Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1)

  I place my mouth right by her ear and whisper, “kiss me.”

  I can feel her shudder from this, but she doesn’t move.

  “Kiss me,” I order again, but this time I let my hot breath trail down her neck, and I watch in fascination as her skin rises with bumps.

  “Topher,” she says, softer this time. I can tell she is losing her resolve.

  I press my lips gently to her neck, and I hear her moan softly. But she doesn’t ask me to stop.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you…” she says so softly I have to strain to hear every word.

  I pull back, looking deeply into her blue eyes. “Stop fighting it.” I move my lips within inches of hers. If she says a word, our lips will graze against one another’s. I hear her gasp lightly.

  “We shouldn’t…” she says, but her mouth does the complete opposite. She closes her lips upon mine gently, and once I know I’ve gotten the okay, I kiss her with everything I have. I slide my tongue slowly across her lips until she opens up, and allows me access inside. Until our tongues meet one another’s in a sensual dance. I slip my hand behind her head, within her hair, massaging her lightly with my fingers.

  She is pulling me in closer, and I am obeying her every command. I move my lips to the base of her neck, and kiss her passionately, my dick growing hard when she sighs.

  She pulls away quickly, and I fear she is going to push me away again, but she surprises me. “Did you see that?”

  I tear my eyes off her face to where she is pointing at in the sky. “No.”

  “It was a shooting star! That was number eight on my list.”

  I smile back at her. “Wait…were you kissing me with your eyes open?”

  Her cheeks grow red. “I was trying to commit this moment to memory. Commit you to memory.”

  I run my hands softly over her hair again, kissing her forehead. “I can’t go back to just being friends with you. Not now.”

  She nods slightly. “I know.”

  “Because I want to kiss you as much as I can for the next couple of months. And if I want to hold your hand, I don’t want to have to ask permission.”

  She looks deeply into my eyes. “Topher, I know.”

  “What?” I ask, utterly confused. “So you don’t want to keep your distance anymore?”

  She puts her hand lightly on my heart. “I don’t think I can. Not when I feel as strongly about you as I do.”

  I cover her hand with mine. “Good. Because I plan to spoil you as much as humanly possible.”

  She giggles. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know,” I reply. “But I want to.” And then I lower my lips to hers again and again.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Ciera

  Winter Formal was more magical than I could have ever imagined and more. Topher was a complete and utter gentleman. Unfortunately, I only find myself falling deeper and deeper for him. I know we are at a point of no return now. We can’t stay away from one another any longer, and we don’t want to. With only two months left until the dreaded date, I know I want to get closer to him. As close as two people can possibly get. But I’m so inexperienced, and dating is all so fresh to me, I haven’t known how to bring it up to him. Most people naturally progress in their relationship until they explore one another mind, body, and soul. Because my time is limited, we are going to have to fast forward through a lot of it, and that scares me. I don’t know if it will hurt when we do it. I don’t know what to expect.

  After Winter Formal, it was an unspoken understanding that Topher and I were together. We haven’t put a title on it yet, but he picks me up every day for school now. He kisses me in public and walks me to my classes, hand in hand. Mack hasn’t been too excited about the new development, but he’s done well to keep his disdain masked. None of Topher’s friends speak to him anymore, except for the group we went to the dance with. His popularity has definitely been knocked down more than a few pegs, but he’s made it glaringly obvious that he doesn’t care about that.

  My popularity has gone the complete opposite route. People I’ve never spoken to before suddenly know my name and go out of their way to talk to me. It’s been interesting, to say the least.

  Last weekend Topher took me a few hours south to Bend, where we enjoyed freshly fallen snow. We had one hell of a snowball fight, went sledding, and he even found an ice skating rink. Even though I was on my butt more times than I was standing up, I had one hell of a time. He tackled me in the snow at one point, and even though the temperature was near freezing, the heat from his body sent flames throughout mine. I know it won’t be much longer before I will want to experience him in every way possible. The thought sends my heart into overdrive. I know when it happens, when we actually have sex, I am going to be at my most vulnerable to him, and that terrifies me. I’m a romantic, so I know that when I decide I am ready, is also going to be when I realize without a fraction of a doubt that I am head over heels in love with him. It’s a bittersweet feeling. Loving someone so much you want to share yourself with them, but knowing that the feeling can’t last.

