Altered

  “Do what?” I asked with an astonished laugh, but still let my thumb coast across her cheekbone.

  “Why do you always run? Act like…you don’t feel anything?” She looked as though she wanted to turn away, embarrassed, but she was being brave. If she was going to be brave, then so could I be.

  “Because I’m not good for anyone. It doesn’t matter how much I might want you. It’s not a good idea, Fay.” She seemed surprised that I actually answered her question. “You asked.” I quirked a small smile.

  “I did.” She leaned further into my touch and smiled a little. “You’re not as bad as you think you are.”

  “You just don’t know me,” I said easily.

  “Yet,” she said, hard and steady, daring me to contradict her.

  “Why do you want to?” I felt me brow lower in genuine curiosity. “You know I’m a monster, right?” I could hear my voice lowering in anger as I went on, but I tried to keep it steady. “I was made to be evil, Fay.” I gritted my teeth, knowing how I laughed and scolded Eli for having this exact conversation with Clara. “Don’t try to find goodness where there is none.”

  “Evil didn’t save me when he could have walked away.” I opened my mouth, but she pressed her fingers over my lips. “Evil didn’t save me last night, either.”

  It was the first time I could remember ever wanting to be something else. I would have given anything to be good in that moment, to be someone worthy of her. I let myself have this small piece of time that would flit away into the nothingness when we reached her sister and Clara told her who I really was. Once she heard it from her sister’s mouth, she wouldn’t deny it any longer. She’d hate me then as Clara does. But for this moment, I just wanted to pretend that I could be what she needed. I took her face in my hands, knowing they were too rough against her soft skin.

  She sat pliable and willing, waiting for me to make a move, to say something, anything. I didn’t deserve that kind of devotion and adoration, especially not from Fay, but I still wanted to pretend. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so soft.”

  “You’ve met a lot,” she remarked evenly.

  “I have. This is the first time in my life that I wish I hadn’t.” The surprise washed over her face and I continued. “But I am what I am. I’m not a good guy. I’m a demon who’s messed up more times than I can remember. I eat fear, Fay.” I shook my head, hoping she understood. She just watched me. “Will you please stop looking at me like that and say something.”

  “Looking at you like what?” she asked and her eyes fluttered a little when my fingers curled under chin.

  “Like you don’t believe that I’m evil. Like you think I’m savable.”

  “I know you are. It’s just a matter of getting you to see it.” She moved her hands to my chest and this was bad. This was so bad.

  We were just feeding off each other’s energy at this point, no pun intended. We barely knew each other, but being stuck together these past few days and all the talking we’d done had brought us closer than I had wanted. And when you save someone, they get a hero complex sometimes. Well, I saved her several times. She was attracted to me. I had so many variables working against me. There was no way she wanted me for just me. How could she? It was this devourer’s body and what I was made to do, drawing her in. The one time I didn’t want to snatch up a female and I couldn’t seem to stop wanting to reel her in.

  “Fay,” I said, but it was more of a growl. She smiled, but it was so genuine and willing it made my chest ache. “Fay, don’t. It’s just an illusion to trick you, to make you trust us and believe that you’re safe when you’re anything but.”

  I went to scoot her up, but she gripped tighter to my shoulders. “I’m sure that most devourers are that way. And I’m sure you used to be that way. You told me so. You’ve told me the truth the entire time, not even sparing my feeling,” she scoffed. “When someone wants to change or goes through something that makes them different…it doesn’t matter what they were, it only matters what they want to be.”

  I let my thumbs caress her cheeks and balked at that revelation. “It can’t really be that simple to humans, can it?”

  “Why not?”

  “Because the rest of the world is anything but.”

  She squirmed a little, settling more on my lap. I held in my groan just barely before she asked, “We’ll be there today, won’t we?”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “And then the illusions you have of me will be over.” I let my hands fall to my lap and patted her sides, trying for a smile. “Clara will be sure to set you straight about me, don’t worry.”

