They Say Love Is Blind

  There was some vocal disagreement and Lee argued back. Rosalind got up and left the table. She collected her boys and then left the house.

  “Lee, I can’t believe that you think that we can just turn off our love for you!” Francie stated.

  “STOP IT!” Mr. Torres stood and slammed his fist on the table. “You children are worse than the ones playing in the other room!” He looked at Tory. “Please forgive us. You must think we’re a crazy family.”

  She smiled. “A passionate family. A loving family…but yes, a little crazy, too.”

  There was a single chuckle and then another and before they knew it they were all laughing. Tory leaned her head against Lee’s shoulders and held onto his arm. This was the crazy family that she desperately wanted to be a part of.

  But if she was going to truly be a part of this family, she would need to learn to stop being so shy and to speak her mind. She smiled to herself. Somehow she thought that she would figure it out.

  CHAPTER 18

  When Monday rolled around Tory was happy to stretch in Lee’s bed and to snicker at the alarm clock. She should throw it out the window! She contemplated rolling over and going back to sleep but she did have some business to take care of. Tory planted a kiss on Lee’s lips, not waking him, and then she pulled on her robe and went into the other room to make a phone call.

  She called her boss and told a little white lie. She said that due to her accident she would need to quit her job and that she was unable to give 2 weeks notice as she was still at home convalescing. She was surprised at the genuine sadness in her boss’ voice.

  “We’ll miss you Victoria. You’re a very hard worker. Take care of yourself and I’ll be sure to have your final pay check mailed out to you.”

  “Thanks Harold. Sorry to leave you in a lurch.” She felt bad, but not bad enough to go back to work. She checked the time and knew that Mama would be awake so she decided to call her next.

  “Hi Mom.”

  “Hi, honey. How’re you feeling?”

  “So much better.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Sorry that I’m just now getting back to you. The family had a going away dinner for Lee’s parents. They’re returning to the Azores.”

  “I like Lee’s family. They’re very nice and they all genuinely like you.” Mama’s words caused her to beam. “Have you been using the spirometer?”

  “Uh…” Damn she didn’t even have a lie prepared.

  “Tory.” Mom said firmly. “Taking care of yourself is very important. If you don’t then you will have a set-back.” She made a face. Making love with Lee was the only lung exercise she needed, but she couldn’t say that to her mother.

  “I’m going to use it.”

  Her mother paused. “Tory, I don’t want to upset you, but I don’t want this to turn into another situation like the last time.”

  The breath caught in Tory’s throat and she was shocked into speechlessness that her mother would be bringing that up.

  “You didn’t take care of yourself and then things got out of hand.”

  “Mama, that’s not fair.” She whispered, squeezing her hand into a fist in her distress. “I was just 18. I was a kid-”

  “Baby, I know. But you didn’t go to the hospital until it was too late. Honey, it could have ended up being a pregnancy or HIV. You could have lost your life instead of just an ovary to an untreated STD.”

  She didn’t want to talk about this. She desperately tried to think of a way to end this conversation. She didn’t want to go back there…

  “It’s just that everything was worse because you didn’t take care of yourself and I just want to make sure that you do this time.”

  She nodded quickly. “Yeah I will.”

  “Tory…” her mother’s voice softened. “Does Lee know about…”

  “I told him-”

  “Even about contracting Chlamydia and losing your fallopian tube to it?”

  “Mama, I’ll have to call you back!” Her stomach lurched and she dropped the phone and hurried to the bathroom where she became violently ill. Why did she have to bring that up? She had spent so much time trying to put that behind her only to have it brought up while she was so vulnerable. Thinking about that disease living in her body all of that time made her feel dirty again. She wasn’t dirty the way that disease made it seem.

  After being sick Tory turned on the shower and let the water run down her body, cleansing her, absolving her.

  “Tory?” She jumped at the sound of Lee’s voice. “You’ve been in there forever. Are you okay, honey?”

  She turned off the water. “Yes, I’m coming out.”

  No. She was never going to tell Lee about this. Why should she? Guilt caused her to become cold and to begin to shiver uncontrollably as she dried herself. The answer to that question was obvious; because she only had one ovary and Lee wanted a houseful of children—and not just Lee, she wanted that too. But what if that fucking disease cost her the ability to have babies? No, not the disease, but her own ignorance because she hadn’t wanted to face what had happened to her.

  ~***~

  “Shall we go ring shopping today?” Lee asked as they sat at the table drinking coffee and eating danishes.

  “What?”

  Lee chuckled. “You are really out of it today. Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just…I quit my job this morning.”

  “Did they hassle you?”

  “No, it actually went pretty smooth.”

