Hard to Fight

  She reaches over, taking my hand. “You’re allowed to feel like that. Maybe this is why Don always held you back. Maybe he knew this would happen.”

  “Yeah,” I say, staring out the window. “I’m starting to think that now. I thought I could do it, but all along, they’ve all been right. I’m a woman and that leaves me vulnerable. I can do a lot of things, but I was never going to be able to bring Raide in.”

  “That’s not true,” Kady protests. “You could have brought him in.”

  “If I didn’t fall for him.”

  She’s silent.

  “I’m a fool, Kady. I begged to be given the chance. I threw my hands up and told them all to take me seriously.” I laugh, low and bitter. “And I fucked up on my first case. What must they all think of me? If it’s anything like what I’m thinking about myself, then I know how pathetic it all seems.”

  “Grace,” Kady says, her voice hardening. “Don’t you dare. You made a mistake, you’re only human. Do you think Don or Vance or Julio have never screwed up? You can fix this.”

  I nod, but the truth is, I don’t really believe her. I put my heart and soul into my career, I begged to be given a chance, to be looked at the same as the other guys, and the one chance I got, I threw away because my compassion got in the way. And now, a huge part of me knows that I’d go back and do it all again—for Raide—and that scares me.

  “Can you take me to my parents’?” I ask.

  “Of course.”

  Twenty minutes later, Kady pulls into their drive. I climb out of the car. “Do you want to come in?”

  She shakes her head. “I have to work, but call me when you want to pick up your car, and we’ll go and get it, okay?”

  “Okay, thanks, Kady.”

  She smiles at me. “You’re going to be okay.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  I hope.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Dad and I sit in silence, beers in hand, staring out at the darkness. The streetlights wash a warm light over the yard, and the evening is quiet, everyone sound asleep. I spent the last hour telling him my story. Now he’s staring out, saying nothing.

  “You know,” he says. “I would have done it for your mama.”

  I turn to stare at him. “Pardon?”

  “I would have risked the same, if it was her I was chasing. I fell for her so hard and fast, it happened quicker than I could have ever imagined. I think if she was my case, and I’d met her, and felt for her the way I do, I would have risked the same thing.”

  “Thanks, Dad, but we both know you excelled at your job.”

  “You have a good heart, Gracie,” he says softly, turning to me. “It’s big and it’s kind. You might be a hard-ass on the outside, but you’re good and soft inside. You were trying to help a man, you fell for him. If love could be controlled, the world would be an easy, peaceful place.”

  I smile. “You’re right about that.”

  “You’ve been around long enough to know how rare it is to find someone you adore. You’ve had a few scattered relationships, but you’ve never fallen in love. It happened at a bad time, but it happened all the same.”

  I swallow down the lump in my throat and say, “He’s gone now and there’s a good chance I’ll never see him again.”

  “Do you really believe he’s innocent?”

  I nod, taking a sip of beer. “Yeah, I really do.”

  “Then help him.”

  “I don’t understand—”

  “You just need to get someone to help you.”

  “I’m not following you.”

  He turns to me. “York.”

  “York?” I question.

  York is Dad’s best friend. He’s also a detective and a cop. He’s like an uncle to me, he’s been in my life since before I can remember. I adore him, but I don’t think turning to him is the right option. What is he going to do?

  “I spoke to York about your case a few days ago, turns out their department is handling it. I think because of that and his relationship with me, that he’ll do it for you, Gracie.”

  “Do what?”

  He holds my stare. “Find that man who really did it, and see if he can get a confession. You coming forward and telling Raide’s story is technically new evidence. It’s enough for him to investigate further. Take another look at the details of the case. Interview old friends of Raide’s sister to see if they can corroborate his story.”

  My eyes go wide. “Do you think he can actually help?”

  “He can access the information and request to look into it. Raide is still probably going to go away for skipping bail, but if he’s not charged, he may very well only get a few months.”

  My heart swells.

