The Form of Things Unknown

  “Lucas can teach you,” his sister says. “He’s a lifeguard and a pizza chef.”

  Lucas rubs his eyes. “Not a chef, Cait. Just a delivery boy.”

  At some point, Caitlyn has managed to wrench the box of cupcakes away from Lucas and Mom has disappeared back into the house. Caitlyn skips across the yard to his Cherokee, and gets in the backseat. “ ’Bye, Natalie! Thanks for the fries!”

  Lucas raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t ask. “Thanks again.”

  We’re standing so close on the porch, I can smell coconuts. Suntan lotion. He must have been working as a lifeguard today. He’s wearing khaki shorts and a navy T-shirt. I try to imagine him in swim trunks and blush. “Anytime,” I say quickly. “She’s awesome.”

  “See you at practice tonight?” he asks, his eyes lighting up. With hope, maybe?

  I nod. “I’ll be there.”

  “Good.”

  And we have nothing more to talk about, so he shuffles back to his car and takes his sister home.

  * * *

  Mom swoops down on me as soon as I come back inside. “So? Tell me about Lucas. He’s cute, and his sister is adorable. That was really sweet of you to refuse money for watching her.”

  I sigh. It’s not like I can talk about him with anyone else. Not Raine or Starla, and not David. “He was at Winter Oaks with me,” I say. And I want to add, AND I THINK I LIKE HIM, but I see the hopeful expression in her face fall.

  “Oh.”

  “So I don’t think either one of us is dating material right now,” I hurry to tell her. “But yes, he’s cute. And smart.” And even more adorable than his sister.

  Mom squeezes my shoulder. “He probably needs a friend more than a girlfriend right now.”

  As much as it kills me to admit it, I know my mom is right.

  “Do you know why he was hospitalized?” she asks.

  “They said he was depressed,” I say. “But he doesn’t act like he’s depressed.” And he definitely doesn’t seem suicidal. Is he on Prozac or some other potent antidepressant? Maybe he’s too busy to be depressed. Or maybe he’s so busy he doesn’t have time to be a normal teenager anymore and that’s why he was depressed. Maybe he resents his mom for dying and his dad for not being a parent. I kind of resent his dad for not being a parent and I’ve never even met the man.

  Grandma comes out of her bedroom and sets her empty coffee mug in the sink. “Bad news to be messing around with a fellow psych patient,” she says. “How do you know what feelings are real and what’s just his pills?”

  I don’t even know what my feelings for Lucas are right now. The thought that those feelings might be caused by chemicals is just depressing. Or maybe he just seems so interesting to me because he’s forbidden.

  Mom rolls her eyes when Grandma turns her back. “You’re just friends, right?”

  “Just friends,” I say. Trying to convince myself there could never be anything more.

  “And please tell me you’re on some sort of birth control,” Grandma says, on her way back to her room. “The last thing you need to do is breed little crazy brats.”

  “Oh my God! Can we not discuss my sex life right now?” Even if her warning isn’t necessary, she’s right. It’s probably safer if I don’t ever have kids. The possibility of passing on Grandma’s crazy genes is too great. And I wouldn’t want to wish schizophrenia on any child.

  Why does my grandmother have to ruin everything?

  * * *

  After practice, I ride up to the Pirate House with David. Colton is working the late shift, so he doesn’t have time to chat with David. My brother is pouting into his mocha.

  David glares at a customer that Colton is smiling at. A pretty girl. “Quit acting so jealous,” I whisper.

  David sighs. “He really can’t turn his charm off.”

  “He’s a barista,” I say. “He’s supposed to be charming. Surly baristas don’t get tips.”

  My brother is still pouting.

  “David, are you ever going to tell Mom and Dad? You know, Grandma said something this morning to Mom. I don’t think Mom believes her, but now she is wondering.”

  David almost spits out his coffee.

  “Grandma said you told her before you even told me.”

  He shrugs, playing with his cup holder. “I was stuck with her all that summer. I didn’t have you to talk to.”

  “What’s the worst that could happen if you tell our parents? You know they aren’t going to disown you. Or stop loving you. You know that, right?”

