Tell Me Who I Am
“I envy him that.”
“Do you really? You know what, Max? I missed you a lot when you left, and I dreamt that we’d meet each other again one day. Then I stopped dreaming forever when I was in Moscow. I learned not to think about anything more than the present minute.”
“You’ve suffered a lot...”
Amelia shrugged, to show her indifference.
“I would like to see you again,” he said.
“Why?”
“To speak, to... Don’t make me feel like a little boy, is it so hard for you to see what you mean to me?”
“Goodness, what things you say!”
“You can scold me for lots of things, but whether or not you accept it, you still mean a great deal to me.”
“If fate hadn’t brought us together today we would never have seen each other again...”
“But fate decided differently, and here we are. May I invite you to take tea with me tomorrow in the Dorchester?”
“I don’t know, I can’t promise anything. It all depends on Albert.”
“You need his permission?”
“I need him.”
“I will be in the Dorchester at five o’clock tomorrow afternoon, I hope you can come.”
Baroness Ludovica von Waldheim came up to them with a determined stride.
“Remembering old times?” she asked ironically.
“I was just inviting the young lady to take tea with me, and I hope that she will accept my invitation. Who knows when we’ll see each other again?”
“Oh, destiny has her little whims! Don’t you think so, my dear?” the baroness said, drilling Amelia with her gaze.
“I try not to think about destiny when I am making my plans,” Amelia replied.
Albert James could not have cared too much about Baron von Schumann’s invitation, because he escorted Amelia to the Dorchester himself.
“I’ll come and pick you up in an hour,” he said, kissing her on the cheek after greeting Max von Schumann.
“I am so pleased that you’ve come,” Max said as soon as they were alone.
“Albert thought it was completely natural for us to have tea together, after I told him that we met each other in Buenos Aires and that we have mutual friends.”
“Mr. James is very understanding.”
“He’s an extraordinary man, the best I’ve ever met,” Amelia replied with a mild tang of irritation.
They spoke about the changes in their lives. He told her why he was in London and how his attempt to convince the British to stop Hitler had failed.
“I haven’t even managed to get them to listen to me, but I will carry on trying. Another member of our group will arrive in a few days and arrange more interviews with important people in the British government.”
“But the other night Sir Paul James said publicly that he was convinced that Hitler would provoke a war in Europe. How can you say that you’ve failed?”
“Sir Paul is an intelligent man, capable of seeing things clearly and of not insisting that things have to be as he would like them to be. But sadly, whether or not the British government takes our fears seriously doesn’t depend on him.”
“You know what? I’m surprised. I thought that you were a patriot, incapable of doing anything to harm Germany, but here you are, a soldier coming to Great Britain to ask the English to stop Hitler.”
“What I am doing is for Germany, and is precisely the reason why I am a patriot. Don’t think for a moment that it was easy to get permission to travel at a time like this, but I suppose that old noble families still have certain privileges, for all that Hitler hates us. Also, I have an excuse: Ludovica has a cousin married to an English count, and we are officially here to attend the baptism of their firstborn son.”
Then Max explained that he had made great efforts to find out what had happened to Herr Itzhak Wassermann, Amelia’s father’s partner, but that they had all been in vain. Helmut, Herr Itzhak’s employee, had told him that he did not know where the family was.
“He was scared, he didn’t trust me. Of course, nowadays, nobody trusts Germany. I wrote to you but I imagine you were no longer in Buenos Aires; you didn’t reply to my letter.”
An hour later, Albert James came to look for Amelia. Max invited him to take tea with them, he wanted to know what he thought about what was happening in Europe, and he was surprised when Albert said that he was thinking of going to Germany.
“Ludovica and I would be delighted to have you for dinner, and if we can be of any help...”
Amelia said nothing, it had been an even greater surprise for her to discover that Albert intended to go to Berlin, but she decided to say nothing.
Later, the journalist told her that when he finished writing up his articles on Spain, they would go to Ireland for a few days with his parents, and then would travel to Germany.
“There are lots of American papers that would like to know about Hitler and if he really has saved the country from the economic chaos it had fallen into. Will you come with me?”
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss seeing Berlin for anything in the world. Who knows, maybe I will be able to get Herr Helmut, Herr Itzhak’s employee, to tell me something. I miss Yla so much!”
It would be difficult to say that Albert and Amelia’s stay in Ireland was a success. Lady Eugenie, Albert’s mother, was a very stubborn woman, and although she greeted Amelia with a smile, it soon became clear that she did not consider her an adequate match for her son. Also, as Paul James had warned his nephew, the family had invited the Brians and their daughter Mary, who was, in Lady Eugenie’s opinion, a person who united in herself all the necessary qualities to become Albert’s wife.
There are certain passages in Lady Eugenie’s diary that give a very clear indication of what happened over those days.
