Evil Games

  ‘Can you tell me some of the things that frightened you?’

  ‘One day I was reading about bombs exploding, whole families being tortured and killed in third world countries. There was hunger, starvation, drought, civil war. I tried to tell myself that all these things happened in someone else’s country but then I saw articles on car accidents, children being stabbed by other children, a man beaten to death for a bottle of wine, and I realised that it was all getting closer. Too close.’

  Jessica stared into the distance without blinking as she recounted all of her fears. And there were quite a few to work through. Alex was pleased that she didn’t have to bother.

  ‘So, what did you do?’

  ‘I had Jamie on the sofa beside me and suddenly I felt this overwhelming urge to save him; protect him from the evils surrounding him. I visualised him just falling asleep and being safe. I just lay against him and closed my eyes. For a while I felt calm, as though I was finally taking proper care of my child.’

  ‘What happened next?’

  ‘Mitch came back from work early to check on me. I didn’t hear him come in. He pushed me aside, grabbed Jamie and rushed him to the hospital.’

  ‘How did you feel? And please, for the sake of your recovery, be honest.’

  Jessica closed her eyes and hesitated for so long Alex wondered if she’d fallen asleep.

  Alex prompted. ‘Jessica, please. I really would like to help you but I can’t unless you tell me the whole truth.’

  Jessica sighed deeply but didn’t open her eyes. ‘I felt disappointed. Jamie wasn’t even struggling. It was like he knew what I was trying to do and understood it. He was just going to go to sleep. It felt so right.’

  Alex marvelled at just how simple this was going to be.

  ‘Did Mitchell understand once you explained it to him?’

  Jessica shook her head. ‘I didn’t tell him. He’d already assumed I had just fallen asleep and rolled onto the baby. That was what he told the hospital staff but social services got involved and prosecuted me for child neglect.’

  Alex heard the disbelief in Jessica’s voice. In her own delusional haze Jessica couldn’t comprehend that anyone would even think that about her. The fact that she’d lied to her husband signalled that the belief in her own motivation was still within her.

  ‘The judge ordered me to get counselling and that was it. I’ve kept up the charade because it seems to be what everyone wants to hear. You’re the first person I’ve been honest with.’

  ‘And how does that feel?’ Alex asked, kindly. Trust was important.

  ‘Better. Everyone around me has the same expression. Even my own mother looks terrified if I go within ten feet of my baby.’

  ‘Are they right to watch you closely?’

  Jessica hesitated. ‘I would never do anything that was not in the best interest of my child. Never.’

  Alex noted the play on words. Yes, the motivation was definitely still there. Alex forced herself to go slowly.

  Still, Jessica was seeking permission to do what she felt was right. Alex forced the smile out of her face.

  ‘Strangely it is a Western belief that your motives are wrong. There is a Buddhist belief in transmigration that dictates that a child who is killed will be reborn in better circumstances.’

  Alex nodded with a look of ‘go figure’ on her face. She didn’t explain that this was believed by people who were too poor to feed their children and so felt that the child would be reborn in circumstances whereby it wouldn’t starve to death.

  Jessica was nodding intently.

  Alex really should be alerting social services that this woman was still a danger to her child. She should be informing them that she was not suffering from postnatal depression. She should be telling them that the medication she was taking was not correct for her condition.

  However, none of these actions suited her purpose.

  Alex removed her glasses and looked up to the left, searching for a memory that was rehearsed, ready and waiting. Jessica’s eyes never strayed from her face. Alex wanted to laugh out loud. She could not have scripted this session any better and real excitement began to form in her stomach. Jessica could be the one.

  She lowered her eyes to meet the expectant gaze of Jessica. ‘Actually, come to think of it, your situation reminds me of an American woman called Andrea Yates. She had similar fears to you, only she saw the devil everywhere. She was devoutly religious and loved her children very much.

  ‘Every day she was terrified that the devil would claim them and that as they grew older she would not be able to keep them safe.

  ‘The authorities felt that Andrea should never be left alone with her five children, so the family set up a rota system so that someone was always in the house with her. Like you, she was monitored every single day. But one day her husband, also a religious man, decided that the authorities were wrong and placed his trust in God to take care of his family. He left for work before the next caretaker arrived and Andrea seized her opportunity. She drowned her children one by one in the bathtub.’

  Alex looked for shock in Jessica’s features but saw only undivided attention.

  ‘Throughout her trial Andrea maintained that she’d done it out of love for her children, to protect them. Society judged her to be wrong but I’d like you to give some thought to how you feel about that case before our next session.’

  Right on cue, the alarm on her watch sounded. ‘Okay, Jessica, that’s all for today.’ She sighed heavily. ‘My next session is a five-year-old girl whose face was ravaged after a dog attack.’ Alex shook her head. ‘Poor child was just playing in the park.’

  Alex would have loved to take a photo of the terror on Jessica’s face. She guided her patient to the door and opened it. ‘I’ll see you next week, take care.’

  Jessica nodded and passed through the open door.

  Alex closed the door. She hoped there would be no session next week. The next time she wanted to see Jessica’s face was on the evening news.

