Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1)

  She bites her bottom lip delicately, seemingly nervous. “What is going on between us?” she asks.

  “We’re friends,” I answer simply, but I can tell she isn’t satisfied with my answer.

  She shakes her head softly. “Friends don’t kiss.”

  I sigh, running my hand over my short hair. She’s right. Friends don’t kiss. What is going on with me? Better yet…what is going on with us?

  “You’re different than I thought.”

  “You barely know me,” she says softly, breaking the stare.

  “You’re Ciera Nelson. We’ve gone to school together for basically our entire lives. You’re the strange girl who doesn’t wear name brand clothes, doesn’t look anyone in the eyes, and excels at school. You work at Regal Cinemas. I’ve seen you there a couple of times. You seem happy when at work, more like yourself. You have one friend I am aware of, Mack Turner, who cares about you more than you care to admit to yourself. You recently began a new friendship with Madalynne Johnson…should I continue?”

  She glances back at me. “All stuff that is glaringly obvious.”

  “Your new hair and contacts give you a confidence you’ve never had before. And something changed in the past few weeks because you’ve been bolder. You carry yourself differently. You look people in the eyes. You don’t think having a gay father is a burden. You see it more as a blessing.”

  Her eyes shift nervously around the car.

  “Why didn’t you look anyone in the eyes?” I’ve been wondering this for a while, just didn’t know the right time to ask it.

  She glances down at the floorboard, and I grab her chin, turning her face toward mine.

  “If I didn’t acknowledge them, sometimes they let me be. Sometimes they forgot I was there. I could become a ghost.”

  Pain shoots through my heart. I was one of the people that made her feel that way. I’m going to regret it for a long time. “What changed?”

  Her eyes share the same pain I feel. “Madalynne showed me my worth. She helped me understand that it’s not wrong to be treated like a human being. It’s my right.”

  I swallow, digesting her words.

  You were one of the people that made her feel less than a human being. You were one of the assholes.

  “I’m sorry for the part I played in everything.”

  She shakes her head dismissively. “It’s okay.”

  “No, no it’s not.” I lean back against my seat. “I had an image to uphold and a reputation to live up to. I didn’t care about anyone but myself.”

  “And now?” she asks in a small voice.

  “Now I realize how stupid I really was. How wrong I was.” I sigh loudly. “You didn’t deserve anything we put you through. None of it. And I’m really sorry.”

  She inhales deeply as if she is letting my words wash over her, helping relieve her pain. “Thank you.” She rubs her hand across her jeans a few times. “You’ve changed too.”

  I cock my head to the side. “How?”

  Her blue eyes hone in on mine. “You’re less of an asshole.”

  I fight a chuckle. “Thanks.”

  She smiles slightly. “You don’t care what anyone thinks anymore. Your reputation is the least of your worries.”

  She’s right. I wonder when I made this transition.

  “Go to the Winter Formal with me.”

  Her eyes widen at my suggestion. “I know you don’t care about your reputation any more, but that would be full-on social suicide.”

  I shrug. “Who cares? Come, with me.”

  She exhales deeply. “You should take someone you care about.”

  I grab her hand quickly, squeezing it as reassurance. “I want to go with you.”

  It’s small, but I notice a flicker of a smile pass her lips. “I have nothing to wear.”

  “I’ll take care of that.”

  She sighs. “I don’t dance.”

  I shrug. “Neither do I. But we can go and not dance together.”

  She turns her head so her eyes are facing out the window. She appears deep in thought. “We shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. And plus, I’m not interested in a pity date.”

  She is really making me work hard for it. “It wouldn’t be a pity date. There is no reason two friends can’t go to the dance together, and have a good time.”

  “We come from two different worlds,” she says quietly.

  “And your point is?”

  “You would never hear the end of it. Your friends would make sure I got punished for it.”

  “Let me take care of my friends. All you have to do is agree.” I’m trying to make it easy for her. I don’t give a shit about my friends. She’s right, I have changed.

  She nods gently.

  “Is that a yes?” I ask, squeezing her shoulder.

  She nods more aggressively, a smile playing upon her lips.

