Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1)

  Alyssa shakes her head no.

  “It’s up to 50,000 views. They are calling her a train wreck.”

  My stomach dips even lower as I realize they are speaking about me. Sophia is doing it simply because I’m in their presence, I can tell...

  I finish doing my business and flush the toilet, wincing at how loud it is.

  “She is so disgusting…” Alyssa trails off, pulling her blond hair into a high ponytail. “I mean, have you seen her clothes?”

  I look down at what I am currently wearing. I know it is nothing near what is in style nowadays, but it’s never bothered me that much until this very moment. I pull down on my mother’s oversized sweater uncomfortably, and slip my backpack over my arm.

  When I exit the stall, the two cheerleaders swivel their heads in my direction, and I can feel their eyes burning into me.

  “I think there’s something wrong with her…like I think she’s slow. Have you noticed how she never looks anyone in the eyes?” I can feel tears burning at the edges of my eyes as they continue to talk about me like I can’t hear them.

  I quickly make my way to the sink to wash my hands. I just want to get out of here.

  “Hey! You in there?” Sophia shouts condescendingly. Knocking with her fist on the side of my head. I pull away from her touch, ripping paper towel off and drying my hands at a rapid pace.

  “See? What did I say? Retarded,” Alyssa whispers loudly.

  Just when I think I am seconds away from freedom, I hear a spitting sound and then feel something hit my hair. I reach up and touch the spot and feel something sticky.

  The girls begin to laugh hysterically. “Oh my God! You did not!” Sophia cries out, still laughing.

  “What? Not like she will even know what the hell happened…” Alyssa replies, grabbing her purse and pushing away from the mirror. “Come on, let’s go.”

  I don’t move an inch as the girls push their way past me, laughing the entire way out. As soon as I know I am safely alone, I run to the mirror and look up. Sure enough, blue gum is sticking to my blond hair and it looks like it’s really embedded.

  The tears begin to spill down my cheeks unforgivingly. I can’t hold it in any longer. I mind my own business. I don’t talk to anyone. I know I don’t deserve this. Soon, I am crying so hard, I can barely see out of my watered down eyes. My sides hurt from how twisted up my stomach feels.

  I hear the bathroom door open and I panic. I don’t want anyone to see me this way. I think about racing into a stall, but I’m not fast enough and I notice one of the girls from the A-Team standing there, staring at me. What happens next is something I am not expecting in the least.

  “Are you okay?” she asks, genuine concern spilling off her voice.

  Although I never look people in the eyes, I can’t help but wonder if she is being sincere or playing a trick on me…so curiosity gets the better of me. I shoot a quick glance at her face before letting my eyes fall back to the floor. It’s Madalynne Johnson. She’s been a part of the A-Team her entire life, but I’ve never had any classes with her or even any encounters. She’s a year younger than me, a junior. The most I really know about her is she is dating Parker Grant and has been for years. They make a ridiculously cute couple and are always making people jealous wherever they go.

  I shrug not knowing how else to respond. It’s already obvious enough that I am not doing well.

  She takes a few hesitant steps toward me. I can see her hands reach up to my hair and I flinch out of habit.

  She pulls her hands back quickly. “Did someone do this to you?”

  I nod without bothering to say a word. Apparently they already think I’m slow. Best if I live up to their expectations.

  “Those asshats,” she remarks.

  I’ve never spoken a single word to her in my life and I’m beginning to realize maybe I was wrong to classify her in the same group as the other jocks who torment me.

  “Come here,” her voice is quiet and gentle. “Let me help.”

  My foot moves instinctively and before I can stop myself, I’ve closed the distance between us.

  I can feel her hands in my hair and then pulling. I wonder how much hair I am bound to lose from Alyssa’s ridiculous stunt.

  “Sorry, I’m sorry,” Madalynne whispers as she notices me wince every few moments from the pain. “Can I ask you something?”

  I shrug.

  “Who did this to you?”

  Your friends? “It doesn’t matter.”

  I watch as her body tenses up and then she lifts my chin with her fingers so that I am looking her in the eyes. I haven’t looked an A-Team member in the eye in years. The feeling is foreign and uncomfortable for me. Her brown eyes are kind and genuine and it makes me wonder why I’ve been so scared to do so in the first place.

  “What’s your name?” she asks.

  “Ciera,” I answer in a small voice.

  “Madalynne.” She sticks out her hand for me to shake.

  “I know,” I reply, instinctively.

