Beautiful Maria of My Soul

  So she was a solitary sort. Whereas other cubanitas of her age would look back at the drudgery of their high school studies and prefer to remember their various novios—even Teresita noticed how some of those boys swaggered along the halls with erections bunched up in the fronts of their tight jeans—she, in those years, had only one sort of boyfriend, another brainy cubano exilio, whom she had met in a chemistry lab. Rolando wasn’t bad looking—in fact, at first glance, he was handsome enough, with Elvis sideburns and expressive brows and eyes—but his face was a mess of luridly green, white-topped pimples, which prevented him from thinking he could ever look good. He blamed these outbreaks on the constant pressures that his demanding parents put on him to excel in school. (This she almost envied; María hardly ever bothered to ask Teresita about her studíes.) Nevertheless, it was his general melancholy—shades of María—and his self-effacing ways, that touched Teresita’s heart, and while they never became a couple, meeting here and there in the malls, where they’d find a secluded spot to furtively kiss, she owed her first sexual experience to him. This took place in the bedroom of her house one afternoon while María was off at her dance studio: his trembling hands slipping inside her blouse and caressing the plumpness of her breasts, her nipples (shades of María) shooting up and hardening at his touch, and then, as good as losing her virginity, Teresita let him ease his fingers into her panties, where, feeling him fooling around, she came. In kind, to put it in the most unscientific language, in the midst of a longish kiss, she jerked him off. But that was about all. They went out for a while until Rolando, confusing that afternoon’s frolic with love, not only took to calling her every day but began to behave so mawkishly around her at school that Teresita, finding him bothersome and too much of a distraction from her studies, just had to cut him loose.

  She’d finally had a regular novio in college, at least for a time, a pre-med student of mixed Argentine and Lebanese descent, named Tomás, who, breaking the sacred seal of her virginity, could not get enough of her, his favorite part of Teresita’s body lying between her legs, the taste of which he swore intoxicated him. Altogether, their romance seemed to others an instance of cerebral love between two of the best pre-med students in their school. How could it have been otherwise? For Tomás also happened to possess a handsomeness that turned many a female head, and some might have wondered how she, of an ordinary cubanita prettiness, had managed to snag him. (She wondered as well.)

  One evening, after they’d been together for about five months, Teresita brought Tomás home to María, on whom his striking looks and intelligence made a wonderful impression. So wonderful that for weeks afterwards, María pestered her daughter about having Tomás in again for dinner. On that second occasion, it startled Teresita to find that María had abandoned her usual blouse and tight evening slacks for an even tighter hip-swallowing red dress with a slit skirt, of such décolletage, that Tomás, during the course of their meal of arroz con pollo, could not avoid taking in the alluring shapeliness of María’s breasts. And she embarrassed Teresita further with her constant compliments of him. “Oh, but how it makes me happy to see my daughter with a fellow as nice looking as you!” and, “Surely, if you don’t want to become a doctor, you can become a movie actor!” Such remarks, abetted by a few cocktails, and María’s later insistence that she show him the steps of a dance called the “mozambique” on their living room floor, left Teresita so peeved afterwards that she resolved never to bring him back there again.

  It didn’t matter. A few months later, for reasons Teresita could not comprehend, Tomás began to make himself scarce. Perhaps someone else had entered the picture—she didn’t know—but, in any event, Tomás gradually disappeared from her life. And while Teresita never once mentioned her disappointment to anyone, she began to think that María, whose questions about that “wonderful boy” began to drop away, already knew. If so, María, being María, kept it under her hat—perhaps out of fear of saying the wrong thing to her daughter. And while Teresita, for all her pride, would have loved to have lain her head on María’s lap and cry her eyes out, she never did; and not from any animosity, but simply because, when it came to such moments, they just weren’t that way with each other at all.

  And now, an image of Teresita, having taken a shower and drying herself off with a towel in the bedroom mirror of her lowly Fort Washington flat, on West 188th, in a neighborhood of Hasidic Jews, Holocaust survivors, and junkies. What did she see? A young woman, of thirty or so, and about five feet two in height, with cinnamon skin, sometimes a little too chubby in places—she kept her belly sucked in—but nice, a great mane of dark hair falling over her shoulders, a woman with shapely hips and pendulous breasts, their nipples like berries, and a flourish of curling black pubic hair in the shape of a spade between her legs. And her face? Stepping closer to the mirror, in her ordinary prettiness, she could see that her almond eyes were her best feature; but when she tilted her head up at a certain angle, and her cheekbones glowed and the slope of her face elongated, she thought that she looked just like her mother, María.

  Actually, in those days when Teresita lived in New York and her mother kept asking, “Is there someone?” there had been an American fellow, a certain Derek Harrison, whom Teresita had met at the hospital during her second year as an intern. They’d had an affair that lasted about six months, their passions enflamed, in part, by their exposure to patients who were dying. It was as if one atmosphere fed the other. With AIDS just coming to light, when Teresita and Derek, a fellow intern, stole some moments between rounds, they’d slip into a vacant operating room to ravish each other at three in the morning, and once—the sort of thing that made even Teresita smile—standing up in a janitors’ closet, she had hitched her skirt over her belly, her panties down, her body writhing, her papaya damp and hungrily drawing him in.

