Slayed

  She straightens her spine and tightens her grip on the stake. “Hey, I’m part of Team Van Helsing and I didn’t spend a ridiculous amount of money on this thing for nothing.”

  Two men are heading our way. They spot us and lean their heads closer and talk. “Incoming.” The taller one takes out a cigarette and I relax as he takes a deep drag. “False alarm; he’s breathing.”

  They give us each the once-over as they pass and then Kiki taps my arm. “Look.”

  I follow her gaze and catch a glimpse of someone disappearing into an alley between the florist and the bookstore. My heart quickens. “That could be someone who was tailing those guys.”

  We cautiously make our way to the alley. I’ve got my hand on my stake and when we turn in I see a man approaching Tyler who’s holding out his ankh necklace.

  “Great,” I whisper. “Looks like Team Harker is going to get this one.”

  “Not if I can help it,” Kiki says. “Hey, vampire!” she calls out.

  The man turns to us in surprise—fangs bared.

  “I think you’ll like what we’ve got to offer better—unless you prefer skinny dudes.”

  “Kiki!” Tyler and I yell in unison as the man looks back and forth between us and Tyler with a puzzled expression.

  She taps her neck. “That’s right, come and get it,” she says with a shaking voice that betrays her nervousness. Her chest heaves up and down. “I really need a, uh, fix.”

  The man licks his lips. “I had a feeling this was going to be my lucky night.” He turns to Tyler. “Sorry, kid, I do prefer girls.”

  Tyler stares at us in disbelief, but as the man heads our way he takes out a knife and I know he’s not giving up the kill that easily.

  “Oh, God, he’s coming,” she whispers to me. “What do we do?”

  I step in front of Kiki and hurry toward the man. “Me first,” I say with my hand clutching the top of the stake in my bag. My heart pounds and I’m not sure how I can stake him while we’re standing in the alley. I wish we’d thought this through a little better.

  “Hey, vampire, watch out! That guy behind you has a knife,” Kiki says.

  The man turns to look back at Tyler who is rapidly approaching with his knife held high. Grateful for the distraction, I rush at the guy full force and knock him to the ground. He snarls as I land on him with my stake raised high.

  “What the hell?” he cries out.

  His dark soulless eyes lock onto mine and I strike him across the face with my stake before he has time to fight back. “Sorry, I changed my mind—I’m just not in the mood tonight!” I plunge the stake into his chest and then roll off him as his body goes limp. “Ow,” I say realizing I’ve totally scraped my knees on the pavement. Maybe wearing a Herve Leger dress wasn’t the best idea.

  I look up and Tyler is standing over me. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  I push myself off the pavement and brush the grit off the back of the dress. “Same thing you were going to do.”

  He turns to Kiki with his hands up at his shoulder. “And ‘Hey vampire’? What is up with that?”

  “I had to get his attention somehow,” Kiki says. “It worked.” She pokes him in the chest. “We totally smoked your ass. Round one goes to Team Van Helsing! I’ll call it in, Daphne.”

  I nod, turn my back to Tyler, and then quickly reach under my dress for the knife strapped to my thigh. When I turn back, Tyler is staring at me. “I don’t usually wear a dress for hunting,” I say, blushing. I lean over the vampire and grunt as I hack his head off with five strokes.

  “You really don’t have to do that,” he chides after I stand up and kick the head away.

  Kiki shuts her phone and stares at Tyler. “You don’t cut the heads off after you stake them?”

  “No.”

  “Ha! I knew it!” she turns to me. “I told you heads can’t reattach. Do you put garlic in their mouths?”

  He laughs. “No. It is a pretty useful repellent, but my dad and I don’t use it. And here’s another thing,” Tyler says looking at me. “If you’re going to willingly offer yourself to a vampire you have to use a different kind of stake.” He reaches into an inside pocket of his trench coat and reveals a sharpened stake no more than six inches long. “You have to use more force to get this in at close range, but it’s easier to conceal and stab them with if you’re in an upright position.”

