Maudlin's Mayhem (Bewitching Bedlam Book 2)

  I licked my lips, trying to figure out what to say. As far as I knew, cjinns couldn’t turn into human form, so what the hell had happened? Had he made a wish and rubbed his own belly?

  No, a voice inside whispered. That’s ridiculous. He’s been with you for over three hundred years. If he had wanted to be human all that time, he would have become human sooner. Bubba gets what Bubba wants, usually.

  I gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you really Bubba?”

  He wrinkled his nose, frowning. “Bubba. Who else would I be?” And then he held out his hand, examining his fingernails. As he brought his fingers to his mouth and started licking them, I could only stare, trying to figure out just what the fuck to do.

  He rolled to a sitting position, turning his head to the side. His tongue darted in and out a few times. Finally, with a frustrated look, he turned to me. “I can’t reach my shoulder. How do you ever stay clean? You smell so good, I know you’ve figured out a way. Though I never see you grooming.” He leaned forward, and I knew where he was aiming.

  “Stop that!”

  He blinked, straightening up. “Why?”

  “You can’t reach your balls, thank gods.” The thought of him “grooming” himself the way he knew how sent a freak flush through me and I stumbled to my feet. “Bubba—if you are indeed my Bubba—you can’t groom yourself with your tongue right now. Do you understand what’s happened?”

  “No, only that you seem to understand me better than usual.” He gave me a squirrelly look. “What do you mean, ‘what’s happened’?”

  “Don’t you see the difference?”

  “What difference?” Again, the confused, suspicious stare.

  I reached for his hand. “Here, give me your…paw. Please?”

  He cautiously reached out and took my hand. “What’s going on? I feel strange.” He was starting to sound a little freaked out.

  “I know you do, Bub. Come on.” I pulled him off the bed. He stumbled a little like a toddler trying to take steps as I led him over to my vanity. I took him by the shoulders, moving him so that he was facing the mirror. “Do you know what a mirror is?”

  “The see-yourself glass? Yeah.”

  “Look at yourself, Bubba. What do you see?” I stepped away in case he freaked out.

  Bubba raised his eyes, staring at his reflection in the mirror. One blink. Two blinks. On the third, he let out a shriek. “Oh hell, oh hell, what the hell? What the hell happened to me? I’m so butt ugly. I’m one of you!” He whirled around, pointing at me, and promptly unbalanced himself so that he went tumbling forward, faceplanting on the floor.

  “Ow! I meant to do that!” he mumbled.

  I knelt as he turned over, groaning and reaching for his groin. “That hurt, Maddy. I hurt myself.”

  “I know, Bub. And yeah, somehow you’ve been turned into human form. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll find out. Meanwhile, let’s get you up and get some pants on you—don’t protest. You can’t walk around with your dick hanging out for everybody to see.”

  Bubba sat up, looking terribly forlorn. He glanced up over at me, then rubbed his head against my arm. “I’m scared. I’ve never changed shapes before. I don’t like it.”

  I held his head, comforting him. “I know, Bub. I know.”

  THORNTON RETURNED, BRINGING with him a robe and some underpants. They had to be his, because Aegis usually went commando. “Here, I brought a couple things for him to wear. Both Aegis and Sandy are on the way.”

  “Pet me?” Bubba’s head butted my leg. He was lying down, and he reached out to grab hold of my ankle.

  “Bubba, you need to let go. Come on, stand up. Pretty please?” I cajoled him to his feet and, with Thornton’s help, got him into the underwear and the robe, neither of which he liked.

  “This binds. This is stupid. Why do you wear this? I want pets. I want my belly rubbed.” He continued to grumble, tugging at the legs of the briefs, until we got him back to the bed.

  I motioned for him to sit down. “Just rest for a moment, Bub. I need to think.”

  What could cause a cjinn to turn into a human? And how was I going to return him to his regular form? This was going to take some doing. I ran through any number of spells that could turn an animal into a human, but they didn’t quite fit. For one thing, Bubba was a cjinn. Any typical spell that worked on animals wouldn’t be able to affect a magical creature. For another, even if it was a spell, who the hell had cast it—and how?

