She Broke Up, I Didn't: I Just Kissed Someone Else!

‘I had a nice time with you, Deb. I really did. This was not really a relationship but whatever we had, whatever it was, it was beautiful! I just wish it could have lasted.’ She smiled.

  ‘Whatever we have,’ I corrected her.

  ‘We will see.’

  ‘Nothing has ended, Malini. I am still around.’

  Just then, I heard a male voice shout out behind my back.

  ‘DEB?’

  I looked around to see the smug bastard Kabir dressed in a sharp suit, staring at me like I was a caged animal.

  ‘Hey! Malini? You guys? Here!’ he cried out loud.

  ‘Bastard,’ I murmured and Malini hit me.

  ‘Hi, Kabir,’ she said.

  ‘Hi,’ I said.

  ‘What you doing here?’ he asked.

  ‘We come here often,’ Malini said. ‘You?’ Kabir missed the sarcasm in her voice.

  ‘I have an office trip here, an investors’ meeting. A lot of my colleagues are here. So what are you guys up to?’

  The minute he said it I wondered if Avantika was around, and I looked behind to quickly glance through his office group. Nope, she wasn’t there.

  Maybe she was in her room. Maybe she had not come altogether. What if she is here and has seen me with Malini? But then she already knows that I am living with Malini? And Kabir? Maybe they have put up in one room? Is that where she is? Should I go talk to her? No, I should not. I should wait.

  ‘Why don’t you join us?’ Malini asked him, much to my displeasure.

  ‘Sure.’

  To make things worse he could not even refuse. As soon as he sat down, much to my chagrin, he started with his small talk, and after telling us boring stories of office politics and his professional exploits, he asked what we were up to those days.

  ‘I am working with HUL and he is leaving for his new job in a few days,’ Malini said.

  ‘Oh … where are they sending you?’ he asked me.

  ‘Bangalore.’

  ‘So you have been living here? In Delhi?’

  ‘Yes,’ we echoed.

  ‘We live together,’ I said. I know why I said that. I wanted Avantika to know, to feel hurt. If at all it mattered to her. But I still wanted to tell her I was doing fine. Kabir would obviously tell her.

  ‘Where were you posted? Mumbai, I guess?’ I asked him.

  ‘Yes, though I often shuttle between Delhi and Mumbai.’

  ‘Oh, cool,’ I said. I wanted to kick him into the water with weights tied to his ankles.

  ‘So what else?’ I asked him. Obviously, I wanted to get out something about Avantika. I just had to know. I prepared myself for the worst. We are going out. We will get married in a few days.

  ‘Nothing much. You tell me. What are you up to?’

  ‘Usual boring corporate life,’ Malini butted in. ‘Avantika is in the same office, right?’

  ‘Yes, but I have never seen her in Mumbai. She is in a different branch so that’s in another office at the other end of the city,’ he said. ‘Been quite some time now.’

  ‘I thought you would know,’ he said and looked at me.

  ‘They don’t talk any more,’ Malini said.

  ‘Oh, I didn’t know that,’ he said.

  It is because of you, asshole.

  ‘So when was the last time you talked to her?’ Malini asked.

  ‘I don’t know … just before leaving college, I guess?’

  ‘And never after that?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes, but why?’ Kabir asked, a little puzzled because of the questions we threw at him.

  ‘Nothing, just generally,’ she said.

  Someone from his office group shouted out his name. ‘Need to go,’ he said. ‘Nice meeting you after such a long time. Catch you later.’

  We all got up and hugged, and then he left. And following that there was an awkward silence.

  ‘He hasn’t talked to her after college ended,’ she said. My head was bursting with possibilities and I did not want to talk about it any more. Anyway, just the sight of that guy made me sick in the stomach. It was anyway hard enough to quit visiting his Facebook profile for signs of Avantika.

  ‘How does it matter?’ I said, a little pissed off, a little relieved. ‘Can we order these things in the room too?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And a movie too?’ It was a stupid question since the screen in our room was thrice the size of the biggest television I had ever seen; without movies to rent, it would just be a waste of a big plasma screen. ‘And lots of alcohol?’ I winked.