  Dad sees this, because he says gently, “Don’t get your hopes up. A second look might not yield anything new, and York might not be able to find this man, but if you have an idea where he is, you might just have a chance.”

  “Thank you, Dad,” I whisper. “Thank you so much.”

  He shrugs. “There’s one more thing.”

  “What?” I whisper.

  “It shouldn’t be this way, but there’s a chance you’re risking your job doing this.”

  I swallow and stare at him again, and I know he understands my next words. “Not so long ago, I would have told you there was nothing in the world that could have swayed me from my work. It was all I wanted, it was all I cared about. But, Dad—” Again, I swallow down my emotion. “—I’d never felt love. I’d never felt the emotion for someone that could change my entire way of thinking. He did that for me. I know how hard I’ve worked and I don’t want to give that up—but, Daddy, without him it’s worth nothing to me. I love him. I’ll do anything, including risking my job, to help him.”

  My dad cups my cheeks. “I’m so damned proud of you, Gracie, I wish you could feel just how much.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  I lean over and hug him. He holds me tight for a moment, then he pulls back and says, “To do this, Gracie, you have to dig deep, find that badass girl I love so much, and be strong.”

  I inhale deeply. “I will. I promise.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  I don’t sleep that night. I toss and turn, I call Raide’s phone over and over, I leave pathetic messages, and then I give up and get out of bed. I plop down onto my couch and stare at nothing. I think about Raide, I think about Vance, I think about York. Am I risking it all asking York to help me? Is he risking his career? Am I risking mine? I curl up into a ball on the couch and close my eyes, focusing on taking deep breaths.

  I must fall asleep because the next thing I’m aware of is the sun coming through the cracks in my curtains and warming my skin. I blink rapidly and peer around. Another day without Raide. Another day living with my mistakes. I take a deep breath and push up, letting my father’s words sink in. If I want to help Raide, I need to push this pain aside and find my inner badass self and fix this. Even if it means I’ll lose my job.

  I run my fingers through my hair and stand.

  I make it to the kitchen and turn on the coffeemaker. While it’s brewing, I dig through the fridge. I find a bagel and pull it out. It looks okay. I toast it and then slather it with butter, and then I take my coffee and head outside to sit on the porch. I’m midway through breakfast when a car pulls up in my drive.

  Vance. I watch as he gets out and strides toward me with a hard expression on his face. I hate seeing him like this. I hate that I’ve put us in this position.

  Inner badass, Grace. Suck it up.

  I force a smile as Vance jogs up the two front steps and stops in front of me. Well, this isn’t awkward at all. He’s just staring at me, his jaw tight, his face an impenetrable mask. He crosses his arms over his big chest and I wonder if he’s waiting for me to speak first.

  I won’t do it.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he finally rumbles.

  “What do you want me
to say, Vance? That I’m sorry? Because I’m not. I made a mistake, I am paying for it, but I’d probably do it all over again for him.”

  It’s in that exact moment I realize that I would, in fact, do it again. I’m ashamed that it came to it, I’m sad I let down my team and myself, but in the end, if I was faced with the same choice, I’d do it all over again for Raide. This realization hits me hard and I gasp, pressing my hand to my chest. It seems so obvious now. So clear.

  Vance ignores what I’ve just said. “You lied to me.”

  I stare up at him, gathering my breath before saying, “No, Vance. I didn’t.”

  “You did, Grace.”

  “No,” I protest. “I told you what I was doing, I just didn’t tell you how far I was taking it. You never asked, so I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you.”

  “It’s the same thing!” he barks.

  I shake my head. I’ve had enough. I’m not going to be drilled from every angle for what I did. My punishment has been laid out and I’m living with it. What I don’t need to live with is guilt from Vance because of his feelings for me. And that’s what this is really about, it’s been hovering around us for years.

  “This isn’t about my lying, it’s about me sleeping with Raide and protecting him.”

  Vance jerks, and I know I’ve hit the nail on the head.