  “Of course I do. But they have a lot on their plate right now. With Grandma. With you.”

  “I’m fine,” I say, hurt that he’s still using my fragile sanity as an excuse. “You need to talk to them. Before Grandma does.”

  “So, where are your friends tonight?” David asks, glancing around.

  He’s not so subtle about changing the subject. “Fine. Raine is with her dad, but I don’t know where Starla is.” She never answered my text when I asked if she wanted to meet us here. “How long have you known the girls?” I ask.

  “As long as I’ve known Colton, I guess. Since my first semester at SCAD last fall.”

  “And Lucas, too?”

  “Yeah, I guess. He and Starla were dating when I first met Colton.”

  My heart stops beating. It takes an eternity for it to lurch forward again. “They what? Starla is the evil ex?” I ask. That makes no sense.

  David looks at me funny. “Didn’t you know? Oh. Oh no, Natalie. You and Lucas aren’t . . .”

  I shake my head. “No. Of course not. I just, I just didn’t know.”

  “It wasn’t a bad breakup. They’re still friends, obviously.”

  “But she dumped him right after his mom died!” I say.

  My brother stares at me again. “I thought you didn’t know about it.”

  “I didn’t know it was her.” Starla and Lucas. Why didn’t Raine ever say anything? None of this makes sense. Can I trust David and tell him about Lucas at Winter Oaks? I know there are laws that they drilled into our heads while I was there, to respect the privacy of other patients. There was a girl there whose dad was the sheriff of a neighboring county. Not that I would have recognized her or her dad, and not like I would have told the media she was there. But the staff made a big deal over patient confidentiality.

  I can’t tell David. “Nat, amicable split or not, I don’t think he’s ready for a new relationship. He had to go away for a while after his mom died to get his head on straight. I mean, he’s a great guy. He’s stars above your previous stunners, but I don’t think he needs any more instability in his life, you know?” My brother looks down at his drink. “And I don’t think you’re ready for a new relationship, either.”

  “Relax. Grandma told me the same thing this morning.” As he looks up at me, I wave my hands. “I know—relationship advice from her, right? Not that there’s any truth to it. Okay? Stop worrying.”

  He has the nerve to look relieved. And he’s not telling me anything I haven’t already heard, haven’t already thought. But it still hurts to hear it from my brother.

  And to discover Starla, in the starring role of THE EVIL EX. Does Lucas still have feelings for her? Does she regret breaking up with him?

  My head is killing me. I rub my eyes.

  “Are you getting tired?” David asks. “Want me to take you home?”

  “Only if you come inside and talk to Mom and Dad.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Or you could just walk home.”

  “I’m scared of the homeless people,” I say.

  Colton comes over to our booth and bumps David with his hip. “Scoot over. What are you two plotting over here?”

  “Shenanigans,” I mutter.

  Colton’s kohl-lined eyes widen. “Sounds sexy. God, this night is dragging on forever. What are we doing after I close?”

  “I’ve got to take her home,” David says. “Then I can come back and help you clean up.”

  “About to
turn into a pumpkin?” Colton asks me. “It’s not even nine o’clock.”

  “David wants to get rid of me so you two can clean.”

  “She’s funny,” he tells David. “Are you going to come to SCAD when you graduate, Natalie?”

  I shrug. I always thought I’d go to UGA when I graduated, with Andria and the rest of my friends in Athens. Caleb. He wanted to major in business.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” David asks. “You’re looking kinda pale.”

  “Just tired. I’ll see you later, Colton.” I get up and throw my cup away to give them a few seconds of privacy.

  I’m glad I never got any closer to Lucas. I’m really glad we’re just friends, and that all we’ll ever be is friends. Because I’m friends with Starla, too, and friends’ exes are always off-limits.

  David refuses to come inside the house and talk. Both cars are in the drive, so Dad is actually home for once. “They’re probably already asleep.”

  “It’s only nine,” I say. “But don’t get mad when Grandma outs you.”

  “Ha-ha. Do you think they’ll believe her? They’ll probably think she’s hallucinating.”