  “Thanks for the tips,” I say begrudgingly.

  “We so need to go hunting with you,” Kiki says.

  I glare at her and she puts her hands on her hips. “And your parents need to get over whatever issues they have with the Harkers, stop the medieval practices, and start acting like twenty-first-century slayers. Think of all the money they’d save by not buying so much freaking garlic.” She turns to Tyler. “You should see the ridiculous amount of garlic they have. Their hotel room reeks of it.”

  “Tyler!”

  Mr. Harker is strutting up the alley. “Did you get that one?”

  He gives us a look, barely suppressing a grin. “No. They stole this one right out from under my nose.”

  Mr. Harker nods and then he surveys the body. “Daphne, you can tell your parents that they don’t need to cut the head off if you’ve staked them. Maybe they’ll listen to you—they never would take my word on it.”

  Kiki smiles smugly.

  I roll my eyes. “Okay, I get it. One or the other.”

  Mr. Harker shakes his head. “Your folks always were so damned set in their ways.” He tilts his head toward Tyler. “At least we got six so far tonight. I think this area is clean. Let’s go check out the park down by the waterfront. You’re welcome to join us, ladies.”

  Kiki looks at me hopefully.

  “Maybe we’ll catch up with you later,” I say.

  Tyler smiles and doesn’t seem to mind that we stole his vampire. But maybe that’s because they already got six. “Yeah, I’ll definitely see you later.”

  My stomach flip-flops.

  We watch them leave the alley and I look down at the decapitated head. “That was quite the act you put on before, Kiki.”

  She beams. “Do you really think so? I was hoping I didn’t sound too over-the-top.”

  “You were totally convincing. There is no doubt in my mind that vampire believed he was getting an easy meal. Hey, after the cleanup crew arrives how about we hit the pub? It sounds like the Harkers have taken care of any wandering vamps in the area.”

  “Can I get a drink, Mom?”

  “I’d say that performance definitely deserves one.”

  Her eyes widen. “Really?”

  “I’m not a total slave driver.”

  “Hmmm. Do you think a Bloody Mary would be too cliché?”

  I wrinkle my nose. “Uh, yeah.”

  “What about a pomegranate martini? They’re red. It could be our signature drink.”

  “All the really cool slayers have signature drinks.”

  Kiki laughs. “Now you’re acting like a twenty-first-century slayer!”

  “Let’s move the body back into the shadows.” I smile at her. “And this time you can get the head.”

  12.

  We enter the bar and it’s a lot less crowded than the night before. Dad has a theory that infested towns give off a vibe that keeps a lot of people close to home—kind like an instinctual survival thing. Mom has gone on the record stating that it’s crap, but I think he could be right.

  “Kiki!”

  We turn and Gabe is sauntering over to us. “I was hoping you were going to show up. What happened to you last night?” He puts an arm around her and nuzzles into her neck. “You got me all worked up and then left me high and dry.”

  She ducks out from under his arm but she’s smiling. I’m thinking she likes Gabe a little more than she’ll admit.

  “Something came up,” she tells him. “But apparently you weren’t that broken up about it because you didn’t call.”

  “I had a little too much to drink last ni
ght and today I was driving Victoria around.”

  Kiki scoffs. “Oh, well, maybe you can hook up with Victoria tonight.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Relax. She and Michael are still together. He didn’t show up for work today and she asked if I could help her find him. So, can we have a do-over?”

  Kiki shakes her head. “Sorry, Gabe, but Daphne and I have business stuff to take care of.”

  Gabe eyes me. “You were here last night, right?”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  He looks us both up and down. “Are you two hooking up?” He smiles slyly. “Because we could make it a threesome.”

  My mouth drops open and Kiki swats him on the arm.

  “Daphne and I are not hooking up.”

  Gabe cocks his head. “We could still go for it. Do you swing both ways, Daphne?”

  She pushes him away. “Oh, my God! You’re such an ass!”

