Love Will

  “I will not take credit for that one. Not full credit. As a logical man, I’m giving chemistry credit for that… there’s some concoction you and I put together that made… love.”

  A wide grin spreads across her face. “Was it during our thermal contact conductance experiment?”

  “Well, that would be physics…”

  “It was the first night we made love.” She leans in and presses her lips to mine, her breasts to my chest. She glances up, looking pleased with herself.

  “It most certainly was,” I tell her, remembering that moment well. “Make love to me, Shea,” I tell her seriously, pulling the long-sleeved knit shirt she’d been wearing over her messy hair. “Gently.” I kiss her again as she unbuttons my jeans and I unfasten her bra. I run my hands down the side of her body, watching tiny bumps blossom across her skin in excitement. I admire the contrast of our skin tones as I cup her breasts in the palms of my hands.

  “Slowly,” I continue my request to her softly. She sits up and helps me remove my jeans. While she’s up, she takes off the soft leggings she’d been wearing, revealing a pair of black panties with two pink bows in the front. She sits back down, strategically wriggling her body against mine. I put my hands on her hips and guide them steadily toward me as I press against her. “Your undies are cute.”

  “Thanks,” she says. She takes one of my hands and places it on the front of them. “Feel them.”

  I run my thumb over the bows, quickly realizing there are gaps in between the fabric. “Never mind. These aren’t cute at all. You’re wearing fuck-me-panties, aren’t you?”

  “I prefer to call them ‘make-love-to-me-panties,’ thank you very much.”

  “These are great for wall sex.”

  “That’s what I was thinking when I bought them,” she admits. “In my mind, that was what we were going to be doing tonight…”

  “Unless you can hold me… um… no,” I joke with her.

  “I think these work just fine like this, too.”

  “I guess we can find out, if you want. It seems a little impractical, but however you want to do it, I’m really in no position to argue. But they are incredibly sexy.”

  “Thank you.”

  “While my boxers have a similar opening, I’d prefer to not wear them…” I hint to her.

  “Of course!” she says, getting up one last time to slide them off my body. On her hands and knees, she kisses me, letting me grope her nude backside freely. With the angle of my body, when she leans back, she’s straddling my hips and I can distinctly feel how turned on she is on the skin just beneath my bellybutton. I hate being so immobile, because there’s nothing I want more than to taste her on my lips right now. She scoots back just a little, my erection leaning against her ass. She reaches behind her and begins pressing it against her body as she subtly begins to rock her hips.

  “Fuck that, Shea… that image… fuck…” I sigh. She doesn’t stop, though. I start pulling my hair with one hand in frustration and I reach my other in between her legs, getting a rise out of her, too. Just as she starts to breathe faster, she kneels up and takes both of my hands in hers, pushing them against the pillow next to my head. She presses her lips to mine, our tongues entangled, the kiss deep and intense. She gasps momentarily, pulling away and looking me in the eyes as I feel the warmth of her envelop me fully. We both sigh at the same time, our bodies fused and rocking slowly together.

  “Are you okay?” she asks me.

  “Just… limited movement, but I’m sooo great right now.”

  “Good.”

  “Let me have my hands back, though. Then I can control things if it starts to get out of hand.” She smiles and releases me, moving her grip to the headboard as I hold on to her hips and guide her slowly.

  “Is that okay?”

  I look up at her, glance down at her breasts that entice me, right in front of me, and back up into her eyes.

  “Yeah, this is just okay.” She pulls her left hand away and puts it on the back of my neck, moving in closer so I can tease her hardened nipple with my tongue. I run my hands down her thighs to her knees and subtly urge her to spread her legs a little more. The moment she does, she cries out loudly. My hands now on her ass, I press her body into mine, forcing myself even deeper with every methodically slow thrust.

  Her hand wraps around to my chin and brings my lips to hers. She lets go of the headboard and releases the weight of her body onto the left side of mine, wrapping her right arm around my back. She’s very aware of her motions on her left side. It’s an awkward balance, but I help her by wrapping my left arm around her back, keeping my right hand on her back side. I can’t put as much muscle into it, but she seems to be in full control now that we’ve found our rhythm, and I feel the vibrations of her groans through her lips.

  Her hips start to swivel, and our speed increases. I’m deep inside her, and as she moves around me, sensations spark at every last nerve ending. Releasing her, I slide my hands to the backs of her thighs and start thrusting harder. With the added pleasure comes some intense pain from my ribs, but it feels too good now to stop.

  Shea stretches back, putting her hands behind her on her feet. The new position does something good for her–I can see it on her face and hear it in the elevated pitch of her cries.

  Moving my hands back to her hips, I try to guide our movements perfectly.

  “Oh, Shea!”

  “Oh, Will!”

  “Oh, Shea!”

  “Oh, Will!”

  “Faster!”

