Spice & Wolf XV (DWT)

  He was really resisting Holo’s urging because he was being compelled out of habit. He had become trained to look at all possible contingencies before doing anything remotely risky.

  “You are thinking of giving up on the idea of opening your shop here, are you not?”

  His first instinct was to disagree, but he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t force the words out of his mouth. His throat was lined with lead, because he knew, deep down, that he wasn’t being as optimistic as he once was. Not since Holo came into his life.

  “I see.”

  He couldn’t make a noise, but of course that only meant he was agreeing with her question. He knew that, but he still said nothing. In a strange way, he didn’t feel anxious, but that was probably because Holo’s tone remained calm.

  “So even someone as cheerfully optimistic as you can turn into someone like me, who only sees the dark side of everything. That is surely it, yes? I mean, it would be just like you to end up that way.”

  She sighed, her head still perched atop his.

  “While you investigated this place, I saw nothing but brilliance.”

  She had even mentioned that as they rested on that excursion. At that time, his desire to open a shop was the furthest thing from his mind. She rubbed his head with her chin, perhaps surprised by his silence.

  “This is an invigorating town, the kind that should only inspire you. The old you would say, ‘excellent, I will earn so much here,’ then immediately begin scheming to win.”

  At first Lawrence couldn’t help but wonder just what kind of exaggerated image of him she had, but when he looked back he realized that it actually matched his actions quite well. He had never been this passive before. This doubtful. All because of Diva company. Because they were a mining firm, and Holo would never want to live in a place run by such a company.

  “Do not worry so much for my sake.”

  “But-”

  Once again he was cut off as her arms hugged him tightly.

  “Wherever you decide to open your shop, I will be there with you.”

  She wasn’t denying him a chance to explain himself, she just wanted him to realize that he didn’t even have to.

  “Even if they wish to dig up Yoitsu, or some other place, do not worry. Once they do, you will never open your shop, because there will always be something to be concerned over. You are a nervous sort, after all. You might even abandon your shop and flee it if something happens, and then never be able to return. Or am I wrong?”

  She was smiling again, like she was laughing at the very notion, but her words were not that far removed from reality.

  “The moment you know about something you begin caring about it, just like that fat sheep said.. and it will still exist even if you turn away. The people who I live with are not ancient or legendary, nor the kind who leave jokes for me on their claws. They are living, breathing, smiling people who know anger and sadness, are determined, but not entirely capable, and will hold my hand in the future.”

  Indeed, he was unconsciously holding her hand. Her tail was happily wagging, noisily sweeping the floor.

  “You see, that message Myuri left for me was so painful that it pierced my very soul. I just wanted to run off into a cave for the rest of my life. And yet-”

  Her hand gripped his so tightly it was clear that she wouldn’t let him go. Tears were spilling from her eyes.

  “-you reached your hand out and pulled me back up.. have you any idea how happy that made me?”

  Lawrence had been so worried that she would end up angry when he brought her here, but it turned out that he’d made the right choice after all. But Holo was being far too honest all of a sudden, and that worried him more than anything. If he so much as felt one of her tears land on his head, he knew he would stand up. He gripped her hand back, hoping to convey that.

  “Being treasured by you makes me so happy.. but if all I am is a burden to you, it will make me miserable. After all..”

  She lifted his chin so he could clearly see her sharp nails between his own fingers.

  “So many sad stories are born from people’s desire to protect.”

  Lawrence reflexively wanted to refute her, but quickly realized she was recalling his earlier words in order to play with him. He stayed silent, and just held the hand that was caressing his face.

  “I will tell our story in the future, as I promised you, so I do not want it to be a sad one.”

  She pinched his nose lightly between her fingers.

  “I do not hate the look on your face when you do business, but the face I like the most is the one you wear when you write. It is so focused and calm. It looks.. well, handsome.”

  She spoke in a flirty tone, obviously to conceal her embarrassment. She was clearly smiling, but if he looked up to confirm that, he would get a face full of her palm or her fangs.

  “So, you..”

  She didn’t finish her sentence right away. Instead, she released him. He finally stood up when he felt his hand dangling on its own. As she stepped back, he marvelled at how cold his back felt now that she wasn’t stuck to it. Even after such a brief moment, it felt like the winter air was keeping them apart. It struck him profoundly. When he turned around, he wasn’t physically attacked, but rather accosted by a far more devastating smile of embarrassment.

  “Do not use the excuse that you are researching for my sake. Will you not at least ride out into battle like a proper male?”

  She placed her hands on her hip and flashed him a fang-filled smile.

  “Even if this company does turn out to be evil, and you have to close up shop, we can simply continue this happy trip of ours.”

  Courage and recklessness were divided as thinly as a sheet of paper. The only thing that separated the two was one’s determination. No one wanted to admit it, but they couldn’t disagree, either.

  “Indeed.”

  He followed up on that brief reply immediately.

  “But really, aren’t you just asking me to take a gamble? This time I could lose almost a thousand silver coins.. what kind of story will this become if I fail like that?”