  It was wonderful and exciting while it lasted, but Teresa, in her naïveté, confused this fellow’s desire to escape the more funereal side of their profession with affection. She’d almost told María about it as a blossoming kind of love, but before she could, he had started to grow more distant, detached, in fact, and while they had continued to fool around for a while, the boiling heat of their mutual infatuation reduced to a simmer and then cooled to a tepid broth. By then, while doing what he could to avoid her, this sinverguenza Derek finally confessed that he, from a very good WASP family in Philadelphia, happened to be engaged. If there had been any time when Teresita wished a man to hell, it was then.

  But, as with Tomás, she never told María about her broken heart. What would her mother have said to console her anyway?

  INDEED, ONCE TERESITA RETURNED TO MIAMI, IN ’87, TO BEGIN her post at the children’s hospital, a decision which made María very happy, they resumed a life as mother and daughter (along with Omar, the cat) that, compared with many another Cuban household in Miami, bubbling over with aunts and cousins, uncles and abuelos, was muy callado—quiet. Teresita’s position at the hospital took up a lot of her time; she’d come home exhausted, often finishing up patient reports in her bedroom before joining her mother in the living room. On the weekends, however, María and her daughter were nearly inseparable. They liked to eat lunch at one of those outdoor cafés along South Beach—now jammed with tourists and hustling young people. Amazed by how much things had changed—for the worse in some ways, with all the noise, traffic, and tacky souvenir shops—even she, no prude, never quite got used to seeing, as they’d stroll along the beach, the European women who wore only bikini bottoms playing volleyball or dancing to rap music from boom boxes in the sand. (Yes, Miami was a long way from Havana, 1949.) Sometimes they’d go to an art fair, or church bazaar, or to an afternoon outdoor concert with some friends, but mainly they kept to themselves. And while she was ever grateful for the fact that they had each other, with each passing week María became more distressed to see her only daughter staying at home on Saturday nights when most unmarried women her age were at least trying to find a novio if not a hu
sband.

  (Oh, but María’s lectures, while the poor young woman was just trying to mind her own business: lectures about broken hearts and the loneliness of solitude, the stupidity of today’s juventud, squandering their opportunities for life and love, especially the ones who got too many American cucarachas in their heads!)

  To please María, Teresa dipped into the crowded, overwrought Miami club scene, singles nights at different venues, and while she occasionally went out on the dates that her mother had cajoled from friends, Teresita had yet to meet anyone, Cuban or not, she thought compatible. (“So what was wrong with that one?” María inevitably asked.) Her mother’s continual urgings, it should be said, occasionally got on Teresita’s nerves, becoming, at a certain point, something Teresita just didn’t want to hear about.

  But they had their good times: paid well, living cheaply, Teresita was able to take beautiful María to Italy on a vacation. To Rome, to Florence and Venice, then Naples and Sorrento and back. Her mother loved not only the way Italian men regarded women but the gruff yet kindly vendors in the markets with whom, as during her stay in the Bronx, she could speak Spanish and always be understood. She dissolved in the sunsets, daydreamed in the wisteria-rich gardens, and, touring the ruins of Pompeii, wondered why people bothered to preserve such old things. Roma, in particular, with its self-contained and lively neighborhoods, so reminded María of Havana that she felt completely at home. And she liked the way men gave her daughter the most interested looks, following her every move down the street. “You see,” she’d say, “they know how to appreciate you,” Teresita simply nodding.

  What most surprised María, however, was how she felt after that two-week sojourn when they arrived back in Miami. She couldn’t wait to get home, not just to Omar, whom she had left with her next-door neighbor Annabella, but to the city itself, and the familiarity of her neighborhood and house. She’d feel the same when they made their other trips, now and then: to a medical convention in Los Angeles, to a seaside resort along the coast of South Carolina, and to Washington, D.C., where that elegant lady and her daughter acted like happy tourists.

  Then back, as always, to the usual routines of their days.

  PART V

  Oh Yes, That Book

  Chapter FORTY-SEVEN

  One morning, in the autumn of 1989, while Teresita sat in their kitchen reading The Miami Herald, as she always did before heading to the hospital, Omar the cat purring away on her lap, she came across a book review whose subject matter not only caught her attention but made the fine hairs on the back of her neck bristle, as if a ghost had entered the room. The review was of a recently published novel about two Cuban musicians, Cesar and Nestor Castillo, who, as it happened, travel to New York City from Havana in 1949 and end up as walk-on characters on the I Love Lucy show, where, by yet another coincidence, they perform a romantic bolero, “Beautiful María of My Soul.”

