Sniper one

  The tap water supply then dried up altogether, either from mortar damage or because the OMS turned it off; we never discovered which. Blokes started to use the bottled water for shaving as it's part of army standing orders. Then it was realized we were in danger of running low on that too, so all shaving was knocked on the head. We all started to look like Buzz.

  A lot of the bottled water supply was being lost to shrapnel damage, as the crates were always stacked along one side of Cimic. To preserve the rest, it was all brought inside the house to be stored away safely under stairs or in any secure cubby hole we could find. In that heat, it was just as important to us as bullets; and it would soon become more valuable to us than liquid gold.

  Chef's luck finally ran out too.

  24

  It happened one evening when Recce Platoon were at full-on scoff mode in the cookhouse. Full credit to Chef, despite the appalling levels of incoming he'd still got a hot meal out for 100 blokes once a day, every day, working under just his green field tent with no other cover. When mortar barrages started, he'd have to peg it back into the cookhouse and wait it out there. If that meant his food got burnt, he'd have to chuck it all out and start all over again.

  Recce were ravenous after a tense day in the sangars.

  'Any more chips, Chef?' someone asked.

  'Yeah, just put some on. Give us a sec, I'll just go and get them.'

  A minute after he left, a new mortar barrage struck up. Twelve shells later, he still wasn't back.

  'Where are those bleeding chips then, Chef?' the greedy bastard shouted.

  They heard his screams then. He'd been hit by the barrage's first round. It had come straight through the roof of the tent as he was leaving it with a big baking tray of chips in his hand. A nasty lump of shrapnel had torn straight through his leg just below the knee. It was hanging off him by little more than just the skin.

  Chef lost a hell of a lot of blood, but Corky managed to save his leg.

  After that, we were all down to eating just hard rations from the emergency supplies. Chef's emergency kitchen had been blown to fuck now too. That meant nothing but boil in the bag meals. They tasted a lot better when thrown into our 'all-in' stews brewed up on a camping stove in a corridor, with a good dollop of Tabasco sauce.

  To conserve it, all our ammunition was also pooled. Our stocks were depleting, and fast. Until then, each multiple commander had supervised his own stocks. Instead, all the ammo was called in and stored in a windowless room off the Ops Room. That way, we knew it was safe from incoming. Dale could keep an eye on how fast it was going down, and everyone knew where it was if they needed it in a hurry.

  Sleep deprivation was now also becoming a somewhat serious problem. During lulls in fighting, soldiers from all the Y Company platoons were starting to fall asleep at their posts, no matter how hard they tried to fight against it.

  In a bid to ease the pressure on the company and give the lads a chance of some rest, Captain Curry ordered the CIMIC guys into the sangars as well. That meant Major Ken Tait's lot. There were less than twenty of them, a lot were warrant officers and captains, and almost all were TA. Their job was to administer the reconstruction of Maysan, and most had spent the whole tour at their desks. They came from a huge hotchpotch of regiments: Highlanders, sappers, loggies, and Adjutant General's Corps largely. Back home, they were clerks, bank managers and solicitors. One was even a millionaire record producer. From that moment onwards, however, they were poor bloody infantry, like it or not. Here's a weapon, now go and fucking use it.

  Captain Curry assigned them two-hour stints in the middle of the night when the attacks normally died down a little.

  On their first night out, Pikey got a bit cruel.

  'Hey hey! Look, here comes fucking Dad's Army.'

  Admittedly, it was funny to watch them, looking all white and pasty faced to us, venture desperately nervously out to their assigned positions for the first time. Most hadn't fired a round in anger their whole civilized lives, let alone on that tour.

  But credit where credit's due, most fought when they had to with just the same tenacity as the rest of us. The millionaire record producer, who showed particular balls, even said he was pleased he could finally stand up and be counted having watched us do all the defending so far. And at the head of the lot of them and always spurring them on with steely Glaswegian growls was Ken Tait. Without fail, a Benson and Hedges permanently smouldered on his lower lip as he prowled the walls. Inside, he'd been a coiled spring. Outside, he was in his element.

