The Stranger's Woes

  “Max, I think you have to force yourself to recall it. Please, you must!”

  “I’ll try. Make sure I don’t start to disappear, though. And don’t slap the living daylights out of me next time, okay?”

  “Did it hurt a lot?” asked this fragile lady with the strength of ten men. Then, blushing violently, she said, “I’m sorry, Max. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “Never mind,” I said with a smile. “I enjoyed it in a way. Sort of. I’ll save this bruise as a memento of a wonderful evening together. There must be some way to keep it from fading.”

  “I think the only way is to repeat the procedure from time to time,” Melamori said tenderly. “I’m prepared to do it every day if you like. But don’t get distracted, Max. Think. Try to remember.”

  Don’t get distracted. Easy to say at a moment like this.

  I closed my eyes, tried to relax, and allowed myself to doze off. Not to fall asleep but to doze, to inhabit the delicate, intangible threshold between sleep and waking. This is my tried-and-true method for trying to remember what I have just dreamed. It worked this time, too.

  I was nearly suffocated by the flood of memories that poured over me, so strong it almost pulled me back down into sleep. I opened my eyes just in time, however, and, overmastering myself, shook my head free of the sweet vestiges of slumber.

  “Were you able to remember? Was it really that bad?” Melamori asked. “You look like you’re in shock!”

  “It seems pretty bad . . . or maybe not. It’s hard to tell. I’ll send Juffin a call—he should be able to explain what happened to me. It seems I could have just disappeared into oblivion. Can you imagine? May I take your hand? I’m scared.”

  Melamori nodded and grabbed my big paw between her icy palms. I calmed down a little, then sent a call to Sir Juffin Hully. I hastily told him my strange dream. Juffin didn’t interrupt me a single time, which was already suspicious.

  I must say I expected something like this, the boss replied when I had finished my incoherent story. It’s good the talisman saved your life, but I’m very worried that it perished. I don’t have another one. In fact, it was the only one of its kind. The Grand Magician of the Order of the Secret Grass had only one kerchief, unfortunately. He didn’t like superfluity, you see. Don’t worry, Max. This just means that you’ll have to learn a few things very quickly. You would have had to acquire the wisdom of traveling between Worlds eventually, in any case. I just thought it could wait a few years. Well, it’s common to assume that it’s all for the best. Maybe it is. Now you just have to prevent yourself from falling asleep until you reach me. Can you manage?

  I can manage. Juffin, will I really be okay? I don’t want to leave Echo.

  What if the new World is as wonderful as Kettari? he asked cunningly. You still wouldn’t want to go there?

  No. I need to be here, in Echo. I so much want to . . . I can’t explain it.

  No need to explain, Max. I’m glad to hear you say this since everything really does depend only on you. Everything will be fine as long as you don’t doze off before you see me, I promise.

  There’s no way I’ll fall asleep. But when I’m awake . . . they can’t take me from here, can they?

  No, as long as you’re awake no one can spirit you away. Over and out.

  Melamori noticed my attention was no longer so focused and threw a questioning glance my way.

  “Juffin says that everything will be fine,” I told her. “The main thing is not to fall asleep. And I won’t. What do you think, Melamori, will Chvaxta get back soon? Has it been two hours yet?”

  “Almost.”

  Melamori crawled into the back seat, sat close beside me, and put her arm around my shoulders.

  “Don’t disappear, Max, all right?” she said.

  “I’m not planning on it. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

  “This is no time for joking. I don’t want to get rid of you. You know, everything is so trivial in comparison with this. It just doesn’t matter. You’ve scared me to death three times today already—first with the Thin Death, then the shot from the Baboom, and now this. But here you are sitting beside me, and I’m so glad, enormously glad!”

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  I tried to laugh, but an embarrassing sniffle came out instead. And not for the first time that day. I was really letting myself go!

  Melamori and I sat in a silent embrace. We tried with all our might not to burst into tears, both from a kind of deep sadness and inexpressible joy. It was such a perfect moment that I never wanted it to end.