  “I’m the older sister,” she insisted and finally lifted herself from my lap. I felt her absence as a relief and a burden at the same time. “I’ll handle her. I just really want to see her.” She smiled, but looked as if she could cry, too.

  “Well, go get dressed. Today will be…interesting.” I wasn’t sure if I needed to find a witch’s stone to get into the camp or not. “I need you to keep an open mind.” I got up and looked in her eyes, holding her chin. “I need you to stay calm and just follow my lead. I’ll keep you safe and I’ll get you there. You’ll see some things that won’t be normal, but you’ll be okay.”

  She smiled, looking a little dazed like they usually did and I hated myself for using persuasion on her, but knew it was best. “Okay, Enoch.”

  “Okay, Fay.”

  She smiled, back to herself so quickly. “I kinda like it when you say my name with your accent.”

  “Most women do,” I said sarcastically and leaned back against the wall. She stopped and looked back, noticing my tone. I waved her off. “Nothing, princess. Let’s get going.”

  She nodded, but I could tell that she hated the thought she’d insulted me somehow. I wiped my face with my hands. How was I going to survive this human girl who was turning me into such a pansy?

  Once we got dressed and on the road, I told her we’d stop in between breakfast and lunch for something to eat if that was fine. It seemed like all we did was stop and cater to her human needs in some form or another. I was growing tired of the anxiousness building in my gut. Ready to find Eli and the rebels, I wanted to get there as quickly as possible. Rebels being what they were, they didn’t have any phones or cells. Fay said the last thing she had from Clara was a letter telling her where she was going, but she hadn’t heard from here since. That was months ago right after the wedding.

  “She’s not ignoring you,” I told her, “they just don’t have any phones where they are.”

  “How is that possible? Everyone has phones.”

  “Not idiots who join groups who move to the middle of nowhere and take up arms for the greater good,” I mumbled under my breath.

  “I heard that,” she hissed and turned in her seat. I rolled my eyes and kicked myself. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Nothing.”

  “No, not this nothing stuff. You don’t get to blow me off—”

  “I can,” I insisted. “Now let me drive in peace.”

  She huffed. “Don’t start being grumpy Enoch again. Do you need to feed again already?”

  I glared at her for longer than I should have. “Really?”

  “Watch the road!” She leaned over in my lap and grabbed the wheel. “Enoch, don’t be a lunatic,” she scolded as she leaned back in her seat.

  “I’m only a lunatic when it comes to you it,” I groaned my annoyance. But for some strange reason, she took that as a compliment. Her cheeks bloomed and her fingers fidgeted as her lips opened. I stopped her by interrupting with, “And don’t even try to cover that up, princess.”

  She huffed a surprised breath, as if she didn’t know what to do next. “I don’t know what to do with you sometimes, Enoch.”

  I grinned. “I can think of a few fun things.” I looked over, expecting to see a smile at my goading, but she wasn’t smiling. She was doing the opposite of smiling and it made me want to crawl into a hole.

  ?
??Like right now,” she admitted and turned to look out the window. “I don’t know what to do with you. I can’t tell if you’re real or not.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked quickly, not letting the moment simmer for fear that I’d chicken out.

  “I know you did something to me.” She lifted her legs up on the seat, rested her chin on her knee, and looked over. “I feel so okay with everything and that doesn’t make any real sense.” She looked right in my eyes. “Are you going to deny it?”

  I shook my head, glancing between her and the road. “No. I persuaded you to be accepting of the things going on, to protect your mind and sanity, so I could get you to your sister safely and quickly.”

  “And that’s all?” she asked and there seemed to be an underlying question she wasn’t asking. I felt my brow lower in question. “You didn’t add anything else in there, some other addendum or agenda?”

  I shook my head, knowing that she no longer trusted me, no longer cared, and no longer wanted me to be near her. The afterglow was over. The short-lived dream I had of living some normal life was done. I had been stupid to think it could be true for even a morning.

