Hearts of Blue

  I wasn’t sure why she wanted to go visit her old workplace. Well, I wasn’t until we walked inside and I saw Stu standing by the pool table. How had I not predicted this? I could only see the back of the person he was playing with, but I knew instantly that it was Lee. He wore jeans and a Fred Perry T-shirt with the collar turned up, the uniform of cocky little fuckers everywhere.

  “What are you up to?” I asked, narrowing my gaze at my friend. She just shook her head and walked over to the bar, ordering a glass of wine and a Coke. I was guessing the wine was for me. I hadn’t really dressed up, but I suddenly became more aware of my appearance. I’d left my hair down, and was wearing a pair of khaki green trousers with a tight black wrap top and boots.

  Even when Alexis had worked here, I’d never really visited. Truth be told, it was a bit of a dive. It was Stu’s local, though, so it had to be Lee’s, too. It was also where Alexis and Stu had originally met.

  “I hope this isn’t what I think it is,” I said as she slid the glass of wine my way and led me over to sit at a booth.

  The look she gave me was miserable, and she ran her hands through her hair before replying, “I’m lonely, Karla. And yes, I know I’m probably going to regret this in the morning, but just let me regret it, okay? Tonight of all nights I just need somebody to make me feel good.”

  Her answer shut me right up, and a pang of sympathy hit me square in the gut. I’d never lost someone I loved like Alexis had lost King, so I had no business judging her. Instead, I sat quietly and drank my wine. A couple of minutes later, Stu spotted Alexis and sidled up to our booth.

  “Lex, what brings you around these parts?” he asked, eyes dark with interest as he slid in next to her.

  I thought I heard her mutter “desperation” under her breath before she looked up and mustered a smile for him. “Just having a quiet drink.”

  “Mind if I join you?” he practically purred.

  “Uh, you already have,” I commented dryly.

  Stu shot me a wide grin, unfazed by my comment as he gave me his full attention. “This is a dangerous place for the likes of you, Karla. Taking a walk on the wild side, are we?”

  “What, are cops not allowed into dive bars now?” I asked smartly.

  Stu shook his head and answered, “That’s not what I’m talking about,” just as I felt a warm body take the empty spot beside me in the booth. My every muscle grew tense.

  “Clarky,” said Lee, nodding to Alexis. She gave him a similar head nod in return.

  “Snap,” he went on, his mouth a lot closer to my ear than it needed to be.

  “Lee,” I said, shifting away and meeting his eyes.

  There was a moment of silence, the two brothers grinning, while Alexis and I frowned. I thought that maybe we both felt the same way right then. On one level we wanted to be there, and on another we really didn’t.

  “So, what’s everybody drinking?” Lee asked.

  “Coke,” said Alexis, lifting her empty glass.

  “I’ll have another beer,” Stu put in.

  I stayed quiet. No way was I letting him buy me a drink. No effing way.

  “Snap?”

  “I’m good.”

  “Babe.”

  My brow furrowed, and I simply shook my head at him to let him know that the whole “babe” thing wasn’t happening. His grin widened, like he enjoyed the challenge. Instead of asking me again, he simply leaned in, picked up my glass, and took a sip.

  He winced when he tasted it. “One glass of vinegar coming right up.”

  “Hey, it’s not her fault this bar serves shit wine. Go have a word with Keith and tell him to get some better stuff in,” Alexis complained. I was guessing Keith was the landlord.

  “I’ll get right on that,” Lee replied sarcastically before heading over to the bar.

  I rubbed at my eyelids, frustrated. This certainly wasn’t how I planned on spending my night off, but I couldn’t abandon Alexis in her time of need. Looking across the table, I saw that Stu was already moving in on her, his arm resting casually along the top of the booth. He bent down and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and said something in reply, but I couldn’t hear over the bar music. It didn’t take long for her to warm up to him, and then they were full-on flirting with one another.

  I couldn’t have been more uncomfortable if I’d tried.

  Oh, no, wait. I spoke too soon.