  “Hey, I’m sorry.” He laughs. “I’m just kidding. I was trying to get you back for abandoning me last night.” He looks solemnly at me. “I hope I didn’t offend you, Daphne. How about I buy you both a drink to make up for my bad behavior?”

  Kiki’s eyes widen. “You’re offering to buy? Alert the media, hell has officially frozen over.”

  “Hey, I figure I should start manning up in our relationship.”

  “We have a relationship?” Kiki deadpans.

  Gabe puts a hand over his heart. “Kiki, baby, you’re killing me. You know I only have eyes for you.”

  She smiles and a blush comes to her cheeks. “Okay, we’ll have two pomegranate martinis.”

  Gabe bows. “Coming right up.” He heads for the bar and Kiki grins after him. “Let’s go sit in that booth over there.”

  “Are you going to have him over tonight?” I ask, thinking a booty call with Gabe will definitely put a wet blanket on my first sleepover.

  She takes a sugar packet from the table and opens it up. “I’m thinking that keeping him at arm’s length might be just the thing to take our relationship to the next level, but …” She tilts her head back and pours the sugar in her mouth.

  I cringe. “Ew.”

  “I just needed a little pick-me-up.” She watches Gabe for a few seconds and then turns back to me with a worried look on her face.

  “But maybe we should tell him about the vampires. I don’t want him wandering around in a drunken stupor at closing time, and you know …”

  I bite my lip. I’ve signed a confidentiality agreement with the town, but for the first time I’m getting to know some of the people I’m supposed to be protecting, and it seems beyond wrong to keep Gabe in the dark about what’s going on. I look around the bar. There are at least a dozen people in here and I want to stand on a chair and yell a warning to them all. I sigh. I know I can’t, but at the very least I can make sure Gabe survives the South Bristol vampire epidemic.

  “We’re not supposed to tell people, but what the hell? What’s the use in being a slayer if you can’t protect your man? There’s no guarantee he’ll believe us.”

  “We have to try. And I want to make sure he gets home okay. Um.” She grimaces. “I know your mom is all big on racking up kills, but after our drink can we drive Gabe home? I could give you guys some money to make up for any losses.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll just tell her the Harkers were too efficient and after our first kill they kept beating us to the punch.”

  She exhales. “Thanks, I don’t think I could concentrate on the vampires if I was worrying about Gabe.” She opens another sugar packet. “And maybe one kill is enough for tonight—you know, I’m still learning the ropes and I don’t want to push my luck.”

  “I think we should rename you Kiki Crusher, Reluctant Vampire Slayer.”

  Kiki looks down at the sugar packet in her hand.

  “Maybe.”

  Kiki frowns as we pull up to her cottage. “Maybe I should’ve invited him to stay over.”

  “Even though he thought we were making up the vampire stuff, I think he’ll still be cautious. I’ll bet he believes more than he was willing to admit.”

  “I hope so.”

  She elbows me. “Look who’s here.”

  Tyler is leaning against one of the large stone statues by the front steps. Without waiting for Sam, we get out of the limo. “How many did you get?” Kiki asks.

  “Ten total. You?”

  “Just the one,” I say, looking him in the eye and daring him to make fun of us. “We figured you had all the slaying taken care of so we directed our efforts into protecting citizens.”

  He cocks his head. “Isn’t that what I was doing too?”

  “We were protecting my boyfriend,” Kiki says.

  I look at her, surprised to hear her call Gabe her boyfriend instead of the usual “asshole.” “Yes,” I say. “We personally escorted him home. But add our total to my parents’ eleven and we’re ahead.”

  “Does this have to be a competition?” he asks wearily.

  I shrug. “No, I guess not.”

  “Good,” Kiki says. “Let’s go in and relax. I think we should pop some champagne to celebrate my retirement.”

  My stomach drops. “What? Why?”

  She takes my hand and leads me up the steps. “Slaying vampires sounds like a lot more fun than it actually is. I just don’t think I have what it takes.”

  “Of course you do! Look at the way you totally got that vampire to come after us—that was genius.”