  “Good. I wouldn’t want to have to pay them a visit. I can do a lot of damage with my cane.” Tory smiled and then reached for his hand and held it. “So, do you want to go ring shopping?”

  She forced herself to put her past behind her where maybe she could bury it again. She smiled at her man. “Hell yeah! Let’s go ring shopping!”

  They found their rings that very day and were told that they would be ready for pick up in about a week. They scheduled their final doctor’s appointment for the same day and then after the check up and the ring pick up, the plan was to visit the restaurant and show them off to the family. Lee had already called everyone to a gathering and Tory suspected that he was going to propose again and this time present her with the engagement ring. She was becoming spoiled at his attention because she wanted him to do it again and again.

  Tory woke up that morning and coughed up phlegm into a tissue. She had developed a nagging cough that had begun as a tickle in the back of her throat but had gotten steadily worse as the week progressed. Now her chest ached from the constant coughing.

  Lee rubbed her back as she coughed up a wad of mucus. “That sounds bad. We’ll have the doctor write you a prescription for some cough medicine.”

  She sat there for a moment catching her breath and kicking herself for foregoing the spirometer. But she had been active and didn’t think that it was that big of a deal. With a sigh she pulled herself to her feet and got ready for her day.

  The first stop was the rings and they were perfect. Lee refused to give her the engagement ring and she giggled knowing that her earlier suspicions were probably right and he was going to present it to her in front of his family this evening. She noted the curious looks of the other patrons and forgot to wonder what they thought.

  Tory drove them to the hospital, happy that it would be the last visit for the both of them until Lee had his casts removed. He was given a clean bill of health and then next it was her turn to get checked out. However her doctor wasn’t nearly as pleased with her progress as Dr. Hendrix had been with Lee’s.

  “Well, I believe that you’re developing pneumonia.” He removed his glasses and regarded her with an intense stare. “Have you been using the incentive spirometer?”

  Tory froze. Lee frowned and tilted his head. “What is an incentive spirometer?”

  The doctor took a few moments to describe it to Lee and to explain its importance.

  “So it’s essential to her healing? Is that what you’
re saying?”

  Tory winced as her doctor confirmed that it was. “We’ll need to schedule a chest x-ray just to be sure. We better do a urinalysis and blood test first and that will determine the course of treatment.” He sighed. “Young lady, I need for you to utilize that incentive spirometer as prescribed and to get some bed rest, because you and I discussed in great length your increased risk of stroke or heart attack. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She said, properly chastised. Why did he have to say all of that in front of Lee? Couldn’t he have used some form of discretion? Lee remained quiet as the nurse gave her a cup to pee into and then sent her to get her blood work done.

  When she returned to wait for the chest x-ray she took in Lee’s stiff posture from his seat in the plastic office chair. He still hadn’t said one word. Okay, so he was not happy with her right now.

  “You’re quiet.” She said, attempting to thaw him out a bit.

  “You lied to me,” he said flatly.

  Her mouth dropped. “Lee-” Lied? What?

  “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “What?” Pain, brought on by his words caused her eyes to widen.

  “I need you to be my eyes and that doesn’t mean just telling me shit that you want me to know and not telling me shit that you don’t! How do you think it makes me feel knowing that you were getting sicker and sicker and I didn’t know why because you didn’t tell me?”

  “But-”

  “No buts!” He scowled and came to his feet, pulling his cane from the pocket of his cargo pants. “Macey will pick me up. You go home, get that spirometer thing and you use it!” He walked out the door with lurching footsteps, tapping his cane loudly as he went.

  “Lee!”

  He ignored her and kept walking away. She watched him as the nurse returned with a file in her hands. She looked uncomfortable as she looked from Lee’s disappearing form back to Tory.

  “Uh…this might not be the right time but congratulations. You’re pregnant.”

  CHAPTER 19

  “We obviously can’t give you a chest X-Ray but we can do a rapid urine and mucus test.”

  Tory was staring at the doctor stunned. She’d been sitting in her hard little chair for the last five minutes speechless. The doctor finally sighed. “Look, I understand that this is unexpected…and probably not happening at a good time. I’m sorry for anything I may have said…but your pregnancy adds a new spin to this. Your body hasn’t healed from the accident. You have to take care of yourself. I cannot stress that enough. You can have a heart attack or stroke very easily.”

  She clutched her stomach protectively and nodded. “I promise. I’ll use the spirometer-”

  “And make an appointment with a prenatal doctor as soon as possible. The tests indicate that you are very early into your pregnancy and we need to make sure that you and your baby stay healthy.” Tears stung her eyes. The doctor reached out and took her hand. Her baby…she could actually have a baby.

