Story of a Sociopath

  —

  Yes, I should have promised her that I’d try, that I wouldn’t go back to London before making things right with her. But I didn’t. I remained silent, watching her walk through the door. She didn’t even turn back to look at me.

  During the flight to London, I tried to visualize how I should have behaved. How Esther would have reacted, John’s joy if I’d hugged him—but there was no turning back. I was already on a plane and I wouldn’t regret not doing what I could have done. I was simply the way I was and Esther would be fighting a losing battle if she tried to change me.

  —

  I arrived at the Savoy a few minutes early. Bernard Schmidt was already waiting at the table, which annoyed me, but annoyance soon gave way to surprise. He wasn’t what I was expecting. I don’t know why I’d visualized Schmidt as bearing a physical resemblance to Mark Scott. Instead, I met a man who was already in his sixties, with white hair, barely taller than me, wearing a boring navy-blue suit. The only thing that stood out about him were his icy gray eyes.

  He shook my hand firmly, so firmly I had to pull away immediately.

  “Well, I’m glad we’re meeting at last,” I said, as I sat down.

  He looked at me and just nodded. He seemed to expect me to start the talking. I gave a drink order to the waiter and began.

  “As you know, Roy Parker has a special interest in having me take care of his affairs again. I was responsible for his electoral campaign and he was pleased with the results.”

  Schmidt continued regarding me with interest, without flinching. I was starting to get nervous.

  “Mr. Parker’s partners suggested the possibility of my joining one of Mr. Lerman’s agencies, GCP, which, as far as I know, you supervise. I’m sure you understand that before making any decisions I thought it absolutely necessary for us to meet and see if we could work together.”

  I paused. It was his turn. I wasn’t planning to say another word until he did, so I occupied myself by taking a sip of the Campari that the waiter had brought me.

  He took his time to speak. He allowed the silence to settle between us while he brought a glass of white wine to his lips.

  “That’s a fantastic Chardonnay,” he said, moving the glass on the table. “Well, it’s best if we begin by clarifying a few concepts. You work for Mr. Parker, and I’ve been collaborating with the law firm of Mr. Jones and Mr. Brown, whom you recently met. Mr. Parker was so insistent on working with you that we’ve gone on to consider the option of you joining GCP, where you will primarily look after Parker’s affairs.”

  “A good option for you to consider; Roy wants to work with me,” I replied with a smirk.

  “Mr. Jones and Mr. Brown represent several consortia and cannot afford to leave their clients’ interests outside of their control. Outside their full control.”

  “So I’ve been told. But, at least for now, Roy is indispensable for advancing the interests of some of those clients, so you are going to be tolerant in allowing me to continue to work for him. These are the facts at hand, Mr. Schmidt. Now let’s move on to the important part,” I countered, impatiently.

  “Brian Jones has asked me to explain to you how we work. The agencies we collaborate with receive my assessment regarding issues concerning our clients. I give the final go-ahead, and not one piece of paperwork is handled without my knowledge. Any action taken, whatever it is, must meet with my approval. If you join GCP, you will be in charge of everything related to Mr. Parker. You will be able to design strategies, appoint your team members; you’ll have a certain degree of autonomy, but the penultimate decision is Mr. Lerman’s, and the final one is mine. If this is clear between us, there won’t be any problems. There’s a lot of money at stake and Mr. Jones and Mr. Brown don’t want to take any risks. I am in charge of ensuring that GCP does what it has to do, and overseeing the way in which things are done.”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Schmidt, but if I decide to join GCP, I will not be answering to anyone or anything except my own criteria. Nobody will be above me on matters concerning Mr. Parker. I don’t work for anyone.”

  “Of course you do, Mr. Spencer, you actually haven’t stopped doing so since you left Paul Hard’s academy. Who is, by the way, a good publicist though with very bad luck.”

  He was right. First I had worked for Cathy, then for Mr. Bennet and Mr. Hamilton, both of them apprentice developers. Later for Scott & Roth. I’d actually never been independent, but I had acted as if I were. However, I was sure that if I joined GCP, Bernard Schmidt would never allow me to forget that he had the final say.

  “You are very young, Mr. Spencer. You still have a lot to learn. The clients of the solicitors of Jones and Brown do not allow for beginner’s mistakes. They won’t put one pound at stake without being certain they will win. They never even consider the possibility of losing. My role is that of a consultant, although as I said before, on certain issues I have the last word. Take it or leave it.”

  “You mean you are not another partner of GCP. Are you a partner of the solicitors?”

  “Listen, Mr. Spencer: I am invisible. I am not here, I am not speaking to you, I don’t exist.”

  “I don’t understand…”

  “There’s nothing for you to understand. If you decide to accept Roy Parker’s offer, let me know. I will tell you what to do and how to do it. All you have to do is follow my instructions. If you do, everything will run smoothly. Of course, you’ll be able to put a sign on your office door that says ‘associate director’ if that soothes your ego.” Bernard Schmidt spoke in a monotone. Maybe his words were offensive, but his way of saying them seemed to take away the harshness. However, it was obvious that he was used to being the boss and having no one argue with his orders. I realized that if I had been so naïve as to think I could take the reins by meeting him, I’d been wrong. As things stood, I was going to get into something I didn’t quite understand. The word “consortium” was starting to sound strange to me.