  I go on. “It’s about unresolved feelings, it’s about you being jealous,” I spit, standing and getting in his face. “So don’t you come in here, making out like you actually care that I risked it all. What you care about, Vance, is that it wasn’t you I fell in love with.”

  Silence.

  Long, deadly silence.

  “You’re right,” he growls. “I hate it, Grace. I hate that you gave him something I’ve been trying to get for years.”

  “You know I’ve never felt that way,” I say softly. “Jesus, Vance, I never led you on.”

  His eyes flicker and I see behind the angry mask for just a second, and what I see is pain. It breaks my heart. “No,” he rasps. “You didn’t. That doesn’t mean my heart isn’t in a thousand pieces right now. I love you, Grace. Loved you since you joined the team five years ago.”

  God. No. “Vance,” I say softly.

  He looks down, and I know it’s so I don’t see the depths of his agony . I reach out, placing a hand on his cheek. “I’m so sorry you feel that way and I can’t give it back—but, Vance, I adore you. You’re my best friend. I trust you. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I don’t know if I can do it, Grace,” he says hoarsely.

  “Do what?”

  “Watch you with him.”

  “Vance—”

  He straightens and reaches out, cupping my cheek.

  I turn into his hand and close my eyes.

  “I hope he’s worth this.” Then he’s gone.

  And I’m left standing with my heart a whole lot more broken than it was when I woke this morning.

  * * *

  I smile at York, who is standing on my porch, grinning down at me. I haven’t seen him a great deal in the last year, and I didn’t realize I missed him until now. He’s not aged a bit, and he’s still got the same friendly blue eyes I remember. His hair is now more salt than pepper, but he’s a handsome man, even at his age.

  He smiles and his eyes crinkle at the sides. “Well, Gracie, girl—you grow up more every single time I see you. Pretty as can be, too.”

  I beam. “I’ve missed you, York. Come here and hug me.”

  He steps forward and embraces me; I take it in, sighing with relief. When he lets me go, I let him inside and prepare some coffee. He sits at my kitchen table and pulls out a briefcase. Then he starts talking while I work. Good old York, he doesn’t waste time.

  “I know you know what Raide’s charges are, but I’m going to go over it all again so we’re clear. He’s up for trial for assault with a deadly weapon, he’s also a suspect in his sister’s murder case. There’s not a great deal of evidence, except that which was provided by Dean Smith.”

  “Dean?”

  “Kelly’s boyfriend.”

  That’s his name? Dean? Yuck. “Okay, so where does that leave Raide?”

  “It’s a tricky one. Firstly because Raide was found with the knife, bloodied fists, and two bodies at his feet.”

  “He didn’t do it, York,” I say softly.

  “I believe you, Gracie. I’m just stating facts.”

  “So what can we work with?”

  “There’s mixed DNA on the knife, on the bodies. Both men came in contact with both, so that’s been ruled out for now. Raide doesn’t have an alibi; he wasn’t seen leaving his apartment. We can’t use that. Raide said very little when he was arrested, which doesn’t help his case. The moment he was released on bail, he bolted. That also doesn’t scream innocence.”

  I sigh and put my head in my hands. “Then what hope does he have?”

  “His sister.”

  I look up at him. “His sister?”

  “Your dad told me that Raide was there because his sister had called and said she was being beaten. Raide did not disclose this when he was arrested. I’ve got someone looking into the phone records, I’ve also got her phone and we are now searching it once more. We’re going to talk to neighbors again, her friends, her employer, anyone we can find who might be able to confirm Dean was beating her.”

  “Why wasn’t this done before?” I ask.

  “A good deal of it was, but we didn’t have a lot of information, because Raide never gave us the chance. Then, during investigation, he bolted and our efforts were then moved to getting him back so there could be a trial.”

  “Okay, so if you find calls or messages on Kelly’s phone, or someone admits they suspected her boyfriend of abusing her, how much will that help?”