  “Whatever.” The fact that he’s joking about her illness makes me irritated. I slam the door shut when I get out.

  He rolls the window down and shouts, “Don’t forget practice tomorrow. We’ll probably be going out to eat afterward.”

  “Fine.” I don’t bother to look back at him. Zora is waiting by the front door again. I unlock it and she darts inside.

  Mom and Dad are arguing again, behind the closed door of their bedroom this time. I can’t make out what they’re saying, just the angry tones of their voices.

  My phone beeps again as I’m climbing the stairs to the attic. I dig it out of my purse so I can silence it before it wakes up Grandma. I don’t want her to hear Mom and Dad fighting.

  Hey Crazy Girl. U miss me?

  I want to throw up. I never truly believed Starla’s trick would keep him from bothering me again, but still, I had hoped.

  I don’t want to answer, but I need to make him stop. He needs to know I’m not interested in talking to him ever again. Leave me alone, Caleb. We are through, I text back.

  I’m so sorry, Nat. We need 2 talk.

  There’s nothing to talk about.

  Can’t I see U?

  No.

  Where did U go? Your house is empty.

  Far away. Forget you ever knew me.

  I can’t forget you, Nat.

  Oh my God. Get over it.

  R U still mad about the X? I’m so sorry.

  I put my phone down and walk to the window. I don’t want to deal with him right now. I don’t exactly blame him for my psychotic break, but I might have made it through high school without a possible early onset of schizophrenia if it hadn’t been for him talking me into trying ecstasy. I know I shouldn’t blame him. I made the decision to take the stupid drugs. I’d been an official member of the party circuit in Athens for years. I should have known the risks. Especially to someone with fragile sanity genes like mine. But I was a fool for Caleb. I thought he loved me. I wanted to make him happy.

  I get ready for bed and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I try to ignore the constant beeping of my phone. Before I crawl into bed, I turn the phone over to place it on silent.

  He’s sent me several more texts.

  Natalie I miss U.

  Natalie I’m sorry.

  Natalie where did U go

  I turn my phone off completely, wishing I could turn my anger off just as easily.

  CHAPTER 13

  I’m sitting on a stool backstage, waiting for my next scene. I have a while to wait, and Caitlyn and the twins are running around back here trying out their new wings.

  Raine and Starla are on the opposite side of the stage, talking with Lucas. He doesn’t look at her like she broke his heart. She doesn’t look at him like she broke his heart. She almost treats him like a little brother.

  Colton pulls a stool over and sits down next to me. He has his horns on and looks a little demonic. “Should we wave to your boyfriend?” He wiggles his fingers. His nails are painted black.

  “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Maybe not yet. Don’t worry. Starla won’t mind.”

  I want to laugh.

  Colton cocks his head to the side and his horns almost fall off. “Oh shit,” he says, grabbing them. “Well, okay, she’ll mind. But she’ll get over it, because Lucas needs someone nice like you. Starla is not nice. And she wasn’t the right girl for him.”

  “I think she’s nice,” I say.

  Colton laughs. “She told the manager at the Pirate House that I had a communicable disease when she wanted me to take her to Atlanta for a concert and I had to work.”

  “She was trying to help you get out of work,” I say.

  “She told him I had Ebola and that I should have been quarantined. He almost fired me on the spot for contaminating his business.”

  “Wow. You think she did it out of pettiness or misguided altruism?”

  Colton laughs so hard he has to hold his stomach. “Whatever. I’ve already forgiven her. You are a doll, Natalicious.” He hops down from his stool to make his entrance onto the stage.

  I wonder if he and David talked about Lucas and me last night. Surely they had other things to discuss. I try really hard not to think too much about that. I wonder how Colton came out to his family, how they took it. He seems pretty comfortable in his skin.

  “Did he seriously just call you Natalicious?” David asks, taking Colton’s stool.

  “Do I even want to know what that means?”

  David shakes his head. “No clue. But it’s kinda cute.”

  I slide down off my stool, as Oberon makes his exit off to the other side of the stage. Caitlyn and the twins run to join me for the next scene. Time to be Titanialicious.