  “You’re telling me I’ll only be a straw man,” I said.

  “I’m saying that there are some rules in this game, which you have just joined. The truth is that you can only be a pawn. Take it or leave it. It’s all the same to us. Mr. Parker wants you, but you are not indispensable, not even to him.”

  We’d barely touched our food, though I was hungry. I didn’t want anything to distract me from this conversation, which Schmidt was dominating. He had barely touched the sole meunière that the maître d’ had so highly recommended, although it was too buttery for my taste.

  “I need to think about it.”

  “Do. I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

  “I have a few clues,” I retorted.

  “I don’t believe you do. You would do well to think carefully about this. I’ll tell you one thing: once you get into this you won’t be able to come out unless they want to throw you out, and that will be either because you did your job badly or because they don’t trust you, which will have dire consequences for you.”

  “I believe you underestimate me.” I wanted him to know I was offended.

  “Hardly. I know you better than you know yourself, that’s all. You’re enjoying your role as the bad boy, living on the edge. Because you know that there’s a safety net underneath, which is your family. Also, you believe you’re worth more than you really are because up until now you’ve managed to avoid stumbling.”

  The coldness of his monotone didn’t preclude my feelings of surprise and irritation. I found his references to my family particularly presumptuous. I didn’t know how to respond. I would have liked to have said something hurtful but I couldn’t think of anything.

  “I have nothing against you personally, Spencer. I limit myself to doing my job, and if I have to supervise your work at GCP that’s what I’ll do. But when one works for certain clients one must know what the rules are, and whether one is treading on firm ground or heading into a swamp.”

  “You’ve made things very cl
ear, Mr. Schmidt. I’ll tell Mr. Parker whether I accept the offer or not, and under what conditions. If you don’t mind, I won’t be staying for coffee.”

  I didn’t shake his hand goodbye. I left him there at the table. And I didn’t bother paying the bill, even though it was me who’d said I’d take him to lunch. Let the consortia or the lawyers pay.

  On my way to my apartment, I had to fight the temptation to phone Esther. She would have analyzed the situation with the distance with which she considered everything related to work and daily life. I needed her advice. I felt more alone than I’d ever felt. I was aware that I had no one I could trust, and no one to go to. Even if my relationship with John had been good, I wouldn’t have been able to tell him about a conversation like the one I’d just had with Bernard Schmidt. John was too honest a man to accept that there was a hidden world of shadows where history was written.

  I phoned Roy’s cell, but Suzi picked up.

  “He’s in the office at a party meeting.”

  I nearly burst out laughing. Suzi talked about the party as if it were something important, and not something invented by Roy to become mayor, as a necessary step toward getting a seat in London. He had done so not to defend the farmers or the miners in the area, but for his own benefit, and that of his supposed partners, Jones and Brown.

  “Their meetings are at your home?”

  “Well, it’s just the most important people. I’ll tell him to call you.”

  “Yes, tell him, it’s urgent.”

  “When will you drop by for a visit?”

  “I have a lot of work, but I’ll find the time.”

  “We could always come to London instead. How’s your girlfriend? She seems like a nice girl.”

  “Tell Roy to call me.” And I hung up. The last thing I needed was for Suzi to try to get me to talk about Esther.

  —

  If I wasn’t able to speak to Roy, then there was only one other person whom I could talk to with a certain degree of trust: Philip Sullivan. He had helped me to set up the smear campaign against Roy’s political rivals. His hands were as dirty as mine, so he wouldn’t get all panicky even if he was shocked by what I had to tell him.

  Philip was eager when I invited him to my apartment for a drink and to talk about our professional futures. At least there was someone who would listen to me.

  I didn’t go into much detail, but I told him enough to give him the idea that on this occasion what Roy was proposing was not as innocent as before.

  “So Roy wants you to work for him alone. He’s a dark horse, isn’t he? I thought he was just some sheep farmer,” Sullivan said, worriedly.

  “Well, now you see that he’s not. But his partners have made it clear that if Roy wants me with him, there would be strings attached. I’d have to join GCP, Leopold Lerman’s agency. His partners are lawyers who represent all kinds of special interests—guns, energy, cement, you name it. Anything that makes money. I don’t think Roy means much to them. When they get what they want from him, they’ll get rid of him.”

  “And that’s what Roy is trying to avoid.”

  “Exactly. He thinks he can sit at the big boys’ table.”

  “He’s too ambitious.”

  “Yes, and that could ruin him.”

  “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

  Philip Sullivan looked at me expectantly. I decided to be honest with him.

  “I haven’t, and that’s why I’m talking to you. I’m not going to hide it from you, the chance to work with Roy again is tempting, but there are a lot of risks attached. If the election campaign two years ago was dirty, just think what could happen from here on out.”

  “Also, his partners have made it clear that they’re washing their hands of him. And if you do something you shouldn’t…” Philip said.

  “Exactly. What would you do?”

  He was silent for a while, and his silence made me nervous.

