Yearning Absolution (Yearning Series)

  “Fine. You have five minutes. Then I will speak and you will listen.” McKayla scooted her chair closer to the table again. She gestured for Gwen to sit. Gwen sat down and clasped her hands on the table. She took a few deep breathes before she could start.

  “McKayla, I miss you. God knows how much I miss you. I miss seeing your face, your smile, watching your eyes light up. Everything. I miss every single thing about you. I know you are having a hard time with me also loving Cole. But I can tell you, I don’t love him any more than I love you. I might not have been great at showing it but I love you more than life. I want you in my life. I’ll do anything to have you back. I will do anything to show you how much I love you and need you. Anything but leave Cole. Just as I would never have ever left you if he ever asked. I don’t want to have to choose one over the other.” Gwen brushed the backs of her hands against her cheeks to wipe away the tears that were escaping uncontrollably from her eyes.

  “That it? Are you done? Because I have a few words I’d like to say as well.” McKayla barely waited for a moment before continuing. “I might have believed you had you told me you were pregnant. I can see the belly. I can tell you are carrying his child in there. You really expect me to believe that you would want me around when you have the perfect little family? You never ever wanted children with me. It was never even up for discussion. No matter what I wanted. It was always what you wanted and I went along with it for you. But I can see once again, you changed what you wanted for this man.” McKayla pushed back from the table. “Well, I’m choosing me. I want someone that wants me for me and for what I want in life.”

  “I do want you exactly the way you are. I never realized that you didn’t have everything you wanted from our relationship. And this pregnancy isn’t planned. But I do plan to keep them. How could I not with the way my parents so easily tossed me aside. McKayla, I want you in their life. I want you in my life. I even bought you a commitment ring. I would wear one too. To show that I’m committed to you. If you want we can go somewhere that allows same sex marriage and I’ll marry you this instant. I want you in my life forever.” Gwen tried to hold back the sobs as McKayla walked out of the coffee shop. Gwen quickly followed her out the front door. “Please, don’t walk away.”

  “Gwen. I love you. I do. I just can’t get over the feeling that I’m just a security blanket for you. Do you really love me? Did you ever? While I would give my life for you, you so easily welcome another love into your life.” McKayla turned to walk away again. The sun had set while they’d been in the coffee shop and it was growing darker out.

  “You said you would be okay with this. You encouraged it. Maybe you were pushing me to leave you. Maybe you just can’t accept that I love you. I can love you and Cole the same. It is you that is pushing me away. I’m willing to do anything for you and you are the one that is constantly turning away from me.” Gwen spoke as loud as she could but she was sobbing and McKayla was gone.

  After a few mind numbing minutes of crying alone on the streets of New York. Gwen slowly found her way to the subway. She stumbled down the stairs, a bit disoriented. There was no one on the platform. Gwen broke down with body shaking sobs. Pressing her back to the wall, she slid down until she was seated on the ground. Her arms came up to wrap around her knees as much as they could as sobs loudly ripped from her lungs. She pressed her face to her knees. Tears soaked her pants as they continued to stream quickly down her face. She couldn’t comprehend why McKayla was being so harsh and unmoving. This wasn’t the woman she had come to love over the years.

  The loud sound of footsteps echoing in the subway entrance made her try to stifle the sobs. She quickly pushed to her feet and used her hand to wipe at her eyes. The last thing she needed was to add to her embarrassment. She’d just caused a scene in the coffee shop, another one in the subway wouldn’t help anything. Slowly, she turned towards where the footsteps had come from. There were many pillars but no person that she could see. She stepped around to the other side of the pillars but there was no one on the other side either. She had most certainly heard the echo of loud foot falls.

  A shiver of fear raced up her spine. She needed to get home. It had to be all the stress from today playing with her nerves. She didn’t know when the train would be arriving. Why had she come down here anyway? She should’ve just grabbed a cab. That’s what she was going to do. She quickly walked back towards the exit of the subway. Behind her she heard the loud clap of shoes falling on the hard floor again. She whipped around to see who was there, but once again there was no one.