Amelia is charming, I cannot deny that, but she is married, so there’s no other option for Albert than to break things off with her. As for Mary, I believe she is perfect for Albert. She is beautiful, well mannered, and comes from an excellent and well-connected family. Mary has been disappointed to see Albert so clearly infatuated with Amelia, and her parents are not comfortable with the situation either, which is why I have decided to make a move myself. I will speak with Albert tomorrow, and then with the Brians; they do not know that Amelia is married and I intend to tell them. As for Ernest, I do not know if he is to be relied upon, he has asked me not to play the matchmaker, and to respect our son’s decision, for all that he does not approve of Albert’s relationship with Amelia either. But Ernest is becoming very American, and he forgets that there are values and traditions that need to be maintained. A son must understand that whom he marries is not simply and exclusively his own decision, that he has to think of the family as well. But here it is not a question of making a decision between Mary and Amelia, because the Spanish girl is already married.
It was not easy to talk with Albert. I think that his education in the United States has made him rather unconventional. I told him that Amelia had my sympathy but that the relationship had no future.
“Will you agree not to have children?” I asked him.
Albert said nothing, I think that he had not thought about this before, or had not wanted to think about it.
“If you have children, you will make them bastards. Is that what you want?”
Then I reminded him of his obligations to the family, all the greater for his being an only child. Sadly I was unable to have more children and he now has to look after the family name and our property, for all that he says he is an American and he doesn’t believe in classes. Like it or not, he is a James.
It was not easy to talk with the Brians, either. I told them that Albert’s relationship with Amelia was nothing more than a childish infatuation. I think that they were calmer when they realized that, however much Albert might wish it, he cannot marry Amelia because she is married, and with Franco in power in Spain the chances of obtaining a divorce are nonexistent. They were very tact
ful and made no hurtful comments about Amelia. I asked Mary to be patient, telling her that men every now and then lose their heads for a woman, and that ladies like us need to accept these situations with good breeding. Better to pretend that nothing is happening than to make a scene or provoke a conversation which could lead to awkward truths being aired. Also, I am sure that hard as he may find it, and American as he may feel, Albert will do his duty by us.
Albert realized that he shouldn’t spend much longer in Ireland so as to avoid a direct confrontation with his mother, and so he decided to return to Paris before heading for Berlin.
On August 22, 1939, Hitler, in a speech aimed at the German High Command, made clear his intentions of invading Poland. One day later, August 23, Albert and Amelia were dining in Jean Deuville’s house. Amelia had remained friends with Pierre’s best friend. She was grateful, as was Albert, for the disinterested help that he had given her in Moscow to try to save Pierre’s life. Since Pierre’s death, it had been difficult for Jean to get over the things he had seen in Moscow, as he had discovered a side to Communism that terrified him.
As if this weren’t enough, Deuville had also heard that very day that Germany and the Soviet Union had signed a non-aggression treaty. Like so many other Communists he felt shaken, unable to find arguments to defend the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact.
Hitler was viciously attacking the German Communists, and it was impossible to understand how Stalin, against all his principles, was willing to give Hitler breathing space.
“How can you be so naïve?” Amelia said. “Don’t you see that Stalin is gaining time?”
“Time? What he’s doing is giving time to Hitler,” Jean Deuville complained.
“They will end up fighting each other, wait and see, this is just a tactical decision,” Amelia said.
“But what about his principles? I’m not one of those people who says that the end justifies the means.”
“You always were a romantic,” Albert interrupted, who had grown close to Jean after all they had been through in Moscow.
“Ideas cannot be tainted. How can I explain this pact to my friends, people whom I’ve convinced that Communism is the only idea that can build a new world? How can I ask them to carry on fighting against Fascism if Stalin makes a pact with Hitler?”
Jean Deuville was distraught and none of the arguments deployed by Amelia or Albert was able to calm him down. He was ideologically pure, so it was completely incomprehensible for him to imagine that Stalin, for whatever reason, had made a pact with Hitler.
When Amelia and Albert were preparing to leave the house after midnight, Jean hugged her for several minutes as if he wished he could keep her with him; then he shook Albert strongly by the hand and made him make a promise.
“Will you give me your word of honor that you will look after her?”
“That’s what I intend to do, to look after Amelia for the rest of my life,” Albert said solemnly.
“That’s a reassurance.”
Amelia was upset by Jean Deuville’s distress and above all by his way of saying goodbye.
“We mustn’t leave him alone,” she said to Albert as soon as they left Deuville’s apartment.
“Don’t be a baby! Nothing will happen, it’s just that he doesn’t understand tactics or political strategies; he’s an honest man. That’s why he couldn’t understand the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact. You were very generous, bearing in mind what you think of Stalin, to try to justify the pact.”
“Jean’s a good man and I didn’t want to hurt him anymore.”
They arrived in Berlin two days later and settled in at the Hotel Adlon. Amelia couldn’t hide the emotion she felt in coming back to Berlin, a city she had first encountered when she was a girl and had visited Germany with her parents.
It was not hard for her to convince Albert to help her look for the Wassermanns. He trusted that someone would give her some clue as to the whereabouts of Herr Itzhak and his wife, Judith, or at least of their daughter Yla.