  “Come on, make up your mind,” I insisted.

  “It’s a tough one. There are risks in working for an agency and being an employee. Another option would be to set up your own agency, communications or PR, and to have Roy as one of your clients. You’d have control and you wouldn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to.”

  I thought for a few moments. Philip Sullivan had just given me an idea: striking out on my own.

  “But that’s not what Jones and Brown want. They want to have absolute control. There are other firms that work for them and they don’t need a new one, much less one to handle difficult cases,” I said.

  “Well, forget about Roy and his partners and go out on your own. You made a name for yourself in London thanks to the Green deal and the Rural Party campaign, and you haven’t lost that reputation.”

  “Don’t be so innocent. No one here will give me any of the big jobs. I’m still a foreigner.”

  “So you think you’ve got no options but to accept Roy’s offer or go back to New York…I don’t see it like that, but you’ll have to decide for yourself.”

  I was annoyed that Philip Sullivan wouldn’t come down on one side or the other. Suddenly he seemed to me like one of those prissy English types who get all nervous at the first sign of change.

  “You’re right; I have to decide. Would you work with me?”

  Philip was silent again. It was hard for him to give me a straight “no.”

  “It depends,” he said after a pause. “I’d have to know more about these partners of Roy’s, and more than that I’d have to know what role I would be expected to play. What we did in Roy’s campaign…Well, you know it wasn’t good. I don’t know if I want to carry on taking part in…things like that.”

  “And your friend Neil?”

  “I suppose he’d be up for it, he’s got nothing to lose. He always needs money. Alcohol is expensive in England.”

  “I’d like to be able to count on you,” I insisted.

  “Thank you. You know that I’ve always worked well alongside you. I trust you. But this may be too much for me. Why don’t you get Neil to sniff around a bit and try to find out more about these lawyers, Brian Jones and Edward Brown?”

  “And Bernard Schmidt. Ultimately, Schmidt would be in charge. Yes, you’re right. Could you ask Neil to look into it?”

  “You know it’ll cost you.”

  “I’m willing to pay.”

  I gave Philip an envelope with two thousand pounds in it, for Neil to get to work.

  I was left alone, and in a foul mood. I had hoped that Philip Sullivan would unconditionally offer to throw in his lot with mine, but he’d suddenly become cautious. I guess he was scared of going too far. The first time he’d crossed the line was when he was dealing with that guy who hacked into the Bank of England. The second had been during Roy’s campaign. He was scared that the third time his luck would turn.

  I poured myself a whiskey with a single ice cube and downed it. I didn’t have anything better to do than drink. I didn’t really have any friends in London. I didn’t know anyone apart from some wannabe models who would be happy to have dinner with a man like me, who would take them to a fashionable restaurant where they could be seen and who would then get a little extra present from me in bed. There were also Madame Agnès’s girls and the people I’d worked with. But not even Philip Sullivan was my friend.

  I dialed Esther’s number, but hung up before she could answer. I couldn’t tell her that I was going to change and reconcile myself with John and the rest of the family, and she had made it very clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me unless that happened.

  I wondered if I could ever find anyone else like her. A woman with whom I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I was not. Yes, there had to be another Esther in the world. It was just a matter of finding her.

  I thought of Cathy. She might agree to have dinner with me. I called her.

  “What do you want?” she asked drily when she heard my voice.

  “To sign a peace treaty. Ho
w about we have dinner this evening?”

  “A terrible idea. You’re the last person on earth I’d have dinner with. Anything else?”

  “Yeah. How often did you have to fuck Mark to get my job?” I retorted.

  She hung up without saying anything. I can’t say I was surprised. I kicked a chair and hurt my foot and then my cell phone rang. It was Roy. I was pleased to hear from him.

  “All this party wrangling is nonsense” was the first thing he said. “I’ve spent the whole afternoon listening to nonsense. Did you and Schmidt eat?”

  I told him about the meeting with Schmidt in detail and he didn’t seem to like what I had to say.

  “Hey, Thomas, don’t waste my time. I want you but if you don’t want to come aboard then tell me. Jones and Brown have made things clear: you have to work for GCP and Schmidt is part of the deal. They don’t know you and they don’t trust you. There’s a lot of money at stake, and they can’t take any risks. That’s fair enough, don’t you think?”

  “I thought it was you who decided who ran your business,” I said angrily.

  “That’s what I want, but they’ve got the whip hand here, and it’s their way or the highway. I’m going with them. I need them: when I’m stronger I’ll be able to do without them.”

  “And they’ll be able to do without you.” I laughed.

  “They’ll try.”

  “You’ll never be in their organization. They won’t even let you come in through a side door.”

  “Yes, I guess they’ll play their hand and I’ll play mine. You need to decide if you’re going to deal yourself in, or pass.”

  “I still haven’t decided, Roy. All I can see at the moment are the drawbacks. These lawyer friends of yours seem dangerous.”

  “They are, Thomas. There’s no one who represents the electricity companies, the gas companies, cement, the arms industry, who isn’t dangerous. If they were nuns they’d be in a convent.”

  “Well, we agree on that.”