  She spun back around and ran up out of the subway. Running down the street, Gwen noticed there wasn’t many people around. After running two blocks, pain shot through her stomach so she ducked into an alley and bent, putting her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. Her purse slipped off her shoulder and fell to the ground, her breathing ragged. After a moment, she peeked around the corner to see only the people she had just ran past. She was panicking over nothing. She had to get herself together and get home. Cole was there. He would calm her, comfort her.

  She bent at the knees to pick up her purse from the dark ground. Movement from the opening to the street caught her eye. She flicked her eyes over as a pair of beat up old boots stepped closer to her. She quickly grabbed her purse and moved to stand as his voice washed over her, “Well, lucky me.”

  “Richard.” Gwen gasped as she stood to her full height. He stepped closer to her. His hate filled eyes locked with hers. Her fingers dug into the strap of her purse causing it to cut into her palm. Her jaw quivered slightly.

  “I knew if I waited long enough. I would get you again.” He spoke quietly but it reverberated through Gwen. The word ‘again’. Her entire body shivered with the thought of him locking her away again. Her body broke out in a cold sweat as he took another small step towards her. He dragged his tongue slowly over his bottom lip as his eyes traced over her body as she took a step to the side, away from him. His eyes stopped at her bulging belly and rage filled his face. “You are pregnant? Pregnant with another man’s baby. How dare you!”

  Before Gwen could react, he grabbed her arm with the purse and cranked it up behind her back as he turned her, shoving her face into the rough brick wall. His other arm came up pressing against the back of her neck. Spit hit her cheek as he spoke, “You fucking little tramp. Off fucking other men. Letting them release their seed into your body. This is my body, not yours. I never wanted to let you go, I never agreed to let other men fuck you. Yet here you are spreading your slutty legs for any cock that comes by. Well, don’t worry this time I’ll make sure you never get the chance again.”

  His arm was gone from her neck, but his hand was fisting in her hair, yanking her head back as a gasp escaped from her mouth. All those years of training he’d beat into her about keeping silent was all that kept her from yelling out. Tears streamed down her face but not a sound left her mouth, even as her mind told her to do anything to fight back against him. Her fear, the fear beaten into her for years, held her immobile. Her eyes were pressed tightly shut as she felt his hand release her arm and slide around her hip. His large palm rested against her belly, her babies. “I see you remember all those lessons we taught you. Keep quiet and we’ll fuck you real good. Scream and we’ll beat you real good.”

  His hand left her belly and she felt him tugging on the button of her pants. His hand slid over her hip, pushing her pants down. A loud sob ripped from Gwen’s throat before she could hold it back. Instantly her face was slammed hard into the wall by the hand in her hair. “Bitch, you owe me for making me wait so many years. I’m gonna take part of my reward for my patience right here, right now. Don’t you dare even think of fighting me or I’ll make for damn sure you lose that little babe. Do you want me to do that? You know I’ve done it many times in the past for you. Just another thing you were ungrateful for. Saved you from having to raise little brats. Do you want me to help rid you of this little one as well?”

&n
bsp; “No.” Gwen gasped. She’d wanted to scream. She silently begged for someone to see them. As much as she wanted to get away from here, she knew he wouldn’t let her escape him again. She had to let him just get off and then she’d have more opportunities to escape. “I won’t fight. Just get it over with. Leave my babies alone.”

  “That’s my girl.” Richard breathed into her ear. He ground his hips into her ass. She could feel the hard press of his erection. By now he had pushed her pants past her hips and they were pooled around her ankles. He slid his hand into the front of her panties as he once again ground his hips against her. Bile rose in Gwen’s throat when he tried to push his fingers into her, she couldn’t do this. Not at any cost. She wouldn’t be his victim again.