  This seems to surprise her. “Oh,” she says, almost embarrassed. “Well Ciera, whoever did this to you are cowards. They pick on you because they are unhappy in their own life.”

  I take a deep breath, nodding slightly.

  She returns to her attempt at freeing my hair from Alyssa’s gum.

  I take a moment to look her over, without feeling threatened or guilty. She has long brown hair and a gentle demeanor. She is definitely naturally pretty and I can see why Parker likes her.

  “So I have good news and bad news…what do you want to hear first?”

  I look into her chestnut eyes and she looks conflicted. “I don’t know…you choose.”

  Her lips pull into a small smile. “The good news is I was able to get most of it out…”

  “And the bad news?” I choke out.

  “You’re going to need a haircut…with lots of layers.”

  I switch my eyes to the mirror and look at my reflection. The aim of Alyssa’s gum was pretty high, unfortunately for me…Madalynne is right.

  She continues to smile timidly at me. “Look, my boyfriend’s cousin is a hairstylist. She normally cuts us a deal because she’s family. Want me to talk to her for you?”

  I don’t know why she is being so nice to me, but although foreign, it feels nice. “Thanks…I don’t really have any extra money at the moment…but I appreciate it.”

  Her eyes lower as she appears to be deep in thought. “Here.” She pulls out a pen and paper. “Carly owes me a favor. Tell her I sent you.” She writes down a number on a piece of notebook paper and then hands it to me.

  “Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask. I can’t help it. I need to know.

  Her smile vanishes from her lips. “People are jerks. Don’t ever let anyone treat you with any less respect than you deserve.”

  She ruffles through her purse and pulls out a grey beanie. “Here, it’s Parker’s…I’ll just tell him I lost it…but maybe it will help hide it.”

  I take the beanie from her, shooting her a simple smile. “Thank you.”

  She returns my smile. “Anytime, Ciera. Don’t be a stranger.” And then she turns on her heel and exits the bathroom. It seems as though she completely forgot why she came in the first place.

  I look back at my reflection in the mirror. My tears have dried, but my cheeks are still a dark pink along with my nose. It’s obvious I’ve been crying. I slip the beanie over my hair and look back at the girl staring back.

  Don’t ever let anyone treat you with any less respect than you deserve. Her words echo through my head on repeat. For the first time in a long time I feel like there may be hope for me yet.

  Chapter Five

  Topher

  I returned home after a few days at Joe’s and surprisingly my father was nowhere in sight. The house was empty and quiet and I wasn’t sure where he had disappeared to. I didn’t want to call him, seeing as I had been avoiding him and I wasn’t sure I was ready for the c
onversation that would inevitably follow. He didn’t return home at all that night. When I left for school this morning, the house was yet again eerily quiet.

  Guilt is beginning to eat away at me every second I go without speaking with him. This is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. After my mother died, we were all each other had. And although he’s been busy over the years and we haven’t spent as much time together as I would have liked, he’s still been the best father he could be for me.

  It’s game day today, so I figure I may or may not see him when I make it home from the game. But knowing my friends, there will more than likely be a party afterwards in celebration of our win. I’m cocky, but our team is good. We’ve been undefeated all season and today we play against Central High who is known for their losing streak.

  I make it to the locker room a half an hour early and immediately begin changing into my gear. There are a couple of guys from my team already there, and more continue to spill in as the clock ticks by.

  “So,” Joe says as he opens his gym locker next to mine and stuffs his bag in. “There is a party tonight at my place—the parental units are out of town. Everyone is invited…you down?”

  I look over at him from my seated position on the bench, shrugging. “Yeah, why not.”

  He shoots me a quick smile. “Good. Let’s kill it out there and then let’s get wasted!”

  I chuckle. “Okay.”

  Joe is the quarterback on the team and just as cocky as I am.

  “By the way, I saw Sophia out there and she said she was looking for you.” He motions with his head toward the locker room doors which lead out to the field.

  I nod. It’s been our routine since we joined our teams. She joined the cheerleading team and I joined the football team and before every home game we meet for a few moments to rub good luck off on one another. More like, we meet for a few moments to get it on so that I can be amped up for the game. It turns out we’re both nicer people once we get off.

  Lately though, it’s been difficult to keep it up when we go at it. The excitement I used to feel when we hook up has fizzled out, and sneaking around doesn’t even cut it anymore. Frankly, I’m bored. I need something to shake up the dull routine. I wish I could tell Joe and Sophia I know about their secret, and have him do my dirty work. But, I’m too content with the way things are.

