Junie B., First Grader (at last!)

  Just then, my stomach felt sickish inside.

  I quick closed my journal and stuffed it in my desk.

  Mr. Scary saw me.

  “Junie B.?” he said. “Don't you want to show me your drawing? Don't you want a gold star for today?”

  I shook my head real fast.

  “Nope. No, thank you. No, I don't,” I said. “Not today. I really, really don't care for a gold star today. But thank you for asking.”

  Mr. Scary kept on standing there.

  “The end,” I said.

  He did not budge.

  “Please move along,” I said.

  Finally, Mr. Scary bent down next to me.

  He lowered his voice so no one could hear.

  “I'm sorry, Junie B. But I'd really like to see what you drew,” he said. “I need to make sure that you understood the assignment.”

  Then–before I knew it–he took my journal out of my desk. And he gave it to me to hold.

  After that, he walked me into the hall. And he let me show him my drawing in private.

  And guess what?

  He liked it, I think!

  “Oh, wow. Look at that, Junie B.,” he said. “You drew a wonderful picture of a … a …”

  He kept on looking. “A … a …”

  “A screaming chicken,” I said finally.

  Mr. Scary did a strange face.

  “Yes. Right,” he said. “It's a …”

  “Screaming chicken,” I said again.

  I pointed at the chicken's mouth.

  “See how it's screaming, ’CLUCK! CLUCK! CLUCK!'? I used capital letters for the clucks. Capitals are for screaming. Correct?”

  “Well, yes. I suppose so,” said Mr. Scary. “But–the thing is, Junie B.–the word cluck wasn't on the board today.”

  “I know it,” I said. “The word on the board was clock. Only I didn't read all the letters right, I guess. ’Cause I accidentally thought it was cluck.”

  I tapped on my chin.

  “What I actually wanted to draw was the but and bull,” I said. “I really liked the sound of that one. But I didn't know how to get started, exactly. So I went ahead with the cluck idea.”

  Mr. Scary looked confused at me.

  “The but and bull?” he asked.

  I smiled kind of embarrassed.

  “Yeah… well, I read those words wrong, too, I guess,” I said. “They turned out to be bat and ball.”

  Mr. Scary frowned.

  “Hmm,” he said. “What about the other words on the board, Junie B.? Do you remember how you read some of the other ones? How about dog and cat? Or coat and goat?”

  I thought back. Then I made my voice real quiet.

  “Dug and cot and coot and yoot,” I said.

  Mr. Scary nodded his head.

  Then he patted my hand very nice.

  And he gave me back my journal.

  And we walked back into Room One.

  Mr. Scary put down his chalk.

  “You can stop peeking at me now, Junie B.,” he said.

  I looked at him real surprised. ’Cause that guy has eyes in the back of his hair, apparently.

  He turned around and smiled.

  “Do you see these three sentences that I just wrote up here?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I said. “I see them.”

  “Excellent,” said Mr. Scary. “Could you stand up and try reading them from back there, please?”

  Just then, my heart got pumpy and pounding inside.

  ’Cause I'm not good at reading from the board, that's why.

  I kept on sitting there.

  “Please,” said Mr. Scary. “Just give it a try, okay?”

  Finally, I stood up. And I squinted at the sentences.

  I read real slow.

  “Bob… is … a … bug … bag,” I read. I did a teensy frown at that news.

  “Really?” I asked. “Bob is a bug bag?”

  Mr. Scary pointed to sentence number two. “Try this one,” he said.

  I squinted some more.

  “I… like … my … hog … spit,” I read again.

  I looked at my teacher very curious.

  “These sentences are oddballs, aren't they?” I said.

  Mr. Scary pointed at the last one. “Just one more to go,” he said.

  This time, I stretched my neck. And I strained my eyes.

  “Jack … is … going … to … to …”

  I scrunched my eyes even smaller.

  “… to jail,” I read.

  I did a gasp.

  “Really? No fooling? Jack who?”

