avoiding the queues and even find a nice spot to watch the afternoon parade as all the famous characters appear on floats and make their way around the park. I find myself grinning and waving manically at the familiar faces, not caring that I probably look like a loon and feeling thrilled each time one of them waves back. I do notice a few of the princesses, and even Peter Pan, clock Billy, their eyes widening slightly in delight as they continue by, spreading their joy and probably looking forward to getting off their floats at the end so they can have a good chinwag about whether it was him or not.

  We are stopped every now and then by fans of Billy asking for autographs and I find myself laughing hysterically (mostly from absolute horror) when we see quite a few of them holding pictures of us on some of the rides, complete with one of me and Billy screaming on the Space Mountain roller coaster. It’s sneaky, yet quite ingenious when you think about how quickly they’ve cottoned on to the fact that Billy’s photo would be with everyone else’s in the souvenir shops, but it’s not as though it’s possible to get angry in a place like this. Anyway, the security team manage to keep the interruptions to a minimum, so, thankfully, we’re able to just stroll around and enjoy the beauty of the place without feeling like we’re in a fishbowl.

  In the afternoon we hop over to the Disney California Adventure Park which has a few of the bigger rides for some more thrill seeking (complete with more hilarious snapshots for others to enjoy) before heading back to the Disneyland Park for dinner.

  I’m shattered by the time we’re standing in a little VIP area waiting for the fireworks to start by the castle. Shattered, but happy from having done something completely different with the day.

  ‘I can’t believe we’ve been here almost a week already,’ Billy says.

  ‘I know, it’s flying by.’

  ‘Before we know it, it’s going to be time for you to leave me here sad and lonely,’ he pouts, resting his arms on top of my shoulders and leaning in to brush his nose against mine.

  ‘Do you two want an ice cream?’ Julie asks, cutting in. ‘Your dad wants one, Billy.’

  ‘I’m up for that. Sophie?’ he asks, breaking away from me.

  ‘Yes please,’ I nod, thankful that I don’t own bathroom scales at home after indulging for the last few weeks nonstop.

  ‘What do you guys want?’ asks Clive.

  ‘Anything that looks good,’ I reply, rather unhelpfully.

  ‘I need the loo anyway, so I’ll come with you,’ says Billy, kissing me on the cheek before wandering off with his dad, a couple of the security men and Aly.

  ‘Are you having fun?’ asks Julie, looking out at the castle.

  ‘Loads. Thank you so much for organizing today.’

  ‘It’s nothing. You can’t come all the way over here and not experience this delight,’ she shrugs. There’s a pause. ‘You clearly make Billy very happy,’ she adds, turning to me.

  ‘I do?’ I’m pretty sure there’s more shock in my voice than there should be at her statement, but as I’ve heard her voice a slightly different opinion, it’s hardly surprising my reply comes out a little squeaky.

  ‘You know you do,’ she says, giving a light and playful laugh. ‘It’s nice to see he’s had good people looking after him while we’ve been over here. It’s not been pleasant having so many miles between us.’

  ‘I’m sure,’ I nod.

  ‘I really hope this visit is the start of many more, Sophie,’ Julie says, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘Because I know you’d make a lovely addition to our family …’

  The gesture takes my breath away, probably because it was the last thing I was expecting from her today. My heart is torn, wondering whether I’m able to simply draw a line under the unfortunate events of yesterday and move forward. After all, part of me still seeks her approval and longs to be let into the Buskin fold. Plus, the way she said it, it’s as though she’s welcoming me as a daughter-in-law. Isn’t that what I’ve been wanting? The days leading up to us coming here, my anguish on the flight, my trepidation coming through the arrivals terminal at the airport – all I wanted was for them to like me. Could I have achieved that?

  It could be the hangover lingering from New Year’s Eve, but I find myself quite tearful.

  ‘You’re really something,’ she says softly.

  My head is confused at what is truth and lies. Could it be that Julie was playing devil’s advocate yesterday in a bid to help Billy weigh up his options better, so that he could see what he actually wanted? Was it really a dig at our relationship or was she just trying to make sure he wouldn’t regret whichever decision he made? Does she actually like me?

  I feel a little lost.