  Lee returned with the drinks, placing a fresh glass in front of me. I glanced at it, no intention of drinking any. Alexis and Stu were deep in conversation, so I might as well have been sitting alone with Lee. It was too awkward for words. Well, it was on my end. Lee didn’t look like he had an awkward bone in his body.

  “Relax,” he murmured. “You look like you’re afraid I might jump you or something.”

  “I’m not afraid of you,” I said defensively.

  “Would you like to tell that to your clenched fist?”

  I glanced down, and, sure enough, my hand was tightly clenched into a fist. I was all kinds of worked up. Loosening my fingers, I looked back at him and said curtly, “I’m here for Alexis, that’s all.”

  “And there I thought you were after the pleasure of my company,” he deadpanned before lifting his pint. “Look, I get it. I’m a scumbag, not fit to lick your boots, etcetera, etcetera.”

  Something about the way he spoke made me feel bad. My expression softened when I replied, “That’s not what…look, I’m sorry, can we start over?”

  Lee nodded. “Already forgotten. So, what’s up with Clarky? The last time I checked, she was shacked up with that fancy-pants rich bloke.”

  “She was. He’s gone. She’s been trying to find him for months but hasn’t had any luck. Today has kind of been a rough day for her.”

  Understanding showed in Lee’s expression. “So, what you’re saying is, she’s here to use my brother for sex?”

  I grimaced. “It sounds horrible when you put it like that.”

  Lee chuckled. “Stu will have her any way he can get her. Don’t worry about it. He has a talent for keeping his emotions out of his sex life.”

  “Oh?” I said, curious.

  Lee looked away and drank some more of his beer. “Yeah, some of us don’t have that skill.”

  When his eyes returned to mine they were fierce, and it took a conscious effort for me to breathe normally. I really wished I wasn’t so attracted to him. That way I wouldn’t feel so weak right then. Involuntarily, I crossed one leg over the other, which caused Lee’s attention to wander to my thighs. He stared for a good ten seconds, taking his time.

  “How often do you work out?” he asked almost absently.

  “A couple times a week. Why?”

  He lifted his head. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve got a killer fucking body, and I’m saying that from a purely athletic standpoint. I admire your dedication.”

  “Um, thanks,” I said, swallowing awkwardly.

  “We should train together sometime.”

  “I don’t box.” Nor was I particularly interested in jumping off buildings for fun, but I didn’t say that, because then I’d have to fess up about spying on him.

  “But you fight. I can tell by the way you carry yourself.”

  I grew self-conscious again, feeling shy and wondering how he could tell that. “I practice eskrima, but no, I don’t think us training together would be a good idea.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. All those hormones and sweat flying around, who knows what might happen.” He looked away, smiling into his pint glass.

  “You just can’t help being a tease, can you?”

  He turned back to me and shook his head. “Not with you, babe.”

  “Oh, my God, okay. We need to get this straight, no more babes, no more Snaps. My name is Karla. Be a normal human being and use it.”

  He opened his mouth, ready to reply, when Stu cut in. “Bruv, I’m taking Lexie back to ours. You coming or staying put?”

  “He’s coming,??
? said Alexis. “He needs to keep Karla company while you…keep me company.” She burst out laughing, and it was the first time I’d seen her properly laugh in a while, even if it was at the ridiculousness of the situation. Stu gave her a sexy smile, and I was just relieved that her mind was off her problems for a change.

  “Sure, we’ll come,” said Lee, standing while Stu ushered Alexis out of the booth. I remained in place, unsure what do to. I didn’t want to go to their house, but I didn’t want to abandon my friend, either. Though technically, she was the one abandoning me.

  When I looked up, Lee was standing there, his hand outstretched. There was something about his eyes right then that made me reach out instinctively and take it. As soon as my palm slipped into his, I felt electricity shoot through me. It was strangely exhilarating to do something as ordinary as hold his hand. He pulled me up and I let go, blushing furiously. Taking his hand had been all instinct. My brain hadn’t even had a say in the matter.