  “Help! Someone help me!” Gwen screamed at the top of her lungs. Richard punched her in the face before he pulled her hair back so hard it yanked her knees out from her. She fell to her back in the dark filthy alley. He was on her instantly. His fist bashed into her face in rapid succession even though she was slapping at him and trying her best to kick him. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, but that didn’t stop him, didn’t slow him.

  “You fucking bitch. I should’ve just killed you when I had the chance. But you were begging me to fuck you first, weren’t you?” Richard pushed to his feet. Gwen tried to curl up on her side away from his angry blows, her arms wrapped around her belly. He kicked her hard in the back. Her spine arched as a blood curdling scream escaped her lips and she rolled onto her back. Pain was rolling through her back as he landed another solid kick to her side.

  “Stop, please. Stop!” Gwen repeated as loud as she could. Just make the pain stop. Anything to make the pain stop. She had forgotten what it felt like when he was angry with her. Somehow, she had forgotten what it was like when he rained blow after blow down on her. How had she forgotten this pain? But he didn’t hear her pleas over the obscenities he was yelling at her. His foot connected with her stomach over and over. She couldn’t scream any more, she couldn’t think any more, all she could think about was trying to force air into her lungs. She coughed and blood flowed from her mouth. The pain was too much for her to handle. She fought as hard as she could but she just couldn’t handle more of the pain that he was pounding into her body, her belly. Her babies.

  She closed her eyes and couldn’t force them open. Her mind went blank. Everything went black as she passed out.

  Chapter 25

  Gwen slowly blinked opened her eyes. All she could see were dim, long, slim bulbs in the ceiling above her. Where was she? She tried to move her head to look around, but her head was so heavy it wouldn't move. She could hear noises but none of them made any sense to her. Nothing made sense. The last thing she could remember was walking down the street crying after the fight with McKayla. She tried to remember what happened after that but it wouldn’t come to her. The dim bulbs she had been staring at were gone from her view. Something dark and blurry had moved into her view blocking the lights. She couldn’t seem to get her eyes to focus on what the object actually was though.

  She closed her eyes again. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep. When she opened her eyes again there was a bright light coming from one side of the room. It took so much effort, but she was finally able to turn her head towards that bright light. It was a window. Not a window she was familiar with though.

  Gwen didn’t recognize anything in front of the window. There was an empty chair that looked horribly uncomfortable and ugly curtains hung from either side of the window. A scrapping sound came from the other side of the room. Gwen made the painstaking effort to turn her head all the way to the other side.

  Her eyes landed on a familiar face. It was someone she recognized standing next to her, but try as she might, Gwen couldn’t remember their name. This person was speaking but it wasn't making any sense to her. There was movement behind the person as a couple more people entered the room. She just stared at them for a moment before closing her eyes and going back to sleep.

  After yawning, Gwen opened her eyes again. She blinked a few times and realized that she could feel her hands. Had she been able to feel them before? She couldn’t remember. Where was she anyway?

  A friendly looking lady walked in the room and sat next to Gwen. She held Gwen’s hand while just looking at her for a moment. “Hi.”

  It took a moment before Gwen understood what she had said and a few more before Gwen could remember how to form the same word. “Hi.”

  The woman started speaking faster this time, but Gwen just looked at her. Those blue eyes and blonde hair looked so familiar. Gwen knew that she should remember this person but she didn’t. She swallowed a few times then opened her mouth again. “Where?”

  “Where?” The woman repeated it back to her. Another woman entered the room and spoke to the blonde that was holding her hand. The two left the room together, leaving Gwen alone. She didn’t mind though. She was tired again. Why was she so tired?

  Living through the incredible tiredness only to wake with hours or days lost continued for an endless period to Gwen. She had no concept of time passing or how much time had passed between each time she woke.

  Each time Gwen woke she found she had gained a little more of herself back. Slowly her words started to come easier. She could move her hands a bit and she was able to stay awake for almost an hour at a time, finally. She still had no recollection of who the blonde was or the handsome man that was around a lot of the time. They hadn’t spoken much to her. But, she could hear them murmuring to each other when she was sleeping.

