A Pair of Aces

  ANOTHER ANGLE ON PATROL CAR

  speeding into the night, and Buffy has her head out the window, hound ears flapping. She's as happy as if she was on her way to a dog food commercial.

  PATROL CAR'S FRONT RIGHT TIRE

  as it blows, and then we–

  SEE THE PATROL CAR

  struggling on the highway, and then it skids and slides into a ditch, almost bounces out, and hangs, the tires throwing up dirt.

  INT. PATROL CAR

  Buffy is in the front seat now, squirming around in Larry's lap.

  LARRY

  Jap tires. Goddamn dog.

  TED

  Firestone, asshole. And the dog is American.

  INTERCUT CHEVY AND VW

  The Chevy bumps the VW hard.

  Loony hanging out the window, trying to level a shotgun at the VW.

  Monty slams on the brakes; the VW skids. Becky hits the windshield.

  The Chevy shoots past the VW like a bullet.

  Becky holding her bleeding nose. She lets go long enough to fasten her seat belt. Something she has been too frantic to do until now.

  Monty jerks the VW into reverse, swerves around in a half circle, roars off back the way they came.

  INT. CHEV

  Loony is going nuts, shouting at Brian. Jimmy and Angela in the back seat, scared to death.

  LOONY

  They're turning around. Get 'em, get 'em, man!

  As Brian turns the car–

  BRIAN

  Fuck you, Loony! Think I was gonna take you to the video store?

  EXT. CHEVY

  Hauling ass.

  INT. VW

  Chevy's headlights are so dazzling, it's like that moment when the H-bomb explodes and all goes white.

  CLOSE ON BECKY and then we have IMAGES FLASHING BEFORE HER EYES: Demons, the great top-hatted shadow. It's all very fast, like psychic jabs.

  GRAVELY VOICES

  Hold her! Hold her! Jam it all the way up! Cut her! Cut her!

  FAVOR MONTY he's hunched over the steering wheel, face covered in pop sweat. He is at this moment one driving sonofabitch.

  EXT. CHEVY

  Now there is something new, and that newness is from the woods and from the shadows that fall over the highway, there is a gathering, and the gathering flows after the Chevy and once again appears to be tugged by it, sucked forward as if pulled by a vacuum.

  INT. CHEVY

  Brian at the wheel; all the evil in him comes to the fore now, as he leans forward, clutching the wheel. Super-imposed over his face is the grinning puppet head of Clyde, and the hazy, scarcely visible image of the Lord of the Razor pops forward as if about to leap out of Brian's body, and then it pops back and is gone, and so is the image of Clyde. It's just Brian again.

  BRIAN

  Gotcha, teach. Gotcha…

  FAVOR LOONY

  From the look on his face, we realize he has just seen all this happen; he couldn't be more surprised than if Brian had just turned urine to wine.

  LOONY

  (Almost reverent)

  Man. That is some shit.

  INT. MONTY'S CAR

  Monty, his features framed by the pursuing headlights. Becky holding her hands to her face, trying to stop the drips of blood.

  MONTY

  You okay, you all right?

  BECKY

  Just drive, goddamnit.

  PATROL CAR

  Ted, Larry and Moses are standing by the car. Moses is holding a handkerchief to his bleeding head. Buffy is once again in the backseat, looking out the window. This sure beats hunting possums.

  Ted and Larry are moving around the car, trying to figure how to get it out of the ditch.

  LARRY

  We can try and jack it out. That might do it.

  TED

  Don't think so. We got to change the tire, try and push it off in the fucking ditch completely.

  LARRY

  In the ditch?

  TED

  Sure as hell ain't going to drive it backwards. You got any better ideas, I'm listening.

  MOSES

  We could stay right here and consider it some.

  TED

  Flip the trunk, Larry. See if we got a fucking spare…

  CUT TO:

  VW

  It passes the drive to the cabin, and we have–

  BECKY'S POV

  She sees the lights from the cabin, and we get a good look at it so we know it's the cabin where they were.

  They race past, on down the road a ways.

  Monty whips the car onto a little dark road and we see through the windshield a pile of garbage and a clutch of trees. It's a dead end.

  INT. VW

  MONTY

  Damn.

  ON VW

  backing straight out of the dead end, back onto the road, heading back toward the cabin. Monty hits the gas.

  LONG VIEW OF ROAD

  We see the VW driving toward us, and then we hear the whine of the Chevy. It's coming toward them. And now it jets past the cabin, and past the VW, tries to slam on the brakes.