  “Harder!”

  “Fuck!”

  “More!”

  “Fuck!”

  “More!”

  “Oh!”

  “Oh!”

  “I love you!”

  “I love you!”

  Her hands back on the headboard, I put both my arms around her, holding onto her as tightly as I can for the final thrusts. After the last one, she kisses my forehead, then lets her muscles slacken as all the tension leaves her body. Even though it hurts like hell, I let her rest against me because she’s warm and I’m overwhelmed with chills again… and because I love her, and twenty-four hours ago, I never thought I’d get to do this with her again.

  I run my hands up and down her back, breathing through the pain.

  “I want to kiss you,” she mumbles.

  “Okay,” I laugh. “I can’t really move with you… like this…”

  “Oh, my God!” She scrambles off of me, causing me to wince. “I am so sorry!”

  “Shea,” I say, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to me. “I’m fine.”

  “No… how can I lay with you… for you to be comfortable?”

  “Well, can you bring me some water and that bottle of pills?” I ask her, pointing to the ibuprofen across the room. While she goes to retrieve it, I try to move to rearrange the pillows, but I can barely shift the weight of my body at all. “Fuck, it hurts.”

  “We shouldn’t have done that, huh?”

  “The fuck we shouldn’t have,” I argue. “Take some of these pillows out from under me so I can lie down.” I swallow the pills quickly as we even out the cushions, and I gingerly slide down the bed to a horizontal position. Turning onto my left side, I summon her. “Now lie down with me.”

  “Do you have doctor’s orders?” she asks, crawling into bed, covering both of us with the blankets, and then mirroring my position.

  “Yes.”

  “And what are they?”

  “No physical activity for a week.”

  She looks for a safe place to hit me, then sits up and smacks me on the leg with the palm of her hand. “You could have told me that before!”

  “Oh, believe me, that was worth every second of pain, Shea,” I tell her with the biggest smile I can muster. “I thought you wanted to kiss me.”

  “I do.”

  “I’m waiting.”

  She leans in and kisses me softly. “I love you, Will.”

  “I love you, too, Shea.”
I hold her hand in mine, settling them in front of our faces.

  “We should have immobilized sex more often.”

  “Did you like that?” I ask her.

  “I’d say it was good for me… not that it’s ever been bad for me, but that was–you know what, I’ve just missed you.”

  “It’s been hell, being without you. It was hell before; it was even worse this week.”

  “I know,” she whispers, her eyelids heavy. “You probably haven’t been sleeping well.”

  “You know me. Par for the course.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I clear my throat and take a swig of the water I kept with me, then speak softly, but clearly, watching her as she starts to drift off.

  Another restive night

  Like an eight-hour cyclone

  This solitary plight

  A phase I’ve not outgrown

  “What is that?” she asks.

  A carousel of notions

  I’m powered by the sun

  But just go through the motions

  And then at dusk, I’m done

  She’s listening intently now, her elbow bent and her head resting on her hand. I tenderly reach toward her to push a few strands of hair out of her eye.

  A man like any other, who likes a woman’s touch,

  Sex is my barbiturate; it’s always been my crutch.

  It’s never really done what I’ve expected it to do

  I’ve never actually slept a night until I slept with you.

  Blizzard in the north

  A cold, November stroll

  I knew from that day forth

  I was sheltered by your soul

  Sense the heat surrounding

  From thirty feet apart

  A feeling so confounding

  I felt my heart restart

  “Defibrillator…” she says.

  “Yeah,” I respond with a coy grin. She moves in to kiss me again.

  A man like any other, who likes a woman’s touch,

  Sex is my barbiturate; it’s always been my crutch.

  It’s never really done what I’ve expected it to do

  I’ve never actually slept a night until I slept with you.

  An experiment of fact

  To combat your fear of lies

  Your exterior, I cracked

  When you looked into my eyes

  A time of give and take

  Of your stories for mine

  Knew a lot was at stake

  This whole detour was a sign

  I release her hand and motion for her to come closer.

  “You’re sure this is okay?”

  “I normally sleep like this with a pillow,” I tell her, draping my arm over her body, pulling her into me. I touch my lips to her nose before kissing her full on the mouth. She rests her hand on my hip and splays her fingers across my bare skin.

  “That was beautiful,” she finally says.

  I shake my head.

  Up against my chest, you whispered in my ear

  Spoke to me four words I’d never thought I’d hear

  Took advantage of the offer and kissed that dimpled cheek

  You took everything I gave you, leaving me fatigued and weak

  I’m indebted to you. Alert. Awake.

  I’m committed to you. Assuaged. Appeased.

  I submit to you. At ease. Asleep.

  A man like any other, who likes a woman’s touch,

  Sex is my barbiturate; it’s always been my crutch.

  It’s never really done what I’ve expected it to do

  I’ve never actually slept a night until I slept with you.

