Maudlin's Mayhem (Bewitching Bedlam Book 2)

  “How the hell did he manage to conjure you out of the book, anyway? That kind of magic isn’t always looked on too highly.” Sandy didn’t sound all that pleased.

  “Ralph’s cousin did it. She’s some sort of dust queen…dust witch…” Snow paused. “I’m not sure of the technical term, but I didn’t even know about her till the other day when I found her in the back yard.”

  “So, she is a Dirt Witch.”

  “That’s right! Apparently she knows all sorts of tricks—”

  I stopped listening, staying very still on the sofa. I didn’t want Sandy to know I had heard her and Snow White talking. For one thing, I was pretty sure Sandy wouldn’t like it if I got up and ran over to Ralph’s and had a little talk with Honey. For another, my muscles felt frozen into place, and I needed to get up very slowly and stretch.

  “Tell you what. Let me call my assistant and have him take you all out for a drink. Maddy should be waking up soon, and when she does, I’ll see what she says. But for now, don’t mention the Dirt Witch to her. She’s been through a rough patch and really doesn’t need to hear that.”

  Snow agreed, and the next thing, I heard Sandy calling Alex, and then a taxi. She shooed Snow and the boys outside to wait for the cab and, in another five minutes, I heard her heading back toward the parlor. I slowly shuffled around, making noise, and yawned loudly.

  “Sandy? Sandy, are you still here?” I sounded like a bullfrog, my voice was still a bit tenuous.

  “Right here, Maddy. Are you all right? Do you need help?” She rounded the sofa, and I blinked, rubbing my eyes, and let her help me sit up.

  “I’m a little foggy, but overall, a lot better than…what time is it? How long have I been asleep?” I glanced at the clock. It was three-thirty. “Aegis! Did he—”

  “Don’t worry. I put him to bed in his lair for you. Good thing he trusts me,” Sandy said. She rubbed my back and shoulders for a moment. “So, is the Rutillite out of your system?”

  I closed my eyes. Stomach—check. Head—a little foggy, but check. Blood felt fine. Everything checked out except for the ache in my muscles, and that would work itself out as I moved around. Finally, I took a deep breath and my lungs felt fine.

  “I’m good.” I opened my eyes again. “What happened while I was asleep?”

  Sandy paused, then slowly said, “Snow showed up, looking for a room. Ralph apparently kicked her and the boys out when they refused to finish the movie.”

  I shrugged. “They can stay the night, I suppose.” I thought about pushing Sandy into telling me what I had overheard, but decided why bother. I had confirmation of who the Dirt Witch was, and that was the most important thing. “Did you call Garret?”

  “Yep, and he’s on his way over right now. He told me he’d be here around three-forty-five.” Right on cue, the doorbell rang. Sandy motioned for me to sit still. “I’ll get it. You just get used to being awake again.”

  I winced as I stretched my arms over my head. Then I stood and bent over, balancing myself on the edge of the sofa. The back of my legs ached, but the stretching began to ease the tight muscles and by the time Sandy re-entered the room, I was able to stand without pain. I looked a wrinkled mess, but with everything that had happened, I really didn’t give a damn.

  Garret nodded as he sat down on the sofa next to me. I motioned for him to wait a moment.

  “I’ll be right back. I had a rough night and just woke up. Excuse me.” I turned and hightailed it out of the room, heading for the downstairs bath. I needed to pee, and pee bad. Afterward, I washed my hands and splashed cold water on my face, blinking as it woke me up. I found a brush and tugged the snarls out of my hair, then took a washcloth to my underarms, given I didn’t have time to run upstairs and take a bath.

  Next stop was to pop into the laundry room, where I found a pair of clean jeans and a pair of panties in the dryer, along with a tank top. One of my bras was hanging up on the drying rack, and I quickly slipped out of my wrinkled clothes and into the clean ones. Feeling halfway presentable, I hurried back to the parlor.

  Garret was drinking a glass of wine, which Sandy had poured him. She held up the bottle. “Want one, Maddy?”

  “No, but I need caffeine, stat. Could you be a love and make me a latte?”

