SW01 - The Edge of Nowhere

  Then he nodded to someone sitting in the front row in the audience. Jenn McDaniels rose and walked up the steps and onto the stage.

  JENN WAS CARRYING a clipboard. She strutted to the lectern. She seemed to be enjoying her moment of importance. To Becca, she was exactly like a high-tension wire, filled with energy but lethal if you got too close.

  Jenn said into the microphone, “Okay, here’s the deal,” as if they were talking about a business transaction. “We need people up in Coupeville with Derric as much as possible because, like, the doctors are saying that one of the ways to bring him back is going to be to talk to him and to read to him and to play him music and whatever else. And this is where this comes in.” This was her clipboard, which she held up for the other students to see. “I’m organizing our part of the deal to bring him back, and here’s how it’ll work.”

  A little buzz went around the theater as students spoke quietly to one another. Jenn kept talking. Up there, Becca figured she wouldn’t be able to hear them. What she also definitely wouldn’t be able to hear was the louder buzz that accompanied the students’ murmurs. This was their whispers, and they were mostly about what Derric’s father had said versus what he probably meant. These whispers began to fight with their murmurs, which made a whirlpool out of the air. Everything seemed to switch, to be about Derric and Jenn and Jenn and Derric and what it meant that Jenn was up there on the stage ordering everyone around because who’s she think . . . what’s the story . . . geez you can only tell . . . so obvious . . . The very atmosphere in the auditorium became hot and swirling for Becca as the real murmurs and the accompanying whispers were joined by questions from the audience, which then were joined by sue the whole place . . . on my watch . . . Dave Dave please . . . job on the line . . . you made this happen . . . And then one of them came through so loud that it might have been shouted on a megaphone and this was know when we trace that cell phone to whoever used it . . .

  Which was the last whisper that Becca heard before she fainted.

  THE NURSE’S OFFICE turned out to be just down the hall from the registrar. Two senior boys carried Becca there, which was more embarrassing for her than having fainted in the first place.

  The nurse had seriously bad coffee breath, but at least she was nice. She told the boys to set Becca down on the narrow bed and she put her hand on Becca’s forehead. She said, “You’re burning. We’ll need to call your mom. I don’t think I know you. What’s your name?”

  “Becca King. But I’m okay. I’ve got a test this morning and—”

  “Nervous about that?” The nurse plopped a digital thermometer into her mouth.

  Becca didn’t want her temperature taken. She didn’t feel hot. On the contrary, she was so freezing cold that her teeth were chattering. She said, “I’ll be okay in a minute. I freaked out because of the stupid test.”

  The nurse tucked a blanket around her and said, “Sit tight. Keep that in your mouth. I need to get your information.” Then she left the room and went in the direction of the registrar’s desk.

  Becca felt panic on its way. There was no information to be gotten from the registrar. Beyond that little problem, she’d been meant to keep her head below the radar on Whidbey Island, and so far she was failing at this. First making that cell phone call from Saratoga Woods, then running away from the woods when the cops were on their way, and now this. Feeling light-headed was one thing. Fainting in the presence of the entire student body of South Whidbey High School was another.

  She wanted to leave the nurse’s office, but she knew that could make things worse. She decided she had no choice but to wait, see what would happen next, and plan how to bluff her way out of trouble. What happened next surprised her, however.

  The nurse returned. Shaking her head, she said, “Ms. Ward says she’s got the lock stuck on her K filing cabinet, if you can believe it. She should have filled out a card for you, but she’s behind in her work. Well, aren’t we all?” She went to a desk. She took out the slim volume that was the island phone directory and said, “You’re lucky you happened to faint today. I get shared with the middle school, so if you’d fainted tomorrow you’d be flat out of luck.” She flipped the phone book open. “You’re Debbie Grieder’s niece, I understand from Ms. Ward. I know Debbie. You belong to her brother?”

  “Sister,” Becca said, recalling Debbie’s words to Ms. Ward.

  “Oh!” said the nurse and knotted her eyebrows thoughtfully.