  “Snow.”

  “What?” Thornton asked.

  “The only stranger I’ve had in this house in the past twenty-four hours has been Snow and her dwarves. Damn it, I knew better than let them stay here. You watch Bubba. Don’t let him leave this room—and no matter how much he begs, do not rub his stomach!” I headed for the door, slamming it behind me. As I rounded the corner of the second-story hall, I was ready to wipe my feet on the first person to cross me.

  I came to Snow’s door. There was a lot of whispered giggling inside and the sudden belief that they were rehearsing a scene under my roof filled me with rage. I slammed open the door, ready to order the entire lot outside. But instead of an orgy, the eight of them were sitting around on the bed and chairs, eating pizza and playing poker. A pile of pennies and nickels sat between them, and they all looked startled when I came barging into the room.

  “Maudlin? Is everything all right?” Snow frowned, standing.

  “You’re all clothed.”

  “We tend to wear clothes when we play poker. Why, what’s going on? Do you want us to get naked for you?”

  One of the dwarves—I had no clue which one, except he was the most gorgeous of the group—winked at me.

  “No! I don’t want you naked! And I don’t want my cjinn naked either, especially in human form. Who’s the wiseass who turned him into a human? I want you to reverse the spell immediately.” I ran out of breath at the same time I ran out of steam.

  Snow shook her head. “What are you talking about? None of us work magic. I’m a princess. These guys are dwarves and you know very well just how well dwarves and magic get along. As in, not so much.”

  I held her gaze. Her eyes were clear and she was telling the truth.

  “You really didn’t do it,” I said.

  “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, but no. I didn’t do anything to you or whoever it is you’re worried about.” She gave me a cool stare. “The only one I’d like to do something to is Ralph. And it’s not what he’s been begging for.”

  I paused, thinking. “I might be able to help you on that, but first I have to take care of a problem.”

  “Listen, hon,” Snow said in a waitress-friendly voice, “if you can help me exact some revenge on him, then I’m forever in your debt.”

  “Right. I’ll think about what we can do. Meanwhile, sorry for barging in on you.” I hurried out the door, closing it softly behind me. As I headed downstairs, I stopped at my room and motioned to Bubba. “Come on, Bubba. We’re going to the kitchen.”

  “Food? Time to eat?” He jumped up, his eyes bright, and shot past me, out of the room, thundering down the stairs.

  I facepalmed, shaking my head. “What am I going to do, Thornton?”

  “Feed him?” Thornton gave me a blank look.

  “Wiseass. Come on, help me corral him before he damages anything.” I froze. “What do I do if he still has his powers?”

  “Might I suggest Valium?” And with that, Thornton motioned to the door. “Go.”

  By the time we got to the kitchen, Bubba was sitting on the counter, opening his third can of cat food. “I’ve got thumbs!” He hadn’t eaten any of them, yet, but seemed entranced with the idea of being able to open his own breakfast.

  I quickly took the cans away. “Hold on now, Bubs. You’re in human form now. We don’t eat cat food.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s not formulated for hum
an bodies.” It seemed the easiest explanation all the way around. I swept the cans off the counter, handing them to Thornton. “I’ll make you something to eat.” At Thornton’s laugh, I turned around. “I can cook eggs. I can make a sandwich.”

  “Why don’t you and Bubba sit down at the table and I’ll make him a sandwich.” Thornton shooed us out of the kitchen proper.

  I led Bubba over to the kitchen table and motioned for him to sit down. “So. Bubba, can you tell me anything about what happened? Did someone come in the room? Do you know if they cast a spell on you? Earlier today you didn’t seem to be feeling well. What was wrong?”

  Bubba tilted his head, staring at me sideways. “You look different now. Smaller.” He paused, then said, “I remember feeling tired and I just wanted to sleep. When I woke up, everything looked different.” He wrinkled his nose. “My nose—something’s wrong. I can’t smell nearly as much as usual.”

  “That’s because humans don’t have the ability to smell as much as a cat does, Bub. And even though you’re a cjinn, your body’s used to doing cat-stuff.”