  By the time we got outside, Stu and Alexis had already flagged down a cab. They both climbed in the back, and Stu pulled her onto his lap, not wasting any time as he kissed her hard right on the mouth. She didn’t stop him. Lee held the door open for me to slide in next, and he hopped in last. He told the driver his address, and then we were off.

  Needless to say, it was possibly the most uncomfortable cab ride of my life. Lee and I sat across from Stu and Alexis, who had progressed to full-on snogging. The radio hadn’t been turned on, and the driver wasn’t feeling chatty.

  The only sounds were kissing sounds.

  Well, that and heavy breathing. I stared at my lap, sensing Lee’s eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. It would only make things worse. But damn, his stare must have had magnetic qualities, because eventually I couldn’t help lifting my gaze. His eyes had settled on my lips, and whatever dirty thoughts he was having were written all over his face. I sucked in a deep breath and wished my heart wasn’t beating so erratically. I swore he could see my pulse hammering in my neck.

  His attention flickered between my eyes and my lips when he spoke. “Hungry?”

  I blinked, afraid for a second that he might have read my thoughts. “What?”

  His lips curved as he repeated his question. “Are you hungry? I could cook for you when we get to our place. I give good food.”

  “Is that supposed to be a euphemism?”

  He shook his head, laughed, and answered simply, “Nah.”

  I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. “Well, what do you make?”

  “Anything. What’s your craving?”

  I turned and stared out the window, because all this talk of food was strangely sexy. “I have no idea.”

  Lee leaned over to nudge me with his shoulder. “Guess I’ll just have to surprise you, then.”

  Thankfully, it wasn’t long before we reached the house, and we all got out while Lee paid the driver. Alexis and Stu were already inside and climbing the stairs by the time I hesitantly stepped in the front door. Lee came in behind me, bumping me with his chest and forcing me to move farther down the hallway. Stepping back, I waited for him to lead the way into the kitchen. The place was clean and tidy, which was the last thing I expected, given that four brothers lived there. Then I remembered their cousin, Sophie, and her little boy. Perhaps she did the cleaning.

  Passing by the living room, I saw a gigantic flat-screen TV on the wall and a designer leather couch. The kitchen was sleek and new, at odds with the age of the house. I guessed the place was built around the ’50s or ’60s, one of those old red brick council jobs. Usually, these builds were a two up, two down affair, but I knew there had to be more rooms, given that six people lived there. Sure enough, a hallway led off from the kitchen to an extension out the back. I was willing to bet the loft had been converted, too.

  All in all, it was fairly obvious that the brothers had a decent amount of money coming in, though you’d never think it from the outside. Lee eyeballed me for a second, shrewd as a fox, and I knew he could tell I was taking everything in and coming to one conclusion. Unless his garage was doing a booming business, his money had to have come from elsewhere. This was why I couldn’t understand him inviting me over. Either he was allowing his attraction to cloud his judgement, or he was up to something.

  I sat down on a stool and he turned away, opening the fridge to check what food he had in.

  “It must get hectic, living with so many people under one roof,” I said, attempting to make polite conversation. After all, I wasn’t going to be a bitch to the man in his own home.

  “I’m used to hectic, Sn…I mean, Karla,” said Lee, pulling ingredients from the fridge. “Me and my brothers have been living here since we were kids. Back then there were four of us in one room, though we’ve had the place updated a little since.” He paused and pointed to the extension. “Sophie and Jonathan share the downstairs bedroom. Stu has his own room upstairs, Trevor and Liam share, and I’m in the attic.”

  “So your parents don’t live here?”

  “You like spaghetti?” he asked, perhaps to change the subject. “I make my own sauce from scratch.”

  I nodded. “Sounds good.”

  A moment of silence elapsed, and I wasn’t expecting him to answer my question about his parents, so I got a surprise when he did.

  “Mum died when I was fourteen. Overdose. Dad left when we were little, but he still comes around every so often. Waste of fucking space.”

  I sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry to hear that. Who took care of all of you after your mother passed?”