  “Anyway,” Becca said quickly, “I’m feeling okay now. I c’n go to class.” She took the thermometer from her mouth. The nurse came over, took it from her, carried it back to the light. She studied it and said, “Uh-huh. Looks like you’re fine. You were awful hot, though.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. I think it was that, the test, and the heat in the theater.”

  “You need to eat breakfast. You girls. Always trying to lose weight.” The nurse’s face got altered to an assessing look. “Is that what you’re doing? Are you avoiding breakfast because you’re losing some weight?”

  Becca only wished. She said, “As if.”

  “What d’you mean?”

  “Look at me. I know that I’m fat.”

  The nurse set the thermometer down on her desk. What the heck was in her movements even if it hadn’t burst between them. She came back to the bed and told Becca to stand. She eyed her, held her wrist, circled her fingers around it, delicately pinched the flesh of her arm. She said, “Where on earth did you get the idea that you’re fat? You’ve just got a big frame. It’s called being full bodied. Believe it or not, it’s the way women were intended to look at one time. All you need to do with what you’ve got is to distribute things. You exercising, dear?”

  “Riding a bike every day.”

  “So give that a month. You’ll be in fine shape. Meantime, here. Take this.” She brought an energy bar out of her pocket and handed it over. “And don’t skip breakfast again, okay? Hang on a second. You’ll need a pass back to class.”

  The pass in hand, Becca headed out. The way took her past the school’s main reception desk, where Hayley was once again seeing to phones. Jenn was there, too, with her clipboard in hand, and she was giving the sign-up list to Hayley. This prompted Becca to pause and to say, “I’d like to sign up to visit Derric, too.”

  Hayley looked up. She smiled and said, “You’re Becca. I remember from your first day. That’s real nice of you to want to help out. Because you’re new here, and everything.”

  “Derric showed me around. I have Eastern Civilization with him. And Yearbook.”

  “And she’s totally hot for him,” Jenn added with a roll of her eyes. “As if.”

  Hayley handed the list to Becca and Becca signed beneath Hayley’s name. She avoided looking at Hayley, recalling what Seth had said about her and Derric. All the time, she tried to ignore the gutter whispers that were coming from Jenn. It was difficult to do. They were stronger than ever.

  She handed the list back. Jenn snatched it like someone who’s having their kidnapped baby returned. She stalked off while Hayley said quietly to Becca, “He’s a nice guy. I can understand why you like him.”

  It was a kind thing to say, and Becca could tell that Hayley was sincere in saying it. The words made her wonder, though. Was Hayley hooked up with Derric or was she not? Becca wanted to talk to the older girl, even though, like before, a strange form of sadness came off her like the scent of fading violets. But she had to get to class because the teacher was Mr. Powder, who was going to look at her pass from the nurse and do the math on how long it would have taken her to walk from the nurse to his classroom.

  Jenn waylaid her just outside the administration office. She said, “Let’s walk together to class, okay, Beck-kuh?” She accompanied this with more gutter whispers about Becca’s size and the clothes she was wearing.

  On top of everything else that morning, this was finally too much for Becca. She fumbled in her pocket for the earphone to the AUD box
, and she shoved it into her ear. The AUD box was where it always was, on the waistband of her jeans, and she felt for the volume nob and turned it up full blast. The static obscured what Jenn was thinking, but it did nothing to hide what she wanted to say.

  “Thought I’d fill you in on something before you buy your wedding dress, Beck-kuh. I hope that’s okay with you ’cause I hate to destroy your dreams.”

  “Whatever,” Becca said.

  “Good. Smart, too. ’Cause one of the cheerleaders—a chick called Courtney—is after Derric and everyone knows it. And between her and you, who do you think he’d choose?”

  * * *

  SEVENTEEN

  Jenn McDaniels or no Jenn McDaniels, Hayley Cartwright or a cheerleader called Courtney, Becca was determined to get to Coupeville in order to see Derric.

  School wasn’t the same without him. She missed the safety she felt when he was near. She missed the warmth coming off him and the scent that seemed to hang in the air around him. She missed the way that he was special to her in a manner that other boys had never been special.