  I’m worried about him. I’m worried about what will happen after I’m gone. He was fine before me, I know he will be fine after me…but I know it will take some time. I know it’s not going to be easy. It devastates me to think that I will be the cause of his unhappiness. I just hope he will be able to move on. I just hope he will be able to find someone to give his heart to again, because he is a beautiful person. The past couple of months I’ve had to get to know him have been like a fairy-tale. I don’t want him to shut himself off to love after I’m gone, and I definitely don’t want him to revert back to his old ways.

  After the night of the Winter Formal, I took his advice and began writing a book. Turns out falling in love is a very positive motivator. I haven’t figured out a title for it yet, but it’s based off a lot of my real life. I’m rather enjoying the process of writing a book, and I wish I had had the guts to start sooner.

  In a couple of weeks Christmas will be here, and I know it is going to be even more emotional for me than Thanksgiving was. My mother has been breaking down more often. Especially now that she told my siblings what’s going on. They’re still too young to fully comprehend exactly what is happening to me, but they know that I won’t be around for much longer. They haven’t been fighting nearly as much, and I think it’s due to that. I’m going to miss my family so much. I just hope they take the time necessary to mourn the loss and then move on. I’ve heard what grief can do to people, how it can change them, and I hope it’s easier on my family.

  Because we are in our senior year, and Topher hasn’t exactly been passing his classes, I’ve been tutoring him personally so he will be able to graduate at the end of the year. Oregon State University offered him a full ride football scholarship if he can get his act together. I want to see to it that he does. I’ve already been seeing improvement in the short time I have been working with him, so I am hopeful.

  I still haven’t shown Topher my bucket list, but each week I have shared a few more items off of it in hopes that we will be able to tackle them. I know it’s unrealistic to think I can conquer everything off of the list, but I refuse to stop trying until it’s too late.

  It’s Friday night, and I drop by Topher’s house so we can spend a lazy night in together. We’ve been out nearly every weeknight and even weekend. We’ve been looking forward to getting comfortable, and simply watching a movie. It also gives us a reason to use his family’s theater room. I could spend every day at Topher’s, and never get bored from how much there is to do at his house.

  “Where’s your dad?” I ask as I pop a few popcorn kernels into my mouth. Topher is leaning over, popping a Blu-ray movie into the machine, and I am enjoying the view. When he turns around, I try to act stealth, but the smile that immediately forms on his lips tells me I’ve been caught.

  “He’s out with Clarke.” He puts the movie case on top of the player, and then begins in
ching toward me. “Were you just checking out my ass?”

  I can feel my cheeks growing hot. “What? No.” Definitely.

  He lifts his eyebrows. “You totally were.” He chuckles. “You don’t need to lie. I check yours out all the time.”

  “You do?” I ask, much too eager sounding.

  He nods, a grin still plastered across his face.

  “I’m a guy, can you blame me?”

  I pull the blanket which is wrapped around my legs up close to my mouth, grinning into it.

  He bends over in front of me, his eyes boring into mine. “To be honest, I’ve been checking you out in one way or another since before we started dating.”

  “You have?” I ask in disbelief.

  He nods. “You have one hell of a rack.”

  I can feel the blush spreading from my cheeks down my neck. “You’re terrible!” I say, chucking a few kernels at his face.

  He dodges them, and then moves the bowl to the coffee table.

  Instead of separate seating like an actual theatre, their room is set up more intimate, with a few couches scattered about. He places his hands on either side of me, and leans in to kiss me. His lips press against mine, sending electricity traveling throughout my entire body. He maneuvers me so that we are laying down, and he is on top of me, our legs entangled with one another’s.

  We continue kissing passionately, ignoring the movie altogether. He moves his lips between my collarbone, my neck, and my ear nearly driving me crazy. I’m panting heavily, feeling the warmth between my legs. As his hunger for me increases, he begins to rub against me. I can feel his hardness beneath his jeans, and it makes me smile knowing I turn him on.

  “Hey, I have an idea,” I say breathlessly.

  He stops moving for a moment, pulling back to lock eyes with me.

  “What?”

  “We’ve never used your hot tub before…” I trail off nervously.

  He smiles back at me mischievously. “You want to go in the hot tub?”

  I can tell I’ve excited him because he’s still erect through his jeans, and he has now moved completely off of me and is standing.

  I shrug. “Yeah, why not? It’s Friday night.”

  He nods. “Okay. I need to go get my swimming trunks.” Just as he is about to run out of the room, he curses. “Shit.”

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “You didn’t happen to bring a bathing suit with you, did you?”

  I shake my head. “Forget your trunks. Let’s go in our underwear.”

  His eyes widen as a smile plays on his lips. “Seriously?”