  Lee cocked an eyebrow like I was being nosy, which I was. “Took care of ourselves. My aunt, Sophie’s mum, fooled social services into believing she was moving in to care for us. What she really did was dump Soph here, then fucked off to live with her junkie boyfriend while getting a nice little government payment every month.”

  He was chopping tomatoes, onions, and garlic as he spoke, throwing them all into a blender.

  “But if she took the money, how did you survive?”

  He paused, looked me dead in the eye, and asked low, “How do you think we survived?”

  I stared back at him, and in spite of what he was inferring, sympathy churned in my gut. I didn’t know how to respond. He pointed his knife at me for a second, which was a little jarring.

  “Everybody’s always so quick to judge, but we’re all born into our own patch. Some patches are worse than others, and yeah, most of the time you get a choice on what way to live. Trouble is, sometimes the choice is between bad and worse. I had two choices, and if I had picked the one I didn’t, my brothers would’ve been split up and shipped off to a bunch of shitty care homes, where they’d-a been turned into victims. Instead, I chose the other option and turned them into survivors.”

  I stared at Lee, but he didn’t meet my gaze, concentrating on the food instead. It made me uncomfortable to see things from his perspective. I’d always looked on the world from the viewpoint of a cop. Somebody who stopped people from taking what didn’t belong to them. The problem was, some people had nothing, and their only option was to take.

  There were so many things I wanted to say. Like, why didn’t Stu get a job to support them? He must have been at least sixteen at the time. Yeah, the best he could’ve done was minimum wage, but at least it was honest. Then again, I doubt that kind of money would support a house of five growing kids. Plus, Stu wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. I could imagine him looking to Lee, who seemed a lot savvier, for guidance, and who obviously saw a more lucrative path.

  “What I’m saying,” Lee went on, “is that we all have our reasons.” A loaded silence fell, and I grew self-conscious as he studied me. “So, what’s yours?”

  My brow furrowed. “I don’t get you.”

  “Somewhere along the way you decided to become a cop. What was your reason?” he asked, seeming genuinely interested.

  I rubbed my palms on my thighs. “It’s a little more complicated than that.
”

  “Your old man?”

  “What about him?”

  “Did he push you?”

  I laughed, resting my elbows on the counter, surprisingly engrossed by watching Lee cut vegetables. He had those fancy knife skills, like the chefs on TV. “No, actually. The exact opposite. He doesn’t think women are fit to be police.”

  Understanding lit up his eyes as he grinned. “Ah, so you did it to piss him off. I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

  My smile began to fade. “That’s only a part of it. I want to help people, too. A lot more than I want to stick it to my father.”

  Lee’s eyes flickered between mine, his expression contemplative. “Yeah, I can see that.” A silence fell between us, and for the tiniest second I felt like we truly saw one another. All the flaws and all the good bits. The moment was broken when he continued, “Anyway, look, I’m not judging you for the thing with your old man. In fact, this means we have something in common. My dad’s a prick, too.”

  “How do you know him?” I asked before clarifying. “My dad, I mean.”

  “Now, there’s a story. Just let me get the spaghetti boiling first.” His reply intrigued me, and I waited as he put some dried spaghetti in a pot. Once he was done, he went back to the fridge, pulling out a can of beer and a bottle of white wine. He held it up to me. “This is Sophie’s. It’s got to be better than the shit you were drinking at the bar.”

  I shrugged and he poured me a glass before popping the seal on his can. Taking a stool and resting his elbows on the counter, his posture almost matching mine, he recounted his story.

  “So, I’d just turned eighteen and I was at my mate’s house party. Some weed was being passed around, the usual. All of a sudden, the lights went out and somebody starting banging down the door. A neighbour must have called the cops to come and break things up, and your dad was heading the team. Turns out the dealer at the party had been on their radar for a while, and your old man was dead set on booking him. Usually, I’d have been out the back window before you can say zip-a-dee-fuckin-doo-da, but I was shitfaced drunk. Before I knew it, your dad was slapping a pair of cuffs on me and hauling me off for a night in a jail cell.