  ‘Are you planning to get naughty?’ she smirked.

  ‘Could be!’

  ‘I don’t mind.’ She winked back.

  We picked up our glasses and left the table.

  ‘Oh, wait,’ she said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘A little girl time,’ she said and pointed towards the washroom.

  ‘Cool. I will order everything necessary.’

  ‘Fine,’ she said and walked away.

  I flipped open the menu in the room and ordered everything that caught my fancy, in the decreasing order of how much it cost. To go with it, I ordered a lot of alcohol. The order was there even before Malini could relieve herself.

  As I waited for Malini to come back, I could not help but think about Kabir and Avantika. Kabir had not talked to her ever since that day. I could not shake this off my head. Who was Avantika talking to? I wondered if she was still waiting for me. But she had even stopped calling me. Kabir didn’t even know that Avantika and I had broken up. What was Avantika up to?

  These words troubled my head and I drank directly from the wine bottle. Why? Why? I kept asking these questions. I kept drinking to drown the questions out. Slowly, things had started to blur a little just like I wanted them to.

  ‘Seems like you have ordered everything there was on the menu!’ Malini said as she entered the room and saw the room stacked with food and alcohol.

  ‘Couldn’t help it!’ I smiled. ‘That’s what poor guys do. I might even pack some of this and take it home.’

  ‘Are you already drunk?’ She sounded a little miffed.

  ‘Just a little bit,’ I said, though my eyes were rolling over. ‘Come! Let’s have shots!’

  We took three shots in a row—hot, disgusting and really, really good, and I really felt like kissing her then; she looked fabulous. She popped the CD in the player and the movie started, The Truman Show, and we snuggled up to each other. We sipped on our beers and I was getting wasted; faces in the movie became smudges and the room was suddenly dark, and sort of underwater.

  ‘You shouldn’t have drunk so much.’ She laughed out.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘We wouldn’t be able to make love now! You will fall asleep halfway …’

  ‘You challenge me?’

  ‘I sure do, Deb.’

  I grabbed her and threw her over on the couch. ‘You still have time to take that back,’ I said as I ran my hands over her legs while pinning her down by her hand. She looked at me in defiance. Her eyes mocked me as she smiled wickedly.

  ‘I won’t,’ she said, her lips curved as if to shoo me away. I leaned forward to kiss her and fell on the floor, head first. Luckily, I was drunk, so it did not hurt a bit. She laughed again.

  ‘Okay, now that is a miss,’ I said and she smiled.

  ‘You are such a girl. And I don’t make out with girls.’

  ‘I want to make out with a girl. And we need to make out, like, right now,’ I shouted out. I was clearly drunk.

  ‘We aren’t making out! You are getting your girl back,’ she said.

  ‘I am not getting anyone back! You are my girl!’ I stood tall and shouted out, obviously shaking in my shoes.

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Yes, Malini! You are my girlfriend now … and I make that announcement, right NOW!’

  ‘Are you sure, Deb?’

  ‘Sure, AS I HAVE … as I have never been before,’ I shouted.

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Y
es! Can we make out now? Can we make out now … just to seal the deal? Can we make out …’ I grabbed her.

  ‘Nah, we aren’t making out! Neither did they,’ she said, breaking out of my embrace.

  ‘They?’

  ‘Kabir and Avantika.’

  ‘YES! They didn’t need to make out! They didn’t have to make out! I agree!’ I shouted again. Everything had started to get confusing. Words were not registering in my head.

  ‘And they didn’t! THEY DIDN’T MAKE OUT! Do you hear me? They didn’t make out. They didn’t even kiss.’

  ‘What? They didn’t? They did!’ I said. Alcohol makes your brain cells dead.

  ‘They didn’t make out,’ she said sternly.

  ‘Yes. They made out! Avantika told me!’

  ‘I just talked to Kabir. They didn’t even kiss,’ she said.

  For a brief moment, I was back to my senses, and then everything blacked out. I passed out. Darkness. They didn’t make out?