  SIXTY-ONE

  Jessica Ross stumbled out of the premises. She had to get home. Jamie needed her. The neighbours had a dog they often left out in the garden. It could jump the fence and get into the house.

  She put the car into gear, silently thanking God for bringing her to Alex; the one single person that understood what she was going through. Being able to open up and be completely honest with Alex had cleansed her of the crippling self-doubt she harboured for her feelings. The story Doctor Thorne had told her of the American woman, Andrea something, was playing over in her mind. She was running out of time.

  … As they grew older she would not be able to keep them safe.

  Danger was everywhere. The traffic lights at which she now waited could easily malfunction, meaning the cars hurtling down the hill could crash into the side of her Citroen. It had happened in Gornal two years ago and a little girl had been trapped in the wreckage for over an hour.

  A car horn sounded behind her. The lights were green. Jessica turned and headed past the garden centre on her left. Two little girls were laughing and running around the car park. They could easily run into the road and be killed. Only last month this stretch of road had claimed a teenage cyclist.

  She passed the national speed limit sign but kept to thirty miles an hour between fields on either side. If something were to run out in front of her she would have time to stop.

  The vehicle behind rushed up in her rear-view mirror. She saw the crude hand signals he offered as his front bumper played kiss chase with her tailgate. She focussed on the road ahead.

  She carefully eased the car to the middle of the road to turn right into the family estate. The car behind honked and sped past on her left, causing a gust of wind to rock the car slightly. She looked to the dashboard. Damn, she’d forgotten to indicate.

  She passed a woman pushing a buggy. To her right was a lead that secured a brown Labrador to the handle. On her left was a toddler holding onto the other ha
ndle. The dog was on the inside, nearest the houses, and the child was closest to the road. At any second the dog could see a cat and react, taking the whole family with it. Why could people not see these things? Even a simple trip to the park was fraught with danger.

  Five-year-old girl … face ravaged … dog attack.

  Jessica parked the car in front of her sister’s Ford Ka and let out a breath. The little girl with half a face had chased her all the way home.

  She looked towards her home and she knew what she had to do. The meeting with Alex had only clarified what she already knew.

  ‘Hi, sis, I’m back,’ she called from the front door. The sound of Jamie crying met her ears.

  Jessica fought the urge to tear into the lounge, grab her child and protect him. She had to do this right. It was her only chance.

  Emma was circling the lounge, rocking Jamie back and forth in her arms. ‘He’s been like this the whole time. I can’t settle him.’

  Jessica offered her sister what she hoped was a bright smile and held out her arms. ‘Here, let me take him.’

  Jessica took her child into her arms and rocked him gently. She felt his body relax into her own. Content. He knew.

  Jessica caught the brief expression of relief that passed over her sister’s face. She resented the fact that everyone thought she had the ability to hurt her child when all she wanted to do was protect him. Any sign of affection to her baby was met with secret little nods and whispers in corners.

  ‘Good visit?’ Emma asked, sitting on the sofa.

  Jessica nodded. ‘Talking with Alex is really helpful. I feel so much better already.’ She stroked her son’s hair. ‘Don’t I, little munchkin?’

  She continued to walk around, rocking his little body against her own. ‘I’d never hurt him, Emma,’ she said, fixing her sister with what she hoped was a clear gaze.

  Emma swallowed. ‘I know, Jess.’

  She softened her gaze. ‘Look, he knows I’d never harm him, don’t you angel?’

  He gurgled back at her. Emma laughed.

  Jamie’s eyes started to droop with all the rocking. Jessica kissed his head and placed him into the Moses basket.

  … Before the next caretaker arrived … seized her opportunity.

  She turned to her sister. It was time for her to leave. ‘Well, I’m going to have a nice, long bath while Jamie takes a nap. You’re welcome to sit and wait if you want to.’

  She caught Emma’s quick glance at the clock above the fireplace. She had three children of her own and many things to do.

  ‘Mum’s going to be here in twenty minutes, Em. I’ll be fine.’

  Emma looked doubtful.

  Jessica smiled reassuringly. ‘Emma, I’m really okay, I promise. I feel so much better.’

  Emma looked away. ‘It’s okay. I’ll just wait for a little bit, make sure he’s settled off to sleep.’

  Jessica shrugged and headed up the stairs, wishing her sister would just leave. Time was running out. She was halfway up when she heard her name.

  ‘What is it, Em?’

  She turned to find Emma at the bottom of the stairs reaching for her coat. ‘You’re right. I know it’s okay. I trust you.’

  Jessica returned to the hallway and hugged her sister. Finally she was going. ‘I really am fine, Em. Don’t worry.’

  She opened the front door to let her sister out of the house.

  Emma turned. ‘You’re sure?’

  Jessica gave her one last hug and nodded. ‘We’ll be fine. I only want what’s best for him.’

  Emma walked slowly to her car, probably questioning her decision, but Jessica offered a bright smile as reassurance. If Emma tried to call their mother she would already be on her way and wouldn’t answer her mobile while driving. If she called Mitch it would take him at least twenty minutes to get home.

  As her sister pulled away, Jessica offered one last wave and closed the door behind her.