  She nodded, setting the wine on the sideboard. “How many shots?”

  “Four, and add in a couple shots of chocolate syrup, if you would.” I waited till she left, then turned to Garret. “I’m sorry I took so long. I had a run-in with somebody last night, and it left me knocked for a loop today.” I wasn’t about to explain any further to Garret, given I knew next to nothing about him, and to my relief, he didn’t ask.

  “No problem. Well, I have your hex-breaker for you.” He pulled out a paper bag and brought out a complex series of twigs and roots that had been intertwined in an intricate design. The wood practically glowed and I could feel the magic emanating off of it from where I sat.

  “What do I do with it?”

  “You burn it and breathe in the smoke. Anybody who got hit by the hex should do so as well. And the smoke will filter around your house and seek out any hidden elements of the hex and counter it.”

  Sandy reentered at that moment, handing me a large mug. “I heard the last of that. Does that mean that both Max and I should be here?”

  “Yes, and Bubba, even though we already broke the spell on him. I want him here just in case there’s any residue hiding in that little furbrain of his.”

  “I’ll call Max and have him pick up Bubba and head on over.” Sandy moved to one side.

  “Will this work on somebody who’s asleep?” I was thinking of Aegis. I really didn’t want to have to wait another moment to break the spell on any of us.

  “Yes ma’am, it will do that. And it’s simple enough. There are no incantations or anything else that you need to do to trigger it. The fire will be enough.” Garret leaned back with a satisfied smile. “It’s rare I get asked to make these anymore. At least around here. When I was younger, I helped my grandma make a lot of them. I guess back then, working roots was a pretty common way to get revenge on someone you were pissed at.”

  “What do I owe you for this?” I asked. I had asked before, but I wanted to make sure. I wasn’t sure where my purse was, but Sandy would know.

  But Garret surprised me again by shaking his head. “No charge. One thing I promised my grandma when I moved away was that I would help folks in need. She never worked roots against people—well, maybe a few, but they were always on the wrong end of a deal. She only went after those who took advantage of others. She made me promise when she passed on the power to me that I would use it wisely, and that when someone in real need asked, I would help. And I continue to keep that tradition. I make my money through the spells that shore people up, that nourish their lives.” He paused, then laughed and added, “And I grow a mighty fine strain of marijuana, should you ever feel the urge.”

  With that, he glanced at his watch. “I have to go. I have an appointment with my acupuncturist.”

  I stared at the hex-breaker. It was alive with energy, practically jumping in my hands. This would do the trick, that much I knew. I walked him to the front door and, when we were on the steps, out of earshot of Sandy, I said, “I found out who the Dirt Witch is. She’s new to town, and frankly, I’d like to send her packing. She hexed me for a relative of hers, someone with whom I have a rather fractious relationship.”

  Garret’s eyes twinkled. “Let me guess, a certain inn owner?” At my look, he shrugged. “I keep up on the local news.”

  “Ralph’s cousin…her name is Honey. I didn’t even think about her being the one. She’s probably part wood nymph, though I can’t be a hundred percent sure.”

  “If one wanted to drive out a Dirt Witch, one might want to find her grounding root. Sprinkle salt on it and it will wilt just like a snail or slug, and the Dirt Witch will leave.”

  “Grounding root? What?
??s that?”

  “Dirt Witches carry pots of soil from their home base with them—a lot like a vampire bringing his coffin with him. If you disrupt the soil, the Dirt Witch will have to leave because otherwise, they’ll lose their anchor to their center of power. And most Dirt Witches only carry one grounding root with them at a time. Otherwise, they’re too obvious.”

  I thought about the pot of soil Honey had been carrying earlier. Maybe it had been just dirt in a pot, or maybe… “How do I find it? Where would she keep it?”

  “Somewhere in the room she sleeps in. There’s no other way to protect it from either a stray animal chewing on it, or somebody coming along and dislodging it or trampling it. When you find the root,” Garret said, lowering his voice, “don’t wait. Just tip it over, find the root buried beneath the soil—there will be no plant growing off of it—and salt it with sea salt. Use a good cup at least, for a small pot. Mix the salt into the earth and rub the root with it. The root will look a lot like a scrawny, ghostly white potato. It’s usually twisted, as well.”