  50

  I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. My head was pounding, my throat was dry and my lips were parched.

  ‘Let’s go,’ Malini said. ‘It’s twelve.’ She was shaking me from head to toe.

  ‘Huh? Oh … right.’

  Fuck! Flight!

  We left that place and took the resort pick up back to the flat. I slept all the way through. My head still hurt and it only became a little better when she made lime juice for me.

  ‘You still drink like a girl,’ she said and smiled. She did not say much that day. It was understandable. I had to leave and we weren’t happy. I saw those packed bags all around me and it depressed me; I would always miss those months.

  ‘Hmm.’

  I was still a little groggy. Everything was still a blur in my head. I put my head on the table and tried to get some more sleep.

  ‘You know what to do now,’ Malini said.

  ‘What?’

  I did not know what she was talking about until I gave it another thought. Alcohol makes you forget quite a lot of things, but it was not one of them. It was not something I would forget. But I have to admit, it had slipped out of my mind. They didn’t make out.

  ‘Malini?’ I asked and interrupted her while she was packing. There was nothing more to pack. She just didn’t want to look at me that day. She had tears in her eyes.

  ‘Yes?’ she asked.

  ‘You were kidding last night, right?’

  ‘Kidding? About what?’

  ‘Kabir and Avantika? They made out, right?’

  ‘No, why would I? I wasn’t lying,’ she said, her voice was serious and cold. She was not messing around.

  ‘Maybe Kabir lied. He is a bastard, right?’

  ‘Is it? You think he is a bastard?’

  ‘Yes! Why? Don’t you?’ I asked.

  ‘If he was a bastard, he would have told me that he had made out. He would have said that he was still doing so,’ said Malini and got back to packing my bags.

  ‘Then?’ I asked.

  My mind had stopped processing anything. Nothing made sense. Was Malini lying? Was Kabir lying? Was Avantika lying? Why would anyone of them lie? There was someone who was lying here, right?

  ‘Is it too hard for you to get, Deb?’

  ‘What is there to get? Kabir lied, that’s it!’ I said.

  ‘Kabir didn’t lie. Avantika did. She lied about everything,’ she said and looked away.

  ‘Avantika?’

  ‘Yes, your girlfriend lied to you! Don’t you get it?’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘She was your girlfriend. Figure it out.’

  ‘Did she want to get rid of me?’ I asked. Obviously, she did not. Why would she? I was everything to her. Avantika did everything to get back with me. But why would she do it? Why would she lie?

  ‘No, Einstein,’ she said, ‘she did not want to get rid of you.’

  ‘Will you stop being so sarcastic?’

  ‘Then, what do you want me to act like? Like your girlfriend?’ she snapped.

  ‘Why are you snapping at me like that?’ I asked. She did not say anything. I sipped on my lime juice and my head was hurting more than before.

  ‘Deb, I am sorry. I am just a little ticked off. I will be okay. But isn’t this great? She did not cheat on you! That is what matters. Whatever her reasons may be, she didn’t leave you. She never wanted to. It’s you who left her.’

  ‘I did not leave her. She did. She made out! She made me leave her,’ I defended myself.

  ‘She didn’t! She lied. Don’t be so dumb,’ she said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yes, at least it makes a few things clear. You should go and get her; she probably is still waiting for you to realize how much she loved you. Maybe, she is still waiting for you to tell her how much you love me,’ she paused and realized the mistake. ‘I mean how much you love her. Go, run back to her, go back to her, this is a sign, don’t you think so?’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘Why would she lie?’

  ‘Maybe, she just wanted to test you,’ she said.

  I did not know what to say. Lie? Who would lie about such a thing? Was she testing me? Who would test anyone like that? But if she was testing me, I had failed. I had left her just because she told me that she made out with someone. She used to text me that the relationship meant everything to her. Then, why did she have to lie and finish it? Why did she want to test it? Why the hell would Avantika do so? What the fuck did I do? I just wished in those moments that I had not met Kabir.

  ‘I can’t go back to her,’ I said.

  ‘Would you be able to live with the fact that you broke up for something she never did?’ she said.