  This afternoon, we’re rehearsing the scene where Titania is sleeping in the woods and Oberon rubs her eyes with the juice of a flower to make her fall in love with the first creature she lays eyes on.

  I’m lying in the giant bird nest pretending to sleep and Colton is leaning over me. I’m trying not to laugh.

  Then I hear a creaky noise above us in the rafters. With a loud bang, one of the lighting trusses comes loose and swings down toward us. “Watch out!” I scream.

  “Hey!” Colton grabs me and drags me offstage before the light rigging crashes to the floor. Sparks pop as some of the bulbs blow. Someone in the audience shrieks.

  “Calm down, calm down,” Mrs. Green says. “Are you kids okay?”

  My heart is pounding and my legs feel weak, but I nod. I look at Colton. “Thanks.”

  “You saw it coming before I did.” He squeezes my hand and I squeeze back as my brother and Lucas leap up onto the stage.

  “Natalie! Are you okay?” Lucas asks. He pushes my hair back and stares into my eyes. It would be romantic, but I think he’s just checking my pupils. He holds up his hand.

  “How many fingers do I have up?”

  I push his hand away, frowning. “I didn’t hit my head.”

  “David, will you go get the building manager?” Mrs. Green asks, her hands on her hips. “We need to find out what happened up there.”

  “Those lights were fine this morning when we were up there,” Lucas says. “Michael and I both checked after we switched out the gels.”

  “I’m sure you two did everything right. But we need to get an electrician up there to check everything out. Natalie, Colton, how are you two doing?”

  “I’m fine,” Colton says. “Nat’s shook up, I think.”

  “No, I’m fine.” I shake my head, trying to ignore the quivering jelly in my legs. I try to stand up and decide I really, really need to sit back down.

  “What is up with this theater?” Maizy asks. “You’d think it was cursed or something. It’s not like we’re doing Macbeth.”

  “Shhhhh!” Mrs. Green says. “You neve
r mention that name in a theater!” Just then, the theater director and the building supervisor show up. She pulls them over to the mess onstage and tells them what has happened. Maizy huffs off to her drama geek friends.

  “Why can’t you mention that name in a theater?” I whisper to Lucas. I shouldn’t be standing so close to him. This is making it so hard to remember that we’re just supposed to be friends.

  “Drama people are superstitious,” he whispers back. His breath tickles the curve of my ear. “You’re supposed to call it the Scottish play. If you say its name in a theater, it’s bad luck.”

  “Like this theater needs any more bad luck,” I say, looking up at the lights. A tiny, vicious thought pops up in my brain. What if it wasn’t an accident?

  I try to ignore that wicked little thought.

  “Seriously, Natalie, maybe you should go sit down somewhere.”

  Raine and Starla have managed to sneak backstage where Lucas and I are standing. Starla attacks me with a hug. “Thank God you’re all right!” she says. “Lucas, why don’t you get her something to drink?”

  “Are you okay?” Raine asks.

  “Natalie, the theater director says you and Colton should be looked over by a doctor to make sure you’re both okay.”

  “I’m fine, Mrs. Green,” I say. “No gashes or concussions. No blood. No broken bones.”

  “Colton?” she asks, more worried for her nephew, I’m sure, than she’s worried about me.

  “I’m fine, too,” he says.

  I slip away from Mrs. Green while she checks Colton’s head for concussions anyway.

  Starla is staring at the broken rigging on the floor. “Maybe we should do an exorcism of the theater.”

  “An exorcism?” I sputter. “Are you two serious?”

  Lucas returns with a Diet Dr Pepper. “Here.” He smiles shyly when I take the bottle and stare at it. “I remembered.”

  “Thanks,” I say, gripping the cold bottle tightly. The fact that he remembered, even when my brother never does, makes my chest feel warm inside.

  “We can’t just sit back and watch the theater fall down around us,” Raine says.

  I take a step backward and my ankle decides to wobble at the wrong moment. Before I completely make an idiot of myself, Lucas rushes forward and catches me.