  The noise of an approaching amobiler jerked us out of our pleasant stupor and returned us to reality. The large round eyes of the forester stared at us from the window.

  “Are you sad?” he said. “You shouldn’t be so sad about an amobiler, especially an official one.”

  Melamori and I exchanged looks and burst out laughing. This possibility was just too absurd. Sir Chvaxta got out and came over to us while we were recovering from this latest bout of hilarity. Then he asked in a concerned voice, “Do you need me to accompany you back to Echo, or can you make it by yourselves?”

  “Of course we’ll make it on our own,” I said. “Thank you for rescuing us, though.” I moved behind the levers of the forester’s new amobiler. “We’ll send someone back tomorrow. He’ll return your buggy to you and pick up this wreck”—I waved in the direction of our defunct means of transportation—“after he supplies it with a new crystal.”

  “You think of everything, Max,” Melamori said with gentle irony. “But are you sure you haven’t forgotten anything?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “What about this?” She waved my traveling bag in front of my face triumphantly.

  “Oh, that. Of course,” I said and smiled sheepishly. “I’ve got a sieve for a head. Throw it in back there somewhere, and get in beside it. I’m going to take you for a ride. Good night, Sir Chvaxta. Thank you for your help.”

  “Did I really help you?” The forester seemed surprised. “Good night. What a strange bunch you are after all, you Secret Investigators.”

  I drove through the forest very cautiously, much more cautiously than usual. I didn’t want to wreck yet another amobiler. But when we finally turned onto the highway, I gave myself free rein. We were flying so fast that it seemed the wheels hardly touched the ground. Melamori was elated.

  “Could I do that, too, do you think?” she said timidly.

  “You can do even more.”

  She smiled with pleasure. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  We were silent for the rest of the way home. No language contains the words we wanted to speak, and the crazy flight through the darkness offered a perfect alternative. It was even better.

  “Here we are,” Melamori said faintly, when I turned onto the Street of Copper Pots and stopped at the Secret Entrance to the House by the Bridge.

  “Yep, it’s the end of the line,” I said. “You know, where I come from that expression has another meaning, too. Like ‘Now we’ve done it,’ or ‘We’re sunk,’ or, as Anday Pu would say, ‘The dinner’s over once and for all!’”

  “How true!” Melamori said laughing, and together we went into Headquarters.

  Sir Juffin Hully was sitting in his armchair just staring into space. I was always a bit afraid of his vacant stare, which seemed as heavy as an anvil. But when he saw us he broke into a smile and even stood up to greet us.

  “Well, you certainly sorted out Jiffa and his ladylove,” he said. “The boys next door in the Police Department will be glad to know that you’re so keen on justice, and that you even know how to restore it when you’re lucky. You were marvelous, too, Melamori, especially the restraint you showed. Please accept my congratulations! Well, I guess that’s about it, then.”

  “The highest form of praise would be some Elixir of Kaxar,” I grumbled. “I’m about to collapse from exhaustion. Did you hear about the sad fate of my own precious
bottle?”

  “I heard, I heard. And to think it’s the first time you managed to take your own bottle with you and not mine!”

  “Fate gives wise counsel,” I said pedantically. “From now on I shall just filch your supplies.”

  “Iron logic,” Juffin said, reaching into his desk drawer. “Okay, take it, you sponger. We need to petition Sir Dondi Melixis to open a new category of expenditures to cover your little penchant.”

  I took two enormous gulps of Elixir of Kaxar. The delightful vitality and cheer of a person refreshed from good night’s sleep—how I loved the sensation! I felt light as a breeze again. Life seemed simple and wondrous. I closed my eyes in ecstasy.

  “Delicious.” I turned to Melamori. “I highly recommend it.”

  “I think I’d rather just go home and sleep for two dozen hours,” she said. “And you really won’t be needing me for now.” Then she looked at the boss. “Sir Juffin, Max won’t disappear anymore, will he? Are you sure of that?”

  “I’m sure. And if he disappears, I’ll snatch him back from wherever he ends up. I give you my word of honor. Are you satisfied?”