  Mr. Scary came back to my seat.

  He took my hand and walked me closer to the board.

  “Could you try reading them again from here, Junie B.?” he said.

  I made my voice real whiny.

  “But I don't want to read them again, Mr. Scary,” I told him. “I already know what they say.”

  “Just one more time,” he said.

  And so finally, I did a big breath. And I read the sentences all in a row.

  “Bob is a big boy.”

  “I like my dog, Spot.”

  “Jack is going to Jill's.”

  I covered my mouth very surprised.

  “Hey! What do you know? He's going to Jill's, Mr. Scary!” I said. “Whew! That's a relief, right?”

  Mr. Scary laughed. “Right,” he said.

  After that, I headed for the door.

  “Okey-doke. Well, I guess I'll be getting back to recess now,” I said. “See ya.”

  I waited for him to answer.

  He did not say see ya.

  I turned around.

  “See ya?” I said a little bit softer.

  But Mr. Scary just shook his head no.

  ’Cause too bad for me.

  He had other plans.

  Mr. Scary took my hand.

  We walked out of Room One and down the hall.

  “You and I are going to visit Mrs. Weller, Junie B.,” he said. “You remember Mrs. Weller from last year, don't you?”

  I shook my head no. ’Cause that name did not ring a bell.

  “Mostly I would just like to remember recess,” I said.

  Mr. Scary patted my shoulder.

  “Mrs. Weller is a lovely person,” he said.

  “Recess is a lovely person, too,” I said.

  “Mrs. Weller is the school nurse,” he said.

  I quick stopped walking.

  Because the school nurse is where you go when you are sick or tired. And I was totally fine.

  “But I am in good shape,” I said. “See me? I don't even need a Band-Aid.”

  Mr. Scary smiled.

  He pulled me along again.

  “Of course you're in good shape, Junie B.,” he said. “But Mrs. Weller does lots of nice things besides giving out Band-Aids.”

  Just then, we walked into Mrs. Weller's office.

  And guess what? I remembered her perfectly well! I just never knew she had a name before!

  “Why, Junie B. Jones,” she said. “What a nice surprise to see you again.”

  “It's a surprise to see you, too,” I said. “Cause I'm not even sick or tired. Plus also, I'm supposed to be on the playground right now.”

  Mrs. Weller laughed out loud. Only I don't actually know why.

  After that, she and Mr. Scary whispered real quiet to each other.

  Then finally, Mr. Scary patted my shoulder.

  “I'm going to leave you with Mrs. Weller for a while, Junie B.,” he said. “The two of you are going to play a game with her eye chart. Okay?”

  All of a sudden, my stomach felt kind of jumpy.

  ’Cause playing a game with the nurse did not sound fun.

  No, I said inside my head. Not okay.

  Mr. Scary waved.

  “See you,” he said.

  I watched him go.

  I did not say see you back.

  I sat in a chair next to Mrs. Weller's desk.

  She asked m
e lots of questions.

  First, she asked me how I liked my summer vacation. Then she asked me how I liked first grade. And how I liked Mr. Scary.

  That is called stall talk, I believe.

  Finally, Mrs. Weller stood up.

  “Have you noticed the eye charts I have hanging on my wall, Junie B.?” she asked.

  She pointed at them.

  “Eye charts are posters that help us test our eyesight,” she explained. “I have two different kinds. See? One has alphabet letters on it. And the one right next to it is filled with funny E's. That one is called an E chart.”

  I looked at that funny thing.

  “Whoa,” I said. “Those are the craziest E's I ever saw. They are backwards and forwards and upside down.”

  “You're right,” said Mrs. Weller. “The E's are all mixed up, aren't they? And today you and I are going to play a game with those mixed-up E's. It's called the E game.”

  After that, Mrs. Weller got a little paper cup. And she showed me how to hold it over one of my eyes.

  “We're going to be testing each of your eyes separately,” she said. “While one eye is hiding under the cup, the other eye will play the game. Okay?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. ’Cause what choice did I have?