  The intense interest in Derric’s condition faded after a few days at the high school. Other things rose to take the place of what had happened in Saratoga Woods. Football games and pep rallies distracted the other students. Homecoming was hanging out there in the near future as well. But these things didn’t concern Becca. She didn’t expect to be asked to homecoming, not with how she looked. She wasn’t exactly dating material these days.

  She hadn’t seen Seth Darrow since the night that Debbie had come upon them in room 444. Ever since then, Becca had done what she could to soothe Debbie’s concerns about her hanging around with Seth. She’d gone to school, come home to the motel, done her homework, played with Chloe, tried to reassure Josh about his Big Brother’s condition, and cleaned the rooms of departing guests. But having committed herself to helping Derric in his recovery, she had to get to Coupeville where the hospital was, and she figured Seth was her best way to do that.

  She remembered what he’d told her about the place called South Whidbey Commons: It was where kids from Langley tended to hang out.

  Some days after Derric’s father had spoken to the assembly, Becca went in search of Seth. She’d finished her work cleaning the rooms of departed guests, and she popped into the motel office to tell Debbie what she was off to do. Debbie wasn’t there, so she left a note. She was careful to tell her the full truth of the matter: She was finding Seth Darrow to see if he could take her up to Coupeville and show her where the hospital was. He could also show her where to catch the bus so that when it was time for her to sit with Derric during his recovery, she’d be able to get up there to do so. Then she left the motel.

  South Whidbey Commons sat on Second Street, a converted cottage that did quadruple duty as a coffeehouse, a secondhand bookstore, and an art gallery, as well as a gathering place for young people. It was painted the color of mustard, with tables and chairs in its front garden.

  Inside, Becca found Seth in the farthest back room, playing guitar. He was accompanied by another boy on the mandolin. A third played bass. They were very good, creating a complicated kind of music similar to that which Becca had heard that day on her way to the woods with Seth. It was a cross between jazz and flamenco, and she hung back listening. Seth saw her and nodded hello. When their piece was finished, the three boys talked, their heads together. They scribbled a few notes on their music and then agreed “to meet at Mukilteo Coffee tomorrow for another session.” They high-fived each other and packed up their instruments.

  Becca sat down next to Seth. Some of his hair was loose from his ponytail, and he shoved this roughly behind his ear. He said, “Hey. What’s happening?”

  “You guys are good.”

  Seth looked pleased. “It’s Django Reinhardt,” he reminded her. “Gypsy jazz. What’re you up to?”

  She told him what she needed: a ride to Whidbey General Hospital and someone willing to show her where to get the bus that would take her there later on and bring her back to Langley. She asked him if he had the time to help her out, and he said, “Sure. Give me a couple minutes.”

  She said, “I’ve got money for the gas,” and she brought a crumpled five-dollar bill from her pocket.

  He said, “No big deal. Put your money away.”

  She said, “Where’s Gus?”

  He shook his head. “My granddad’s still got him.”

  Seth packed up his music and folded the music stand. He put his guitar in its case and slid the room’s furniture back into place. When he got up to do this, Becca saw that he had on his feet those sandals that he always wore, and her insides lurched a little at the sight of them. She still hadn’t seen any sandals like them on anyone else’s feet. This worried her, but she shoved the worry aside.

  They went to the parking lot of the Star Store, where Seth’s ancient VW stood in well-polished splendor. On their way to the car, Becca told Seth about the school assembly although all the time she was thinking about what he had said about Hayley and Derric. She kept waiting for him to add more to what he’d already told her, but he said nothing. There were whispers coming from him, to be sure. Unfortunately, they seemed determined to be about Gus. Seth missed Gus. He wanted Gus back. He didn’t know how to convince his grandfather to hand Gus back to him.

  They were about to get into the VW when Becca heard her name shouted joyously. She turned and saw Debbie Grieder approaching, with Chloe hanging on one hand and Josh on the other. Chloe had been the one to shout. Debbie released her, and she danced over to Becca.