  Thornton brought over the sandwich and set it down in front of Bubba just as Aegis came in the backdoor. He took one look at Bubba, who was still wearing the robe and boxers, and his jaw dropped.

  Bubba poked at the sandwich. “How do I eat that?”

  “Pick it up in your paws…your hands. Hold it, and bite into it,” Thornton said, showing him how to hold the sandwich.

  I motioned for Aegis to follow me into the dining room. “We have a problem.”

  “What happened?” Aegis peeked around me, staring back into the kitchen. “Are you sure that’s him? Bubba is a California boy?”

  “Apparently so. And yeah, trust me. Bubba tried to groom himself and it was obvious he hadn’t realized that he wasn’t as bendy as he usually is. He’s scared and he’s grumpy.” My smile faded. “I have to find out what’s going on. The only person I can think of who might try to do this to him is Snow—and I confronted her. I’m convinced it wasn’t her. Or maybe Ralph.”

  “Why would Ralph turn Bubba into a human?” Aegis paused. “Don’t tell me you went over there? Maddy, I thought we talked about this—”

  “No, you talked about it. And for what it’s worth, Snow wants a little bit of payback on Ralph as well. I don’t think she appreciates her starring role in Snow White and the Seven Whorves.” I shook my head. “But Ralph couldn’t have done this either, because I came home from his place to find Bubba transformed. I’m worried about him. What if this is permanent? What if he’s really sick?”

  “Call the doctor and ask if he can see you for an emergency visit. I’ll pay for it.” Aegis motioned to my phone. “Go on, call.”

  The front door opened and Sandy came in. I motioned for her to talk to Aegis as I put in a call to Dr. Farrows and begged him to come over.

  “He’ll be here in twenty minutes,” I said as I hung up.

  Aegis had filled Sandy in while I was on the phone and now, she was staring into the kitchen. “I can’t believe that’s Bubba,” she whispered.

  “Believe it. And I want to know how and why. Let’s go in. I warn you, he’s still very much Bubba the cat.” I glanced at Aegis, who smiled.

  Thornton was back at the counter with Bubba’s sandwich. “Apparently, Bubba does not like pickles. Or tomatoes.”

  “More meat. And whatever that white goop is, I don’t like it.” Bubba was examining his nails. “Why are these so short?”

  “Because—white goop?”

  “Mayo,” Thornton said. “Noted: Bubba doesn’t like pickles, tomatoes, or mayo.”

  Aegis pulled me aside. “Before I forget, here—put this in your purse.”

  I glanced at the piece of paper. It was a check for twenty-five thousand dollars. “You have to be joking.”

  “Nope. That should tide you over till they get your money back, and if it doesn’t, there’s more where that came from. Put it in your purse and don’t leave it lying around.” He sat down next to Bubba. “Hey, Bubba. You know who I am?”

  “Vampire. Aegis. You do things to Maddy.” His eyes flashed.

  “Enough about that!” I dove into the conversation. “We really don’t need to rehash what you’re used to watching.” I decided right then and there, once we had Bubba back into his usual form, he wasn’t going to hang out in the bedroom with us when we were having sex. Nope.

  Sandy stifled a laugh. “Bubba, did Maddy ask you if any strangers came near you today? Or even last night? Or, did anybody rub your belly and make a wish?”

  Bubba pulled open his robe to flash his six-pack abs. “You want to rub mah belleh?” His eyes were wide as he patted his stomach.

  “I swear, it’s like breathing, isn’t it?” Sandy glanced over at me.

  I nodded. “I think getting people to rub his belly is an innate part of his nature.” To Bubba, I said, “Close the robe, Bubs. We’re not rubbing your belly. Why do you even want your belly rubbed?”

  Bubba smiled at me. “Because, you rub my belly, I make your wishes happen. It’s what I do. Maddy, I don’t like being human.” He rubbed his belly, but nothing happened and his smile slid away and he started fidgeting, looking anxious. Before I could answer, he had slid under the table with his new, meat-heavy sandwich.

  “Where is that doctor?” I motioned for Sandy and Aegis to back away. Bubba was nervous, I could tell that much. It had to be scary, and I was beginning to realize just how much the cjinn relied on the feline part of himself. Bubba could never manage as a human because he wasn’t human by nature. He needed his cat form to feel secure.