  I tap the steering wheel. “Ciera Nelson, I am going to give you the most magical Winter Formal experience…just you wait.”

  Her smile widens. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I ask.

  “For making me forget what a shitty day I had.”

  Oh, yeah. Even I had almost forgot.

  I rub her shoulder softly. “Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”

  * * *

  I think my eyes are deceiving me when I make it home, and the familiar red Mustang is in the driveway. I park my loaner in the usual place before hopping out and heading straight for her driver’s side window. I can hear loud pop music emanating from inside, but I knock on the window. She turns the car off, and opens the door slowly.

  “What are you doing here?” I decide to skip all pleasantries. We haven’t really talked since I found out about her and Joe, and I haven’t really cared to make an effort.

  “Topher,” she says softly.

  “What are you doing here, Sophia?” I repeat my previous question.

  “I thought we could talk,” she replies timidly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

  “There’s nothing left to talk about,” I snap.

  She winces from my harsh tone.

  “Look,” she says gently, taking a step toward me. “I’m sorry for what I did. I really am. But you were checked out. You had been checked out for a while. Joe paid attention to me. He cared what I had to say.”

  I grit my teeth, clenching my jaw. “When couples have a problem, they talk it out. They don’t sleep with their significant other’s best friend.”

  Her expression remains pained. “I’m sorry Topher, I’m so sorry. Tell me what I can do to make this better.”

  “You can’t,” I reply dryly.

  She reaches out her hand to my neck, caressing her thumb into my skin. “I miss you. Let’s work this out. I love you.”

  I grab her hand and shove it away from me. “Go home, Sophia.”

  She looks surprised and hurt. “What about the Winter Formal?”

  “What about it?” I ask, sarcastically.

  “We are supposed to go together!” she says exasperatedly.

  I nearly choke. “Why don’t you go with the guy you’ve been fucking for almost nine months?”

  “Topher, don’t be like this! We can still work this out.” Her eyes continue to plead with mine, her bottom lip is quivering.

  “I’m going with someone else. I’ve moved on…you should to.”

  Her eyes narrow and a scowl takes over her face. “You can’t honestly be talking about Ciera Nelson. That girl is the definition of white trash.”

  I don’t know what comes over me, but I push her against the door of her car, my fingers circling her neck. I’m not putting any pressure on my hold, but I can tell she is frightened by the look in her eyes. “And what if I am? At least she doesn’t fuck anything that moves.”

  Sophia expels a gasp and I remove my fingers slowly. “You’re different.” She rubs the area my fingers were. “You’re really not afraid to lose everything.”

  I chuck
le. “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks anymore. You should try it, it’s freeing.”

  She glares back at me before ripping open her car door and climbing in. She rolls down her window before driving off. “What you’re walking away from…people dream of having. You’re never going to be able to get it back.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “I’m counting on it.”

  She starts the engine and speeds off down my driveway.

  I really have changed. Nothing is ever going to be the same again. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ciera

  I quit my job.

  We still need the money and it’s still on my mind, but my mother would not allow me to live another moment of my short time catering to the needs of others. She tells me she wants me to begin living for me and for once, I can’t say I disagree. Although I love the part-time position and my co-workers, there are so many things I want to experience before it’s too late.

  Unfortunately, now I feel like I have so much extra time on my hands. So, I’ve been making a list. I guess, one would call it a bucket list. It’s a list of things I want to do before I go. Before I become a ghost of the past. I’ve been trying to stick to things that don’t require money, but my mother let me keep my last paycheck in full, so I have a little bit of play money, and I’m rather excited about it.

  Number thirteen on my list is fly a kite at the beach. It’s not exactly the best weather for it, but the wind is sufficient. Now, I just need to figure out how to get there. I bought the kite last night. It’s Saturday morning and only 9 am, but I am dressed and ready to go. I should probably be keeping my distance from Topher, but after I call Mack a few times with no such luck, I know my options are quite slim. I know I could try to call Madalynne, but I don’t know her number, and it’s probably too sudden of a request.