  The doctors had come in and told her that she had been in a coma for three weeks. She had a couple broken ribs, broken nose, and internal bleeding, which they had stopped while she’d been in the coma. She had taken damage to her head, which is what had caused her to go into a coma. They’d said a few other things but she didn’t understand it all. Just that hopefully her brain would continue to slowly piece things together. The doctors had told her that things would slowly start to come back to her hopefully with her memory and ability to control her body. They had also said it may not, only time would tell.

  When Gwen awoke this time, the man was sleeping with his head on the bed. Both of his hands were clenched around one of Gwen’s hand. She looked down at him as he slept. She reached across her body to touch his hair, which awoke him instantly. Green eyes slowly opened to lock with hers. He sat up slowly.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Gwen spoke softly. “What is your name?” She didn’t want to ask but she was hoping maybe it would help her remember more. Her throat was sore still from the breathing tube they had removed when she had started to show signs that she was coming out of the coma.

  “Cole. I am Cole. Do you not remember me?” Cole spoke slowly. Gwen shook her head softly. She watched as his eyes filled with tears, but they didn’t escape down his cheeks. He closed his eyes for a moment before looking at her again. “It’s okay. I was hoping you still remembered me but couldn't vocalize it.”

  “I don’t remember anything.” Gwen sighed. “I’ve tried. Last thing I remember…” Gwen thought back. She’d been in a fight with someone. The blonde. “I was fighting with the blonde woman.”

  “McKayla.” Cole supplied. Gwen nodded.

  “McKayla. Then I remember waking up here. Everything is foggy before that and after that.” Gwen laid her head back and closed her eyes. "I'm sleepy."

  "That's okay, baby. Just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." The man said as he ran his fingers over her cheek.

  The next time she opened her eyes it was dark in the room again. Cole wasn’t by her side anymore. There was a nurse fiddling with something on Gwen’s stomach. “What are you doing?”

  “Just changing your dressing, dear. I’m almost done.” The nurse spoke softly, but didn’t take her eyes off what she was doing. As she moved items around, the scent of blood hit Gwen. With that scent, memories came rushing back over her. She remembered being held captiv
e, the fight in the alley, the babies.

  “Wait. WAIT.” Gwen yelled when the lady paid her no attention. That got her attention. “Why do I have bandages on my stomach? Are the babies ok? Why hasn’t anyone said anything about the babies? WHERE ARE MY BABIES?”

  “I’m sure someone has mentioned it by now.” The woman finished what she was doing and picked up her items and quickly left the room before Gwen could piece together her next thoughts.

  Gwen fought sleep. She was tired and just wanted to go back to sleep but she needed answers. She HAD to get answers. Her hands tenderly moved over the bed until they rested on her stomach. Her flat stomach. Memories washed over her of Cole touching and kissing her little bump. She remembered seeing the babies on the ultrasound, hearing their little hearts beating so quickly. They were gone. She didn’t need anyone to tell her. She could feel their missing presence.

  She had lost her babies. She’d lost Cole’s babies. They were gone. Gone. Tears poured down her cheeks as a loud sob ripped out of her mouth. The movement shot pain through her broken ribs and through her chest, which only made her cry harder. It was a vicious cycle. The more she cried, the more her body hurt. The more her body hurt, the more she cried. But she couldn’t stop. She’d lost someone she loved. Two children that she loved more than anything. The only people in the world that would love her no matter how horrible her past was. Her surprise wonderful gift had been taken by the same horrible man that had already taken so much from her.

  She was crying so hard. Sobbing and wailing in despair that she didn't even notice as the nurse returned. The nurse had a syringe in her hand. She connected it to a line that was connected to one of the many IVs in Gwen's arms that she hadn’t even noticed until now. Before Gwen could ask what it was, her eye lids grew too heavy to keep open and she fell back into sleep.