  “No, Fay,” I said and stared at the road as steadily as I could muster, but it still came out gravely and tortured. “No, I just wanted to help you.”

  She turned to look at my profile, but I didn’t look back at her. I drove a little faster than I should have, determined to get there faster. She didn’t want to be here with me any longer than necessary, not anymore anyway.

  To find to a tortured soul, just follow the road littered with his own transgressions.

  She fell asleep not long after that, slumped against her seat, but her face wasn’t peaceful. I felt guilt in my throat like a lump, pressing against me, not letting me breathe or think. I hated it. I’d never felt guilt until that girl in the alley and now this girl was bringing me to my knees with it. I took her legs and brought them into my lap. She leaned back and stretched out, wiggling to get comfortable. When she sighed, my very soul sighed with her.

  I hated it and loved it and prayed it would stop and would never go away. I drove the rest of the way with that aggravating, precious female’s feet in my lap and my mind in tumbles.

  _______

  We were so close, but I knew she was going to need to eat. I pulled into the restaurant off the interstate, our last stop for the day, and woke her gently, my hand brushing her knee. She woke as she always did—little moans and noises as she arched and pushed her chest up in stretches that would make any man insane. I averted my gaze to be honorable, because I’d done enough damage, but that was the absolute only reason. Otherwise the view was magnificent and could be watched for hours on end. I groaned a little and leaned my head back on the seat, pressing my fingers into my eyes.

  She pulled her feet from my lap and I hissed. She gasped and halted before her breathing sped up noticeably.

  “I wasn’t trying to take over the whole car. Sorry.” She pulled her feet away and put her shoes back on. She wasn’t looking at me and I didn’t blame her.

  I was stacking up winning points left and right, wasn’t I? Did it even matter? I didn’t really want this girl, did I? Even after the insane conversation last night in alley where I had practically said that I did? And this morning?

  I opened my door, practically jumped from the car, and slammed it before I started analyzing my own questions. She got out and seemed puzzled with my outburst. She came to my side, but kept her distance. “Are we close?”

  “What?” I asked, but it was a gruff growl.

  She sighed and seemed even more disappointed. “Are we close? To Clara?”

  “Oh. Yeah, a couple hours.”

  “Good,” she answered and sighed again, licking her lips. “Then you’ll be able to get rid of me,” she muttered as she walked off.

  I didn’t even try to refute her words. There was no point. I was disappointing her left and right, and anything I said would just sound like I was lying or trying to cover. I just needed to get her there. If I could keep my promise to her and get her to her sister, then I could remove the persuasion and go from there. But until then, I just felt like a bastard no matter what I did.

  The place was crawling with country bumpkins. The hostess almost got a throat punch when she shouted, “Howdy, folks! Welcome to Cracker Barrel.”

  “Um, howdy.” Fay looked back with a peculiarly intrigued look and smiled. “Two, please.”

  As we followed her to the table past a roaring fire and people playing checkers, I leaned forward and whispered, “This place is strange.”

  “I would think it would be right up your alley.”

  “Why?” I asked wryly and looked around at the black and white pictures of people. She gave me a coy smile. “Because I’m old?”

  “That’s one way of looking at it.”

  “You don’t look old to me,” the older, plump waitress said and slammed some waters on the table. “What’ll you have?”

  “What do you suggest?”

  “The meatloaf is divine.”

  “I somehow doubt that,” I remarked, which earned me a kick from under the table, “but I’ll take a shot in the dark. Why not.”

  “I’ll have the same, please, with the mashed potatoes and mac-n-cheese.”

  “Same,” I remarked and handed her our menus.

  “Can I just say how much I love your accent? I bet you hear that all the time,” she said and smiled as she waited for some charming reply.

  I looked at Fay and smirked as I told the waitress, “You’re the first, sweetheart.”