  After a lengthy mental debate with myself, I end up trekking it across town to Topher’s house. I don’t know if he will be home, but I hope so, as I just spent the last two hours making the long commute on foot. I could ride the bus, but I’m not familiar with the routes, and knowing me it would be much more of a headache. Thank goodness I’m in my warmest clothes, along with a scarf Rose gave me for Christmas last year. It’s rather ugly, but it gets the job done.

  I’m breathing heavily when I finally reach the familiar door. It’s dark mahogany and beautiful, much like the inside of the house. I ring the doorbell and wait, hoping that the car I saw in the driveway is Topher’s current loaner. An older gentleman who resembles Topher opens the door. He has the same color of brown hair, but instead of Topher’s intense aqua irises, he has russet colored eyes. His nose and his jawline resemble his son so much, if I didn’t know any better, I’d guess they were brothers.

  “Hi there, may I help you?” he asks. He has a gentle way about him, and I wonder if things have gotten any better between him and his son since the last time I was in their home.

  I glance around him, hoping Topher will magically appear, but he doesn’t. “Is Topher home?” I ask.

  He gives me the once-over appearing surprised that I am requesting his son. I’m surprised myself.

  “He’s still asleep, did you want to come in and wait? I can go wake him up…” his father replies.

  Disappointment surges through me. Maybe this is a bad idea? What if he already has plans? What was I even thinking…?

  “No, that’s alright…” Just as I begin to turn around and make the long trek back to my house, I notice a flash of something at the top of the staircase. My eyes hone in on the sight, and I notice it’s a shirtless Topher, glancing down at our interaction, rubbing his eyes.

  “I got this, Dad,” he states with authority as he disappears and reappears within moments carrying a t-shirt. He skips down the stairs, slowly slipping the shirt over his head.

  My heart is in overdrive. My cheeks heating up from the intimate sight. I just witnessed every girl’s fantasy…at least the girls I go to school with. My eyes are still trained on the small amount of skin showing between his sweatpants and his t-shirt when it finally falls over it.

  Topher pushes past his father, his eyes widening from surprise when he sees me. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  I swallow, attempting to quiet my indecent thoughts.

  I look down at my shoes, and then back up into his mesmerizing eyes. “I don’t know. I guess it seemed like a better idea earlier…”

  Topher’s father shrugs his shoulders, and heads back inside their massive home.

  Topher’s eyes fall onto my cheeks, and then hover over my lips. “Did you walk here?” He looks around me for any sign of a vehicle.

  My cheeks begin to burn with a fury as I nod.

  “Well shit,” he gasps out, reaching for my arm, and pulling me inside the warm house with him. “Do you want something to drink? You’re probably dead tired.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, water would be nice.”

  I follow him into the kitchen as he hurriedly prepares a glass of ice water for me. Then we both take a seat at the tall island in the middle of the room. “So, you want to tell me what you’re doing here?”

  I sigh. “I need a ride.”

  He chuckles, his teal eyes sparkling. “You walked all the way here just to ask me for a ride? Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of your request?”

  I smile slightly. “Well you know me and phones.”

  He looks uncomfortable as my underlying tone about being broke comes through. “Where did you need to go?”

  I look at the clock and it’s nearing lunchtime now. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. He probably already has plans for the day and I’m interrupting them. Plus, a drive to the beach is going to eat away quite a bit of time and gas. I don’t even know what I was thinking. “You know what,” I say, thinking better of it. “A ride home would be nice.”

  He stares at me with a confused expression. “You’re acting really strange…”

  I feign a smile. “At least I’m doing something right.”

  He motions with his head toward the backpack I have on. “What’s in the bag?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Nothing. Just a kite.”

  His expression changes to intrigue. “A kite?”

  I nod. “I had this bright idea to go fly a kite at the beach…since I’ve never done it before and all. And I guess I didn’t really think about all the logistics of that.”

  He cocks his head to the side. “You’ve never flown a kite before?”

  I shake my head no.

  “So, why today? What made you decide you wanted to try today?” he asks curiously.

  Because I’m dying? “I kind of have this list of things I want to try to do within the next couple of months.”