  EXT CHEVY

  It makes the corner and it's too fast and it fishtails and slides off the road and into a ditch.

  INT. CHEVY

  Loony looks at Brian, about to say something, but he sees Clyde's spectral shape sitting in Brian, and he can see Clyde's hands on top of Brian's, at the wheel.

  Angela and Jimmy can see this from the backseat as well. They look like they wish they were anywhere but here. Even Stone looks a little surprised.

  ANGELA

  Oh, God, Jimmy. He's the devil.

  Loony lets out a war whoop as Brian and Clyde hit the gas, and Clyde fades away again, and we see the–

  EXT. OF THE CHEVY

  and the tires are spinning like turbines, and we can see the dark cloud behind the car again and it seems to have hold of the car's rear end, like it's about to mate with it, and then the cloud of dirt grows thick and swallows the shadow, and the next thing we see is the Chevy, parting the cloud, moving back onto the road, almost in a jump. That bitch of a machine is unstoppable.

  INT. VW

  Lights in the distance, and as they make the curve they know those lights. It's the cabin again, as seen through the trees. Monty jerks hard right and goes onto the long driveway and speeds back toward the cabin.

  BECKY

  Are you crazy? This is where it happens.

  MONTY

  Haven't got any choice. Can't outrun 'em.

  BECKY

  (throws up her hands)

  You son of a bitch, you've killed us!

  EXT VW

  bumping off the drive and over the grass, cruising behind the cabin. The lights go off.

  INT. VW

  As Monty starts to exit the car.

  FAVOR BECKY

  She's defeated.

  Monty appears at her door, jerks it open.

  MONTY

  Get out.

  BECKY

  We're done.

  MONTY

  Get the fuck out of the car, or they won't have to kill you, I will!

  Monty leans through the open door, grabs her and drags her out. He pushes her toward the back of the cabin.

  MONTY

  I'm going to grab something out of the shed to fight with. Go inside.

  DARKNESS

  Moonlight fills the frame. We realize it's the inside of the shed and Monty has opened the door. Monty comes in quickly, looks around. He picks up the frog gig, grabs a pole axe. He balances one in each hand.

  MONTY

  Well, it beats harsh language.

  Monty rushes out of the shed with his weapons, toward the cabin.

  CHEVY

  racing along, and we go to the–

  INT. OF CHEVY–THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD

  What the gang sees are the lights left on in the cabin, and they pass the drive and keep on going, and suddenly Brian stomps on the brakes.

  BRIAN

  Whoa, we have ar
rived.

  Loony cackles lightly.

  LOONY

  I ain't had this much fun since I beat my pet hamster to death with a chair leg.

  EXT. OF CHEVY

  The car is being backed past the drive. It stops, the car lights go out, and the Chevy eases forward, onto the drive, goes a short ways before it stops behind a smattering of trees. The lights of the cabin can be seen through the trees.

  Suddenly, the cabin's lights go out.

  INT. CHEVY

  BRIAN

  We got 'em, we got 'em!

  CABIN

  Becky and Monty are inside and they have turned out the lights, except one lamp. They are using it to light the room as they use the hammer and nails to put strips of paneling over the back glass door and fasten it on either side of the wall. Becky holds her end like she doesn't really know she's there.

  Monty nails down his side, goes over to hers, slams a couple of nails in as fast as he can. It isn't the Rock of Gibralter, but it's something.

  Monty turns to scrounge for more materials. Becky is wandering around like a zombie.

  MONTY

  Let's nail off the bedroom, too. Fasten it down to just this one room. We can't cover every angle, we've got to make a stand, slow 'em down….

  Monty turns to see Becky is just standing there. As he watches, she drops the board she's holding.

  BECKY

  Doesn't matter. I'm done. I've seen it. You've killed us, Monty, bringing us back here.

  Monty drops the hammer and grabs her.

  MONTY

  I don't care what your dreams say. It's not like you to quit without a fight. It's me that's the chickenshit. Remember?

  Becky studies his face.

  MONTY

  You aren't just going to stand here and let them come in without a fight are you?

  BECKY

  I'm not sure.

  MONTY

  Well, I am. Boil some water.

  This strikes her so odd, for an instant she's her old self.

  BECKY

  A little tea, maybe.

  MONTY

  Goddamnit, that's it, Becky. Boil the goddamn water.

  Becky can't believe this is coming out of Monty. She sidles over to the kitchen. He picks up the board, a hammer and nails, moves toward the bedroom door, starts placing it over the door way. We hear Becky clanging pans in the background.