  I quickly wipe away the tears that have managed to escape just as the rest of the group return, armed with ice creams.

  I take a big lungful of air to steady my wobbling emotions.

  ‘You were quick,’ sniffs Julie, busying herself with rifling through her bag.

  ‘Perks of having Aly with us,’ Clive winks. ‘It’s not only the rides she can get us seen quickly for.’

  ‘See, it’s totally worth dating me, just for this,’ Billy laughs, handing me my huge frosty treat – a cone with at least two flavours of ice cream, drizzled with chocolate sauce.

  ‘You all right?’ he asks, glancing at his mum before looking back at me.

  ‘Of course!’ I say with gusto and a little shrug, as though questioning why we wouldn’t be. ‘Now, talk me through this,’ I add, licking the brown top while making a sound of delight as its thick warmth hits my mouth. It really is sweet and delicious, so there’s no acting required there.

  ‘You’ve got rocky road and cookies ’n’ cream, topped with hot milk-chocolate fudge,’ he grins, sucking on his own enormous treat which looks just as tasty as mine.

  ‘This is so good!’ I exclaim, the job of tackling my ice cream stilling the more pressing thoughts that were on my mind mere seconds before.

  The park is suddenly plunged into darkness and the gathered crowds around us whoop in delight, letting us know that the fireworks are about to start. Orchestral music booms from nearby speakers as the castle starts twinkling beautifully. My body tingles when the display bangs into action, as some of the most loved Disney characters are projected on to the front of the castle while nostalgic songs from my childhood are played out. Memories of being with Mum and Dad on the sofa at home watching those old movies fill my heart and I feel choked with emotion as I think how wonderful it would have been to come here with them all those years ago. We would have loved it …

  When ‘Let it Go’ from Frozen starts playing I burst out laughing as adorable little Charlotte, my soon-to-be step-sister, pops into my head. I know she’d be in her absolute element if she were here, singing along at the top of her lungs.

  It’s a sensory overload – the music, the fireworks exploding in the air, the display of pretty lights on the majestic castle – all with the man I love by my side. I lean into Billy and put some of my weight against his chest.

  ‘I love you,’ I whisper, keeping my eyes fixed on the captivating display.

  ‘And I love you, baby,’ he replies, kissing me on the side of the head. ‘For always.’
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  ‘Always …’ I grin, feeling warm, gooey and whole.

  ‘We’re going to be fine,’ he says softly, squeezing me tightly across my chest.

  I blink back the emotion those few words stir within me, realizing that they aren’t said just to comfort me, but also to reassure him.

  PART TWO

  * * *

  15

  ‘Where’s Billy?’ asks Mrs Sleep as soon as she walks through the door of the shop wheeling her shopping trolley behind her. In my absence she’s clearly treated herself to a little pampering, as her short grey hair has had a fresh rinse and perm and now looks immaculate.

  She looks around the place with wild disappointment and a touch of mild panic.

  It’s been ten days since The Big Decision and now I’m back in Rosefont Hill and my familiar shop. I spent the rest of my stay having a wonderful time in Los Angeles with Billy, and getting to know his family a bit more. Julie remained loving and kind for the rest of the trip, although I’m still undecided as to what to make of the whole thing. And then I flew home, alone.

  The flight went as expected – I had a little cry, even had a glass of bubbly, then read a book to try and stop my brain from thinking about how I was going to break the news of Billy’s slight change of heart about living in the village to everyone back home. To be honest, Mum was the only person I was really concerned about telling. I didn’t want her worrying over me worrying (ironic), which is why I decided to say nothing until I stepped back through Arrivals as a solo traveller.

  ‘You OK, love?’ was obviously her first question, but I think that’s because I must have looked a bit forlorn as I was trying to work out what to say. She was more confused over the fact I hadn’t told her sooner, as she completely understood that Billy had to make the most of the fabulous opportunity offered. I think her unfaltering attitude towards the whole thing made me see it in a slightly different light. There’s no denying the craziness of LA turned it into a bigger and scarier thing than it should have been – he’s an actor, he’s had some work come in. It’s that simple. In theory. I think it was just the way it all happened that marred how I dealt with it.