  He runs his hands over the papers in front of him. “It depends on the extent of what we find. We’re looking into every lead available. Even if we determine that Dean was beating her, that still doesn’t prove he killed her.”

  I bite my lip.

  “But,” York says. “Dean isn’t a saint himself. He’s been arrested a few times for drug possession.”

  “Then why was Raide automatically put under the spotlight?”

  “As I said, Raide was the one with the knife. Dean swore Raide beat him, and Raide said nothing. Not to mention Raide has priors for assault.”

  “I know,” I say.

  God, why didn’t Raide defend himself? Is he so proud? My guess is that he figured if he was going down, he was going to make it worth the ride. He waited patiently, and the moment he was released, he went after Dean.

  “If Dean were to make a confession?” I put out there.

  “That’s what we’re hoping for. It could be risky, but I think that’s our best chance.”

  “Any idea how you’ll do that?”

  “Yeah,” he says, meeting my eyes. “I’m going to wire you.”

  I blink. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me, I’m going to wire you and send you to him. It’s risky but it could work. Because of your profession, I can pass you to go in and do this. He doesn’t know you, so all you have to do is get him to admit it and he’s done.”

  “He’s not going to tell a random stranger he killed someone.”

  “He might if he thinks you’re a broken girl left by Raide.”

  I shake my head, confused. “Pardon?”

  “You’re broken, devastated. He talks to you and you tell him about this pig of a man who hurt you. You keep the conversation going, you drop Raide’s name. Dean is going to jump and the reason he’s going to do that is because he wants Raide to suffer. He’s enjoying this game. So much so that he might be willing to boast about it. You play your cards right, you can get what you need.”

  It’s not a bad idea, and in the end, I’ll do anything, anything, to get Raide home to me.

  “So, when do we start?”

  He leans back in the chair. “Whenever you’re ready.??
?

  I’m ready.

  For Raide, I’ll always be ready.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  York turns me around, strapping wires and tape to my body. “Now, this isn’t bulky but you don’t want to rub up against him. He’ll pick up on it quickly. That’s something we don’t want. I’ve got three cars on you, and there’ll be at least five undercover men at the bar, watching. If Raide shows, you get out of there.”

  I never thought of Raide showing. I swallow. “Do you think he knows where Dean is?”

  “He probably has a good idea, but I’m hoping we’ll get there first. I have contacts, those contacts know where he is.”

  I nod, taking a deep breath.

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” York asks, pulling my shirt down and making sure I’m good to go.

  “I am.”

  He places his hands on my shoulders. “Anything goes wrong, you run, Grace.”

  “I can do that.”

  “Okay, the car is waiting outside. I’m going to watch you, I’ll have my eyes on you at all times, Gracie.”

  “Thank you, York.”

  “Don’t thank me yet.” He kisses my forehead and leaves. I turn with another deep breath and walk out to the car waiting in the parking lot of the police department. I climb in with two uniformed officers, who explain some basics about the wires and what to do if I panic. Things such as scratching the left side of my nose or tilting my head from side to side five times, like I’m stretching. If I do this, they’ll come straight in. I’ve got a gun in my purse anyway, just in case.

  We arrive just down the road from an old bar and the officers clear everything with me once more before letting me out. When I’m gone, they disappear but I know they’re not going far. I walk slowly down to the bar, scanning the lot for Raide. I’ve been given clear and strict instructions not to engage him. I’m doing this for him, so I can’t risk him losing it. I can only pray he doesn’t show up and blow all of this. I’m doing it for him whether he wants me to or not.

  I think about the situation as I approach the door. I know it’s not illegal for cops to send a person in wired, but they wouldn’t usually send a civilian in. I’ve been given clearance because of my profession and training. Not to mention York is the head of his team and has never done anything to risk someone’s life. He’s a smart man. He thinks before he acts, and he wouldn’t send me in if he didn’t think I could do this. However, there’s still a small chance this could go bad.