  ‘But she told me she did it.’

  ‘And you broke up. That’s what she wanted to check!’ she said.

  ‘Why would she do that? She knew I loved her,’ I said.

  ‘Loved her? That’s why you broke up with her so easily?’ she asked.

  ‘Umm … But why did she do it?’ My eyes had welled up.

  ‘It does not matter what she did … what matters is what you do now.’

  My world just turned upside down. The last few months, I had been blaming Avantika for wrecking my life. But it was a lie. I sat back and my head clouded with thoughts of Avantika and what I had done. Though I had been utterly selfish all these years, in those moments, I really felt I should not be with Avantika. Why does she always have to be right? Why does she always have to be perfect? Why couldn’t Avantika have just gone out with Kabir and slept with him? Why did she have to test me? She had made me feel like an asshole. I left her because Kabir had kissed her. Was it all that mattered to me? She made me realize that my love for her wasn’t strong. But, why did she have to stop calling me once she went to Mumbai? Maybe, she had given up. She had lost all hope that I would go back to her.

  And Malini? Suddenly, my relationship with Malini was based on a lie that Avantika told me. I would rather be alone than be unfair to her. If I were to leave Malini and go back to Avantika, what would it do to Malini? It would be hard for her. She would have nobody. Why did I have to screw up everything? Why did I have to hurt everyone who ever loved me?

  ‘I am doing nothing. I do not deserve her. I have done enough to screw her life up and I am not doing the same again. I mean, I cheated and I left her when she said she did, when she actually didn’t. How will I explain this? I lived with you all these months. I have hurt her enough. She doesn’t need to be with me. She is better off alone. I am better off alone. At least I will not end up hurting someone.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid. You should be with her,’ she said and her voice cracked up.

  ‘And you?’ I walked up to her.

  ‘I will be fine. I always have been, Deb.’

  ‘I don’t want to leave you,’ I said and I hugged her.

  ‘You have to. You probably don’t want to right now, but you will not regret it. She is your life,’ she said. She had tears in her eyes.

/>   ‘I don’t want this to go waste. I don’t want us to go waste. I want to stay.’

  ‘I want you to stay too, but it can’t be. You cannot change it! And don’t worry, I will find someone. Someone better than you!’

  ‘You will?’

  ‘I will never look for one …’ She clung to me and burst out in tears. We stood there like that for quite some time before the bell rang. It was the taxi. I felt sorry for her. I should have been happy about Avantika and Kabir, but I was sadder for Malini.

  ‘Won’t you see me off at the airport?’

  ‘I can’t see you go.’ She let go of me.

  ‘Won’t you wave at me?’

  ‘I will wave at every plane that goes over this afternoon. Wave back,’ she said with tears in her eyes.

  ‘I will miss you,’ I said.

  ‘I will miss you too,’ she said.

  We kissed for a few brief moments. We were not drunk this time. It felt good. I opened the door and the driver loaded the luggage on to the lift.

  ‘I have to go now.’

  ‘Yes. Be safe. Careful with your things. And take care. Do eat on time,’ she said.

  ‘I will.’

  ‘Bye,’ she said.

  ‘Bye. Take care of yourself.’

  ‘…’

  As I turned around to leave her house, I heard her whisper to herself, ‘Love you.’ I paused for a few moments outside the door. Everything from the first day I had stepped inside that flat to this moment when I was leaving the place flashed in front of me. I wanted to hug her again for one last time. But the taxi honked; I had to leave. I promised myself, that I would come back for more.

  As the taxi left the complex, I looked at the balcony where Malini and I used to spend our Fridays with a coffee and each other. She was not there. My phone beeped. It was a message from Malini. The message seemed familiar.

  Her message read:

  Sorry to have looked into your cell phone. But then we had nothing to hide from each other. And this seemed appropriate.

  If I’d only known …

  That this is the last time we’ve met,

  I would have stopped the break of dawn.

  And stopped the sun to set …

  If I’d only known

  That I would not ever see you again,

  I would have framed a picture of you within,

  To end my suffering, to end my pain.