  She said, “We’re going to Sweet Mona’s! We get to choose ice cream or a chocolate, don’t we, Grammer?” She turned to Debbie.

  “You do.” Debbie eyed Becca, then Seth, then Becca again.

  “We got our flu shots over at the clinic,” and here Chloe waved vaguely in the direction of the public library, “and Grammer said after we’d get to go to Sweet Mona’s. You want to come?”

  Becca was having a difficult time tracking all this because of the flood of everything else she was hearing. Sharpness was all around her in the form of he’s used that’s what . . . stop to this before things get worse . . . playing a head game . . . which smashed against messed-up chick and Sean and what’s her problem and out of luck. She couldn’t contend with the whispers and the talking, so she broke into both by telling Debbie about the note she’d left her at the motel

  When she mentioned Derric’s name, Josh’s eyes grew large. Could he go, too? he wanted to know. “I want to see Derric,” he told his grandmother. “Please? Please?”

  “Too young, Joshua,” Debbie said not unkindly. “They wouldn’t let you in, darlin’. But Becca’ll tell you how he is when she gets home. Tacos tonight,” she added to Becca. “Hope you can make it.”

  Becca said that she’d definitely be there. She didn’t expect to be gone that long, just up to Coupeville and back. She added, “What if I stop and get something for dessert?” as a try at firming up Debbie’s opinion of her.

  Debbie said, “Sure, that’d be nice. We’ll see you later, then.”

  Debbie didn’t move off with the kids, though. She seemed to be waiting for Seth to get into the car. When he did, she spoke again, her voice low so that only Becca could hear her. “Just be careful. Please. You don’t understand who this boy really is.”

  THEY WERE ON the main highway and heading north toward Coupeville before Becca decided to say something to Seth about Debbie’s final words to her. She asked him directly why it was that Debbie Grieder didn’t like him.

  He reached down for the heater knob of the old VW and he cranked it open. The days were getting colder now. This one was also looking like rain.

  “Drugs,” he said. “She thinks I’m into them. Because of Sean, her son. I used to know him. He taught me chess. He also dropped out of school like me. So . . .” Seth shrugged.

  “He’s the one in prison,” Becca said. “Josh and Chloe’s dad.”

 
A quick glance from Seth. “Debbie told you that? That part about prison?”

  “The kids said something. Isn’t it true?”

  “It’s true all right. Makes sense that it came from the kids and not Debbie. It’s pretty rough stuff for a mom to talk about.”

  “What’d he do?”

  “Flipped out on meth and assaulted a cop trying to get him into a patrol car. Practically strangled him. Went down for attempted murder. He’s doing hard time.” Seth slowed the car as someone ahead slam-braked for three deer crossing the highway. They’d emerged out of a mass of bracken, where the forest grew right up to the edge of the road. “That’s another side of Whidbey Island,” Seth said.

  For a moment Becca thought he was talking about deer and their sudden appearance in front of a car. But then he went on.

  “Sean got into meth a year after high school. Before that, he was fine. He did some weed and he drank a little, but nothing serious. Till meth. Made him someone he completely wasn’t. Well, that’s what meth does.”

  “How’d you find out? I mean, about the meth?”

  “Told you before. Sean taught me how to play chess. At South Whidbey Commons.”

  Becca wondered about this relationship that had existed between Seth and Debbie Grieder’s son. She wondered what it meant about Seth as anyone might have wondered when a connection to a methamphetamine addict is brought up in casual conversation.

  She said to Seth, “Did he . . . did Sean want you to do drugs, too?”

  He frowned. “I’m not a meth freak, if that’s what you’re thinking. I may look stupid to you, but I’m not an idiot. And I don’t do drugs.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean . . . It’s only that when someone drops out of school . . .”

  Seth punched the steering wheel lightly. “Learning disabilities, okay? I’ve got them from A to Z and school was hell. Dropping out had nothing to do with anything else.” He shook his head. “Let me tell you, I do not get why people think . . . Forget it.”