  I sigh as I stand up.

  “Don’t act so excited or anything,” Joe jokes. “Is everything okay with you and Sophia?” There is a mixture of feelings emanating off his voice. Concern, worry, hope; I hear them all.

  Because he is still my best friend, part of me wants to tell him the truth. But the knife he put in my back stops me from doing so. I nod without saying anything else, and make my way outside. There is about fifteen minutes before we will need to be in place for the game.

  She is standing against the outside of the building smoking a cigarette. It’s a terrible habit she picked up sometime last year at a party. I’ve been trying to get her to quit for so long, I eventually just stopped trying. I even tried to tell her it’s like kissing an ashtray…but Sophia does what she wants. I grimace as I walk out and right into her puff of smoke. “Hey babe,” she coos as she puts out the cigarette.

  “Hey,” I reply bored.

  “We don’t have much time.” She grabs my hand and pulls me to our usual spot hidden underneath the bleachers.

  I have trouble getting hard at all. Between the disgusting smell that emanates off her clothes, hair, and breath, and the disgusting taste in her mouth, she is the least desirable person in the world to me. Not to mention everything else I dislike about her.

  Even with my dick in her mouth…nothing seems to be working. As she continues to attempt to arouse me, I flick my eyes through the bleachers and notice Madalynne Johnson walking through the back gates with a girl I don’t recognize. Madalynne has been a part of our group for years. Absolutely stunning and genuine, but Parker Grant claimed her years ago. And fortunately for Parker, he’s one hell of a guy.

  I squint my eyes to get a better look at her unfamiliar friend. She has short blond hair and is wearing a yellow sundress. She is not skinny by any means, but I’m rather enjoying her curves. Sophia barely has a-cups, whereas this stranger seems to be rocking c-cups. My mouth salivates just thinking about it. I can feel the blood rushing to my dick which excites Sophia who speeds up her pace. I’m nearing the edge when the blonds eyes look up, and I swear to God she sees me.

  Holy fucking shit.

  No fucking way.

  It’s Ciera Nelson. The same girl Joe’s been pushing around for years. My dick instantly goes limp.

  What in the hell? What is Madalynne doing with her?

  I rush to pull my pants up and push Sophia roughly away.

  “What the hell?” she cries, rubbing her mouth with the back of her hand.

  “I think someone saw us…” My cheeks are heating up at the thought. Poor girl may be traumatized for life…but not as traumatized as I am just knowing I got turned on for the first time in weeks just by her body.

  She’s frumpy and definitely not desirable. I don’t even know what to think.

  “What!” Sophia shrieks standing up, her eyes darting around wildly. “I don’t see anyone.”

  I flick my eyes back to where I had previously seen Madalynne with Ciera and they are not there anymore. “Huh,” I mumble. “I have to get ready for the game.” I begin walking away from Sophia when I feel her grab my arm.

  “You’re coming to the party tonight, right?” Her eyes are pleading with mine.

  “Yeah.” I nod. “I’ll be there.”

  “Good.” She smiles brightly. “Then we can pick this up where we left off.”

  Oh joy. I nod without another word. Hopefully I’m plastered by then…

  * * *

  It’s the end of the second quarter when I peek up into the stands, attempting to catch a glance of Madalynne with Ciera. I have to know if she saw us. I’m still curious as to what the two are even doing together. My eyes are still raking the stands when they stop abruptly.

  What the…

  I notice my father in the stands, something I haven’t seen since I started playing. Work has always taken the majority of his time, but then I notice another familiar face to the right of him. Clarke. The same guy he introduced me to the other night. My stomach drops. I can’t believe he brought him here…in front of everyone. Now they are all going to know I have a fag for a father.

  I’m still fuming when the football hits me directly in the skull, knocking me down. I’m still conscious, but my head is pounding like hell from the impact. I hear the sound of a whistle and shouting about a time-out, and then notice all my teammate’s cleats surrounding me.

  “What the hell, man?” Joe exclaims. “Are you alright?”

  I grab his hand and allow him to help me up, but I am still shaky on my feet.

  Coach Robertson comes running up. “That looked bad, Carlson, I think you should sit out the rest of the quarter.”

  I try to object, but before I know it, I am being carried off the field.

  I sneak one more glance up into the bleachers, and notice my father sharing a pained expression with Clarke.