  Tyler scoffs.

  “It was,” I insist. “And what about how you staked that vampire on your first try? You’re a natural.”

  “I’ve almost peed in my pants about a dozen times since I started this and my stomach has been in a perpetual knot. And look—I’ve broken out in hives.” She points to the small red welts dotting her chest.

  She looks back at Tyler and me. “I think this is something you have to be born doing.” She sighs. “Besides, in a couple of days you’ll be gone anyway,” she says forlornly. “But you better promise me you will never ever hunt alone again!”

  “Yeah, okay,” I say quietly.

  She opens the front door and starts spinning the prayer wheels.

  “Stop!” Tyler says sharply.

  Kiki jumps in surprise. “Oh, my God, what?”

  He puts out a hand and stops the two wheels that are in motion. “You’re spinning them backward.”

  Her shoulders relax and she laughs. “So?”

  I look at the wheels trying to figure out how that could possibly be a problem.

  “You’re supposed to spin them clockwise—you know, like in the direction of the sun moving across the sky.”

  Kiki puts a hand on her hip. “And you know this because …”

  “My dad has a prayer ring. He told me that if you spin it counterclockwise whatever you’re praying for will manifest itself in a more ‘wrathful’ way. And with the weird energy lines here I’d be extremely cautious about what you’re wishing for.”

  Kiki frowns at the wheels. “I’ve been wishing for the same thing since my parents had them installed, and trust me—it’s not going to come true.”

  “What did you wish for?” I ask.

  “That my parents would disband The Disco Unicorns.”

  Tyler’s eyes pop. “Your parents are in The Disco Unicorns?”

  “Lead singers.”

  “Wow. I didn’t watch the show too much.” He grimaces. “No offense, it was a little girly. But that’s totally cool about your parents.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Not as cool as you might think, but I’ll leave that sorry tale for another day. Come on and let’s make a toast to my fabulous contributions to the world of vampire slaying.”

  We’re sitting on the third floor lounging on pillows and surrounded by several empty champagne bottles. “I think she’s asleep,” I say, pointing to Kiki who’s lying with her head back on a pillow.

  “Yeah.”

  I giggle. “She’s snoring.”

  He nods.


  “I think I’m a little drunk. I’ve never had champagne before, but I kind of like it.”

  “Yeah, champagne was never in our budget.”

  “Oh, God, is your dad constantly going on and on about money like my mom?”

  “It never ends. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had to sleep in the car. The thing that pisses me off is I was looking over his shoulder a few months ago at an ATM and we have a lot of money saved up. When I confronted him he just said you never know when the work will dry up and he’s saving for a rainy day.”

  “I wish the work would dry up. If I never see another vampire again I could die happy. Don’t you wish our parents were doing anything but this?”

  He looks out toward the dark windows—the thinnest sliver of moon hangs just above the trees. “No. I’m good with it,” he says quietly.

  I crawl over to him on my hands and knees and look him in the face. “Come on, you can’t seriously tell me you’re okay with killing vampires.”

  “Yeah. I am.”

  I lean back onto my heels. “Are you crazy? I mean, I would give anything to just walk away from it all. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to.”

  “Because they killed my mother.”

  I bring a hand to my mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry. I should have realized. I feel like a complete idiot.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t really remember her, but my dad is always talking about her—telling me stories, making sure I know what she was like. She would have been a great mom, I think. My dad has a lot of faults, but he made sure my mom wouldn’t ever fade from my mind. And for every vampire I kill I know I’ve probably saved someone’s life—maybe someone’s mother. It’s kind of like your mom. After her family was murdered, she—”

  I sit up with my heart pounding. “What?”

  In the dim candlelight I can see Tyler’s eyes widen. “I—I thought you knew.”

  “No! What happened?”

  “Oh, jeez. I think you should hear it from your parents.”

  “Tell me!”

  He takes a deep breath. “Um, when she was sixteen her boyfriend got turned by a vampire. He showed up at her house and, without realizing what had happened to him, she invited him in.”