  Tory suddenly realized something that shamed her as much as contracting the venereal disease had. She really had doubted her ability to have babies. And if she had not been able to get pregnant, would she have ever told Lee? She didn’t know the answer to that and not knowing that about herself meant that Lee was pretty much correct in everything that he’d said to her. He’d said that she didn’t get it…and she guessed he was right.

  Tory spent hours at the hospital getting tested and treated for what turned out to be a mild case of pneumonia. Her doctor wanted to admit her in order to put her on an intravenous course of antibiotics but she begged him to allow her to go home. He met her half way and gave her a three hour I.V. and then released her. By that time it was well after six and she was nearly fit to be tied with anxiety and worry. In the hours that she’d had to sit and think while accepting the I.V. Tory replayed Lee’s words, examining them from all angles and she came to a difficult realization.

  She needed to tell him everything about her rape. Maybe he would think that she was dirty for having an STD; the clap, and living with it for months. It was a stigma that she couldn’t live down, especially since her mother and father had to be told once she was emitted to emergency. What if Lee looked at her with the same shock, disappointment and disgust?

  Tory stopped walking, suddenly feeling overwhelmed as her past and present came crashing together. She took a deep breath and placed her hand on her chest. That rape just kept happening over and over—even years later. She climbed into her darkened car and stared at nothing.

  Tory thought about just going home, using the spirometer and falling into bed in exhaustion, but she couldn’t allow Lee to go on being mad at her and she wanted to share the news about the baby. So she decided to drive to the restaurant figuring that Macy would have taken him there since the family was meeting for dinner. She thought about calling his cell phone first, just to make sure of his whereabouts, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. The idea that he would lash out at her was just too much for her to bear right now. She knew that he wouldn’t do that in front of his family…would he? Regardless, she was going to the restaurant because no matter what, she still needed to eat. She patted her tummy and felt a small grin tug at her lips. She had two to feed.

  The street was lined with cars and it gave her a sense of déjà as she hurried to the restaurant. A chill ran down her spine and for a moment she thought about turning around and going back home. She was emotionally drained, but her desire to see Lee over rule her good senses. She hurried into the restaurant and was relieved to see that the host for the night was not Roz but a young man. He recognized her and greeted her with a smile.

  “They are all gathered at their family table.”

  She thanked him and then hurried through the room and searched for Lee. She saw him at the oversized table, having desert with his siblings.

  Carlo’s wife, Katy smiled when she saw her. “You came! Lee, Tory’s here.”

  She saw a shadow fall across his face. Raphael, who was sitting next to his brother collected his place setting and moved so that she could sit down next to him. She greeted everyone in a distracted manner and sat down next to Lee.

  “Lee said you were sick.” Paulo said. “We wouldn’t have eaten without you if we knew you were coming. Well there’s still food. There’s ALWAYS food,” he joked.

  “It’s okay…” She glanced at Lee who said nothing.

  Macy filled a plate with food and then passed it to her while Francie passed her a glass of wine.

  “What are you doing here?” Lee finally asked.

  She stared at him. “I was going to eat.”

  He sat there silently, not eating, speaking or moving. Tory’s expression dropped. Rosalind sat across from them looking on with interest.

  “How did your doctor’s appointment go?” She had the nerves to ask.

  Tory shot her a heated look. Why was this woman always around?! “Fine,” was her simple response.

  Lee reached for his glass of water and knocked it over. Tory jumped up and reached for a napkin and began cleaning the spill.

  “Tory,” he sighed. “Just…leave it.”

  “I almost got it-”

  “Tory. Go home. Do what I told you to do.”

  The table grew instantly quiet. There was not a peep to be heard.

  She blinked and stared at him in surprise. Her mouth opened but then closed. She dropped the napkin and slid her chair back and then rushed out of the room. Her face burned and her eyes stung. She heard Raphael exclaim that he should go after her and she heard his one word response.

  No.

  Tory choked back her tears and hurried to the car. She was just starting it when she heard someone call her name. She looked up sharply. Raphael was hurrying towards her.

  “Tory!”

  Reluctantly she rolled down the window and wiped her eyes. She just wanted to get out of here. She just wanted to go home and forget that she had just been disused by Lee in front of his family.

  Raphael
leaned down and gave her a concerned look. “Honey, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you two like this.”

  “We had a fight.” She wiped her eyes and swallowed back a sob. Then she had a coughing fit and had to spit into a tissue.

  He gave her a concerned frown. “Are you okay?” When she nodded he offered her a wry grin.“Everyone does, you know. You’d be abnormal if you didn’t.”She met his eyes. He was almost as handsome as his younger brother-darker, though, with glossy black hair, but the same facial features.