  It was ironic, but just about the only thing the OMS's umpteen mortar rounds still hadn't destroyed was the Iraqi flag on Cimic's roof. It still fluttered proudly on its pole – shredded a little maybe, and the white part was now grey with soot, but still very much there. We didn't give a shit about it at first. Then it became a talking point, and after a new barrage someone would always have a peak out of a sangar to see if they'd finally nailed it or not.

  'Flag's still there.'

  'Still? After that lot?'

  'Yeah.'

  'Blimey.'

  The day after the first Dad's Army show, we were treated to something really special.

  As well as the Beast, Buzz had another pretty smart string to his bow. The time had come to use it.

  That morning, we took two more direct hits from mortar rounds on the roof, leaving two more crumbled concrete craters covered in nasty scorch marks. Everyone had managed to get their heads down in the sangars before the hot shrapnel shards had zipped off in every direction. But it had been uncomfortably close. One of the flying embers had smacked into the barrel of one of the boys' longs, putting it – and almost him – permanently out of action. Both rounds had come from Zinc, the big park opposite the OMS building.

  It was their best mortar base plate spot by far. Annoyingly, they were getting more and more rounds on target from there every day. It was also a piece of piss for them to use. They'd come straight out of the OMS building and set up in permanent pits already dug in the grass.

  The Beast couldn't touch them because a big white warehouse three-quarters of the way down Tigris Street on the riverbank obscured our entire view of the park.

  I let out an idle thought.

  'Fuck, it would be nice to go down there and take those bastards on with a big stick.'

  That plunged Buzz into thought.

  'How far is it from the park to the nearest buildings, Danny?'

  'Depends where in the park. A good hundred metres or so. Maybe three hundred at the furthest point.'

  'That should be far enough.'

  'Why?'

  'To avoid collateral damage.'

  Buzz looked up from the Beast's sight and turned to face me.

  'I can bring some air down on that fucking place, you know.'

  As with all soldiers of his ilk, Buzz had the knowhow to call in close air support. He had also brought down from Baghdad the radio and frequencies he would need to do that.

  It didn't take long to persuade Abu Naji to authorize the bombing. Zinc was bang in the middle of a crowded city that was home to a third of a million people. On any normal tour, an air strike on a place like that would have been totally unthinkable. This wasn't any normal tour. Our time was also running out.

  Since it was unlikely that there would be kids picnicking in there with their mums while the Mehdi Army was hurling mortars out of it, Zinc was declared a legitimate air target.

  The fast air request for that night went in to coalition air command. At sunset, the message came back that we'd have six jets on call; three pairs of two. They'd last us the whole night. Now all we needed was for the OMS crew to turn up.

  We got smacked by base plates in a lot of places in town that night, but none of them was in Zinc. Surely the OMS hadn't picked the one night we had something big to hurt them with to have their annual summer barbecue? That would be just our luck. In all my born days I never thought I'd ever pray to get mortared. That night I did.

/>   My prayers were answered. Just after 1 a.m., a barrage rocketed up at us from right in the middle of Zinc. It was heavy stuff too: another 82mm tube.

  We were on.

  The Ops Room told Abu Naji and Buzz switched on his radio gear. Half an hour later, his radio came to life. The voice had an English accent.

  'Hello, Buzz? Buzz, are you reading me?'

  'Is that you up there, Jimbo?'

  'Yes, mate, it is.'

  Buzz and this bloke Jimbo obviously knew each other so well they didn't even bother using their official call signs. First name terms. Simple. Jimbo was the air controller in an RAF Nimrod MR2 spy plane. That meant he was probably from the same unit too. The Nimrod was somewhere in the night sky up there above us, cruising at an altitude of around 25,000 feet.

  'Oh, you took your fucking time getting here. There's a war on down here, you know, Jimbo.'

  'Sorry, mate, we came up from the Gulf. What can we do for you then?'

  At that very moment, another crump erupted out of Zinc. The team had begun their second barrage.

  'Did you catch that one, Jimbo? Directly south from our position, about one point seven klicks.'