  Mrs. Weller showed me where to stand to play the game. Then she went back to the E chart.

  “All right,” she said. “Now each time I point to one of the E's, I want you to tell me the direction it's facing. Are you ready, Junie B.?”

  I shrugged again. Then I hid one eye behind the cup. And Mrs. Weller pointed at the first E.

  I pointed my finger up. “That one is facing up at the ceiling,” I told her.

  “Good,” she said. “Excellent.”

  I felt a little better inside.

  Mrs. Weller pointed to the next E.

  I turned my finger down at the floor. “That one is facing down,” I said.

  Mrs. Weller smiled and nodded.

  I stood up taller. ’Cause this wasn't as hard as I thought.

  After that, the nurse kept on pointing at more E's. And I kept on telling her which way they were facing.

  “Right … left … down … left … up …”

  I stopped and grinned. “Hey, what do you know? I'm a breeze at this game. Right, Mrs. Weller? Right? Right?” I said.

  Mrs. Weller winked at me.

  “We're almost done,” she said. “Only a few more E's to go.”

  She pointed to a new row.

  There was a fuzzy smudgie next to her finger.

  “Whoops,” I said. “What happened there? Did someone spill something on your chart?”

  Mrs. Weller did a little frown. She kept pointing at the smudgie.

  “Can you tell me anything about this mark at all, Junie B.?” she asked.

  “Yes,” I said. “It's a smearball.”

  Mrs. Weller moved her finger over a little bit.

  “What about this mark here? Can you tell me anything about this one?”

  I stared and stared at that thing.

  “Hmm. That one's a toughie,” I said.

  Finally, Mrs. Weller came over to me.

  “That's fine,” she said. “You did just fine, Junie B.”

  After that, we played the same game with my other eye.

  And guess what?

  I saw three more smudgies and a smeary.

  After I was done, I sat down in the chair again.

  Mrs. Weller said I need glasses.

  I do not like Mrs. Weller.

  The nurse called Mother at her work.

  She tattletaled about the glasses.

  Then Mother tattletaled to Daddy. And those two would not let the matter drop.

  They talked about glasses all during dinner that entire night.

  I couldn't even digest my food that good. Because they kept talking about those stupid, dumb glasses.

  “Sooner or later, almost everyone ends up wearing glasses, Junie B.,” said Daddy. “Really. They do.”

  I put my chin in my hands real glum.

  “Really. They don't,” I grumped.

  “Daddy's telling you the truth, Junie B.,” said Mother. “And besides, you're going to look absolutely adorable in glasses.”

  “No, I am absolutely not,” I grumped again.

  “Sure you are,” said Daddy. “And just think how great it will be to see the words on the board.”

  I covered my ears.

  “Not great, not great, not great,” I said.

  Mother took my hands away.

  “Listen to me, honey. Please,” she said. “Glasses are like magic windows for the eyes. When you put them on … poof! … the whole world becomes crystal clear.”

  I did a huffy breath.

  “Poof, yourself,” I grumped.

  After that, Mother picked me up.

  And she carried me to my room.

  ’Cause that was one grump too many.

  The next morning, Daddy took me to the eye doctor.

  The eye doctor did lots more eye tests with me. They were sort of fun. Only I didn't tell Daddy.

  Also, the doctor put drops in my eyes. Drops make your eyeballs get biggish and darkish.

  Eyeballs look very attractive that way.

  After the eye doctor, I went home till my drops wore off.

  Then Daddy drove me to school.

  And guess what?

  All of the children stared at me when I came in the room.

  ’Cause I was a late kid, that's why.

  I walked to my desk kind of shy.

  Herb's face smiled when he saw me.

  “Junie B. Jones! Where were you?” he said. “I saved your seat on the bus. But you never came.”

  “We were afraid you might be sick,” said José.

  “Yeah,” said Lennie. “You're not, are you?”