  I nod, feeling the familiar flush of my cheeks. I can’t believe I’m being so bold.

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I think that’s a fantastic idea.”

  He grabs us two towels, and we head out to their large backyard where the hot tub sits next door to their pool. He drops the towels on the ground as he removes the cover. It is probably no warmer than forty degrees outside, so we are both in winter clothing, but I immediately begin pulling at my sweater, lifting it over my head. I watch as his eyes linger on me intently, disappointed when he sees I have a spaghetti strap on underneath.

  He tosses his hoodie off and to the side, his shirt immediately following. His body is one I will have dreams about long after tonight. His pecks, his abs, it’s what girls like me fantasize about. I’m nervous about him seeing my body. I’m not exactly skinny, but I’m not obese. I like to think that I’m simply fluffy. I definitely don’t have a flat stomach likes the girls he’s used to, but I’ve grown to accept my body over the years. My love handles, the bit of skin that hangs over my jeans…it’s all part of what makes me who I am. I just hope he doesn’t run the other way when he sees it.

  Slowly, I lift my spaghetti strap off. His eyes immediately travel to my problem areas, but he doesn’t look disgusted. It’s a step in the right direction. I see his eyes scan back up my stomach and directly to my chest. Thank God I chose to wear my black lacy bra today. It’s the only one I have that is even semi-sexy.

  He reaches for the button of his jeans, and slips them off, leaving him in a dark grey pair of boxer-briefs. I can see the outline of his manhood pressed up against his underwear clearer now, and I have to avert my eyes. I fumble with the button on my own jeans, and pull them off as well, leaving me in my hot pink and white polka dot undies.

  His eyes travel down my body, and then back up to my face approvingly. My heart does a summersault. Slowly, we both climb into the scorching hot water, and Topher turns on the jets so the water isn’t still and stagnant. It isn’t more than a few moments before we are engaged in some serious tongue wrestling. Topher has positioned me so that I am sitting right on his lap, and he is bouncing me up and down. Every time my body comes down we rub against one another, and he lets out a soft moan.

  So this is what messing around feels like? It’s exhilarating and exciting, passionate and fiery.

  I don’t know what is getting into me, but I’m finding guts I don’t even know I have. I reach around and unclasp my bra, pulling it off and dropping it to the ground.

  “Whoa,” Topher exclaims excitedly. “We can slow down if this is too fast for you.”

  He hasn’t had the chance to check out my breasts yet, when I lean into him, pressing them against his chest. “Number two, skinny dipping,” I whisper seductively into his ear.

  He pulls his head back, his eyebrows raising. “This list just keeps getting better and better.”

  He wraps his arms around me tightly, and then kisses me on the lips. He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth, teasing me before he sets me on the ground of the tub. I watch as he reaches underneath the water, and brings his hand back up with his boxer-briefs before he tosses them to the ground.

  He stands there, waiting for me to do the same, which I do. With the bubbles from the jets, we can see the color of our skin underneath the water, but not much else. His eyes rake over my chest hungrily as he reaches out his hand, and grips my breasts softly, squeezing. I throw my head back against the surface of the water, enjoying the touch of his hands.

  If I’m not careful, I’m not going to be able to stop him and I’m not sure I’m ready to go all the way just yet. His lips have moved back to my neck as his hands continue massaging my breasts, but I push him away lightly. He looks back at me with a confused expression.

  “This isn’t really skinny dipping,” I say softly.

  “Oh no?” he counters.

  I shake my head before jumping out of the water stark nude, and making a running leap into the pool.

  As I come up for air I notice Topher’s eyes fixated on me from the hot tub. Yep, he definitely just got an eyeful. “Well, are you coming or not?” I tease him.

  He shakes his head to himself, chuckling before he too hops out of the tub, and makes a run for the pool.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Topher

  It’s Winter break, so we are out of school for the next week and a half. Christmas is in a few days, and I know one of Ciera’s goals from her list is going to a theme park. I’ve been planning this for a few weeks now, but I know that this is also the last Christmas she will get to spend with her family, so I’ve been coordinating everything with her mother.

  My father asked what I wanted for Christmas, and my answer was for a miracle. It obviously isn’t something that he can make happen, so he did something else, equally as meaningful. He paid off all of the Nelson’s medical bills. They’ve been drowning in them for so long, and I know that’s why Ciera’s mother has had to work such long hours. Because of this, she was able to request some personal paid time off, and now we are on a secretive holiday trip to Disneyworld.