  The second she entered the lounge a calmness settled around her that she welcomed. The sound of the television faded into the background.

  After her session with Alex she had no doubt that she had been right all along. Initially, Jessica had questioned herself due to the reactions of everyone around her and so she had pretended, she had appeased, and all along she’d been the one in the right.

  Her session with Alex had not only given her the confidence in her own convictions, it had vindicated her. She no longer felt guilty for her thoughts. She felt righteous and empowered.

  ‘Come to Mummy, sweetheart,’ she cooed, reaching into the Moses basket.

  His sleepy little body squirmed once and then burrowed into her; his safe place.

  She selected a knife from the kitchen drawer and mounted the stairs. She placed Jamie gently in the middle of the bed she shared with Mitch.

  In the en-suite bathroom, she placed the knife on the edge of the tub and ran both the hot and cold water to fill the bath quickly. Her son would not be without her for long.

  She went to Jamie’s room and took a moment to select his outfit; settling on a white romper suit covered with blue baby dinosaurs. It was her favourite.

  Back in the bathroom she turned off the taps and undressed quickly, slipping into a white towelling robe.

  As she entered the bedroom, she took a moment to observe her son, awake now, intrigued by these new surroundings. His small hands grabbed at the quilt cover. Jessica felt a rush of pride.

  She stood for a moment at the bedroom window, observing a world that allowed the danger to creep closer every day. Satisfied, she closed the blinds and blocked out the terror. The crawling, invisible evil would never get the opportunity to harm her child.

  The darkened room became intimate and safe.

  Jessica smiled down at her child as she removed his white babygro. His legs flailed as she changed his nappy and redressed him in the romper suit.

  Jamie was safe, right here. Nothing had yet hurt him and at this moment nothing could. As a mother it was up to Jessica to protect him. And she would.

  A child who is killed will be reborn in better circumstances.

  In another time the world would not be filled with cruelty and violence. Children would have the freedom to grow up without fear and intimidation. In another life, her son would be safe.

  Jessica stared down into the eyes of her child as she reached for the pillow.

  Jamie gurgled up at her, his limbs shooting out in all directions; happy, excited.

  ‘I love you so much it hurts, my darling. I know you understand that I have to protect you from this world. I cannot allow you to be hurt or damaged by anything. There is danger everywhere and I have to keep you safe. I know you feel it too, don’t you, sweetheart?’

  He squealed with delight and Jessica knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was doing the best thing, the only thing possible to protect her child.

  She leaned over him and placed kisses on his chubby cheeks, his forehead and the tip of his nose.

  ‘We will be together soon, my darling, sweetest angel.’

  Jessica lowered the pillow and covered the face of her son.

  SIXTY-TWO

  Shit, Kim thought, as she watched Jessica Ross close the blinds. There was something not right with this picture.

  She had arrived at Alex’s practice to confront the doctor about the conversations recorded by Dougie, when Jessica had exited the building. Kim knew nothing of such sessions but she knew a patient was not supposed to leave the premises of their psychiatrist looking like they were being chased by the Devil himself.

  The erratic driving and the expression on Jessica’s face while hugging the other woman goodbye had not quelled the anxiety building in Kim’s stomach. Jessica’s serene expression while looking out of the window in her baby son’s room chilled the blood in her veins.

  Kim detected no other movement in the property and was guessing the woman was now in the house alone.

  She swallowed, feeling her own heartbeat quicken. Sh
e did not know what she was witnessing but she did know that some kind of conclusion had been reached since Jessica had left Alex’s office.

  Jesus, who should she call … Bryant? And say what? A woman is standing in her bedroom window, looking rather contented. Bryant already had enough evidence on which to get Kim committed, so she certainly wasn’t going to offer him any more.

  Could she call social services? They knew Jessica’s history but they hardly operated a blue-light response. If Kim called as a concerned citizen she would probably be advised to call the police; the irony in that scenario was not lost on her. But she couldn’t just sit here. Something was definitely not right.

  ‘Fuck,’ she said, knowing she was on her own. She opened the driver’s door and sprinted across the road to the Ross house, then pressed the bell and banged on the door simultaneously. If Jessica answered wondering what the hell was going on, Kim would beg for help from the machete-wielding maniac that just happened to have disappeared into thin air.

  She opened the letter box to see if Jessica was approaching the door but the house echoed with a stillness that chilled her to the core. No sound from the child or the parent. Damn it, she knew they were both in there. Why the hell wasn’t she answering the door?

  Kim tried the gate to the side of the house. It was locked. She looked around and spotted a wheel barrow half full of dandelion weeds. She pushed it in front of the gate and used it to help her climb over. The side of the house showed no open windows and no one inside.

  She rushed to the rear and tried the handle of the French door. It was locked. Kim had the sense that she was running out of time. She looked around the garden and reached for a shovel. She swung it backwards for momentum and smashed it against the glass panel. On the second attempt, it shattered. Shards flew all around her, a couple embedding themselves into her right hand. She ignored the pain and pulled the sleeve of her jumper over her fist to punch an opening big enough for her to enter.

  If Jessica was doing nothing more ominous than taking a shower, Kim was in a whole world of trouble. For once, she hoped that she was.