  'Yeah, copy that. We're on to it. Six mobile heat sources moving around a static one. That will be the mortar tube. I can see you too now, Buzz, if that's you in that highest sangar. Ugly as ever, I see.'

  Amazing. We couldn't even hear the bloody Nimrod. The wonders of modern technology.

  'Wait out for a few minutes, Buzz. I'm tasking the fast air now. By the way, they're putting another round down the barrel now.'

  'OK, thanks.'

  Three seconds later, we heard the crump.

  Buzz had done his bit. From then onwards it was over to Jimbo to bring the jets on to the base plate in Zinc.

  Now this was a major event for us at Cimic. During major engagements, the Ops Room makes a point of keeping everyone informed of what's going on over the PRRs. As far as we were all concerned, an air strike qualified as a major engagement. Word of it had already spread like wildfire around the compound long before anything was ever mentioned over the PRRs.

  It was close to 2 a.m., but the whole of the house was wide awake. There were blokes craning out of every window on its southern side trying to catch a glimpse of something. The entirety of Sniper Platoon had crammed into the two roof sangars. Mortar barrage or not, there were people hanging off the fucking chandeliers to see this.

  It wasn't just Y Company either. We later found out that anyone in Abu Naji who could get to a VHF had done so once they heard there was an air strike on. The general call sign when a message goes out to all ranks is recognized across the British Army as Charlie Charlie One.

  'Charlie Charlie One, be advised. Fast air coming is two F16s,' said Redders from the Ops Room across our PRRs.

  'F16s? Oh yes!' yelped Rob Green. 'Come on son, bring it on.'

  In Top Sangar below us were Rob and Smudge. Rob had unfortunately lost his cool totally by then. So had Smudge.

  Rob was a full screw in the platoon. A course had kept him behind in England and he'd only joined the tour in July. He was normally a quiet and consummate professional. That night he was a snot-gobbling adolescent just like the rest of us. He had decided to video the whole thing from start to finish on his digital camera.

  For Smudge's benefit, Rob also insisted on launching into a speech on everything he knew about the aircraft the moment it was identified. It wasn't much.

  'F16 Fighting Falcon, Smudge. That's the fastest jet in the world. They fly off carriers in the Gulf. They can see everything. They've got the heat-seeking fucking shit and all.'

  'Fucking awesome,' replied Smudge in wonder.

  'Charlie Charlie One. Target acquired.'

  'Hah! Did you hear that Smudge? Target acquired!'

  'Oh, come on, please do it. Pleeeease.'

  Every new burst of information sent the two of them into an ever more frenzied ecstasy. We still couldn't hear any sound of the jets at all though.

  Crump. Barrage number three from Zinc had started. It was a good one too. Rounds started to come in quite tightly around the house. We didn't give a fuck. We'd all have taken a direct hit on our sangar as long as we were allowed to live long enough to see the bomb drop.

  'Danny, Ops Room. Are there any vehicles near the target?'

  I had a look through the Beast's sight. Tigris Street was totally empty. So was Yellow 3, as well as the bridge that led from it over to Red 11. Before the CO in Abu Naji could give specific clearance for an F16 to engage, he had to be as sure as he could that they weren't going to fry any civilians.

  'Ops Room, Danny. That is a negative. No traffic in the area at all . . .'

  Crump.

  '. . . also tell Abu Napa the target is still very much live. Tell them they are clear to engage right now.'

  Abu Naji didn't need to ask twice. They'd learnt by then that our word from the roof was as good as gospel. We'd earned that reputation the hard way over a long hot summer. The CO didn't make us wait very long. The next message from Redders came just ten seconds later.

  'Charlie Charlie One. Weapons cleared for release.'

  The CO had given the green light. The F16 pilot went to work.

  'Charlie Charlie One. He has eyes on the target. Commencing bombing run now.'

  Buzz leaned out of the sangar to speak to Rob and Smudge.

  'Eh, boys, watch this. You're gonna like this, I promise you.'

  To my right, Chris couldn't hold his excitement in any longer.

  'Yes! Drop it baby, drop it!'