Amelia took him to the Oranienburgerstrasse, near the Neue Synagoge, the largest synagogue in Germany.
“It’s so impressive!” Albert said, looking at the Moorish building.
“Yes it is, I still remember what Herr Itzhak told us about the synagogue... It was opened in 1866 and it was designed by Edouard Knoblauch, one of Karl Friedrich Schinkel’s students.”
“That’s some memory you’ve got!”
“I’ve always been interested in art and history.”
None of the people in the neighborhood could give them any information about Herr Itzhak and his family. Amelia insisted that they knock on all the doors of the building where the Wassermanns had lived, but all they could find out was that they had suddenly vanished one day.
Amelia felt that she was mistrusted by the few people who dared open their doors. This building, which had previously been inhabited by well-to-do bourgeois families, now seemed dark and run-down.
“I’m sure that the Wassermanns have left Germany. You told me yourself that your father insisted on it.”
“Yes, but Herr Itzhak refused, he said that this was his homeland.”
“Yes, but seeing how things have worked out, he might have had no other option than to leave. If I remember rightly, the Nazis closed the business and that ruined your father.”
“Yes, but in spite of everything Herr Itzhak didn’t want to leave Germany.”
Amelia did not give up easily, so she insisted that they should try to find Helmut, Herr Wassermann’s former accountant.
“He’s a good man, and if we meet him he’ll surely be able to tell us something about the Wassermanns.”
“Don’t you ever give up?” Albert replied, laughing.
Amelia didn’t answer and took him to the Stadthaus, where they asked for Zur Letzten, the oldest restaurant in the city. A man explained that it was very close and told them how to get there.
“I know that Helmut lived round here, his house wasn’t far from the oldest restaurant in Berlin. My father took us to Zur Letzten one evening and we went to see Helmut before dining.”
After walking around a little they eventually found the building. The doorman, after looking them closely up and down, told them that Helmut was at home.
Albert had to run behind Amelia, who started to hurry up the stairs as if she were being blown along by some mighty wind.
They rang the bell and waited impatiently for an answer, which they got when an old and tired-looking man opened the door.
“What do you want?” he asked, looking at them mistrustfully.
“Herr Helmut, I’m Amelia Garayoa! Don’t you recognize me?”
“Fräulein Amelia, good Lord, you’re a real woman now!”
After his initial surprise, the German invited them into his house.
“Come in, come in, I’ll make you some coffee, my wife is in bed with a fever, but I’ll look after you.”
“We don’t want to bother you, I just wanted to know how you were and ask about the Wassermanns... ,” Amelia said.
But Herr Helmut seemed not to hear her. He took them to the salon and asked them to sit while he made the coffee.
“He seems a good man,” Albert James said.
“He is, of course he’s a good man. My father trusted him a great deal.”
The man came back with a tray and did not want to answer Amelia’s questions until he had seen them taste the coffee he had made.
“Tell me about your father, it’s a long time since I’ve heard any news of Don Juan. I knew that he was in the war against Franco... I wrote to him but didn’t get any answer.”
“My father is dead, he was shot just before the war ended.”
“I’m so sorry. Your father was a good employer, just like Herr Itzhak, fair and considerate... Send my sincerest condolences to your mother and Antonietta, I still remember her and you when you were little girls...”
“My mother is dead as well, and my sister Antonietta is ill, although thank th
e Lord she is still alive,” Amelia said, trying to fight back tears.
Herr Helmut was astonished to hear the sufferings of the Garayoa family. He didn’t know what to say. Amelia asked him to tell them about the Wassermanns.
“I can’t tell you very much, the same as I told your father, Don Juan. Anti-Jewish policies have been put into practice since Hitler’s coming to power. You were too young to remember, but the first boycotts of Jewish businesses took place in 1933, and there were hundreds of picket lines manned by Nazis in front of businesses and shops owned by Jews. Then they were deprived of their legal and civil rights, and robbed of all they owned through a number of tricks and underhanded activities. They were expelled from public office, from the legal profession, from hospitals, from universities, from theaters, from newspapers... Some of them decided to leave the country, but most, like Herr Itzhak, resisted the pressure to leave. They were German, why should they leave their country? Then came the Nuremburg Laws... The National Socialist government preferred that Jews leave at the beginning, so that they could keep all their property, but you know what happened next, lots of countries were unwilling to accept them, and now we’ve got to the situation we’re in at the moment: mass arrests, the destruction of the synagogues, expropriation of property, removal of passports... Your father and Herr Itzhak lost their business. I don’t know if your father told you, but they inspected the company at the end of 1935 and said that there were irregularities in the accounts. This was untrue, I swear to you, I was the accountant, and I swear that everything added up. But there was no way to defend oneself against the accusations these people made, and so Herr Itzhak and your father lost their business. You know this was a great blow for them.”
“Yes, I know all this, Herr Helmut, but what I want to know is what happened to the Wassermanns,” Amelia insisted.