  If they weren’t so comfortable playing around, that line would have been quite damaging. Knowing this, Holo smiled back.

  “That simply means that if you fail, I shall owe you tears worth a thousand silver coins. Just picture that.”

  He knew she didn’t really want him to picture it, because she probably would be sad enough to do just that. She would blame herself so harshly that she wouldn’t even dare ask him to forgive her. Of course, that was precisely the kind of person his hands had reached out to. It was a scene so vivid in his memory that it gave him a headache.

  “So you will just have to make sure not to fail, hmm?”

  She said that with such a happy look on her face that it felt strange somehow. It was true that if he made it work, he would finally have his own shop, and that if he failed, Holo really would owe him dearly. He could wind up in debt for the rest of his life. He knew how important prudence was in this kind of situation.

  It was just that Holo could remind him that it was his hard-earned money all day, but the moment she scratched his nose in just the right way, he would still do it for her. He considered himself an immoral and selfish man, but she held a monopoly over such thoughts in his mind. He just couldn’t help himself.

  Holo was always saying that the Wisewolf couldn’t have a boring merchant for a companion, and yet here he was, not turning the key to unlock that rusty gate in his heart holding back his optimism and enthusiasm.

  “You’re right, I really am a mess.”

  She smiled back like a pure-hearted maiden, and he took a deep breath. It seemed she had already made her mind up the moment she saw him gawking at that empty building. She truly did feel bad to see him holding back because he could only see Diva as an evil company.

  No one knew how long Diva could keep this up, and even if they really didn’t have any plans to go to war or open new mines, h
e could still draw the short end of the stick and wind up with an unsuccessful business with no clientele. But now, even in such a situation, he had a real companion to back him up. One that knew just how to spur him on. He had to talk to her with determination.

  “Help me come up with a good name for our shop.”

  She might very well be the most inspirational being in the world. She caught his uplifted spirits and smiled more broadly, but then gently spoke right into his ear.

  “Do you not mean a good name for our child?”

  He almost fell to the floor, chair and all. She pointed at him and laughed as he went red in embarrassment, partly from this and partly from what had happened to them in Lenos. He really was a mess, but now it was a mess that was nine-tenths rage.

  She kept apologizing as they prepared for sleep, but he could no longer accept her smile. But there was still one-tenth of him that felt something other than rage, so he just shut his eyes and turned his back to her.

  In the end, he was unable to come up with a name for the shop no matter how close it seemed to be. It was right on the tip of his tongue.. but it just vanished into a puff of dream logic as he fell asleep.

  Chapter 5

  The following morning, Myuri washed his face at the well alongside the other mercenaries. He then took a few shaky steps, pale-faced, as they watched him. He had been in dinner-side discussions for days now, and they were all proud to serve him. He was the captain who fought the tough battles in town to keep them supplied on the front lines.

  When he heard them clapping and cheering him on, he did his best to stand tall. That only made them cheer even louder, despite knowing they ought to be out doing their respective jobs. They might seem a bit rude, but in reality they knew exactly just where their discipline and trust was needed. Lawrence felt compelled to reassess them, as he walked back to his room.

  “What is with all that garish shouting?”

  She sat on the bed as usual, combing her tail. It was such a natural scene to witness it made him feel like they had been traveling together for a century. She was even biting into more jerky, despite having just eaten breakfast. He playfully tugged at it, and she bit down even harder to compensate, just like a child.

  Her bottomless appetite was about the only thing that could best her pride, so he let go of the jerky. After all, this was hardly a time to get into an argument. Merchants lived by the principle that once their minds were made up, they should press onward right away. He took a deep breath and popped his collar back into place.

  “Alllll set.”

  Holo also seemed ready, and quickly stood up and gave her tail one final pat.

  “Hehe..”

  “What is it?”

  “Hmm?”

  She acted like she didn’t even notice that she had laughed, and touched her face before replying in a puzzled tone.

  “I was remembering how you looked in Pasloe when I saw you all those times in the past.”

  He had no idea how to respond. She had lived in that village for hundreds of years, and he had traded there for a surprisingly long time as well. It wouldn’t be strange in the slightest for her to have seen him a few times before they officially met, but somehow, coming from her it felt quite strange.

  “And?”

  “You were never this calm and relaxed.”

  She sighed with her right hand on her waist, like a sister talking about her stupid younger brother. He felt a bit annoyed to play that role, but he couldn’t argue against it; he was young and stupid back then.

  “I had not even noticed that you have grown into such an independent man.”

  Lawrence had no desire to play the fool forever. He wanted to grow stronger than Holo, and would work extra hard to reach that goal. He knew he wasn’t very mature, and that Holo had every right to point that out, so he usually just treated it like the joke or faint praise that it was. But this time, he had no idea what expression to wear, and that only made her happier.

  “Do not be suspicious, I am not toying with you or looking down on you. I just truly feel that you have grown up.”