  She left with a giggle, her wrinkled cheeks rosy and eyes shining as she scooted away. Fay stared at me for so long that I started to wonder if I’d once again done something wrong. The woman was old. Fay had to know there was no competition there. And then I remembered that Fay hated me now and wanted nothing to do with me. So it couldn’t be that.

  “What, Fay?” I finally asked, my voice so soft and low I barely heard it. But she heard it. “What have I done now?”

  “You made her night just now. Do you know that?”

  I scoffed with a smile. “She’s a sweet old lady stuck in a crappy job. Nothing wrong with making her feel young a bit.”

  “And that’s exactly what I mean.” She leaned on the table to be closer to be me. “But you didn’t have to do that. You could have just let her walk away and not said a word. But instead, you, Enoch,” her voice cracked like she might cry and I was so confused, “made an old woman try to have a good night. You’re amazing sometimes.”

  I stared into those gorgeous green eyes of hers and brought my hand up to cup her chin, letting my thumb brush over her jaw. “Fay…I don’t know what you want from me,” I said softly. “And even if I did, I don’t know if I could give it to you.”

  “Neither do I,” she replied just as softly and wrapped her hand around my wrist. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

  “Ah,” I said in understanding and leaned back. “And that’s my fault, is it?”

  “Is it? You put the persuasion on me. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know if what I…feel is real.”

  I got it. I shook my head. She thought I made her feelings for me out of thin air, that they were fabricated and not real. I opened my mouth to tell her that I hadn’t done that when there was a noise behind me. I turned to see the commotion when I saw our waitress running from the kitchen. The terrified look on her face told me all I needed to know. The Horde had found us.

  I gripped Fay’s hand and took off toward the back door, shoving her in front of me to shield her. “What about those people?” she asked in a shriek.

  “I don’t care about them, I care about you.”

  She yanked her arm away from me and stared up at me in the middle of the parking lot. I went to grab her again and she moved away. “Fay,” I growled.

  “Enoch, those people are going to be hurt, or worse, because of us.”

  “Not us,” I
made the epic mistake of saying with a scoff. Her lips parted and she looked hurt more than appalled. “Fay,” I sighed her name and wanted to just throw her over my shoulder and drag her away. The old me would have done just that. I tightened my fist as I watched her back away toward the door of the restaurant, feeling the old feelings bubbling up in me. Why shouldn’t I? She’d be mad, but she’d eventually forgive me.

  I pressed my lips in a thin line and blurred to her, but when I reached her, something in her face made me change my mind. Instead of lifting her, I just stood there. She must have known what had been on my mind though, because the determination on her face was evident.

  “Don’t you dare,” she begged. She didn’t order me, she begged, knowing that I was stronger and could make her if I really wanted to. “Please, Enoch. They didn’t do anything wrong but come into work and go out to lunch and go about their day as usual.” I heard the door open and knew they were coming. Our time had run out. She knew it, too, and her eyes danced between my eyes and the restaurant. “I know I ask a lot of you, but it’s not too much.”

  I laughed once without humor. “It is though. In every scenario of this trip, you’ve asked me to go against what I am, what I was made to do. It’s not natural. A devourer doesn’t save people and run around being the hero.”

  She didn’t smile as she put her hand on my cheek and pressed her chest to mine. “You’ve been my hero since I met you. And I never once asked you to save me. You did that all on your own.”

  I swallowed, my mouth felt dry and useless. “Fay,” I groaned—a plea. She was murdering the man I used to be with her acceptance. It didn’t make any sense for her to be so kind and generous to me when I did nothing to deserve it.

  I looked at the restaurant. I could hear them and knew from the noises I heard that there were about ten men present. “Stay here.”

  “No way. I’m—”

  “You’re staying.” I glared at her and dared her to argue. “If I’m going in there and doing this for you, then I’m doing it my way.” She sighed, relieved, and then she tensed and seemed upset for an entirely new reason. I groaned. “I can’t keep up with you. I can’t seem to make you happy no matter what I do.”