  He motioned to the sky. “Really, I have to leave now. But be careful. Even though she won’t have time to make another long-term hex—not if you confront her right away—that doesn’t mean this Dirt Witch won’t be able to attack you. Most are sweet on the surface and hard as nails beneath the veneer. Don’t let her throw you off guard or you could easily end up dead.”

  And with that, Garret headed down the steps to his car. I waved as he drove out of sight. First, I was going to break the curse on my household, and then, I was going after Honey. And if I could, I’d spank Ralph’s butt in the process.

  Chapter 19

  ON THE WAY back inside, I debated whether to tell Sandy what I was planning. But at least Garret had given me some useful information, and I planned to sneak over to Ralph’s after dark and deal with Honey. But first, I’d need to break the hex.

  Sandy was waiting for me as I entered the kitchen and sat down, nursing my latte. I glanced over at the clock. It was four-thirty.

  “How long till Max gets here?”

  “He said he’d be here by five. He’ll bring Bubba, though I warn you, Mr. Peabody’s wish is going to be with all of us for a while. I’m looking for a scent-removal spell, because most of the cleaning products don’t work worth a damn.” She laughed. “You should have seen it, Maddy. Mr. Peabody was grooming Bubba’s belly and then…there was this look. I happened to catch it. Bubba looked like the cjinn that ate the canary and then, boom. Mr. Peabody started racing around like he was high on X, and then he started scenting every which way. I think more out of excitement rather than anything else.”

  “I don’t smell much skunk on you.”

  “That’s because I managed to dart out of the way before I got hit too bad, and I used a spell to drive the air the other direction. I blew out two windows with that gust, but it drove the scent out into the yard. Unfortunately, Alex and Bubba were in the way and both got showered.”

  I decided right there that until Bubba and I had a little talk, that would be the last play date he had with Mr. Peabody. Some people—and creatures—just shouldn’t be handed their heart’s desire, especially when the answer to the wish came from anybody in the efreeti world, be it an efreet, djinn, cjinn, or any other variant.

  I stared at my drink, thinking through what we needed to do. “We have to bring Aegis out of his lair, into the main room of the basement. There aren’t any windows in the primary room, so if we shut off the third door, we should be safe enough. I need to burn this hex-breaker and we all need to cloak ourselves in the smoke. I think I’ll put it in a wok, light it on fire, cover it briefly to build up the smoke, and then we can all gather around it and take off the lid. That way the smoke should billow up over us all.”

  Sandy laughed. “Wok this way?”

  I stuck my tongue out at her. “Dream on.”

  “Oh, let’s not get started,” she said. We could play the song title game for hours when we were drunk. “So tell me, just when are you going to sneak over to Ralph’s to take care of his cousin?”

  I blinked. She was on to me. “How did you know?”

  “Oh, give me a break. I knew you heard me talking to Snow White. I was just waiting for you to ask me to help you out. Honey’s a Dirt Witch and she’s a nasty one, at that.” Sandy shrugged. “Since we can’t really prove anything so that Delia can kick her out, we take care of the matter ourselves.”

  “Right, but…” I paused, then laughed. “Okay, we need a distraction for Ralph while I search for Honey’s pot.”

  Sandy sniggered. “Oh, I’m sure she’ll like that.”

  I swatted her. “No, really,” I said, laughing. “Garret told me how to deal with a Dirt Witch. She’s got a pot with her root in there…”

  “Oh, sugar, this is sounding better and better.” By now, Sandy was leaning back, cackling loud enough that I thought she might have laid an egg. Her laughter was infectious, and by the time we managed to get hold of ourselves, Max was knocking at the back door, Bubba’s carrier gingerly in hand.

  I let him in, wiping my eyes. I had needed that laugh. The moment I opened the door, a waft of fetid sickly scent washed in, thanks to Bubba, and I groaned, taking the carrier from the weretiger.

  “Dude, I’m sorry. I had no idea Bubba was going to be so strongly…scented.”