  She said that so happily that it made him happy as well. But it also hit him with a wave of loneliness, because it felt something like a farewell.

  “Do not make such a face, either.. I am simply too old to notice my own growth, so I must live vicariously through the wheat shoots budding around me.”

  She wrapped herself in her robe and concealed her ears, then stood before him.

  “I left Yoitsu in pursuit of my own happiness, and drank and danced all the way to Pasloe. Once there, I realized that one’s happiness can only take them so far, and then they must seek meaningful growth with others.”

  She was staring at his wallet. She knew they weren’t going to pay for the store entirely with cash, but were simply paying a deposit to lay a claim on the building. She was getting to see Lawrence’s dream expand and come to fruition, after watching those from her past vanish one by one. She couldn’t forget the past, even if she wanted to, but after all of that she could even be satisfied to see the world through Lawrence’s eyes.

  “Hey, is it really alright for me to name the shop?”

  Back when he’d made the suggestion, Holo did her best to pretend she wasn’t surprised and felt obliged to do so. After all, like Huskins the Golden Sheep in Winfield Kingdom, and Hugh the art dealer in Gerube, this was going to be her new home. And yet, that act was dropped now, and she smiled up at him with anxious eyes. It was different to not be staring at her usual confidence, feigned or otherwise.

  “Yes, because you’ve been a good child.”

  He patted her head, and just for a moment he caught a glimpse of utter confusion on her face, like she didn’t know what he’d just done to her. But a moment after she had digested his words and actions, her face contorted and he braced himself for a good beating. Mercifully, her expression was halfway between tears and laughter.

  “I have no regrets.”

  He shook her hand, but didn’t let go. They left the inn with him unwilling to admit that the street looked very different now that she’d metaphorically beaten some sense into him. Pedestrians no longer seemed like unrelated actors, but rather potential customers for him to deal with in the future.

  Or so he hoped. He still had no idea what Diva was planning, but the moment Holo said she would be with him, he let them off the hook. It would certainly be fun to try his hand at running a shop with the money he’d earned over his life. Obviously, he would still carefully evaluate the condition of the building and such, but such huge changes in one’s life came with risks that one had to take. And this was the biggest career risk he’d ever ventured to take.

  They held hands as usual as they walked down the lively streets, but today Holo wasn’t asking him to buy anything. She was smiling and standing tall, as though she was proud to walk beside him. He’d picked her up in Pasloe, and they had made it this far after much effort. Those who knew Lawrence well would call him mad, but even if he was, he had no regrets.

  He looked at Holo, and she returned his gaze when she detected it. He smiled, surprised, but she also smiled back. That was all he needed to see. There was no hesitation this time as he walked that now-familiar road to the shop that awaited them. When he asked, he was told it had no name yet, but it was quite a lively road at the summit of Lesco’s development.

  No matter what Diva was planning, it was just their own gamble made possible by their wealth. All people with a bit of wealth had their ambitions, and that was probably what drew the barons in to join them. They wanted to draw in other people with status so the town’s reputation would be secure. That would help them on their road to becoming rulers.

  Lawrence and Myuri were just complicating matters because that was their job. At least, that might as well be the case. It was too enticing to assume they had an ulterior motive for spending money they knew they wouldn’t get back. But in the end, that only meant that this was a golden chance for Lawrence. He rea
lly could earn a lot in this atmosphere.

  He had finally settled on opening his shop here, so second-guessing himself wasn’t permitted: only determination. If he failed at that fundamental rule, he would be a failure as a merchant. Holo was right. Once he opened his shop, his love for the town could only grow. It sounded stupid to hear himself say it that way, but he knew there would be unanticipated benefits to help him along.

  For instance, if Diva kept expanding the town they might one day form an economic alliance as vast as Ruvik’s. It was nice to finally dream like that again, and he did so on their entire walk up to the building. Twelve hundred silver coins, and it would be his. He would pay his money, and take his chances.

  With luck, Diva wouldn’t treat him any differently from the others, and with all those barons investing in the town, that seemed likely. A baron wouldn’t settle for marginal returns instead of piles of gold and silver, so Diva wasn’t likely to be doing anything too shady when it came to business.

  Money made the world go round, and the only thing that would make barons even happier was having their faces on the coins. That wasn’t to say that they wouldn’t settle for the face of some other king, of course, especially if those coins were as popular as Trenni silvers were, even in the north. Investing in a town like this was a surefire way for them to gather such coins.

  Diva’s plan was so perfect that Lawrence could hardly believe it. In fact, he found himself surprised that they didn’t just issue their own coins.

  “Huh..”

  “What?”

  Lawrence looked at Holo, wanting to ask her if he’d actually said something, but realized how stupid that would sound. His mind was racing, and it felt like everything was suddenly coming into view, like he’d spotted the person he’d been waiting for in the crowd before them.

  Holo’s eyes were already asking him, “are we not going to the shop?” All he could do was stare back and try to figure that out for himself. Memories were popping up and mixing in with reality, until he could barely even understand the chatter of the people ahead of them.