  “Yes.” Melamori put on the sad semblance of a smile, then came up to me and kissed me on the cheek, quite unexpectedly. “I hope I’m allowed to do that, at least,” she said with a slightly bitter grin. “No objections from that bitch Destiny, the Order of Dark Magicians, and other Jackasses of Fate. Good night, gentlemen. I’m asleep on my feet already.”

  “Morning. It’s already morning, Melamori. So good morning,” Juffin called after her as she was leaving.

  I just stood there with my mouth agape, like a fish on dry land. Juffin looked at me with sympathetic curiosity and shrugged helplessly. There was nothing else to say.

  “Well, what are we going to do now?” I said.

  “We are going to eat. Have breakfast. In short, we’re going to stuff ourselves. We’ll wait for the lads, we’ll shift all the worries of this Refuge for the Mad onto their able shoulders, and we’ll go to my house. You will go off to the Land of Nod. I’ll sing you a lullaby. Maba has promised to hum along, so there’s absolutely nothing to fear. After our musical accompaniment, you’ll wake up just where you’re supposed to, I guarantee it.”

  “I don’t doubt that,” I said smiling. “But what then? Will you and Maba sit next to me and hold my hand every time I go to sleep? You’re going to get tired of that pretty quick, I’m sure.”

  “No, no, no. A problem like this has to be resolved once and for all. If this place has its eye on you, it’s not going to let you go just like that. There’s only one way out of the dilemma: you have to go there with an experienced guide. You’ll pass through this fantastic labyrinth, look behind all the Doors, see the Worlds that they conceal, and learn to distinguish them by light and smell. What I mean to say is that you will have a map at your disposal. If the Corridor between Worlds beckons you again, you won’t be an unhappy victim but a cheerful voyager, and you yourself will choose where to go. You will decide yourself when you wish to return. I think it will be a grand adventure. You really are very lucky, Max. I know quite a few powerful people who for centuries tried to go there, but it didn’t want to receive them. But you it welcomes with open arms. Many Grand Magicians of old would be very jealous, if they only knew.”

  “The idea does have its appeal. But what then?” I asked again. “Am I doomed to go to that place again every time I fall asleep? To the Corridor between Worlds? And what about my other dreams? Maybe they’re paltry ones in comparison with the infinity of new Worlds, but I still don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to lose anything, Juffin.”

  “If you don’t want to, you won’t,” the boss said. “You still don’t understand, Max. You won’t be the prisoner of this strange place. You’ll become its master. Do you still not fathom what that means?”

  “Do you?” I said with a sinking heart.

  “Yes. I know my way around there quite well. So I know what I’m talking about. Eat, Sir Max. Life is wonderful!”

  I bent my head over my plate obediently. I had definitely worked up an appetite. What’s true is true.

  Half an hour later, a weary Sir Kofa joined us.

  “Well, did the Magaxon Foxes suffer a total rout, my boy?” he said heartily. “It seems you played your hand very skillfully.”

  “You think so?” I was flattered. In contrast to Juffin, Sir Kofa was very sparing with his compliments.

  “That’s what I say. What I really think is my own business, right?” said the Master Eavesdropper, grinning. Then he grew more serious. “The whole city talks of nothing else. And will talk of nothing else for who knows how long. It’s a cause célèbre. Is it true that you lugged a bag with the head of Red Jiffa to the Ministry? The Echo dwellers are sure that you plan to hang it on display outside your house. They think it’s your custom back there in the Barren Lands.”

  “Good morning, gentlemen.” Lonli-Lokli appeared at the door and looked at me attentively, then shook his head. “So my premonitions didn’t deceive me?” he asked. “You look pretty disheveled.”

  “At least I’m alive.”

  “I should hope so.” Shurf sat down next to me and filled his mug with kamra.