  EXT. PATROL CAR

  Larry at the wheel, Ted and Moses pushing at the back of the vehicle. The old tire is on the ground. The engine whines. Larry yells out the window.

  LARRY

  Okay, hit it.

  Dirt blows up in Ted's face

  TED

  Hold it, hold it, goddamnit!

  The wheels whine, churn up dirt, and the car jerks into the ditch and charges on, dropping Ted and Moses on the ground as their support speeds away. The patrol car runs up to the narrow end of the ditch, comes out on the grass and spins out on the highway and stops.

  Ted and Moses struggle to their feet, look at the car, waiting. Buffy sticks her head out the window as if to ask, "What the fuck you guys doing? Come on."

  DRIVEWAY BEHIND THE TREES

  Gang is out of the car. Jimmy and Angela are nervous as a couple of goats at a Fourth of July barbecue. Stone has the double barrel shotgun cradled in his arms like it's his baby.

  FAVOR BRIAN

  Out of the darkness of the woods the shadows move and swell up behind Brian, and they have shape, and that shape is the shadow form of the Lord of the Razor. His form is stronger than before. We can see those stick-pin teeth, those horrid eyes.

  Clyde's features shift behind Brian's. We can see Clyde's body inside of Brian too. It shifts and shakes like a tired man trying to find a comfortable place to lie down.

  And then it finds it. It fits just perfect. Clyde fades.

  Angela lets her breath out in horrible surprise.

  Jimmy just looks like someone has inserted a hot coat hanger up his ass.

  LOONY

  Now that is something, man.

  STONE

  Huh.

  Brian is even a little surprised, as are the others, at this sound that comes from Stone. But it passes.

  Brian turns his head. He really looks and acts different with Clyde secure inside him. He studies the Lord of the Razor standing just behind him. Solid, yet…not entirely here. And now the voice of Clyde takes over.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  (Looking at the Lord)

  He's here. He's with us now. The Lord of the Razor.

  Loony's mouth falls open.

  LOONY

  Shit. That is flat creepy. You sound just like Clyde.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  I am Clyde, pencil dick. I am he, and he is me. You get us both for the price of one. And you also get…him.

  Loony looking at the horrid shape behind Brian. He's surprised, but he's too stupid to realize just how amazing this is. Stone…Well, he's Stone.

  LOONY

  I don't know I want him.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  Well, you got him. He's here. He can't come all the way through yet. But he's getting stronger…Loony, you and Stone grab those two.

  Loony takes hold of Jimmy. Jimmy jerks away from Loony's grasp.

  JIMMY

  Hey, we haven't done nothing.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  That's the point.

  JIMMY

  Whatever…Whoever you are.

  (Indicating the Lord now)

  Leave us alone. We don't want to do this, man. This isn't what we signed on for.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  Wrong. This is exactly what you signed on for.

  Angela is looking at the shadowy, wispy shape of the Lord, mesmerized. You could knock her over with a fart.

  ANGELA

  It's the devil, Jimmy. We've sold our souls to the devil.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  The devil's not real, babe. The Lord of the Razor is.

  Loony and Stone look at Brian, still amazed at this voice transformation. They're not bright enough to be truly amazed, but they know this isn't just normal business.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  Goddamn it, what are you staring at? Get them over here!

  Loony grabs Angela, and as Jimmy tries to help, Stone pops Jimmy in the back of the head with the shotgun stock, dropping him to the ground.

  Stone with a grin, jabs the shotgun in Jimmy's ribs, forcing him up. Jimmy stands, holding his hand to the back of his neck. Angela just stares at the nebulous shape of the Lord of the Razor.

  The Lord shifts and is almost solid, and then he's a cloud of shadow. A wink of teeth. A shine of hatband. Quick look at the Clock swinging from a strand of gut. And then he is gone. Just darkness.

  Brian looks at the place where he Lord was.

  Loony shoves Jimmy and Angela toward an old wooden picnic table placed among the trees.

  JIMMY

  Don't hurt us, let us go. We'll just go away, you know? Won't say a word, man.

  BRIAN AS CLYDE

  Sure you won't. Move it. Over here, do what I–

  Jimmy gives Angela a push, tries to get her running. He bolts after her.

  JIMMY

  Angela, go!

  Brian sticks out a leg and trips Jimmy. As he goes down, Stone cracks him behind the head with the butt of his shotgun again. This time, Jimmy is out cold as a wedge.