  “Yeah, well next time he and Mr. Peabody have a party, maybe they could leave the party favors at home?” Max shook his head. “Sandy said something about a hex-breaker?”

  “Right. Come on, let’s head down in the basement now that we’re all here. Sandy, can you grab the wok?” I picked up the bag with the root charm in it in one hand, and Bubba’s carrier with the other. “Come on, twerp. We’re heading for the basement.”

  Bubba stared at me through the carrier, trying to appear blasé. But he let out a little “Mrrr” and I realized he knew he had gone too far.

  “Yeah, that’s right. Always apologize after the fact, just like most men. Can you just once restrain that ticklish tummy of yours? You don’t have to go offering everybody the chance to—” I stopped at Bubba’s wide-eyed look. I knew full well that he had been entirely aware of what he was doing, yet he looked so hangdog that I felt sorry for him. “Okay, you win. I trust that you’re sorry. But buddy, if you want to play with Mr. Peabody, you can’t do that again. Promise?”

  Bubba regarded me for a moment, then said, “Purp.”

  “All right. I am taking your word on this.” I flipped on the light switch leading to the basement and cautiously descended, making certain that both Bubba and the hex-breaker reached the bottom step without incident. This was the one part of the house that I still wasn’t comfortable with, and I never felt entirely secure down here. Neither Aegis nor I could figure out why—he felt secure as far as having his lair here, but there was an odd feel to the basement and I always had the sensation that I was being watched.

  It suddenly struck me that Franny might have been affected by the hex, though it seemed like a long shot. “Franny? Franny!”

  “Yes?” She appeared at the bottom of the steps. We had already had the talk about not showing up right behind me when I was descending a steep staircase.

  “I want you to stick around, if you would. Just in case. I want to make certain that, on the off chance you were affected by the hex, that we clear your aura as well.”

  She actually smiled at me. “Thank you, Maudlin. I appreciate you thinking about me, given I’m just a ghost.” It was both so self-deprecatory but so genuine that I had no clue how to answer.

  “Yes, well…” I trailed off as I reached the bottom and she pulled back. We had also already had the I don’t want to walk through you talk, and she had stopped darting through people.

  Max and Sandy followed, brushing a few stray cobwebs out of the way. No matter how hard I tried, I never seemed to be able to keep the basement fully clean. If we finished it and cleared out all the rest of the c
lutter from years gone by, I supposed it would be another matter. And if we put in a decent ceiling that covered some of the beams…

  Shaking my head, I returned my focus to the matter at hand. I set Bubba’s carrier down on one of the tables. “Listen, you stay put, all right? I’ll let you out in a few minutes.”

  Bubba ignored me, licking one of his paws. He looked rather disgusted.

  “That’s what you get for giving Mr. Peabody back his scent glands. I hope you remember your promise in the future.” I pointed toward another table that was out in the open, away from anything flammable. “Go ahead and put the wok there.”

  Sandy did. “What do you want to use as a fire starter?”

  “I’m fire starter enough. Max, can you open up one of the folding tables and arrange it near the wok? We have to have something big enough to hold Aegis when he returns to his natural form.”

  While Max did as I asked, I headed into Aegis’s lair and gently picked up the sleeping bat. He was pretty much dead to the world. I carried him gently into the main room and arranged him on the table. Then, motioning for Sandy and Max to stand next to him, I shook the hex-breaker out of the sack and placed it in the wok. It fit just fine. The roots were so intricately woven and so pretty that, for just a moment, I felt sad that I had to burn it. But only for a moment. The second I glanced over at Aegis and remembered just how much havoc Honey and Ralph had caused, I was ready to burn the hell out of it.

  I was going to have to do something about that damned satyr, but it would take a while to figure out just how to put a stop to the stupid feud. I had been willing to let it rest after the Rachel incident, but he just couldn’t let go of the rivalry and jealousy that the Bewitching Bedlam was doing a good clip of business.

  “Are we ready? Garret said I don’t need to do anything except light the thing on fire and let the smoke seep into the timbers of the house and over those directly affected. Thornton was also a victim—and here I thought Essie had killed him—but he’s so much dust now.”