  “Have you been scarfing for a long time, or are you just starting?” Melifaro said, sticking his head into the office. “Anyway, I want some, too. I’m as tired as all get-out. Max, did you really schlep the head of that poor guy back with you? Do you really think that’s funny? Personally, I think you’ve gone too far”

  I sighed, and Juffin and Kofa laughed with sardonic glee.

  “But do you know where the plunder of the Magaxon Foxes was?” Melifaro said proudly. “Mr. Nightmare, you’re going to eat your skaba!”

  “I can guess.” It suddenly dawned on me. “In their amobiler, right? They planned to hightail it out of Echo forever. Of course Sir Atva packed up his loot for the escape. What a nitwit I am! It never even occurred to me to search their sinning buggy. How did you find out? Did you already have time to drive to the Magaxon Forest and back? Pardon me for not believing you.”

  “Like I don’t have better things to do than traipse back and forth to the Magaxon Forest. It was the forester who found it—that character Sir Chvaxta. I figure he filled his own pockets with the loot and sent me a call afterward. That’s just what I’d expect from him. But never mind, he’s got a reward coming to him for his good deed, in any case.”

  Melifaro fell silent, plunked down in the armchair, and began chomping loudly on some crisp pastries. I carried on with my self-reproach.

  “Don’t beat yourself up over it, Max. You can’t hold it against a person who was nearly killed twice over,” Juffin said. “You probably didn’t even remember about the plunder, did you?”

  “I remembered once, and I even asked Jiffa where it was, but I forgot about it almost immediately.”

  “Well, don’t worry. You’ve got to trip up sometime. Otherwise, you’ll become so insufferably perfect that no one will want to have anything to do with you.” Juffin got out of his chair and stood up decisively. “Let’s go, Max.”

  “Okay.” I stood up and stretched luxuriously. “Good morning, guys.” I went to the door but turned around just before I reached it. “Thanks for being who you are. Without you my life would just be one big blunder.”

  I felt a lump rising to my throat, so I rushed out into the corridor. Juffin caught up with me by the entrance to the building.

  “Way to go, Max. You’ve got to say some things out loud from time to time.”

  Sir Juffin Hully’s amobiler was already waiting for us outside. Old Kimpa was sitting at the levers. I could relax. They wouldn’t let me sit behind these levers at any price.

  On the drive home we didn’t say a word. Juffin seemed to be having a conversation in Silent Speech with some distant interlocutor. I wanted to get the impending improbable adventure over with. If I couldn’t wriggle out of it, well then, the sooner the better.

&n
bsp; “Welcome, Sir Max.” Juffin made a comic bow, throwing the door to the bedroom wide open. I froze for a moment in the doorway and marched into the room. What would be, would be.

  With that I quickly undressed and settled down comfortably under the fur blanket. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. The fair amount of Elixir of Kaxar I had downed didn’t seem to make a bit of difference. I was dead tired. After a few minutes of pleasant hovering between sleep and wakefulness, I conked out.

  I still can’t make sense of what I dreamed about to this day. I remember a number of disconnected episodes, but I can’t make them cohere into a single picture. Not anymore, at least.

  I glimpsed a multitude of Worlds, some real and some that disappeared long ago. And some that exist only in the imaginations of particular beings, living or dead. Worlds that looked like familiar realities, like vestiges of dreams when I first wake up, like delirious visions, and sometimes like nothing I had ever seen before. In one of the dream places I met Red Jiffa. I think I sought him out myself because I was very eager to find out whether he was all right. I don’t remember the details of our encounter, but Jiffa looked like a person who was absolutely happy with his lot.

  I took a look around the World where I was born, too. I discovered that it wasn’t any better, nor was it any worse, than any other. It just was what it was. I didn’t attach any special significance to my short visit home. I didn’t attach much significance to anything while I was there. I was in a wonderful state of mind: I didn’t really feel like a human being but like a light, cool, disembodied breeze that penetrated the cracks of the flimsy Doors between Worlds.

  At last I felt I had had my fill of solitude and new impressions. I had grown tired of the endless wandering, and I wanted to go home to Echo. I discovered that I already knew how to find the necessary door. I opened it, and woke up.