  Jesus. Even Chris had started gibbering like an idiot. It was impossible not to. As the supposed mature commander I was trying as hard as I could to keep a straight face. In fact, every sinew in my body was urging that bomb to fall right on top of those sweaty bastards.

  Then, what we'd all been waiting to hear.

  'Charlie Charlie One. Weapons released. Time to impact, figures Three Zero. This is it lads.'

  The bomb was in the air and there were thirty seconds to impact. Gleaming.

  Very soon after that, we began to hear the jet. A quiet rumble at first, then the noise grew rapidly. After releasing the 500lb device, the pilot had locked the F16 into a steep dive after it. He was guiding the bomb down on to its target from the laser in his nose cone.

  'Here it comes,' I shouted. Bollocks to maturity.

  The closer the F16 came to earth, the louder the jet engines screeched. We craned our necks out of the sangar frantically to catch a glimpse of it, but it was impossible to make anything out in the black of the night sky.

  Soon, it sounded like it was coming straight for us. Surely it couldn't get any lower? Just as the furious scream passed right by, a huge white flash engulfed the whole of the horizon for an instant, followed by a giant ball of flame at Zinc that licked up 50 metres. A fraction of a second later, BOOM!

  Cimic erupted. Cheers and maniacal laughter burst out from all over the compound.

  'Yes! Yes! Yes!' shouted Smudge, jumping up and down on the spot.

  'Fucking 'ave it,' jeered Rob.

  It was a great feeling. For countless days on end, the OMS mortar teams had been blowing us to pieces. They'd badly wounded our cook, they'd nearly killed Oost and me in the sangar, as well as at least a dozen other blokes, and they'd smashed our home to bits. Now they knew what it felt like to get pasted.

  The blast must have taken out a few power lines too, because all the lights went out over three square blocks of houses around Zinc. That included the OMS building. Good. Now those fuckers couldn't boil a kettle either.

  A few minutes later, the Nimrod, still circling somewhere above us, passed the battle damage assessment down to Buzz. The 500lb bomb had been landed exactly nine metres west of the mortar base plate to limit any damage to the flats to the east. All six members of the mortar crew were vaporized instantly.

  A dirty great crater now sat in the park, and the air controller said around forty people were
in it pawing over what was left.

  'That OK for you, Buzz?'

  'Spot on, my man. Pints on me next time I see you, Jimbo.'

  'Glad to oblige. Guess what, the F16s wanted to come by and put another one down there on the forty mourners. I had to tell them we couldn't ID them all as hostiles.'

  'Don't you just love the Yanks. Shame they didn't.'

  'Yes it is. That's us going off task now, Buzz. Cheerio.'

  'See you around, old mucker. Out.'

  The air strike wasn't going to change a great deal. We all knew the OMS would have another mortar crew in the park by tomorrow night. Even if it was just for a few hours though, we were just a little bit safer. It also meant we could draw up a new column for the Ops Room stats board. It read: 'Air Strike = 1'.

  Most importantly, the OMS now had six of their best fertilizing the roses. Fantastic compost.

  For the rest of the night, the mortar teams left us alone. The whole town had heard the air strike and knew we had jets up there now. None of them wanted to be the F16s' next prey. But by mid-morning the crews were back to business as usual.

  Unfortunately, that morning we also had to say goodbye to Buzz and John. Their time with us had come to an end. Buzz said he was sad to go, and this time we genuinely believed him.

  'Baghdad want to know when I'm coming back. They want me up there as soon as possible because of the workload. I've already delayed it twenty-four hours. I asked for another twenty-four, but they'll get proper shitty with me if I don't leave today.'

  They were running low on .5 inch ammunition anyway. All the ball and flash tipped rounds had been used up, leaving just the armour-piercing rounds left. You should see the mess that made of people.

  They shipped out of Cimic before dawn the next morning, just as discreetly as they had come.

  No more Buzz meant no more Beast and no more air strikes. We were on our own again.

  25

  That was a shame, because we could have done with Buzz and his entire bag of tricks with the news we got the next morning.