  “I certainly hope she's not sick,” said May. “You shouldn't come to school sick, Junie Jones. Coming to school sick is how germs get started.”

  I sucked in my cheeks at that girl.

  “I'm not sick, May. I'm just late, and that's all.”

  May made a grouchy face.

  “Well, being late isn't good, either,” she said. “Being late gets you a black mark on your permanent record.”

  I covered up my ears at her.

  “Blah, blah, blah, May,” I said.

  Herb and Lennie and José laughed out loud.

  Those guys are starting to enjoy me, I think.

  Pretty soon, I took out my workbook. And I tried to do my math.

  Only too bad for me. ’Cause I kept on worrying about my new glasses.

  What if I look dumb and silly in those things? I thought. What if Room One laughs their head off at me? What if I look like a goonie bird and no one wants to be my friend?

  The worrying would not go out of my head.

  Maybe I needed to talk to someone about this, possibly.

  Finally, I reached out and I tapped on Herb.

  “Psst. Herbert,” I whispered real soft. “I have something I need to tell you. Only I am really afraid to say it. ’Cause what if you laugh at me? Only you probably won't. But I still don't think I should take the chance. And so please do not ask me more about this. And I mean it.”

  After that, I waited and waited.

  But Herb did not ask me.

  I tapped on him again.

  “Okay. Fine. I'll give you a hint,” I said. “But first you're going to have to turn around and sneak a peek at me.”

  Herb turned around and sneaked a peek.

  I quick made round circles with my fingers. And I held them in front of my eyes.

  “Okay, what am I doing here, Herb?” I whispered again. “Huh? What does this look like to you? I'm making round circles in front of my eyes, see? What do you think they are?”

  May leaned over to my desk.

  “Shush!” she said. “Stop bothering Herb, Junie Jones! If you don't shush right now, I'm going to tell the teacher.”

/>   Suddenly, I jumped right up from my chair.

  ’Cause I had it with that girl, that's why!

  “NO! YOU SHUSH, YOU SHUSHY-HEAD MAY!” I said. “I AM NOT EVEN BOTHERING HERBERT! I AM GIVING HIM A HINT ABOUT MY NEW GLASSES! AND THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX, SISTER!”

  May's face looked shocked at me.

  Her mouth came all the way open.

  “You're getting glasses?” she said real loud.

  “You're getting glasses?” said Herb.

  “You're getting glasses?” said all of Room One.

  The children stared and stared.

  My head felt hottish and sweatish.

  I sat back down in my chair.

  Then I looked at Herb kind of sickish.

  And I whispered the words good guess.

  Mr. Scary clapped his hands.

  “Okay, boys and girls. Please put your journals away now. I'll give you more time later if you need it. But right now, we have to get started with Show-and-Tell. Who would like to go first this morning?”

  May sprang out of her chair.

  “I would! I would!” she called out.

  Then she quick grabbed a brown envelope out of her backpack. And she ran to the front of the room.

  “It's my report card from kindergarten, everyone!” she said real thrilled. “I brought my report card to share with you!”

  May waved it all around in the air.

  “Look! Look! Can everyone see this? I got all E pluses! E is for Excellent! See? There's an E plus next to every single subject!”

  She held the report card in front of her. “Okay. Now I will read you each subject one by one,” she said.

  After that, she took a deep breath. And she started to read.

  “Number one: I followed directions.

  “Number two: I used my time wisely.

  “Number three: I observed school rules.

  “Number four: I cleaned up my work area.

  “Number five: I–”

  Mr. Scary stood up.

  “Thank you, May,” he said. “That is very interesting. But I'm afraid that we're going to have to move along now and–”

  May raised her voice.

  “NUMBER FIVE: I WAS COURTEOUS AND RESPECTFUL.

  “NUMBER SIX: I USED MATERIALS WISELY!

  “NUMBER SEVEN: I–”

  Just then, Mr. Scary took May's arm. And he led her back to her seat.

  Lennie raised his hand to go next.