  “Make love to me,” she whispers the four words to me again, then raises her brow to reveal the dimple that awaits my next move.

  Chapter 24

  I glance over at Shea’s gas gauge, certain that we have over half a tank left when she pulls into the station. She parks her car in a space close to the road, away from any other patrons. I look down at my hands and start shaking my head, not wanting to hear her objections.

  “I just don’t think this is such a good idea, Will.”

  “Not everything we do in life is spurred by good ideas, Shea. Some things are done out of necessity, and this is one of those things.” I look over at her from the passenger seat, pleading with her to proceed. I don’t like not being in charge of this situation. “If you don’t want to go, I get it. I’ll call a cab to take me the rest of the way.”

  She makes a production out of peering all around her, to both sides and front and back. “Gee, Will, there are so many taxis buzzing around us out in The Middle of Nowhere, Colorado.”

  “I’m sure there are services… or you know what? Callen walked farther than this–from Divide to Colorado Springs. I could make it to his house.”

  “You are not walking. You needed help getting out of bed this morning, remember?”

  “I feel much better now. I just needed a little medicine and to stretch.”

  She sighs and runs her fingers through my hair, dragging them down the side of my face and scratching the four-day-old scruff on my jaw. “From what you’ve told me, I worry it’ll get physical.”

  “I’m not going to be the one to go that route.”

  “That doesn’t mean it won’t go that way. He has guns, right?”

  “I’m his son, for Christ’s sake.”

  “Mine’s in my glove compartment,” she says with hesitation.

  “No,” I tell her, adamant.

  “Just in case.”

  “Don’t touch it. No matter what, don’t touch it. I don’t care what he does. I’m not kidding, Shea.” I take off my seatbelt to face her fully, showing her how serious I am.

  “I’ll do what I have to in order to defend myself, and you, Will.”

  “This is a non-negotiable, Shea.”

  “Then we don’t go,” she says, putting her car in reverse.

  “How can you be against fighting but willing to pull a gun on someone?” I ask her, disbelieving of her staunch stance on this.

  “If I’m going to be in the middle of a fight I don’t want to be in, I’m going to make sure it’s a fair fight.”

  “I’m not backing down on confronting this asshole. So whatever that means to you, fine.”

  “Okay,” she says, pulling out of the space and heading toward Divide.

  “I want that gun gone after we leave there, though. I’ll buy you ten other things that will provide protection, but you can’t have a gun.”

  “I’m sorry?” she asks.

  “Pull over,” I tell her. She was going to before I said anything, and does so quickly, letting the car idle. “I told you the stats, Shea. I’m not making shit up. Your chances of being killed by a gun increase just because you have that fucking gun. So, no. I’m sorry, I don’t want you carrying that thing around. I love you too much for that. And carrying it in your glove compartment? Are you fucking kidding me? Is it at least locked?” I open it up carefully and find her nine-millimeter handgun under a pile of papers. I glare at her out of the corners of my eyes.

  “It’s not loaded,” she says.

  “Where’s the ammo?” She swallows. I dig further under the papers to find a couple of loose magazines. “Is this how easy it would be for me to get rid of the threat of you using it?” I ask her, rolling down the window. “This isn’t very responsible,” I mutter.

  “All right, I know. I was in a hurry when I left.”

  “One way you should never handle a gun,” I lecture, burying the ammunition in the glove box. “You’re smarter than this,” I tell her. “You’re more humane than this.” I sigh before relenting. “Why don’t we talk about what you’re afraid of later?”

  She nods her head.

  “Because that shit scares me,” I tell her, pointing to the gun.

  “I’m getting that.” We stare at one another as I try to understand where she’s coming from. “I have bigger fears than that.”

  I close the small d
oor at my knees carefully, wondering if I’m making the right decision by continuing on with this mission. Surely my dad wouldn’t pull a gun on me. I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t pull one on Max or Callen, but I don’t think his problem is really with me.

  I stop Shea from putting the car in gear and lean up to kiss her. “I’m sorry for all that. I’m already feeling the tension. Envisioning that scenario is beyond anything I’d played out in my head, and I’ve gone over just about everything. That just added a whole other layer I’m not at all prepared for, and I felt like I was prepared for anything up until then. So… I’m sorry.”

  “I wish you didn’t have to do this.”

  “I wish I didn’t have to, either,” I tell her. “But I do.”

  She nods once more and steers back into the road, where we continue on quietly until we find the country lane that will take us to my father’s house.

  “I think this is the one.”

  “Which way?”

  “Left.” We travel down the gravel road toward a double-wide trailer, parking just beside it. We get out of the car, meeting at the front of it, and are confronted with the sight of two little girls–one brunette and one blonde–playing in a sandbox on the side of the house.

  I didn’t anticipate them being here, either. And they’re so small.