  “Watch for the doctor, would you?” I nodded to Sandy and she headed to the front door. I turned back to the table and slowly got down on my hands and knees, crawling under the table with Bubba. He had finished his sandwich and now he gave me a wide-eyed look and curled up on the floor, his head on my lap. I stroked his hair, feeling sorry for him. He really didn’t understand what was happening and while we could talk to him now, he seemed more confused than when he was in his cat form.

  “It’s okay, Bubs. We’ll find out what’s going on. I’ll figure out how to make it right.” I hated promising something I wasn’t sure I could deliver, but he seemed so forlorn.

  “I’m scared, Maddy.” He sniffled and I realized he was crying. I rubbed his ears, hoping that the familiar sensation would calm him down.

  Aegis peeked under the table. “I’m going to look around the house and see if I can find anything that might suggest why this happened.”

  “Thanks. Something had to trigger this.” I paused as the doorbell rang. “Hold on, that might be the doctor.”

  Sure enough, it was Farrows. Short, with black wavy hair and a ruddy face, he was a youngish doctor, or looked youngish, but I knew that he was a powerful witch—a healer by specialty—and he was probably older than I was. He entered the kitchen.

  “So, you said you have a sick cjinn? Where is the little guy?” He was talking to Aegis, who pointed under the table at us.

  “He’s right here, Dr. Farrows. Bubba wasn’t feeling good, and then, tonight, we’re not sure what happened but he ended up in human form. Come on, Bubs, let the doctor look at you.” I tapped on Bubba’s shoulder.

  He shook his head. “No. Don’t know him.”

  “Bubba, you need to let the doctor examine you. He might be able to tell what’s going on.” I used my I mean business voice. Bubba glanced up at me and I gave him a stern look.

  “Don’t want to,” he grumbled, but crawled out from under the table.

  The doctor stared at him for a moment. Then, without a word, he set his bag on the table and opened it. He draped a stethoscope around his neck, and then took out several interesting-looking instruments. I wasn’t sure what they were, but he laid them out on a cloth on the table.

  “Come on, Bubba. Let me take a look at you.” Dr. Farrows had a soothing voice, and Bubba slowly responded, allowing the do
ctor to steer him to a chair.

  Bubba sat very still, staring straight ahead as the doctor checked his heart, ears, eyes, and then held a square electronic gadget against Bubba’s chest, looking at the screen on the front of it as it registered a number of waves that looked like sine curves. After making a few notes, he took out a circlet made out of some sort of metal and fitted it around Bubba’s head. He pressed a button on the side of it and stared at his tablet. I peeked over his shoulder and saw a number of undulating curves rolling by on a graph. Finally, the doctor cajoled Bubba into letting him take a quick blood sample, to which he added a pale blue powder. The blood foamed up and turned bright magenta.

  “I think we’ve found the problem with this…little…guy. He’s under a curse.” Dr. Farrows turned to me. “He’s the victim of a hex, though I’m not sure what kind yet.”

  I stared at Bubba. “He’s been hexed? Who on earth would have want to hex my cjinn? Can you do anything? Is this hurting him?”

  “First, yes, it can harm him if he stays too long away from his natural form. His magic stems from his very nature. He can’t use his magic now, and the longer he stays in human form, the more chance there is he’ll lose it altogether, even if he does transform back. Also, his mindset isn’t geared toward being human. This is causing him great distress.” He paused, looking at Bubba, who was staring at him, eyes wide with fear.

  “Bubba, you stay here, all right?” The doctor motioned to me. “Let’s talk in the other room.”

  I followed him into the living room. “What can you do for him? Can you break the hex?”

  “Not at this point, but what I can do is to place him in stasis. That will keep him from panicking and it will prevent the hex from draining his magic. But I can only keep him that way a couple weeks. If Bubba were human to begin with and changed into a cat—or a cjinn—it would be different. He would still have the mental and emotional facilities to cope with this. Humans and other bipeds are much more open to change. But cats…and cjinns…they’re creatures of habit and routine. Stress that routine to any significant degree and it can send them into shock.”