  With exuberant and often erotic detail, The Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love serves up enough sex, music, and excitement to keep the pages turning effortlessly…. And when it comes to its descriptions of passion, watch out! Just the scenes between Nestor Castillo and his love in Havana, María, left this reviewer reeling…

  Of course, there was more to that rather euphoric review, but it was to that reference that Teresita kept returning. The familiarity of its story so startled Teresita that she was tempted to tell María, off in the living room performing calisthenics to some morning exercise program. But not wanting to agitate her—would María be happy? Or outraged? Or would she care at all?—she finished that review and, taking note of the fact, listed below the piece, that its author, a certain Oscar Hijuelos (a strange enough name, even for a “Cuban-American who makes his home in New York”), was to appear that next Friday evening at a bookstore in Coral Gables, Teresita decided to go.

  For the next few days, while attending to her duties, Teresita remained surprised by her annoyance over the fact that, however it may have happened, her mother’s story had, from what she could tell, somehow been co-opted for the sake of a novel. Feeling proprietarily disposed, as most Cubans are about their legacy, she was determined to ascertain by what right the author had to publicize even a “fictional” version of her mother’s life, without first seeking permission. It just made Teresita feel as if her mother’s privacy had been violated, and while she had gone through any number of machinations about the possibilities of pursuing a lawsuit—even calling up an attorney that someone had once recommended over another matter—once she arrived that evening, having rushed to make it by seven, she found the atmosphere in that bookstore, jammed with hundreds of curious people, Cubans and non-Cubans alike, so reverential and kindly disposed towards this Hijuelos that it somewhat calmed her down.

  The author himself seemed rather self-effacing—in fact, a little overwhelmed by the crowd—and why wouldn’t he? A balding fellow, more Fred Mertz than Desi Arnaz, of a somewhat stocky build, in glasses and, to judge from his fair skin, blond hair, and vaguely Irish or Semitic face, not very Cuban looking at all, he read aloud from his book The Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love, the title of which he had surely taken from the very same LP María put on the phonograph from time to time (driving Teresita crazy). Stopping to make some aside, he attested to the verisimilitude of the novel, which he said he had written out of a pride and love for the unsung generation of pre-Castro Cubans, the sorts of fellows that he, growing up in New York City, had known.

  She couldn’t judge the quality of the prose, which sounded rather colloquial to her ear—Teresita tended to read the vampire novels of Anne Rice—but the thickly packed audience seemed to appreciate the author’s guileless presentation. One section had to do with this drunken musician Cesar Castillo, known as the Mambo King, holed up in a hotel room in Harlem at the end of his life and dreaming about better times, and the next was a longish recitation of how this character’s brother Nestor Castillo had met his wife, a Cuban lady named Delores, in New York in 1950 while nursing all these longings for the love of his life, left back in Cuba, the beautiful María of his soul, for whom he had tormentedly written a song. It was enough to make Teresita tap her low-heeled shoes impatiently on the floor (she was standing in the back), her skin heating up over what she did not know. She experienced not anger, or righteous indignation—he seemed a harmless enough fellow—but she felt annoyed over the intrusion of it all, just the same.

  At the conclusion of his reading, the author took questions from the audience, and while some of them were asked in Spanish, usually by the older folks—nicely dressed Cuban ladies, or their husbands—he’d answer in English, which seemed just fine with everyone.

  “Why that particular story?” someone asked. “You mentioned earlier something about the two brothers, the Castillos, going on the I Love Lucy show. How is that?”

  “Well,” he began, “growing up, that’s a show we all liked in my home; for us, it was Desi Arnaz, and not Lucille Ball, who was the star.” There was laughter, nods of approval from the audience. “You’ve got to remember that it was the only program on television that featured a Cuban in those days…. But, on top of that, I was always wondering about those guys who’d turn up on the show—you know, those walk-on characters who’d always just arrived from Cuba; they reminded me of what we used to go through at home in New York; that’s what got me started.”

  “But did you know of any Cubans who were on that show?” the same person, who seemed to be a journalist of some kind, asked, following up.

  “Yeah, sort of. I mean, I heard some stories about that kind of thing from time to time…and, well, what can I say, I just ran with it…”

  Someone else raised a hand: the question, having nothing to do with the novel, concerned the author’s opinion of Fidel Castro and the Cuban revolution, “which, as you know, Señor Hijuelos, has been a tragedy for us all.”

  “What happened seems unfair and unjust,” he answered gingerly. “We all know that. I have a lot of cousins who left and stayed
with us in our apartment—so I know, that, yeah, it was a tragedy,” he concluded, in his New Yorker’s way, quickly pointing to another hand. It was Teresita’s.

  “I understand you have this song that you mention in the book, ‘La bella María de mi alma.’ Are you aware that it was a very well known bolero back in the 1950s?”

  “Yeah, I did know that, but there are so many boleros from that epoch I could have chosen. I mean to say that it was one of those songs I heard growing up, and it just never got out of my head.”

  “But surely you must know that your story, with that song performed on the Lucy show, the real Lucy show, which I have seen many times, by the way, sounds suspiciously like it was taken from real life. Is that correct?”

  “That’s a complicated question,” the writer answered, his face turning rather red as he went into some high-sounding miércoles about literary technique, and the kind of pastiche he employed, mixing up reality and fantasies—“which is what any novel is really about.”

  Listening patiently, Teresita nodded. “So I take it that you must have heard from somebody about the Castillo brothers, yes?”